Journey Through the Flames
by AnEnduringHope
Summary: How might the events of Twilight have looked from Jasper's eyes? And how did his past shape him into the man we know him as? A deeper look into the first book of the Twilight series. True to canon and character.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi everyone! This is my first time posting on this site, though I've been a reader here for quite a while. I'm excited (and a little nervous) to finally take the plunge and post! Journey is all but completed (I'm working on the last chapter now!) and I'll be uploading chapters as I can. I don't have a set schedule for posting, but we'll see how it goes once I get going. :-)**

**I do hope you enjoy reading as much as I've enjoyed writing!**

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, themes, and dialogue are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement is intended.**

**Song for Chapter 1: Indestructible by Disturbed**

**OoOoOoOoOoOo**

**Chapter 1**

**Texas 1889**

The sickly sweet scent of death hung heavy in the air, thick billowing clouds of smoke rose from the flames raging before me. The fire mercilessly consumed the remains of the vampire army that my troop had been dispatched to destroy.

I stood now surveying the destruction that we had wrought, as my soldiers disposed of the very last of our enemies.

"Major Whitlock," Peter, my next in command, called to me. He and another member of our troop were dragging along the opposing leader between them.

"Peter," I barked, "why is this man still alive?" I demanded to know.

"He surrendered, sir. I thought it best to bring him to you." Peter offered in explanation.

"Have I ever taken prisoners, Peter?" My voice was threateningly smooth. I could feel the restrained fear radiating from the captive man. I turned my lethal gaze to him, "I do not allow second chances." Each word was even and measured. "Leniency," I spat the word like a curse, "makes for sloppy soldiers, and sloppy soldiers make a weak force. I do _not_ command a losing army."

"Please, Major." the captive's voice shook slightly as he attempted to restrain his fear. "I'm sure we can work something out. You want control of my territory. I'm willing to hand it over without any further bloodshed. I'm willing to negotiate."

I cut his words off with a merciless laugh. The sound rang cold and heartless to my own ears. "You want to negotiate? Very well. These are my terms. You will suffer the same fate as your soldiers." I gestured to the purple columns of smoke choking the air around us. "And we will take control of your territory anyway. _That_, my doomed friend, is the only negotiation I understand."

Without another word or even another thought, I struck, closing the distance between the cowering man, severing his head from his body in one swift, snakelike motion. In the same movement, I cast his head into the destructive inferno.

"Peter, finish him." I commanded as I resumed my surveillance post. Peter and the second soldier immediately complied, the screeching sounds of flesh being rent from flesh echoing in the aftermath of the battle. Within seconds his remains were being consumed to ashes in the pyre.

Peter walked to my side, his eyes scanning the field where the battle had taken place. "How many did we lose?" he questioned.

"Seven." My reply was terse.

"Seven out of twenty. Not bad." I could feel his sense of victory. Peter was still young enough to feel the thrill of battle and the elation of winning.

My own emotions were more calloused. Another day, another battle. I was weary of the destruction day after day after relentless day. Staring now at the scene before me, I felt hollow. Even trapped. There was no victory for me in this conquest. I took no joy from it. It was simply my duty.

When the fires died and all that remained of our enemies were their ashes were blowing in the wind, I herded my company of newborns together and led them back to our post knowing that Maria would be anxious for a report.

Peter steered the diminished group to their quarters while I marched across the compound to find Maria. I ignored the sensations of fear that emanated from those that I passed along the way.

I was well aware of my reputation. And if that reputation wasn't enough to strike terror into the cold, dead hearts of those who knew of me, then the scars that marred my body were incentive enough for fear. Each one was a warning. There was no denying that our kind were dangerous, but I was doubly so. I carried the wounds from countless battles, all of which I had walked away from the victor. It was no secret that for every scar that disfigured my body, there were hundreds of vampires who were nothing more than scattered ashes.

I was merely a machine programmed for destruction-- an instrument of death.

Maria was waiting for me. I felt her calculating sense of anticipation as I entered her chamber. "Jasper, I trust you have good news for me." It wasn't a question.

"The neighboring army has been annihilated and control of the area has been forfeited to you."

"Excellent work, Major." Her smile was cold and cunning. "You never disappoint."

"I simply did my duty, Maria. Nothing more, nothing less." My posture was as rigid as my words.

Maria's icy chuckle raked like claws up my spine. With catlike grace she sauntered to where I stood at attention. A single finger traced a mocking pattern against my chest. "You've done well, Jasper." she purred. "I have something for you- something I think you'll enjoy. You know where to find it."

"Of course. Thank you, Maria." The meaning of her words ignited the burn in my throat. I had fed only the day before, but at the promise of blood my throat flamed as if it had been weeks. With a dutiful nod, I turned on my heel and marched from the room.

I followed the winding corridor down to the lower level, giving no notice to the other ageless ones that gave me a wide berth as I stalked my way to the prize waiting for me. I pushed open the door to a tiny cell where a small young woman was huddled in the corner whimpering.

The intoxicating fragrance of her blood wafted to me, filling my senses. I breathed deeply, feeling the burn, anticipating how delicious her blood would feel as it slid down my throat.

A sliver of light from the doorway illuminated my figure. The girl looked up, her eyes clearly displaying her terror. Her turbulent emotions wrapped around me, strangling me as they gave rise to my last human memories. I lived those moments again as I remembered my own horror in realizing that my life was at an end... or so I had thought. How much better it would have been if I _had_ died that night.

"Please," her trembling voice pled, "please let me go. I haven't done anything. Please." Tears borne of fright welled in her eyes. I took a step into the dark room. Another and then another. Until I stood directly over her tremulous form. Her eyes widened, and in a futile, desperate attempt to escape, she jumped from her place in the corner and attempted to run out the still open door.

Before she had even had a chance to take a full step, I had closed the heavy door with a loud bang, trapping her and enveloping the room in complete darkness. The girl's heartbeat sped, the rapidly thudding sound echoing in the silence.

"No! Please, let me go. Please, please don't hurt me," she sobbed frantically.

I glided over to where she stood trembling in the middle of the floor, placing myself behind her. The burn was agonizing now. I had to end this quickly. Between the parching of my throat and the suffocating terror of my victim, I couldn't bear to prolong this.

I raised my hands to brush the hair away from the back of her neck. She shook violently at the touch of my cold, stone hands. "Don't worry, little one." I whispered as I knelt to brush my nose against the fragrant pulse point at the base of her throat. "You won't feel a thing."

In less than a heartbeat, I snapped her neck effortlessly between my hands, mercifully ending her torment. My teeth sank smoothly into her skin, releasing the flow of blood to soothe my desiccated throat. I drank from her until every last drop had been consumed.

Afterwards I stood staring at her limp, lifeless body. Her eyes stared unseeingly ahead, her head twisted at an odd angle. Feelings reminiscent of nausea churned in the pit of my stomach, but I pushed them aside the best I could.

Life was hard, and very rarely fair. I tried to convince myself that this girl had been spared a lifetime of strife and adversity. She was at peace—a state that wasn't achieved in this life.

As I stared at her still form, I envied her. I envied that peace. I wished that my own struggles could be ended so effortlessly, but I knew that was not to be.

I was a monster. A demon from the blackest pits of hell. But there was no alternative for me. This was my lot now, and there was no use in wishing for anything else.

As I returned to the surface, I reminded myself that I was a soldier. I was strong; I was a survivor. I would not give in to this despair.

A soldier did his duty, no matter the cost. But deep, deep down inside, in a place so secret that I would never acknowledge it, I wished that somehow, someway I could find an escape.

**Forks, Washington**

**January 2005**

Over a century later I sat engaged in a completely different kind of battle, this one equally as fierce as any fight I had ever participated in. Instead of fighting for destruction, now my aim was preservation.

I sat in the cafeteria of Forks High School with my wife and my brothers and sister. I wasn't paying attention to the humming of conversation taking place at the tables around us, instead all my focus was straining towards keeping the screeching demon inside in his cage.

It had been two weeks since I had fed and that only made the monster that much harder to restrain. The air in the lunch room was saturated with the heady scent of blood. Not the poor substitute of animal blood, but the rich, alluring fragrance of human blood.

One unsuspecting girl breezed by our table; her scent had the same effect as pouring gasoline on the fire blazing inside of me. It raged on, almost obliterating the humanity I strove so hard to maintain. She stopped at the table closest to ours to speak to a friend. She flipped her hair behind her shoulder sending a wave of blood-scented air towards me. The heaters in the room magnified her scent, blowing in our direction. Venom pooled in my mouth and I swallowed convulsively.

I couldn't prevent my mind from conjuring up images of walking up behind the deliciously appealing young girl and brushing my lips against her neck where her pulse was strongest, letting the fragrance fill my lungs. My teeth would sink easily into her skin, releasing the pulses of blood against my tongue, quenching the unbearable, scorching burn in my throat.

I was startled from my imaginings when Edward sharply kicked my chair. His face was impassive, but I caught the whispers of disapproval that he couldn't quite hide. I hung my head, shame warring with rebellion in my emotions. I despised being the weak link-- the one who was always struggling.

The others didn't have to war so violently with themselves in the presence of humans. Why did I have to be the one to fight this hard? I knew my past was not conducive to the lifestyle that I was trying to lead. I knew that my early training and the century of immediate gratification contributed largely to my struggles, but that was small comfort when my weaknesses were displayed for all my family to see.

"Sorry," I muttered to Edward. He shrugged, his face still unreadable.

"You weren't going to do anything," Alice soothed. Her hand gently squeezed mine under the table.

I hated it when she lied to me, even when she intended for her words to comfort me. There was no way that she could truthfully say that I wasn't going to get out of my seat and end that girl's life. I knew my own thoughts were uncertain enough that she wouldn't have been able to see anything clearly.

"It helps if you think of them as people," she continued quietly. "Her name is Whitney. She has a baby sister that she adores. Her mom is the one that invited Esme to that garden party, do you remember?"

"I know who she is." My tone was sharper than I intended for it to be. Without another word, I turned my gaze to stare out the windows. As much as I loved Alice, I couldn't stomach her sympathy right now; I didn't deserve it. She ought to be rebuking me for putting our family at risk for exposure instead.

At that thought, my mood darkened even more. _I_ was our family's greatest liability. I, a Major in the Confederate army, a skilled annihilator of virtually invincible vampires, a warrior with multiple human lifetimes of experience, was a weakling. I could barely even control _myself_. The thought was sickening.

Guilt coupled with shame as my Alice stood from the table with a deep sigh. Her slight twinge of pain at my rebuff heaped more coals of mortification on my head. The thought of being the one to cause her pain, no matter how slight, was a knife twisting in my heart. With characteristically graceful movements, Alice took her tray to dispose of the untouched food.

I continued to brood in my seat. I heard Edward and Emmett mumbling quietly to each other, something about a new girl, but I paid no attention. I really couldn't care less. The student body of Forks High School was of little concern to me except as an excruciating temptation that took all of my effort to overcome.

Instead of joining my brothers in their conversation, I focused on the drops of rain streaking down the windows, breathing shallowly in an effort to diminish the scorching sensation.

I was ashamed of the way I had spoken to Alice earlier; I so rarely snapped at her. It hurt her when I was abrupt with her, and my pain was inevitably tied to hers. When one of us suffered, the other did too, almost as if we shared the same heart.

When the lunch hour was over, I stood from my seat and walked down the hallway to find Alice before my next class. She was waiting for me, of course, propped against the corner of one of the lockers. The warmth of her soft eyes beckoned to me- my own safe haven.

"You don't have to say it." Her voice was as tender as her eyes, absolving me from any guilt.

"Yes, I do, darlin. I'm-" Her soft lips cut off my words. For a moment I forgot about everything but the love radiating from this tiny woman and the way her lips felt as they moved against mine.

"You don't have anything to apologize for," she insisted as she moved her lips to feather kisses across my cheek.

I rested my forehead against hers, drinking in her sweet fragrance, letting it override everything else. For just a moment, I could breathe easily, enveloped in a bubble where only Alice and I existed.

"I shouldn't have spoken to you that way no matter how upset I was. There's no excuse for that."

"Jasper, you are much too hard on yourself." Her hand raised to smooth back a lock of hair from my forehead. "You and I will hunt tonight. Just the two of us." Her mischievous grin sparked my own.

"Is that what you'd call a distraction technique?" I asked with a smirk

"Possibly," she replied. "Is it working?"

"I'll let you know later."

Sympathy filled her eyes, spilling over into her loving voice, "It's only a few more hours, Jazz. You'll be fine; I know you will."

"I wish I had your faith in me." I sighed wistfully. The bell rang before Alice had a chance to respond. With a final quick kiss, we parted to our separate classes.

Away from her, the protective bubble was removed and the monster was back in full force as I took my seat in the back of the class with Rosalie and Emmett. Both afternoon classes seemed never ending; the instructors' voices droned on and on. I didn't hear a word that was spoken.

I had resorted to holding my breath as a final measure to keep the monster caged. I counted the passing seconds, I formed detailed battle plans in my head, I translated passages from my newest Civil War history book into Greek... anything and everything in a desperate attempt to occupy my mind with something other than the moist sound of a roomful of heartbeats pumping rich blood through human veins.

Surely this must be a form of hell, I decided, my punishment for all the years of bloodshed.

At long last the bell rang, signaling a blessed end to my torment. I was the first one out the door, followed closely by Emmett and Rosalie. I moved as quickly as I could through the hallway without drawing undue attention to myself.

Finally in the safe confines of Edward's Volvo, I drew a deep steadying breath. I leaned my head back against the seat and closed my eyes, attempting to relax my tense muscles. The whole day had wreaked havoc on my control and my emotions. I felt like I was stretched taut enough to snap in two.

Emmett, Rosalie, and Alice piled into the car a moment later. Alice radiated concern, and without even opening my eyes I could feel her gaze resting on me. I slid my eyes open for a fraction of a second and attempted to pull my lips into a smile for her, but I knew it probably looked more like a grimace.

"So, Jasper, how about that rematch this afternoon." Emmett playfully slugged me in the shoulder.

"Not today, Emmett." I had given my brother an old-fashioned Texas-style butt-whooping last night, and he hadn't appreciated it at all.

"Oh come on, Jazz. You're itching for a good fight and you know it." He persisted.

"I said not today." I spoke curtly. Even Emmett knew better than to argue with that tone.

He was right though; I was dying to release some of this pent up aggression. However, I knew that in the frame of mind I was currently in, it wouldn't be a good idea to push it. I might end up actually hurting my bear of a brother. The thought, though, of Esme's loving face twisted into an expression of disappointment and disapproval was enough to curb even the desire to take him up on that rematch. It disturbed her greatly when our fights got too wild.

"Where is Edward?" Rosalie asked impatiently.

"Yeah, he doesn't usually take this long to get out here." Emmett said.

"I don't know. I haven't seen anything." I didn't have to look up to know that Alice's eyes glassed over as she searched for something in his future. "He's on his way now. Something's wrong though." Alice's voice betrayed her concern.

I looked out the window towards the school building and saw Edward sprinting to the car. He was moving much too hurriedly for our human charade.

His emotions hit me like a battering ram as he leapt into the driver's seat. Fury rolled from him in waves, and I had never felt such bloodlust emanating from him before. It was almost more than I could bear coupled with my own raging thirst. His breath was coming in quick, heavy pants, his eyes were wild and his jaw clenched tight enough to crumble a diamond into dust.

"Edward?" Alice's voice was shaded with anxiety. Edward shook his head violently, refusing to answer.

"What the hell happened to you?" Emmett demanded, alarmed as the rest of us at this unusual display from Edward. He was normally the most collected of all of us. It took a lot to rattle him, especially to this extent. The kid was a mess. He threw the car into reverse and sped out of the parking lot and down the road.

Emmett, Rose, and I turned our questioning stare to Alice. She shrugged her shoulders, just as confused as the rest of us.

"You're leaving?" Her quiet whisper was laced with pain.

"Am I?" Edward hissed through his clenched teeth.

We all turned our gaze to Edward now as Alice searched for his future with blank eyes. She gasped suddenly. I wished one of them would let the rest of us in on what was going on. Something was obviously very wrong.

"Oh." Alice gasped again.

"Stop." Edward's fierce voice commanded. I felt his bloodlust rise exponentially at whatever vision he had seen in Alice's head.

"Sorry," she whispered, her eyes wide. "I'll miss you, no matter how short a time you're gone." Sadness was already taking root in her emotions as she thought of him leaving.

Already we were at the driveway to our home, thanks to Edward's maniacal driving. "You can drop us here." Alice said softly. "You should tell Carlisle yourself."

Edward nodded jerkily and brought the car to an abrupt stop. It appeared that we wouldn't be getting any information at all from him. I climbed out with Emmett and Rosalie, concerned for my brother, but glad to be getting some distance from his violently turbulent emotions.

Alice placed her hand on his shoulder before she stepped out. "You _will_ do the right thing," her soft voice carried an undeniable command. "She's Charlie Swan's only family. It would kill him too."

Charlie Swan, Fork's Chief of Police? What could he possibly have to do with this?

I remembered now the snippets of conversations that I had heard from other students. His daughter was the new arrival at school. Could that be what this was about? And what about her could have caused such an extreme reaction in my brother?

Edward nodded jerkily to Alice as she stepped out of the car to take her place at my side. Alice's tiny hand slid into mine as Edward sped down the road as fast as he had come. A sense of anxiety overtook the four of us while watching him disappear.

A strange unsettling feeling, almost of foreboding, crept over me. I didn't know in what manner or even to what extent, but somehow I could sense that our lives were about to change.

**OoOoOoOoOoOo**

**I write because I enjoy the story, but I do _love _reading what you think. It doesn't take much to make my day, so pretty please take a second and leave me a reply! Thanks!! **

**Nik**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, themes, and dialogue are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer, and no copyright infringement is intended.**

**Song for Chapter 2: Breathe You In by Thousand Foot Krutch**

**OoOoOoOoOoOo**

**Chapter 2  
**

Edward was gone for six days- six days that seemed to drag on forever. During that time, I was forced to realize once again how interconnected we were as a family. Edward was only one-seventh of our family unit, but without him we were completely unable to function as a whole.

Seeing Esme's eyes shadowed with worry was almost enough to break my heart. It didn't matter that Edward was technically older than she was, he was still her son and she worried as only a mother can. Carlisle was distracted all week as well. He and Edward had been together longer than any of us, and consequently had a very unique father/son bond.

Both Carlisle and Esme hurt individually at his absence. And when one of them hurt, the other felt it as well, which only doubled their anxiety. It was a vicious circle as each of us dealt with our own uncertainties and fears, yet at the same time were touched by everyone else's also.

We all tried to hold on to Alice's reassurance that this was only temporary. Edward wouldn't stay away for very long.

Despite Alice's assurances, I was still worried about Edward. In all the time we had been with the Cullens, I had never felt him to be quite that out of control before. Edward was the quiet one, the studious one. He was typically the one most in control. He had a terrible temper, but it usually took quite a lot to rouse it. I couldn't imagine what it was about the Swan girl that had elicited such an uncharacteristic response from him. It just didn't make sense to me.

That week at school I took the opportunity to observe her while we sat in the lunchroom. I studied her covertly, trying to figure out what it was about her that called forth such an animalistic reaction in my brother.

Looking at her, I simply couldn't imagine. There didn't seem to be anything overly special about her. Her blood smelled just the same to me as the rest of the humans in the room- appealing, certainly, but nothing out of the ordinary.

Something about her eyes appeared older than her years as she glanced over at our table repeatedly. I felt a sense of disappointment from her, a small measure of anxiety as she observed us. Each day she would look to our table as she walked in the cafeteria. I would feel her anticipation mingling with expectation and a small amount of fear followed by disappointment when she didn't see Edward sitting with us.

She seemed to be drawn to Edward in a very unhealthy way.

Sunday night, Alice finally saw Edward coming home, and a sense of relief immediately fell over our household. When he walked in the door, Esme wrapped her arms around him in a hug so tight he almost grimaced.

"Edward, I was so worried about you." Esme's voice was choked with emotion. "You didn't even come home to say goodbye."

"I'm sorry, Mom." Edward whispered remorsefully. "That was wrong of me; it won't happen again." He promised, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of her head.

Carlisle was there to give him the prodigal son's welcome when Esme released him. With an arm still around Edward's shoulder Carlisle led him into the living room. They sat on the couch with Esme at Edward's other side. The rest of us filed in after them, taking our seats around the room.

"Alice told us a little bit of what happened t school last week, but I'd like to hear it from you, Edward." Carlisle prompted when we were all settled.

Edward slouched against the back of the couch and took a deep breath. He shook his head, "In all of my existence, I've never felt that way before." His voice was quiet—pained. "I'd never imagined that degree of bloodlust could exist; it was unbearable."

His face twisted in a grimace, "When the girl walked into that classroom, I lost all ability to reason with myself. I didn't know it was possible to need a human's blood that badly. Carlisle, I sat at that table and imagined all the ways I could kill her before anyone had the time to figure out what I was doing."

I felt the shame that enveloped him as he struggled to speak those words out loud. He shook his head violently, his eyes clenched. Esme reached out and took his hand, making little soothing noises as she did so.

"But I couldn't do that without taking the life of everyone else in that room as well. You don't have any idea how close I was to killing them all and damning the consequences. The only thing that stopped me was... I didn't want you to be... _ashamed_ of me. So I ran.

I thought if I had some distance for a while that might help, but I couldn't stay away. I missed home; I missed all of you. I won't let my weakness keep me away from where I want to be. I decided that this is something I need to face head on." He sighed again deeply. "I just hope I'm strong enough to do that." He said almost to himself.

"Edward," Esme murmured, "Look at me." She reached up to brush his hair back from his forehead. "Do you know how proud I am of you."

"_Proud_ of me?" He snorted in disbelief and shook his head. "How can you be proud of me?" He demanded, almost angrily. "I wanted to kill an entire room full of people- of _children_! I was wracking my brain for a way to end the life of an innocent little girl. I could have quite possibly put our entire family at risk by acting the fool as I did." He shook his head in despair, his rant cutting off abruptly. "I've never felt like such a _monster_." His voice dripped with shame and self-loathing.

Esme wasn't phased at all by his vehemence. "Edward, I'm proud of you because you _resisted_." She stated gently. "You did the right thing even though it hurt- even though I know it was more difficult than I can even imagine."

She cupped his cheek and made him look at her. "I'm going to tell you something, Edward, and I want you to hear—really _hear_—what I'm saying. Your father and I love you more than you can even imagine. No matter what happens, no matter the mistakes you might make, we will _always_ love you. There is _nothing_ in this world that you could ever do to change that. We could never be ashamed of you. Never." She pulled Edward's head onto her shoulder and kissed his forehead softly.

Carlisle placed his hand on Edward's shoulder. "I echo that wholeheartedly. We're always here for you, Edward. I want you to remember that." Edward nodded wordlessly, too overwhelmed to speak.

Carlisle took a deep breath after a moment. "So, my question for you at this point is, what now?"

"I don't know exactly." Edward said, hesitating slightly, "I think I'd like to try to go back to school today, at least for part of the day. I just... I want to be stronger than this."

"You are." Carlisle said simply, "You are, my son. I think you've already proven that."

Edward's eyebrows gathered in a frown, and I felt his consternation growing. "There's one more thing. The girl... I-- I couldn't _hear_ her. At all. Her mind was completely closed to me, as if she wasn't even there."

Surprise flowed through the room as we all took in his shocking statement.

Emmett was the first to recover. "Whoa, seriously? That's never happened before."

Edward snorted at his obvious statement. "No, it hasn't."

"I wonder how that could be." Carlisle spoke under his breath, puzzled.

"I don't know." Edward shrugged, "Having never encountered anything like this before, I'm not sure what to think."

"How very odd." Carlisle was just as perplexed as the rest of us.

Edward ran a hand nervously through his hair and directed his gaze to Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, and me. "Have you noticed anyone acting suspicious of us this week, or heard anyone talking about us?"

All of us shook our heads. I shrugged, "No more than usual." I said.

Edward's brow furrowed. "I find that hard to believe. As frightened as the girl was by my behavior, I thought she surely would have said spoken to someone about it."

Rosalie glared at Edward. "Well, I guess we won't know unless you show up to tell us what everyone is thinking, now will we."

"Alice," Edward sighed uncertainly, "What do you see."

Alice's eyes glazed from where her head rested against my shoulder. "I think you'll be fine to go to school today." She spoke after a moment. "I don't see anything bad happening, but it's hard to tell for sure. Everything is still a little blurry." She lifted her head and turned to look at him. "Edward, you know you're not in this alone. We'll all be there to help you."

I nodded in affirmation of her statement. "She's right. We won't let you do anything you'll regret." I lifted one corner of my mouth in a smile, "We've got your back."

"Hell yeah, we do!" Was Emmett's enthusiastic response.

Edward's mouth turned up in his familiar crooked smile, and he chuckled lightly. "Thanks."

"Well, if you're coming today, then maybe we'd better hunt first just to be on the safe side." Emmett hopped up from his chair. "Jazz, you coming?"

"Sure. That probably wouldn't be a bad idea." I kissed Alice's cheek and disentangled myself from her. "Be back soon."

Alice grinned, "Have fun."

As we had been involved in our discussion, snow had started falling, coating the ground in a blanket of white.

It didn't take long to find our prey and satisfy our thirst. I noticed that Edward was very distracted the whole time we were out. Even when a question was directed to him, it was obvious his mind was elsewhere. As we were heading back towards the house, Emmett grabbed my arm and held me back a step while Edward walked on ahead. His eyes were lit with mischief.

Bending down, he scooped up a handful of snow. My lips lifted is a smirk as I realized the direction his thoughts were going. He reared back and hurled the snowy missile at Edward's head.

Bull's eye.

Edward whirled around, rubbing the back of his head, a look of shock etched on his face.

Emmett and I doubled over laughing at his expression. It was virtually unheard of that anyone was able to catch him off guard. That in itself was a testament to how preoccupied he was. Edward just rolled his eyes in exasperation and turned back around to head home.

"Oh come on, Edward." Emmett griped, each word punctuated by another snowball. "Have some fun." Edward didn't bother to grace us with a response at all. He just kept walking.

Emmett turned to me and shrugged. I shrugged in return and pelted an unsuspecting Emmett square in the face with my own fistful of snow. He roared and a frenzied snowball fight ensued the rest of the way home.

Alice and Rosalie were waiting for us on the porch, entertained by our antics. Rosalie chuckled as she cast an amused glance at Emmett, who was soaking wet now from our horseplay. "Couple of overgrown kids." I heard her mumble almost affectionately as we approached. Alice's tinkling wind chime laugh sounded in reply.

"Rose, baby, how 'bout a great big hug?" Emmett teased, bounding up the stairs, arms open wide.

"Not on your life, Emmett Cullen. Not until you get dried off." She held up a hand to stop him.

Emmett's face fell in a mock pout. Rosalie winked at him as he passed and blew him a kiss. His responding grin was big enough that I expected it to split his face in two.

"That goes for you too, Jazz." Alice put her hands on her hips at my mischievous expression. Her stern appearance wasn't helped by the loving amusement sparkling in her eyes. I just laughed and ran upstairs to shed my wet clothes.

Later that morning, I could feel Edward's anxiety rising as we drove closer to school. Alice's eyes stayed unfocused throughout the drive as she searched intently for his future.

When we stopped in the parking lot, I was out of the car and had Alice's door open before she even moved. I helped her out of the car and laced her arm through mine to walk her to her first class. Her reflexes were slower when she was this preoccupied, so consequently I found myself even more protective than usual.

At the doorway I bent to press a kiss to her forehead before I turned to leave. Her eyes focused just long enough to find her seat and then she was zoned out again.

I kept my ears highly attuned to my siblings throughout the morning hours, listening for any disturbances-- anything at all out of the ordinary, but everything seemed to go on as another other morning... boring as hell, though at the moment I was grateful for that. I worried though about Edward's reaction when he was in the same room as the girl. He was the most controlled of us, but even he was worried.

That afternoon I was waiting at Alice's classroom doorway to take her to "lunch." She smiled warmly at me for a moment before her eyes clouded again. Once again, I looped her arm through mine, guiding her to the cafeteria.

Emmett and Rosalie had already found Edward and were hovering over him like bodyguards. Edward's emotions were so tightly wound, that I wondered how he hadn't snapped yet. All of us were nervous, not knowing exactly what would happen when Edward was faced with the potent scent a second time.

We fell into a tight form on the way to the lunchroom. Emmett was taking his role of protector way too literally, and I almost worried about his stance drawing undue attention to us.

"It's going to be OK." Alice breathed as we finished at the lunch line.

"I wouldn't be here if I thought it wouldn't." Edward grumbled under his breath, though his emotions belied his words.

"She won't be downwind if we sit in our regular spot." Alice continued as if he hadn't spoken.

"_Of course_, we'll sit in our regular spot, Alice. Would you stop it already; you're getting on my nerves. I'll be absolutely fine." Edward griped, irritated.

With that, we reached our table. I pulled Alice's chair out for her and helped her to sit before easing it back up to the table.

"Hmmm," she murmured, a little surprised. "I think you're right."

"Yes, Alice, I know I am." Edward replied sounding almost weary.

Suddenly, I felt a wave of sympathy as Edward turned his eyes to me. It shouldn't amuse me that Edward-- Mr. Super-self-control-- had taken my place as the one that the family hovered over, but it did.

_Annoying, isn't it?_ I thought with a smirk.

Edward just grimaced.

_Welcome to my world._

He shot me an apologetic glance over the table.

I draped an arm around Alice's shoulders, and picked up one of her hands, toying with her fingers as we waited.

"Anything new?" I asked after several long moments.

Edward shook his head. "Nothing. She must not have said anything." His voice almost made the last part a question.

None of us had expected that. Almost as one, each of us raised an eyebrow at this revelation.

Emmett chuckled. "Guess you're just not as scary as you think you are. Bet _I_ could have frightened her better than that."

Edward rolled his eyes.

"She's coming in." Alice murmured. "Try to look human."

"Human, you say?" Emmett smirked. He held up his right fist to reveal the snowball he'd saved in his palm. He weighed the lumpy block of ice in his hand, his mischievous eyes focused on me. Despite the direction of his eyes, he hurled it abruptly at Alice. He should have known better than to try to catch her off guard. She merely flicked up the hand I wasn't holding and with the slightest flutter of her fingers she sent the ice ricocheting into the far wall much too quickly for human eyes to see.

The brick cracked on impact and all the students on that side of the room swiveled their heads to find the culprit. They never looked over our way though.

"Very human, Emmett." Rosalie said scathingly. "Why don't you punch through the wall while you're at it."

"It would look more impressive if you did it, baby." Emmett responded with a suggestive lift of his brows.

Edward grinned as if he was amused by their banter, though it was obvious to us that he wasn't paying any particular attention to them.

At that moment the Swan girl walked into the room. I felt her shock as she saw Edward sitting with us. She froze in her place in line.

Edward's face was indescribable as he watched her bypass the food, getting only a drink from the line. His intent gaze flickered away before anyone could catch him watching her.

"Ease up, Edward." Emmett said, pounding him once in the shoulder. "So you kill one human. That's hardly the end of the world."

"You would know." Edward muttered.

"You've got to learn to get over things. Like I do. Eternity is a long time to wallow in guilt." He said.

Just then, Alice tossed a handful of ice into Emmett's clueless face. Where she'd been hiding it, I had no idea.

I grinned at his surprised expression, and Alice giggled. A wicked grin spread over Emmett's face. "You asked for it!" He warned.

He leaned across the table and shook his ice-encrusted hair in her direction. The snow flew from his hair in a half-ice, half-water deluge. Alice and Rosalie recoiled from the impromptu shower. Alice laughed and grabbed her tray, holding it up to shield her face.

I glanced over to the table where the Swan girl was sitting. She was watching us with an entranced expression on her face. In that moment I realized that Alice had orchestrated this moment for exactly that reason. She was painting a live picture, trying to make us look as human as possible.

The rest of the hour passed uneventfully. When the rest of the students got up to leave, we all stayed in our places, waiting to see what Edward would do. During his next class he would have to sit next to the girl breathing in her scent in a proximity far too close for comfort. He had barely been breathing now, and she was sitting on the opposite side of the room. That was a risk I didn't think he should take.

"I _think_ it's OK." Alice said, hesitant. "Your mind is set. I _think_ you'll make it through the hour."

"Why push it, Edward." I reasoned. "This was enough for one day. Go home for now and take it slow." A perverse part of me was glad that Edward was struggling too, and that pettiness bothered me. It was a relentless thorn in my side to be the weak link in our family. I shouldn't take comfort from my brother's struggles. I fought those feelings, but I couldn't entirely extinguish them.

"What's the big deal?" Emmett shook his head, "Either he will kill her or he won't. Might as well get it over with either way."

"No, Edward, go home if you're not sure. We're almost through with high school, Emmett, _finally_. I'm not ready to move again." Rosalie griped.

"No, Rose. I think it really will be OK. It's firming up. I'm ninety-three percent sure that nothing bad will happen if he goes to class." Alice cocked her head curiously at Edward.

Edward sighed deeply. "Go to class." There was an undercurrent of command in his words. He unceremoniously pushed away from the table and walked away.

I wished he would reconsider. It seemed foolish to me for him to take the risk if he wasn't entirely sure of himself. Alice seemed to think he would be all right, but even she was harboring a little doubt. I didn't see how his stubbornness was worth the risk.

The day apparently passed without incident though, and nothing more was said about it on the way home.

Alice was highly distracted searching for Edward's future throughout the evening and all that night. I simply sat with her while she searched for whatever was coming. She lay on our bed with her head in my lap. My fingers kept up a soothing massage on her temples, trying to smooth the furrows from her brow.

I sat in silence with my own thoughts, content to simply feel Alice's warmth next to me. That was one of the things I loved about Alice. We could talk about anything and know that nothing that was said would change our love. She knew everything there was to know about me, inside and out, all of my deepest secrets. Often she even knew me better than I knew myself. But despite the openness of our communication, we were perfectly comfortable without words.

My thoughts weren't entirely peaceful though. I couldn't help but be worried about her. She was anxious about something she saw, something she wasn't ready to tell me yet.

In the early morning hours, I gently scooped Alice up into my arms to cradle her against my chest. I needed to hold her, to feel her closer to me. My arms tightened around her and I kissed her inky hair. Her eyes came back into focus for the first time in hours as she snuggled a little deeper into my embrace.

"Is there anything I can do to make things better?" I whispered into her hair.

She shook her head slowly. "Just this."

"I love you." I breathed, brushing my lips tenderly over hers.

She smiled softly. Her love glistened in her eyes, wrapping around me like a warm embrace. "I love _you_."

**OoOoOoOoOoOo**

**Thanks for reading! Please take a second a let me know what you thought!! :-)**

**Nik**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks so much to everyone who has put Journey on alert and/or left me a review!! That means more than you know!! :-D**

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, themes, and dialogue are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer, and no copyright infringement is intended.**

**You may recognize some of the conversations in this chapter. As a general rule, dialogue taken from the books, I leave verbatim, but I've taken a little more liberty with Midnight Sun since it was an unfinished work.**

**Enjoy!!**

**Song for Chapter 3: Confessions (What's Inside My Head) by Red**

**OoOoOoOoOoOo**

**Chapter 3  
**

Silent rides to school seemed to be the norm these days. This morning, Emmett and Rosalie were so wrapped up in each other they were unaware the rest of the world even existed. The emotions radiating from them were nausea inducing. Wonder, adoration, love and lust were plainly visible in their unblinking eyes.

I was well aware of how deeply in love the two of them were, and of course, I was glad that they had each other-- eternity was a long time to live without someone to share it with-- but I was selfish enough to wish they could keep those feelings contained around me.

It was equally silent in the front seat as Edward wallowed in whatever was generating this depression that he was in.

Alice was simply sad. I often thought that I would be able to read her emotions at any given time even if I wasn't able to feel them. Alice's eyes were enormously expressive, truly a window to her soul. Those eyes were clouded now with grief, her shoulders slumped underneath it.

When we stopped in the school parking lot, Edward got out of the car and stood to the side with his arms crossed over his chest, staring at something in the distance-- waiting for something it seemed. The girl, I suddenly realized. Of course, this all had to do with the girl. His emotions were conflicted, but I sensed his anticipation. I rolled my eyes, unable to imagine what possible hold a human girl could have over him. This was becoming rather ridiculous, I thought.

Alice stood at the other side of the Volvo. When she made no move to follow the rest of us into the building, I turned to her, concern written on my face. "You coming?"

She turned, with a poor attempt at a smile. "In a minute. You go on ahead."

I nodded once reluctantly. "I love you." I mouthed.

"Love you." She mouthed back, her smile a little less strained.

I turned back towards the school building behind Emmett and Rosalie, who were oblivious to any exchange going on around them.

I was unsettled by the depression that I felt from Edward and Alice, and even to an extent this morning from Carlisle. Something was brewing, something the three of them knew but weren't ready tell. I respected the others' privacy enough to realize that Alice couldn't always immediately tell me what she saw in her visions, but it rankled to feel the effects of what was coming yet not know what exactly it was.

I liked order; I liked having the facts and knowing what I was up against. It grated against me to be so much in the dark.

I was pulled rudely from my musings by the sound of screeching tires and skidding brakes from the direction of the parking lot. I felt terror and distress wrap around me. Screams echoed from outside, ringing in my ears.

I whipped around and ran back outside as fast as I could without blowing my human charade. My eyes sought out Alice first, desperate despite the fact that she was virtually indestructible to know that she was unharmed. She still stood in the same place I had left her, only now her hands were clasped over her mouth, her horrified eyes glued to something on the opposite side of the parking lot.

I rushed to her side with Emmett and Rosalie close on my tail, as my eyes zeroed in on the cause for all the commotion.

Clear on the other side of the lot I saw the Swan girl wedged between her truck and the Crowley boy's van. Instead of being a mass of mutilated bone as she should have been, I saw her moving around apparently unscathed. The reason for which made my eyes narrow in disbelief and sudden, blinding anger.

Edward.

He must have flown from one side of the lot to the other to reach her before the van could make impact. As the four of us walked closer, I could see the indention of Edward's hands in the side of the van and his shoulders in the truck.

At that moment, I could have gladly throttled him. How could he be so stupid? As careful as we had always been to remain inconspicuous around humans, he had to pull a stunt like this. He might as well have hoisted a sign in neon lights proclaiming just how very inhuman we are.

Did he have any concept at all of the gravity of what he had just done?

Just then, the ambulance arrived with sirens blaring. The EMTs acted quickly to get Edward and the girl released from the cage the mangled vehicles created. I was grateful that Edward at least had the sense to wait for the rescuers to get them out and not to push his way free, creating even more of a spectacle of himself.

The girl was loaded onto the ambulance with a neck brace holding her head motionless. While all eyes were focused on her, I noticed Edward smoothing out the indention of his shoulders in the van. My anger spiked as I realized anew the sheer stupidity of what he had done.

Edward shot Emmett a grateful look, presumably at something in Emmett's thoughts. Without another look at the rest of us, he climbed into the front of the ambulance, and they sped away to the hospital leaving all the students still gaping at the scene.

Slowly the pandemonium died down, and the crowd dispersed as the principal and teachers ushered the students to their classes. After everyone had filed away, Emmett surreptitiously eased between the two vehicles and erased the dents that Edward's body had left in the frames.

The evidence of what happened couldn't be erased quite that easily though. How many people had witnessed what had transpired? And just how were we supposed to deal with this situation now?

As one, the four of us turned and walked to the deserted lot behind the school building. Rosalie kept up an uninterrupted string of profanities the whole way. We huddled there, our voices far too low for any human to distinguish even if they did pass by.

"How could that idiotic jackass do something so stupid," she hissed when we stopped.

"She would have died, Rose." Alice defended him, her arms crossed over her chest.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "People die in accidents all the time, darlin. We can't risk exposure to save every human who might be in danger. Edward was thoughtless and irresponsible."

Rosalie nodded zealously.

"Do you really think it would have been better to let the van crush her?" Alice demanded vehemently. "She would have bled all over the parking lot. _That_ would have been a far worse risk of exposure for us than this. Nobody saw him."

"_Nobody_?" I cocked my head, "You're trying to tell me that the girl didn't see anything? Edward threw himself in front of a skidding van, which should have killed them both on the spot, and you're trying to tell me that she didn't see _anything_? Just how is Edward supposed to explain that to her?"

Alice opened her mouth to reply but I shook my head. "He can't, Alice, because there is no human explanation for that. She has to suspect something even _if_ -- and that's a very big if-- no one else does."

Emmett ran his hands through his hair, frustrated. "OK, so maybe that wasn't the smartest thing the kid's ever done, but what's the worst that could happen? We have to move? Big deal. We only had a few more years here anyway."

"No, Emmett," I shook my head solemnly, "That's not the worst thing by far."

Rosalie glowered at Emmett. "We shouldn't _have_ to move yet. We have it really good here; I'm not ready to move this soon."

Alice sighed heavily, "We don't have to do anything. I just told you, nobody saw what happened. They all believe that Edward was already standing there when it happened, and Bella's not going to say anything to make them think otherwise."

"Alice, it's not that simple. The girl knows too much; she's a liability to us now."

Rosalie nodded again with my words and her expression turned contemplative. "If Alice is right and no one else suspects anything, it should be easy enough to take care of this."

"No!" Alice cried as she saw what Rosalie meant. "You can't do that. She hasn't done anything wrong; that's not fair!"

I sighed deeply, "Rose is right. Whether anyone else saw or not, the girl-"

"_Bella_." Alice corrected me sharply. "She has a name, Jasper."

"Fine. _Bella_," I enunciated clearly for her benefit, "has to suspect something out of the ordinary. Leaving her alive is not a gamble I'm willing to take."

"There has to be another way, you can't--"

I held up my hand to stop the torrent of words I knew was coming. "Alice, I'm sorry. I know that's not what you want to hear, but I honestly don't think we have much of a choice here."

"There's always another choice, Jasper! You can't do this!"

I closed my eyes against her desperately pleading expression. I didn't like this anymore than she did, but the situation had to be dealt with one way or the other. At the moment though, there wasn't anything else to say. "We'll talk about this more when we get home, but for now we need to get to our classes-- do as much damage control as we can in the meantime."

Emmett and Rose turned to leave, Rosalie still fuming with every step. Emmett was troubled but resigned to the way things had to be.

Alice hesitated a moment longer after they'd gone. She didn't speak a word, but her forlorn expression tore at my heart. I reached out to cup her cheek in my palm.

"Everything's going to be all right, Alice." I was going to make sure of that.

She shook her head miserably, "Not if you do what you're planning, it won't." Her eyes bored through mine, pinning me in place with the intensity of the emotion filling them. "It's just not right, Jasper."

"Right or wrong, darlin, I'm going to do whatever I have to do to make sure you're safe." Right and wrong were meaningless concepts to me where the safety of my beloved was concerned. I had seen-- had participated in-- too many massacres to take that safety lightly.

The thought of having to watch as my Alice was caught in the crosshairs because I was too spineless to eliminate the threat was unbearable-- more than that, it was wrong, and anything to erase said threat was considered right in my reasoning. If a human life was lost in the process, then so be it. Human life was little more than a passing vapor anyway... or so I tried to tell myself.

In a "normal" world where our kind did not exist, Bella Swan would have died today. It seemed that fate had decided that her time was up. I wasn't doing anything that wouldn't have happened already if my family-- if Edward-- hadn't been here.

Alice opened her mouth to dispute my words, but I swooped down before she could voice her objection. I kissed her softly, stopping her words before they started. "Go on. I'll see you later."

Without warning, her arms wrapped around my waist in a vice grip, her head burrowed into my chest. She clung to me as a shudder wracked her tiny frame. My arms wrapped protectively around her as if they created a shield that would keep her from the threat looming over our heads.

I was resigned to the course I now had to take, not happy, but certain of its necessity. I had spent so much of my life killing, and after settling down with Alice I had truly hoped that part of my life was over. I didn't like the thought of taking Bella Swan's life, but I didn't see how it could be avoided.

She had been in the wrong place at the wrong time, and now she knew too much. She presented a threat to my family, and that was unacceptable. Whether I liked it or not, she had to be silenced before she had the chance to speak what she knew.

The voices of my instructors ran together into a senseless stream that afternoon as I contemplated the dilemma I now found myself in. How could I kill the girl without shedding her blood? I worried that even if her blood wasn't spilled, my control wouldn't be strong enough to resist. I was doing too well to slip up now.

This wasn't about satisfying the crazed monster who was rejoicing even now at the slightest possibility of indulging in decadent human blood. No, this was only about protecting my family.

I knew far too well the consequences when our kind became careless and let humans see past our facade. That was the Volturi's foremost purpose, to see that laws were kept so that our way of life could be maintained. Their principal law-- to keep secret what we are.

I had witnessed the carnage that ensued when those laws were carelessly broken. Our family certainly was not immune to those consequences. If the Volturi found out about Edward's foolish actions today, it wouldn't just be him that paid the price. No, it would be Alice, Esme, Carlisle... it would be all of us. There would be no questions asked, no second chances given, only our annihilation as an example to any others of our kind who thought they were above the law.

I could not, I _would not_ let that happen.

I was relieved when the bell finally rang that afternoon. I knew what I had to do, and I wanted to get it over with before there was a chance for any more damage to be done.

When I got to Edward's car, Alice and Rosalie were already there. Rosalie was still seething, more so now than before after stewing about it all day. Alice's eyes were closed, her brows pinched together in distress. I wished there was something that I could say to make her understand that this outcome was unavoidable, but I couldn't, so I held my peace.

Rosalie's anger heightened even more when she saw Edward and Emmet walking through the parking lot. I was very glad that I couldn't see into her mind at the moment. I could only imagine the insults and profanities that she was screaming in her head as Edward started the car.

Edward's emotions were unreadable, his face impassive. Emmett was just worried. I knew he didn't entirely agree with me or Rosalie, but his hands were tied. He was not going to cross Rosalie over a human.

Our ride home was silent-- deafeningly so. However, I knew that would only last so long. Once our discussion started, I fully expected all hell to break loose.

In my mind, this family conference was all a formality. I knew that Carlisle would be opposed to any course of action that involved violence, but though it went against the grain, in this instance I would act on my own despite what he said.

When Alice and I had joined his family years ago, I had placed myself under his authority as a son. My first priority, however, even above following orders, was to protect Alice.

I would defy my father to protect my wife.

Carlisle and Esme were already seated in the dining room waiting for us when we got home . Their hands were intertwined on top of the table, concern for all of us, their children, prominent in their emotions.

One by one we filed into the room. Edward, Emmett, and Rosalie sat in their customary places. I decided against taking my seat, standing instead against the wall behind Rosalie. I wasn't really participating in this family meeting, I was only here for convention's sake. Nothing that was said would sway me from my decision.

Alice's eyes were unfocused as she trailed in behind us, absently sitting down. Her tiny hands reached up to rub her puckered forehead.

My body moved involuntarily to comfort her; I couldn't stand to see her in distress like this. I had to consciously hold myself in position as every cell of my being called out to wrap around her like a shield, to soothe her anxiety. I had to actively remind myself that I was acting in her benefit, for her own good.

Edward inhaled deeply, and all eyes turned to him. "I'm sorry." His eyes traveled around the room to make contact with each of us, resting just a fraction of a second longer on Emmett, Rosalie, and me. "I didn't mean to put any of you at risk. It was thoughtless of me, and I take full responsibility for my actions."

"What do you mean, 'take full responsibility'?" Rosalie scowled menacingly. "Do you intend to fix it?"

"Not the way you mean. I'm willing to leave now if that makes things better."

"No, Edward." Esme's voice was a quiet wail.

He reached over to pat her hand in a comforting gesture. "It's only for a few years."

Emmett shook his head, "No, Esme's right, you can't leave now. We need to know what people are thinking now more than ever before. You being gone would be the _opposite_ of helpful."

"Alice would catch anything major."

"I think Emmett is right, Edward. The girl will be more likely to talk if you disappear. I think it's best if all of us leave or none of us." Carlisle spoke.

Rosalie's anger was escalating rapidly, and I could feel the explosion of words coming.

"She won't say anything." Edward insisted before she could blow.

"You can't hear her mind, son." Carlisle reminded him gently.

"I know this much." He insisted. "Alice," he turned to her with a pleading expression, "Help me out here."

Alice's eyes slowly came back into focus, her expression weary. "I can't see what will happen if we just ignore this." Her gaze fell on me for a fragment of a section then skipped to Rosalie. We were, of course, the reason she couldn't see that course of action. It wasn't going to happen.

Rosalie's fist smacked into the table with a loud bang. "We can't allow the human a chance to say anything. Carlisle, you _must_ see that. Even if we did decide to disappear, it's not safe to leave stories behind us. We live so differently from the rest of our kind. You know there are those who would love an excuse to point fingers. We have to be _more_ careful than anyone else _because_ of the way we live!"

I didn't try to calm her raging frustration, I simply let it run its course. For once, I actually agreed with her.

"We've left rumors behind us before." Edward argued.

"Rumors and suspicions, Edward. Not eyewitnesses and evidence!" She shouted at him.

"There is no evidence!" Edward's voice was rising in volume to match Rosalie's.

"Rose-" Carlisle began in attempt to diffuse some of her anger before the situation became more hostile.

"Let me finish, Carlisle." She held up her hand, interrupting. "It doesn't have to be any big production. The girl hit her head today. So maybe the situation turns out to be more serious than it looked." She shrugged. "Every mortal goes to sleep with the chance of never waking up. The others would expect us to clean up after ourselves. Technically that would make it Edward's responsibility, but since this is obviously beyond him, I'll take care of it. You know I'm capable of control; I'd leave no evidence behind."

Edward's lips turned up into a snarl. "Yes, Rosalie," he spat, "we all know how proficient an assassin you are."

Rosalie hissed and her muscles tensed as if she wanted to launch herself across the table.

"Edward, please." Carlisle held out a restraining hand. He sighed and looked across the table to Rosalie. "Rosalie, I looked the other way in Rochester because I felt that you deserved your justice. Those men had wronged you monstrously." Carlisle's eyes were filled with tender compassion as he looked at his daughter. I didn't have to be telepathic to know that he was remembering the brutal way her body had been broken and left for dead in the street.

"This is not the same situation." He continued quietly. "The Swan girl is innocent."

Rosalie's emotions had subdued somewhat at the painful reminder of her past, but her words still came through gritted teeth. "It's nothing personal, Carlisle. It's to protect us all."

Carlisle was silent for a long moment, contemplating. "I know you mean well, Rosalie, but I'd like for our family to be _worth_ protecting. The occasional accident or lapse in control is a regrettable part of who we are, but to murder an innocent child in cold blood is another thing entirely. I believe the risk she represents, whether she speaks her suspicions or not, is nothing to the greater risk. If we make exceptions to protect ourselves, we risk losing something much more important-- we risk losing the essence of who we are."

Carlisle's words had become more impassioned as he spoke, his hand unconsciously stretching out across the table in a wordless plea for us to understand.

Edward was jubilant at Carlisle's decision. I was almost surprised he wasn't dancing on the table.

"It's just being responsible." Rosalie scowled sullenly, slumping back in her seat with her arms folded across her chest.

"It's being callous." Carlisle corrected gently. "Every life is precious."

Emmett draped his arm around Rosalie's shoulder, "It'll be fine, Rose, you'll see." He murmured soothingly.

"Now the question is whether we should move on." Carlisle continued.

"No," Rosalie moaned, her face screwed into a grimace. "We just got settled. I don't want to start my sophomore year of high school again!"

"You could keep your present age of course." Carlisle stated.

"And have to move that much sooner?" She demanded with a scowl.

Carlisle didn't answer, just shrugged.

"I _like_ it here!" Rosalie whined. "There's so little sun we almost get to be _normal_.

"Well, we certainly don't have to decide now." Carlisle said in attempt to pacify her. "We can wait and see if it becomes necessary. Edward seems certain of the Swan girl's silence."

Rosalie snorted indelicately. She was still far from convinced.

I still hadn't said anything, nor did I see the need to. I respected Carlisle's stance-- I hadn't expected him to respond any differently than he had. He was by far the most compassionate being I had encountered in all the years of my existence, but this was not a matter where compassion needed to be our primary concern. It could, in fact, be our undoing. There was too much at stake.

I would do whatever I had to do to keep Alice safe.

No matter the cost.

"Jasper," I was surprised when Edward addressed me directly. I turned to meet his gaze, keeping my face carefully expressionless.

"Jasper, she won't pay for my mistake. I won't allow that." He spoke quietly, but his determination was obvious.

I raised one eyebrow in question. "She benefits from it then? She should have died today, Edward. I'd only be setting that right."

Edward leaned forward in his seat, enunciating each word in measured, unwavering tones. "I will not allow it."

I knew my face betrayed my shock as the meaning of his words and the immovable resolve behind them sunk in. I had not fathomed that he would act to stop me; that thought had never figured into my plan. His declaration did nothing to change my mind, however. It only served to make my course more difficult. I could only hope that I could make him see reason before he did something both of us would regret.

"Edward, I don't expect you to understand. You've never loved anyone the way I love Alice. You don't know what it's like to have someone fill your heart and soul so completely that your own life is worth far less than _nothing_ without them. You've never felt a love so consuming that you would gladly trade your life for theirs without so much as a second thought, and until you know what that kind of love feels like, you can't understand the desperate need to keep that one person safe.

You haven't lived through what I have, Edward, whether you've seen my memories or not." I shook my head in attempt to dispel the horrifying images that my words conjured up. "You don't realize just how dire this situation could be because you've never seen it... I have.

The moment the Volturi find out about your little escapade they will come here and kill the Swan girl themselves, and then they'll come for us. _All_ of us, Edward. You know very well that they don't tolerate anything less than total compliance. I _will not_ let Alice live in even the slightest danger of that, Edward. I can't do it. I don't want to fight you, but I _will_ do whatever I have to do to see that she's safe."

Edward didn't back down from the intensity of my voice, instead his next words were spoken with equal fervency. "Jasper, I don't claim to understand, and no, despite what I've seen from your memories, I haven't lived your life. But I'm telling you right now, I _will not_ let you hurt Isabella Swan." Edward's gaze was unyielding as his declaration brought us to what appeared to be an impasse. We could apparently negotiate no further, so that left us only one option.

Our eyes locked as we measured each other for the first time as true opponents. The only times we had ever engaged in combat had been nothing more than horseplay. The thought of actually fighting-- truly fighting-- my brother made me ill.

To stop him, I would have no choice but to hurt him, and the end result would undoubtedly become disastrous. Our determination was equal, and we were too evenly matched in a fight for there to be an easy outcome. I had more experience, but he would know my moves as soon as I did, giving him an equal footing.

The cost was quickly rising. Defying my father, fighting my brother. Both courses of action that would break my mother's heart.

_A household divided..._

Brother fighting against brother...

I refused to let myself dwell on the consequences. Despite everything, I knew without a doubt where my chief priority lay. There was nothing I wouldn't sacrifice, nothing I wouldn't do, to ensure Alice's wellbeing. If that meant pulling out the stops and engaging my own brother in a battle such as he had never seen or even imagined, then so be it. I would draw from all the experience a century of war had given me, and somehow I would win. I had too much to lose to consider any other outcome.

In my peripheral awareness I saw Alice rise from her seat and glide to stand in front of me. With my steely gaze still locked on Edward, I felt it rather than saw it as she took one of my fisted hands and smoothed it out in hers. She interlaced her fingers through mine and placed a kiss on my knuckle before laying our hands over the place where her heart lay silent.

"Jasper," she began in a whisper.

I closed my eyes, blocking the rising images of myself locked in a vicious combat with Edward. I could already hear the snarls, the savage cries of pain... his or mine, I couldn't tell. Would either of us walk away from that confrontation? I breathed deeply, trying to rid myself of the dread and nausea that those thoughts had lodged in the pit of my stomach.

I opened to see Alice's eyes glistening with emotion, looking as only she could, into the very depths of my soul. I placed the forefinger of my free hand softly over her lips.

My voice was husky to my own ears as my heart reacted instinctively to her brimming emotions. "Alice, darlin, please don't stand there and tell me you can take care of yourself. I know you can, that's not the issue. I still have to-"

"That's not what I was going to say," she protested quietly as she removed my finger. "Please listen to me for a minute." Her gaze was beseeching.

At my nod she continued, "Jasper, I _know_ how much you love me, and I _know_ there isn't anything that you wouldn't do to protect me. That's one of the things that I love about you. I know that no matter where we go, no matter what happens, I'm _always_ safe when I'm with you. I know as long as there is life left in you that I have no reason to be afraid of anything. You've proven over and over that you'll always be right there between me and any danger, no matter how big or how small. And I love you for that... you know how much. But Jazz, I need for you to do something for me now."

Vaguely I was aware of Edward's gasp and the shock cascading from him. I couldn't tear my eyes away from Alice's penetrating gaze long enough to see what the problem was though.

Alice placed her hand against my cheek, her gaze going impossibly deeper. "Jasper, I need for you to let go of this. First of all, because Edward is serious, and I don't want to see you two fighting. I know you don't need me to tell you that that won't end well. And second, Bella is my friend, or at least she's going to be. I'm going to love her someday, Jazz, and I want her around for that."

Alice's words rang through in my head, stunning me. She was going to be friends with a _human_? She was going to _love_ a _human_? "But, Alice--" I stuttered, shock making me almost mute.

"It will _hurt_ me now if you kill her. Please, Jasper, for me, _please_ just let it go."

She didn't. I couldn't believe it, but she did. With those words, Alice looked me straight in the eye and played the trump card. I could never do anything to deliberately hurt her, and she knew it. That was the one thing I had vowed I'd never do again... the one thing I was powerless to fight.

As my resolve wavered, Alice's eyes glazed over, and she smiled. "There, I knew it. Bella won't say anything, so there's nothing to worry about." I was further stunned by the way Alice's voice warmed at Bella's name. She was so certain of this future that she considered her a friend already. She loved the girl already even before a word had been spoken between them.

"Alice... what..." Edward choked, apparently as incapable as I was of forming a coherent sentence.

"I told you there was a change coming, Edward."

"What is it, Alice?" Edward demanded, finding his voice. "What are you hiding?"

Alice set her jaw and fingered a button on my shirt as if that little plastic disk held the secrets to solve all our problems.

Emmett was beginning to grumble, quickly becoming frustrated with the one way conversation. He had only so much patience, and it was dwindling fast.

"Is it about the girl? Is it about Bella?" Edward demanded louder this time.

Alice's tiny body was tensed with the effort of hiding her thoughts, but apparently she slipped just enough.

"No!" Edward roared. In a fraction of a second he had leapt out of his chair, overturning it in the floor. In the same instant, Carlisle was standing next to him with a calming hand on his shoulder.

"It's solidifying." Alice whispered. "Every minute you're more decided. There are really only two ways left for her, Edward. It's one or the other now."

"No." Edward said again. This time it was more of a moan as his shoulders slumped and he had to brace himself against the table.

"Will someone _please_ let the rest of us in on the mystery." Emmett complained, his limited patience all used up.

"I have to leave." Edward rasped without responding to Emmett.

"Edward, we've already been over that." Emmett sighed in exasperation like a parent that was explaining something to a toddler for the hundredth time. "That's the best way to get the girl talking, and we need you here to know when and if she does. You have to stay and deal with this."

"I don't see you going anywhere, Edward. I don't know if you _can_ leave anymore." Alice said doubtfully, her voice trailing off.

"I don't hear that." Edward mumbled after a moment as he and Alice continued their one-way conversation.

"Alice, why are you doing this to me?" Edward's moan was gut wrenching, as his head fell forward into his hands. The rest of us watched the disjointed exchange with mystified faces.

"Love her, _too_?" Edward's whisper was incredulous. "No. No, it doesn't have to be that way. I will leave. I _will_ change the future."

"You can try." Alice finally spoke aloud, her voice skeptical.

"Oh, _come on_!" Emmett bellowed becoming more and more frustrated.

"Pay attention," Rosalie snapped at him. "Alice sees him falling for a _human_. How classically Edward," she sneered.

"What?" Shock froze Emmett's features for a moment, but then his booming laugh echoed in the room. "Is that what's been going on?" He snickered and pounded Edward on the back, "Tough break, bro."

Edward shook him off, his expression still screwed in horror.

"_Fall_ for a human?" Esme repeated, stunned as the rest of us. "For the girl he saved today? He's going to fall in _love_ with her?" I felt Esme's dismay quickly morph into blinding joy as she thought of her son finding love after more than eighty years.

This was too much too quickly. Despite the feelings that Alice believed that Edward was going to develop, the danger was still very much present. The Swan girl was still human, and she still knew far too much.

"Tell me _exactly_ what you see, Alice." I needed to know what precisely we were up against.

"It all depends, Jazz. It depends on whether he's strong enough. Either he'll kill her himself, which will really make me mad, Edward, not to mention what it would do to you." She turned her face to shoot a glare at Edward as she addressed him. His face was still frozen in an expression of shocked horror. "Or she'll be one of us someday."

_One of us._

That changed everything. If she was one of us, then the Volturi had no reason to interfere. The danger was eliminated without my intervention. I didn't have to kill the girl.

I didn't have to fight my brother.

I didn't have to hurt Alice.

"No!" Edward shouted, his emotions careening out of control. "That's not going to happen! Either one of them!"

"It all depends." Alice continued as if he had never spoken, "He may just be strong enough not to kill her. It will take an amazing amount of control though-- more than even Carlisle has." Her brows creased again as she searched for his future. "The only thing he's not strong enough to do is stay away from her. That's a lost cause." Alice shook her head.

It seemed that Alice's declaration had stunned us all to silence. After a long moment, Carlisle sighed. "Well, this complicates things."

Emmett snickered again, "I'll say." True to form, he was the only one to find amusement in such an unprecedented event.

"I suppose the plan remains the same though-- we'll stay and watch. Obviously, no one will hurt the girl." Carlisle's eyes trailed to everyone at the table before coming to rest on me.

I nodded. "If Alice sees only two ways, then I see no reason to interfere." Alice was confident in what she saw, I could feel that without a doubt, and if she was confident, then so was I. A sense of relief crashed over me as I realized that one way or the other, this situation would be handled without my help.

"No!" The inhuman cry was wrenched from Edward's chest. I felt the desperation overcome him as he bolted from the room.

Six pairs of eyes watched him as he disappeared into the pelting rain.

**OoOoOoOoOoOo**

**Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you **_**so much**_** to all of you who have read, those of you who have put Journey (or me!) on story/author alert, and, most especially, all of you who have left reviews for me. You've been so wonderfully supportive! And a very special than you to DazzledbyJake and IamKate for your shout outs… I don't know where I'd be without your constant encouragement and support!! **

**I think as far as my posting schedule goes, I'm going to shoot for Mondays and Thursdays from here on out. So, that should give you some idea when to expect updates.**

**OK, enough from me… now on with the show!! :-) **

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, themes, and dialogue are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer, and no copyright infringement is intended. I've just fallen in love with her characters… a certain Confederate officer in particular!**

**Song for Chapter 4: Dare You to Move by Switchfoot**

**OoOoOoOoOoOo**

**Chapter 4  
**

After Edward bolted so unceremoniously from the room, the six of us remained motionless, still reeling from shock.

"I just can't believe it. After all this time..." Esme's whisper had a dreamlike quality to it, almost as if she wasn't aware that she was speaking aloud.

Rosalie snorted, "Only Edward would do something so stupid. He can't find any of our own kind that's good enough for him, the idiot has to go and fall for a human."

"You did." Esme said simply, with a wry smile.

Rosalie's eyes widened, her mouth falling open. "I did not," she sputtered.

"Didn't you, dear?" Esme's smile held no disapproval, just gentle amusement. "That day in the woods, all those years ago, you stumbled across a human in need-- a young man, bleeding and very near death. You were still so young in this life that, for all intents and purposes, you shouldn't have been able to resist such a profuse amount of blood at all, let alone carry him in your arms for two hours without giving in to your thirst. Tell me, dear, how you were able-- or even willing-- to put yourself through that if you weren't drawn to him on some level?"

Rosalie crossed her arms over her chest and averted her gaze out the window, clearly taken aback by Esme's line of reasoning. "That was different."

"How so?" Esme probed gently.

"I didn't put our entire family at risk by rescuing him." Rosalie rebutted.

"Would it have really mattered, Rose?" Esme asked softly. "If now Emmett was human and he was in some kind of mortal danger, would you not risk everything, even exposure, to save him?"

Rosalie shot a glance at Emmett, her poignant emotions taking me somewhat by surprise. I wasn't used to feeling such tenderness from her. The wave of her adoring love for Emmett, her protectiveness and consuming need for him was a rare window into her soul. Rosalie typically kept her emotions secreted behind a wall of indifference, but despite that facade her emotions ran just as deep as anyone else's. Her love for Emmett was undying and unconditional.

"That's not the same thing," she mumbled, all the fight drained from her.

"Rosalie," Esme's voice retained its gentle tone, but it was tempered with a motherly admonition, "all I ask is that you give Edward a little understanding. He's obviously struggling with this as much as anyone right now. Please, dear, all I want is for you to show him the same consideration you know he would show you if the situation was reversed."

Rosalie's softened expression gradually faded as her usual aloof demeanor fell back into place. Without a response to Esme, Rosalie stood regally from her chair and strode up the stairs, her door shutting with a pronounced slam.

Emmett pushed himself away from the table and turned to the stairs to go comfort his wife. He hesitated at the doorway for a moment and turned to Alice. "He's okay, isn't he?" He gestured his head toward the front door where Edward had disappeared, genuine concern on his face.

Alice nodded from her place at my side. "He will be."

Emmett nodded once slowly and started up the stairs. Moments later I heard his voice mingling with Rosalie's in quiet conversation. I tuned them out the best I could in effort to give them as much privacy as possible.

Carlisle's deep sigh brought my focus back to the situation at hand. His head was bowed, his hands steepled in front of his face.

Esme reached over to rub gentle circles on his back, soothing him. "It's going to work out, love. Please stop worrying so."

"How can this end well?" his voice was heavy with concern. "No matter which direction this goes now, someone will get hurt-- Edward if he stays away and Bella if he doesn't."

"If Bella is what he wants, then everything else will fall into place as it's meant to be. Have faith. He'll do the right thing."

Carlisle closed his eyes and nodded, bringing Esme's hand to his lips to brush a kiss against her knuckles.

My mother would have been appalled if she knew how her innocent words twisted like a knife in my gut.

_He'll do the right thing._

The gravity of the transgression that I had been prepared to commit hit me in full force. The wall that I had constructed around my heart to enable myself to condone yet another murder crumbled around my feet leaving me feeling vulnerable and ashamed-- _dirty_.

Unwilling to even look any of my family in the eye, I gently disengaged myself from Alice, who was still standing with her head leaned against my chest. I managed to give her a tight smile at her look of confusion.

"I'll be back." I cupped her cheek tenderly in my palm and then slipped quickly from the room.

Innumerable faces passed before my mind's eye as I escaped from the house. Faces of the victims whose lives I had taken over the course of my life. Faces frozen in fear and horror. Lifeless bodies lying on the ground, their life's blood sacrificed to my base desires. Hundreds and thousands of faces ran in an uninterrupted stream until finally the image of Isabella Swan's terrified face stuck in my mind. I could have, and would have, justified her death as a way to keep Alice safe, but even still her blood would have been on my conscience.

And Edward, _my own brother_, I would have taken his life as well. Away from the heat of the moment I was stunned and horrified that even I could sink that low-- that I could even think of betraying my family in such a way.

The rain beat down heavily on the back of my head as I trudged wearily through the woods, avoiding the path that Edward had taken. I wasn't ready to face him again just yet. I was too disgusted with myself, as well I should be.

I was a cold-blooded, calloused murderer. I had been prepared to take the life of an innocent child, to fight my brother to the death over that fact, if necessary, and turn my back on every value my father had tried so hard to instill in me by his example over the last five decades. The enormity of what I had almost done struck me now causing my steps to stagger.

I hadn't changed at all.

The constant fighting of my vile nature was in itself enough to give me cause to loathe myself, but this was even worse. I wanted so badly to be a man my father could be proud of-- to be the man my wife deserved. But it seemed that I was doomed to be nothing more than a disappointment to the people I loved and respected most.

Carlisle's desperate pleas for us to understand his stance whirled through my mind now. I had hardened my heart as he spoke, unwilling to be swayed from my path of destruction despite anything he could have said. Yet my plans had all been for nothing. Isabella Swan had no intentions of betraying my family even though she had no reason to keep her suspicions to herself. Just as she had maintained her silence before, she would now as well.

I would have killed her for nothing.

I would have torn my family apart for absolutely no cause.

I had hoped that after all this time under Carlisle's influence some of his character would have rubbed off on me. Carlisle had, from the earliest days that I had known him, shown me what a true leader was to be. He had given me an authority figure that was not only worth following but that made that act of following a true joy.

He had welcomed me with open arms and taken me under his wing. He had adopted me and my wife into his family and loved us as if we were truly his own children And somewhere along the way we had become just that.

In one afternoon I had come so very close to throwing that away is if it meant nothing to me. Instead of reacting to the situation responsibly and with integrity as a Cullen, I had reverted thoughtlessly back to the man I was before-- the man that I had tried so hard to leave behind me. The man that I now saw that I could never change.

I slunk to the ground and leaned my head against a tree, letting the pelting rain stream across my face like drops of liquid silk, wishing those streams could penetrate my steel skin and wash away the filthiness inside my heart.

My hands fisted on the ground beside me as a wave of pain overcame me. I could barely even keep a handle on my bloodlust from one day to the next. That incessant fight left me so very weary and discouraged... and now I was confronted with this. I breathed a deep, jagged sigh and dropped my head to my knees.

What was the point of even fighting myself day after day if I couldn't change?

If I was nothing save a disappointment, then why was I here?

I had been a deluded fool for thinking I might have deserved something better, and a damned fool for thinking I could ever change.

I don't know how long I sat there flogging myself and wallowing in my self-hatred, but eventually the rain slowed to a steady drizzle and the sky gradually began to darken as night fell like a cloak around me.

The sound of footsteps brought me back to my surroundings, but these footsteps belonged to the one person I would have least expected.

I quickly stood to my feet in an unconscious sign of respect as Carlisle made his way towards me. He smiled and gestured to the place where I had just been sitting. "May I?"

"Of course." I responded without a thought. Carlisle sank down and patted the ground for me to sit beside him.

My forehead creased in confusion as I tested the mood radiating from my father. Based solely on the emotions he was projecting I would have had no cause to guess that I had given him every reason to be severely disappointed in me. I couldn't sense one iota of the reproof that I had more than earned.

I was surprised to hear Carlisle's dry chuckle beside me. "What a day." His chuckle turned to a sigh.

"I know." I was still distracted trying to figure out why he wasn't chastising me the way I deserved.

Carlisle's gaze was faraway when he spoke next. "You know, Jasper, it's days like today that remind me what an inherently selfish creature I am."

That shocking statement served to bring my focus entirely to the present. "You?" I asked in disbelief. Carlisle was without a doubt one of the most _un_selfish people I had ever encountered. "That's not possible."

"Oh, but it is." Carlisle said with a wry smile. His eyes focused on something in the distance and it was several moments before he spoke again. "Jasper, I can't tell you how many times I've questioned my decision to change Edward. It was a decision fueled by my own desperate loneliness and his mother's dying plea for me to do whatever I had to do to save her son. So I did. I took her son and made him my own.

As our family has grown and changed over the years, I've watched him. He's always seemed content enough with this life, but never really _happy_. As much as he's loved, he's still the odd man out, and that's hard for me to watch. I see you with Alice and how beautifully you complete each other." He turned to smile warmly at me, "Jasper, I believe if your heart could beat, it would beat in perfect synchrony with Alice's. You are that in tune with each other.

Then I see Emmett and Rosalie, and while I could never imagine Edward being quite that... blatant about a relationship, it still serves as a reminder of what he doesn't have-- of what I want him to have. I remember vividly how my life was changed when I found Esme, how suddenly I had meaning." His eyes slid shut and his words became more impassioned. "I want him to have that. Someone who gives him a reason to live through each and every day of eternity. Someone who gives this endless succession of days a purpose.

When Alice told us that Edward was going to fall in love with Bella Swan-- that she would become part of our family-- I confess, the thought that her life would be forfeit did not weigh as heavily on my mind as it should have. The thought at the front of my mind was that Edward would finally have that someone to love."

I shook my head when he stopped. "Your concern is for Edward's happiness. How is that selfish?"

"A father's happiness is tied to that of his children." He turned slightly to look at me, "And their hurt is ours." His eyes bored into mine leaving me feeling exposed. "It would be so much easier to take all their heartaches and pain—to bear it ourselves than to watch from the sidelines as they struggle on their own." His voice gained solemnity as he continued, and by the time he finished speaking I had gathered that his words meant more than just their face value.

I turned to meet his steady expression as it rested on me. "We're not talking about Edward anymore, are we?"

"You've been struggling." He said simply.

"No more than usual." My tone was flat.

"I don't think that's true." Carlisle said. "Talk to me, son. Tell me what's going on."

How could I do that? How could I bare my internal struggles to the man that embodied everything good and noble? Carlisle's control was impeccable and his entire life's purpose was defined by his compassion for others. He was my antithesis in every way. How was he supposed to understand my torment, or at the very least not condemn me for my shortcomings?

When I didn't respond, Carlisle placed his hand on my shoulder and spoke quietly. "I didn't come out here to find fault with you for what you were going to do today, Jasper."

"I would have killed the girl, Carlisle, and Edward too if he'd tried to stop me." I didn't want him to forgive me that easily. A twisted, perverse part of me _wanted_ him to rant and rave at me. I didn't deserve his unquestioning forgiveness, I deserved all of his wrath.

"Your plans stemmed from a desire to protect Alice. I understand that. Jasper, I would never expect you to put anyone else before Alice. You're her husband; she should always be your priority. If she wasn't, that would be an indicator to me that something was wrong. Your wife is your first concern, and that's how it should be."

He continued even though I refused to meet his gaze. The acceptance there was almost more than I could bear. "Son, believe me, the safety of my family is of paramount importance to me just as Alice's is to you. If there was an actual danger to my loved ones, then I would be the first at your side in a fight to protect them. But that was not the case here, and I couldn't condone taking the life of an innocent. There were too many unknowns in this situation."

He was not supposed to let me off the hook that easily. He was not supposed to forgive me without demanding some form of penance on my part. The fact that he did made the shame burn through my entire being. The phrase "heaping coals of fire" came to mind. Carlisle's unmerited understanding stood in stark contrast to my own calloused heart.

"Tell me what you're thinking, son. Let me in."

I leaned my head back against the tree and picked up a broken stem from the ground beside me, toying with it while I chose my words. I was going back to the beginning-- where the root of my problems began.

"You know that most of my human memories are patchy and vague at best, but there are certain memories that are burned into my brain. Images that will stay with me for the rest of my existence."

Carlisle was surprised at the starting point I had chosen. Of all the things for me to begin with, my human life was certainly not what he expected; I very rarely brought it up. He recovered quickly though. "What do you remember?" He prompted gently.

I closed my eyes at the images that were still all too vivid despite the time that had elapsed. "I remember the first time I ever saw a battle-- the first time I ever killed a man."

"I've never heard you talk about that before. What happened?"

"I was almost seventeen when I enlisted. I don't remember any of the circumstances that led up to my enlistment or why I felt the need join the army before I came of age. I only know now that I had no concept of what I was signing up for." I paused as memories of the first time I had seen combat came flooding back to my mind.

"That first battle, I remember I was nervous, but I felt a sense of anticipation as well. I had some foolish notion in my head about the glories of war and of returning home some sort of hero. I forgot about that with the very first shot that rang through the air. When the battle began I forgot all about wanting to return home a _hero_ and only wanted to be able to return home _alive_.

I had never imagined that kind of chaos. It took me all of a minute to learn that there was nothing glorious about war. People were falling left and right all around me. The air was thick and heavy with smoke and the scent of gunpowder. I'll never, as long as I exist, forget the cries of those around me who were shot down or the terror and confusion I felt as I watched everything unfold.

When I lifted my rifle to take my first shot, right there in my sights was a boy who looked even younger than I was. He had the same terrified look in his eyes that I knew was mirrored in mine. I hesitated. And he fired first."

Carlisle squeezed his eyes shut beside me. His compassion washed over me an gave me the courage to continue. "The bullet lodged in my shoulder."

My hand automatically reached up to cover the place where the bullet had been embedded. Memories of my own blood seeping from my wound and the nausea and the pain that had consumed me until I had finally passed out ran through my mind so clearly that I could almost feel the pulses of blood pouring from my shoulder.

"Up to that point I had never imagined that kind of pain, or the pain when they dug through my shoulder to get it out. I thought I was dying. The very next battle after I healed, I swore I'd learn from my mistake. I didn't hesitate again.

I could describe in detail for you of the first man that I shot. I remember his face that clearly. I could tell you that his hair was about the color of Edward's. I could tell you that his eyes were blue. I could tell you that he had a scar that ran down his right cheek. But what I can't tell you was whether he had a wife that that he never went home to. Children he never had the chance to see grow up. Parents who grew old without their son to take care of them in their old age.

Carlisle, I'll never forget the look on that man's face when I pulled the trigger, or the horror I felt when I realized that I had been the one to take his life from him. It fueled the nightmares right up until I was changed. I lost track of how many nights I woke up covered in sweat wondering if my screams had been out loud.

After that first battle was over, I ran into the woods and was violently, wretchedly ill. I saw the faces of the men I had gunned down, and each and every one of them haunted me.

As time went on, I built walls around my heart just to get through the monstrosities of war. I started losing my humanity little pieces at a time even before I was changed."

"You were a boy, Jasper. You did what you had to do to survive." Carlisle interjected when I paused. "There's no shame in that."

I sighed quietly, "I'm not saying that I'm _ashamed_ of my years in the army. I'd like to think that I fought with as much honor as I could under the circumstances. I'd like to believe that my involvement off the battlefields impacted others for good. I was good at what I did, and there was a part of me that was proud to be a part of history like that.

But after the change, with Maria..." I shook my head, "my humanity was lost altogether. By the time I left her, life had no value to me. Taking a life was nothing more significant to me than taking a breath. I still see their faces sometimes; I still feel their fear. It's a reminder of what I am, and it's something I'll never be able to escape."

I paused for a moment as I strangled on my words, "Carlisle, I lost my honor. I lost my integrity. And I lost _myself_. I can't tell you how many times over the years I recalled that first battle and thought if that bullet had just lodged six inches more to the left, the world would have been a better place."

Carlisle had been mostly silent throughout my monologue, and when he spoke now his words were barely a whisper. "What of Alice? If you had died then, what would have happened to her?"

The thought of dying without ever knowing Alice sent a poignant ache through my chest. She was the only thing that made my existence worthwhile. "Alice is the only reason I dared to hope that maybe fate had something else planned for me."

Carlisle tightened his grip where his hand still rested on my shoulder. I finally turned my head to meet his gaze. "You're not that man anymore, Jasper. You haven't been since the day you walked away from Maria's army and decided you wanted something better for yourself."

My laugh was sardonic. "I'd like to think so, but I'm afraid I'm deluding myself."

"If you were, then we wouldn't be having this conversation because you wouldn't be feeling remorse as you are now." Carlisle's thoughts turned contemplative before he spoke next. "Let me ask you something."

I nodded my consent.

"What prompted your decision to leave Maria—to make that change?"

I hesitated, measuring my words before I spoke. "I didn't want to be _that man_ anymore. I couldn't stand to even look at my reflection. I was hideous and disfigured inside and out. So many times I considered just letting myself be overcome in a fight. I knew if I just stopped fighting, it would be a quick ending to my miserable existence.

But something always stopped me when it came right down to it. Whenever I would consider it, there was always this nagging something that just wouldn't let me give up. Now I think somehow _something_ inside of me knew that Alice was out there-- that I needed to stay alive for her.

When Peter came back and told me that there was another choice than the life I was living, I jumped on it. He was surprised that it took as little convincing as it did. But even then, outside of Maria's influence, I couldn't crawl out of the depression I was in. The terror of my victims every time I fed was too much to bear. Each time I took a life was further reminder of everything I had lost, and I despised myself more and more.

It wasn't until I met Alice and saw the difference in her life that I ever considered that redemption might be possible for me. But despite wishing it were otherwise, there's nothing I can do about my past, and today was yet another reminder that I'll never escape it no matter how hard I try."

"No, Jasper, you can't change your past, but you _can_ refuse to let it control you. I know this life is hard for you. We all struggle with it to some degree, unfortunately you more so than the rest. We all fight our natural desires. You have to fight not only that but the violence that your first education predisposes you to. With our natures so resistant to any change it makes it that much harder for you, and I admire the strength you show each day."

"Strength?" I scoffed, incredulous.

"Yes, strength. You tell me how long it's been since you've fallen."

"Not long enough." I mumbled.

"Years, Jasper. It's been years."

"But not a day goes by when I don't want to. That's not strength; that's miserable, inexcusable weakness."

"Temptation does not constitute wrongdoing, Jasper!" I had never heard Carlisle's voice quite that forceful before. "If it did, then we'd all be condemned before we'd even begun. We're all fighting. We can't help what we are, but we can fight to do something better with the lot we've been handed. But if you expect to fail, my son, then you've lost the battle before you've even begun to fight.

Jasper, not one of us battles with the history you do each day. The very things you lament about yourself are the reasons why you've come as far as you have. Your loyalty and courage. Your determination. Your self-discipline. The things that made you a formidable soldier are the very weapons in your arsenal now.

Think back, my son. Look at how far you've come since you've joined our family. Do you not see the strides you've made in all these years? I know you're not where you want to be, but don't let your frustrations blind you to the progress you've made. You _will_ overcome this one day. I have every confidence in that."

"How can you be so sure." His words and the confidence he showed in me caused hope to stir even through the doubts.

"Because you are not a man to accept defeat," Carlisle looked deep into my eyes as if with his gaze he was willing me to accept the truth of his words. "And the word _surrender_ has never been part of your vocabulary."

I searched Carlisle's eyes finding nothing but truth. He had never lied to me before, and it was obvious that he believed every word that he had spoken.

I closed my eyes and replayed his words in my head. His confidence in me caused new hope to rise in my chest. He believed in me even though I didn't deserve it, but that gave me motivation to keep fighting-- to prove him right.

"One more thing, Jasper, and then I'll be finished. I want you to know that I'm proud of you. I'm proud of the man you are and the man you're becoming each day. I don't ever want you to think that you are anything other than a viable, _vital_ part of this family. Your mother and I, your brothers, and sister all love you. You're not fighting alone."

I was overwhelmed, and those emotions spilled over into my sorely inadequate words. "Thank you. For everything." I spoke solemnly wishing I had the words to convey how much his words and the unconditional love and support behind them meant to me. In every way that mattered, this man was my father, and the man that I wanted to be. His words had humbled me yet at the same time gave me the strength to go on.

Carlisle stood and pulled me to my feet in front of him placing both hands on my shoulders. I felt the waves of fatherly pride, love, and confidence emanating from him absolving my shame and allowing me to hold my head high again.

"You _are_ a Cullen. And I'm proud to call you my son."

The soft sound of footsteps behind him caught our attention. He chuckled quietly, "It seems that someone else is quite anxious to talk to you."

Several yards behind Carlisle stood Alice, her expression tense. She was gnawing on her lower lip and shifting her weight uneasily from one foot to the other.

"I'll leave you two alone." Carlisle squeezed my shoulder before releasing me and turning to go. Without pausing to consider what I was doing, I stopped him. Placing one hand on his arm, I focused on my immense gratitude, my respect, and my love for him.

His expression was overwhelmed as I let him feel what was in my heart at that moment. His voice choked when he spoke again, "That, Jasper, is why I know you'll overcome this." With a warm smile he turned back towards the house, stopping to squeeze Alice's shoulder as he passed by her.

Alice's attention was riveted on me. I was bewildered by the emotions roiling inside my tiny wife-- her uncertainty, her desperation, but most of all the force of her love for me that never failed to leave me utterly amazed.

I didn't say anything as she stood there, I just opened my arms to her. It took exactly 0.0215 seconds before she had spanned the distance between us and hurled herself into my arms. If I hadn't been prepared, the force of it might have knocked me backwards.

She took my face between both of her hands and latched her lips onto mine. I was confused by the desperation that dominated this kiss. I let her lead and matched her intensity, pouring my love into her. When her anxiety showed no signs of abating, I placed one hand on her cheek and calmed her.

"Shh, darlin. It's okay. I'm right here." I murmured against her lips. Her face buried into the curve of my shoulder, her arms and legs wrapped around me in a stranglehold. I continued to hold her, one hand rubbing gentle circles on her back as I murmured soothingly into her hair.

Finally she spoke, her words muffled against my neck. "Are you upset with me?"

"What?" I exclaimed in genuine confusion. "Why would I be upset?" I nudged her head up so that I could search her eyes and try to decipher the reasoning behind that unexpected question.

"I didn't exactly fight fair earlier." She looked up at me sheepishly through her eyelashes.

I chuckled and nuzzled my nose against hers. "Now, I wonder where you could have picked that up from. Certainly not from me." I teased. My attempt to lighten her mood had no effect; her brows remained crossed.

"I was afraid that was why you left so suddenly. I could see that something was torturing you but I couldn't tell what. I thought it might be because of me. What I said to you earlier reeked of manipulation. I knew that the thought of hurting me would stop you when nothing else would. There was just no other way."

"Am I correct in assuming that you heard everything Carlisle and I talked about?"

She nodded. "I couldn't help it. I was so worried about you. My visions are always even more attuned to you when you're hurting or in danger." Her forehead crossed and a hint of exasperation passed through her emotions. "I hope you know it almost killed me to sit in the house all evening and know I couldn't go to you. Every time I thought about it, I could clearly see that I wouldn't do any good. You wouldn't listen to me."

I kissed her forehead smoothing the wrinkles engraved there. "I'm sorry. I needed my... perspective adjusted, I suppose. But believe me when I say that this was not your fault in any way, shape, or form. I'm sorry I let you think that. If you heard what I told Carlisle then you know why I had to have some time to think by myself."

I shifted Alice in my arms so that I could sit down. She curled into my lap, and I wrapped my arms firmly around her as her head rested easily against my heart.

"I meant what I said earlier though, Jazz. If you couldn't feel for yourself how much I love you – if you hadn't let me feel what was in your heart – I'd be afraid that you wouldn't be able to understand how deeply, how _desperately_, I love you. It's comforting to me to know that your feelings match mine. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for you, just as you've proven time and time again that you'd do absolutely anything for me. I just don't want you to think that I said what I did lightly."

"I know, darlin. And I'm glad now that you stopped me." I rested my cheek on the top of her head. "You saved me from one more regret." I confessed softly.

"It's over now, and everything is all right. Or at least it will be." She said as she pressed a gentle kiss against my heart.

We were silent for long moments. "Go ahead and ask." Alice said without looking up from my chest. "You want to."

I chuckled. "I can't hide anything from you."

"Would you really want to?"

"No. Never."

Alice raised her head with a tender smile. "You want to know why." I nodded and she brushed her fingers through my hair pushing it off my forehead.

Her eyes deepened as she toyed with a lock of my hair until I thought I might just drown in the depth of her gaze. A sense of wonder and a longing I didn't understand passed through her. "Years ago, Jasper, when I would 'see' you before we met, my visions of you were so vividly detailed that I could see each tiny nuance in your expression, each fleck and sparkle in your eyes."

Her fingers traced delicately over my face as she spoke. "I could see every detail right down to each eyelash. You were so clear to me that I would almost convince myself that I could actually feel your arms around me. I would reach out to touch your face and then be disappointed that you weren't there. They were just that _real_."

The longing that grew as she spoke made me wrap my arms tighter around her, holding her closer to my chest. I grieved for all the years I had wasted without her. The thought of her wandering alone, searching for me provoked every protective urge I had ever known. If I could keep her right where she was at this very moment, wrapped in my arms, I'd be content never to move again.

"Those visions were so strong, so distinct, that there was never a doubt in my mind that I was meant to be with you." Her head tilted back to look into my eyes. My heart swelled with a multitude of indescribable emotions at the assurance of her words. I leaned my forehead against hers, her soft breath wrapping around me like a caress. I brushed my lips reverently against hers before she spoke again.

"It was much the same with the rest of our family," she continued quietly. "I could see them so clearly that I knew we were going to be a part of them someday. But, Jazz, every once in a while there would be someone else with us. I could see her beside Edward, and I knew that they belonged together. I would see myself with her and even though I didn't know who she was, I knew I loved her."

I pulled my head back slightly to see her face. "You never said anything before."

"No." she shook her head. "Those visions weren't the same. It was almost like a dream. I could see that she was there, but I could never see her face. I could catch a glimpse of a smile, or hear a whisper of a laugh, but I could never quite bring it into focus.

I could see that Edward looked at her like his whole world revolved around her. I could see how happy he was, but she was always little more than a shadow. Recently though, that vision has become more defined. I could make out the color of her hair, the warmth of her smile. Little by little it's become clearer. And everything came into focus today the moment I saw that Edward was going to save her from that van. I could see then that the girl in my visions was Bella."

Alice fell silent as I contemplated what she had just told me alongside everything that had happened today.

I could feel Alice's soft weight resting against me, her chest rising and falling with her deep, even breathing. I could feel her in every cell of my body. The sweet comfort of her love was what made my endless days worth living.

Would I deny my brother that very thing, even if I didn't understand the object of his love. If a human was whom he chose to love, then who was I to think I had the right to withhold from him the kind of love that I had no life apart from.

I couldn't.

I didn't claim to understand why he had fallen – or was going to fall – in love with a human. But if that was what he wanted, then I would support him in that.

It was the right thing to do.

As Carlisle had suggested, I took a moment to look back over my life – at where I had come from and all the ways my life had changed. There was no doubt in my mind that this was where I was always meant to be. With my wife curled up in the circle of my embrace, enveloped in her love. Surrounded by the love and support of my family, however undeserved it might be.

It stood in stark contrast to the darkness and hostility of before. Yes, I struggled. Yes, I grew discouraged. But I knew that _this_ was worth fighting for.

Everything in my life had led up to this, and now I was home.

**OoOoOoOoOoOo**

**Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts!!**

**Nik  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**Happy Monday, everyone! Thanks again to everyone who's reading , especially those of you who've taken the time to leave me some feedback. I love hearing from you!**

**Time now for our second flashback chapter... enjoy!!**

**OoOoOoOoOo**

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**Chapter 5**

**Texas 1940**

**.**

With little variation, the days and years had passed in a malicious cycle. Maria presented me with newborns to train in the art of war. We fought at her bidding for her continuously increasing territory. And when their strength waned, it was my job to eliminate them.

In the eighty years since my transformation, walls had been erected around my heart and fortified with each passing day in order to survive with my sanity intact. I refused to allow myself to really _feel _anything save for the dark emptiness inside.

I cursed my ability to absorb the emotions of those around me. Hard as I tried, I couldn't completely block them out, and that only stirred the repressed despondency inside. I fought to feel nothing, though I couldn't entirely succeed.

Only rarely was I plagued with twinges of remorse for what I did. Guilt was a wasted emotion, and my conscience had been a necessary casualty many, many years ago. As a soldier, I had my duty, and I would fulfill it.

Now, however, was one of those times when my long dormant conscience chose to flicker in my chest. I had just received orders for the next rotation of newborns that was to be eliminated – in this group was Charlotte… Peter's mate.

Peter had been brought into our army many years before. Upon seeing the potential in him, Maria had decided to allow him to live after his optimal strength had passed. Peter had fought at my side in too many battles to number. Always he had been loyal, dependable. Over time, I found myself relying on him and trusting him more than any of the others. I had formed a sort of camaraderie with him. There was a straightforwardness to Peter that I respected.

When he had formed an attachment to the newborn Charlotte just under a year ago, I had been surprised. When she had returned his feelings, newborn that she was, I had been stunned beyond words.

Intellectually I recognized that what they shared was love, but personally I had nothing to compare it to. Up until that point, I had never imagined that such deep, pure feelings could be attained in our kind. There was a selflessness and a constancy to their love that astounded me. Over the last year I had been involuntarily drawn to the warmth that they exuded as a minimal, momentary distraction from the hostility that permeated the atmosphere around me at all times.

There was a conflict within myself whenever I was around them. On the one hand, I welcomed the fleeting respite from the darkness that had stolen my soul. Yet on the other, it was a bitter kind of pain to see the beauty of their bond firsthand and know that I was destined for a life without the kind of love they shared.

I harbored no misconceptions about myself. In order to survive, I had sacrificed not only my conscience but my heart as well. After everything I had done, and what I had allowed myself to become, I knew I had lost all capacity to love. My heart was a cold stone in my chest.

Though when I was honest with myself, I had to admit that there was something about Charlotte that stirred the memories of man I had been many years before – the man who had believed that women and children were to be protected and cherished.

Charlotte was a tiny thing with small elfin features that reminded me of a little china doll. There was an air of civility and refinement around her that reflected the Texas belle that she had been in her former life.

I was honestly surprised that Maria had allowed her to live as long as she had. Charlotte lacked the vicious spirit that was necessary for this life. In fact, I was quite certain that Peter had neglected his own position on the battlefield to fight for her.

But all that was irrelevant now. Charlotte was to be terminated along with the others whose usefulness had come to an end.

"Jasper!" Peter's voice pulled me from my tumultuous thoughts as I had been wandering aimlessly through the fields surrounding our compound. He jogged to catch up to me and fell into step beside me.

"Is there a problem?" I asked seeing his knit brow.

"A fight broke out in the barracks a few minutes ago. We lost two." He sighed.

"Who was it?" I questioned without any real interest.

"Blaine and Clayton." He said with regret.

"No loss. Saves me the effort of dealing with them later." I said tersely.

"You have your orders then?"

"Yes." I spoke curtly hoping against hope that he would take a hint and leave the subject alone. I did not relish telling my only friend that his mate was to die at my hands in just a few short hours.

"Who is it this time?" he pressed.

"Now is not the time to discuss this, Peter. Go back to your post." I kept my tone as bland as possible in effort to hide the truth behind my orders.

Suspicion clouded his face as he stared at me, his eyes probing deeper than I wanted them to. Suspicion gave way to dawning horror as he took in my grim expression.

"It's Charlotte, isn't it?" His voice was horrified as he tried to deny what he knew to be true. "No." He shook his head, "No, Jasper, please tell me she's not one of them."

"I told you to return to your post, Peter. That was not a request." My tone was deliberately sharp and acidic as I turned my back on him to leave.

A wave of desperation and anger flooded Peter. "Damn it, Jasper, don't do this!" Without warning, Peter's hand shot out to halt my steps.

I didn't stop to think about whose hand had grabbed me. All my mind processed was that I needed to defend myself against the foreign hand that gripped me. After almost a century of war, my mind no longer made the distinction between the touch of a friend and a touch with the intent to harm. They were all taboo to me.

With the speed and stealth of a striking snake, I hurled his hand from me and slung him into an abandoned building a hundred yards behind us with enough force to cause it to come crumbling to the ground. Plumes of dust and debris surged into the air in a choking cloud burying Peter in a pile of rubble.

My body crouched almost to the ground in defense, viciously feral snarls ripping from my chest.

Peter emerged from the wreckage a moment later with his hands raised in a gesture of submission. At the lack of aggression in his stance, I straightened from my crouch still glaring at him in warning – wary now, but not openly hostile.

"Jasper, please, Charlotte is innocent. She hasn't done anything to deserve to die." Peter's eyes were pleading, the desperation stronger now than before.

"No one here is innocent, Peter. You knew this day was coming before you allowed yourself to fall for her. I have no choice. And neither do you."

"I love her, Jasper." Peter's voice was husky as his eyes spoke of that love for her more eloquently than words.

"Then you're a fool." I said harshly. "Love is a weakness. It clouds your judgment and interferes with the execution of your duty. And weakness in any form is something we can't afford if we expect to survive."

"Some things are worth dying for." Peter's words were quiet but full of conviction.

Fearing that he would do something foolish, I leveled my gaze on Peter, assuming all of my authority. "Peter, I'm not speaking to you now as your friend but as your commanding officer. I have my orders, and I will carry them out. If you interfere I will not hesitate to destroy you. You'll stay behind this time and guard the new ones. Carlos will assist me. "

I kept my voice frigid, refusing to allow his anguish to affect me. "You have your orders, and you _will _obey them or suffer the consequences. You have been warned, Peter, which is more than most others get."

Peter's head bowed and his fists clenched. I watched his face contort with the weight of his grief. "So be it." He looked back up to me with sorrow and regret in his eyes. "I guess we both know what we have to do."

He sighed deeply and turned to leave with his shoulders slumped. After taking two steps, I felt his hesitancy as he turned back around to face me again, an indefinable expression on his face. "Jasper, don't you ever wonder if there's something else out there… something more than this?" He waved his hand in a gesture that encompassed much more than just the landscape around us, but everything we fought for —everything we believed. "Don't you ever wonder if there's somewhere out there away from all this fighting? Somewhere we might find peace?"

I shook my head. "Peace is a pipe dream; this is our reality. Wishing for something else is a waste of time."

He searched my eyes as if he was looking for something. Apparently not finding what he was looking for, dejection washed over him and he nodded slowly. Without another word he walked back in the direction he had come from.

Peter's words echoed in my head long after he had gone. Peace. I had forgotten what that felt like. I could barely recall a time when I hadn't lived under the shadow of war, but that peace called to me now like a mirage in the desert — something life-sustaining but completely unattainable. An illusion.

In that moment, I felt myself slip further into the black hole of depression that ruled over me. Bonds wrapped around my chest suffocating me. There was no escape.

.

**XxXxXxXxXx**

.

Later that evening the fires raged outside of the boundaries of our encampment. Carlos and I took the ones to be destroyed out in groups of two or three under the guise of a training session. By the time they realized that it was a ruse, they were too late. They had been overcome.

Carlos was one of the guards that Maria had chosen to keep after that first critical year. He lived solely for the fight and relished the power that he felt when he held the life of another in his hands. I could feel his heady sense of supremacy now as we marched with the third group, herding them into the field.

Charlotte walked beside me casting furtive glances at me every few steps. I refused to make eye contact with her. My conscience hadn't protested anything this much in many decades, but now it was screaming loudly inside me as if to make up for lost time.

Each step dragged on as time seemed to pass in slow motion. My mind was whirling with memories of the man I had once been, a man who would have been appalled at this behavior — harming a defenseless woman... intentionally betraying a friend. No matter how hard I tried, the memories would not be silenced.

Remnants of my humanity, long buried, fought to the forefront of my consciousness now. Memories of a time when I had believed that the measure of a man was not only in how he displayed his brute strength on the battlefield, but also how he had used that strength to protect those under his care who were weaker than he. A time when loyalty and integrity were the marks of a man's character.

A face equal parts foreign and familiar flickered into my consciousness now causing a sharp pain in my chest. This face was almost an exact replica of mine though the signs of aging were apparent. The wrinkles around his eyes and the gray strands woven in his hair spoke of wisdom and a life well lived. Even through the faded, murky memory I could see the character in his eyes—justice, understanding… a man who conducted himself with honor. Though it had been decades since I had recalled this face, I knew who it was. My father. As a child, my hero and the man that I had dreamed of growing up to be.

As soon as it had appeared, it was gone, immediately followed by another face that I instinctively knew. Her eyes were soft and loving; her bearing displayed obvious gentility. Familiar blonde curls framed her face — the same curls that I saw every time I glimpsed my reflection. The warmth of her smile reminded me for the first time in far too many years that there _had _indeed been a time when I had loved and been loved. A time when my future had been bright, made that way by the people who had given me life, nurtured me and shaped me into a man.

Shame flooded me as I thought of their faces twisted in disappointment and disgrace if they could see what I had become. I had dishonored their memory and their name. In that moment, I could see in stark detail just how far I had fallen. Hopelessness built on despair as I realized anew that what I had done could never be undone —that what I was, I was powerless to change.

I would be better off dead.

Yet as I had done so many times before, I shut these thoughts away, closing my heart, and retreating further into the darkness within.

When our steps came to a stop, Charlotte's eyes widened as she took in the sight of the flames before us. She whirled around to look at me with shock and betrayal written clearly on her face. That sense of betrayal caused the walls to crack and falter, but I held them securely in place.

I crouched, my eyes hardened, my intentions written unmistakably on my face.

"Jasper?" Charlotte's voice cracked with fear and disbelief. "No, please don't do this." She shrank back, her eyes desperately searching for a way of escape.

Her pleading cries fell on deaf ears. My muscles tensed in readiness to spring.

But before I could strike, from nowhere something crashed into me sending me hurling through the air away from Charlotte. The object pinned me to the ground fighting to hold my thrashing body in place.

"Charlotte, run!" Peter's frantic voice yelled from above me.

In the split second he was distracted in making sure of her escape, I threw him from me using my feet to hurl him across the field. I was standing in the same instant, all my senses trained on the battle at hand.

Seeing the confusion, the two remaining newborns took advantage of it, attempting to make an escape as well. Carlos was circling one herding her closer and closer to the fire. The other had locked his gaze on me. So focused was he that he didn't see Peter come up behind him and grasp him around the arms lifting his struggling form from the ground.

For an instant, Peter's eyes met mine with regret. I barely heard his whispered words, "Forgive me, brother," before he sent the enraged newborn hurtling towards me. Out of my periphery vision, I saw him race across the field in the same direction Charlotte had fled.

I stepped out of the reach of the newborn's arms, quickly jumping onto his back and ripping his head from his shoulders sending it into the flames. I leapt from him and thrust what remained towards Carlos.

"Finish here and stand guard until I return." I commanded as in the same motion I dashed off in pursuit of Peter and Charlotte.

Within a few minutes I had caught up enough to see them in the distance running hand in hand. I could still catch up with them. I could take them both in a fight. I had trained them; I knew their style of fighting, their strengths and their weaknesses. And with Peter distracted trying to keep Charlotte safe, it would make it that much easier for me to overcome them.

It was what Maria would expect of me. They had defected — something that was not allowed to go unpunished.

But I didn't.

The force of the love they felt for each other stopped me in my tracks. Once again I was struck by the purity of it. They would die for each other. To kill one would be the destruction of both. There was so little beauty in our world, why should I destroy what little there was?

I could see even from where I was the way they clutched at each other's hands as if to never let go again. Even as they ran, Peter's posture was one of protection; hers one of adoration and undying gratitude.

My chest felt empty as I watched them disappear from my sight, a hollow place somewhere deep inside me aching to be filled. Something I couldn't identify, let alone explain, tugged at me leaving me feeling restless and out of place. A small part of me felt the desire to walk away right then and find the part of myself that was missing. Yet the larger part knew in no uncertain terms that such a thing was a vain hope.

I had no escape. This life was all I knew and the only future I could expect.

In letting Peter live, I allowed him the escape I couldn't even dream of. I hoped for his sake that he would be able to find the peace that he had craved — the peace that was eternally denied to me.

I turned and walked back to the field where the flames surged into the air in thick, choking plumes. Carlos still stood in front of the fire exactly as I had instructed. I gave a perfunctory nod in acknowledgement. "We're done here. You can head back now."

I took his place in front of the fire as he left without question. As I watched the remnants of the others be reduced to ash, a thought that I had always before repressed whispered invitingly in my ear.

There _was _one way of escape.

With that thought echoing in my mind, I stood staring with unblinking eyes into the flames before me, mesmerized by their lethal dance. Seemingly of its own volition my hand raised to the fire.

I stared entranced by the play of the flames against my skin – the way the light shimmered against my scars, the way the scorching heat blistered my palm. I welcomed the pain — physical pain to override my never-ending mental and emotional anguish.

It would be so easy, so very easy, to end this torment. Just to simply stop moving and let myself be overcome and cast into the inferno. Quick. Effortless. The flame beckoned to me like a siren song. An end to my pain. My darkness.

Why did I continue to fight? What purpose did my existence serve?

Who would care if I was gone?

_No one. _

Nothing.

I was _nothing_.

Flames continued to taunt me as I visualized my end. Would I feel pain as I surrendered to the pyre? Would I feel it as my body disintegrated to ashes? Would that fleeting pain not be better than an eternity of _this_?

What would be waiting for me on the other side of death?

One thing I was certain of, there could be no hell worse than the one I was living each day.

In the raging conflagration before me, a way of deliverance had made itself known. Now I simply had to take it.

.

**XxXxXxXxXx**

.

I stood in my trance until the fires died and all that remained were the ashes now scattering in the wind. My steps carried me without thought back to the compound. Maria was waiting for me at the entrance.

Screams of agony echoed throughout the air around me. A corner of Maria's mouth lifted in a smirk, "As you can hear, your replacements are being prepared for you. Nothing special, but I believe they'll be adequate."

"I'm sure they will be." My response was flat, something Maria picked up on immediately.

One brow lifted in question, "Something wrong?"

"There was a… complication this evening."

"Oh? What might that be?"

"Peter interfered when he discovered that his mate was one of the ones in tonight's elimination. I had no choice but to act accordingly." I gestured with my head where the smoke still hung heavy in the distance, leading her to believe that he was dead. His escape would be for nothing if she found out that he was still alive.

"Hmm." Maria turned to look out the window, her hands clasped behind her back. "A pity. He was a good asset." Her voice faded as she contemplated. "Though I suppose it's just as well. His affection for the little blonde had made him soft. He would have had to be dealt with soon anyway," she said as she turned to face me again. "You did well, Jasper, but that's no surprise."

"Thank you."

Her eyes scrutinized me closely, "Though I am surprised that you would be the one to destroy him. I was under the impression that you had some sort of fondness for Peter and his little mate."

I kept my face impassive as she studied me. "He had his orders, and he deliberately chose to ignore them. I did the only thing I could do."

Maria's lips lifted in a dark smile, a chuckle making its way from her chest. "I must have forgotten for a moment who I was talking to." She shook her head, "Heartless, Jasper, absolutely heartless." Approval colored her tone. "That's the reason why you've lasted as long as you have. You don't allow even your friends to stand in your way."

The approval in her eyes became tempered with warning as she spoke, "Just don't forget who your loyalty belongs to."

"I am many things, Maria. A fool is not one of them." I was relieved to feel that any whispers of suspicion were removed at my words and the assurance behind them. Just because I was willing to let Peter attempt to forge a life elsewhere didn't mean that I wanted to make an enemy of Maria in the process.

"No. You're right, of course. Was there anything else?" Her tone and posture took on the air of a dismissal, signaling an end to our conversation.

"No, nothing else."

She nodded, "Good then. I brought something back for you this afternoon on my little hunting trip. This one smells exceptionally pleasant. I had a hard time leaving her alive for you. You know where to find it." She waved her fingers in dismissal and turned to leave before I had a chance to acknowledge her.

My throat flamed as I went underground following the alluring scent of human blood. The door swung open easily for me, revealing a woman with graying hair rocking back and forth on her knees in the corner, her lips moving silently in prayer.

Her eyes opened. The familiar fear of my victim flooded me as I ended her life… and died a little more inside in the process.

.

**Forks, Washington 2005**

.

January turned into February and February into March. Exactly as Alice had predicted, Isabella Swan had said nothing to indicate anything unnatural about our family. For anyone who had asked, she had simply told them that Edward had been standing by her and pushed her out of the way.

As the weeks passed, the topic was brought up less and less. People continued to treat us with the same indifference as before. I had waited and listened, as had the others, but it was apparent as the aftermath of the incident settled that no harm had been done. We could relax. Our lives could return to normal.

Edward, however, was a different story. So determined was he to change the course of the future which Alice had seen that he refused to even acknowledge the Swan girl's existence. I could feel the powerful pull he felt towards her and the fascination that she held for him, but he refused to give in.

As we had requested, he stayed and played his part to perfection. But he was miserable. Each day after we left the school he would take off for hours at a time, often not returning home until the early morning just in time to change his clothes for school and begin the same cycle all over again.

Even when he was home, I found myself avoiding him for any length of time. His melancholy was draining for me to be around. Alice had seen two possible futures for him, and one way or the other I wished he'd just get this over with. I would have been more than happy to give him a good swift kick to get him going if that would have helped.

But as frustrated as I was with him, Alice was even more so. Edward continued to keep Alice away from the girl, refusing to let her so much as speak to her. And Alice was extremely eager to establish the friendship that had already formed in her mind.

The first day of March, our family had set out to hunt together. As the night had progressed, we had broken off into smaller groups, Alice and I taking off on our own.

We had found a small herd of deer and had sated our thirst on them. Afterwards, I lay on the forest floor propped on my elbow while Alice paced out her frustration in front of me. I chuckled internally as I watched my pint-sized wife pace in such a frenzy that her motions were somewhat blurred. I found it fascinating that she could somehow make her stomping footsteps still appear graceful.

"He's driving me absolutely crazy!" she fumed. "He's got our whole future tied up in such a mess I can't make sense of it anymore. I've got a stupid headache from trying to unravel the mess he's made."

I tried my best to keep my amusement off my face. That wouldn't settle well with Alice, and despite her small stature, the wrath within was not something to take lightly. But still, the sight of her wearing a rut in the forest floor throwing her hands in the air in obvious frustration over a girl she had never even spoken to struck me as humorous.

Only Alice.

"I don't understand why he's so dead set against letting me talk to her. I'm not going to say anything stupid, I just want to _talk_. She doesn't have any real friends here, she needs us as much as we need her, and Edward's doing nothing but screwing it all up. I miss her, Jazz, and it's driving me crazy."

I still couldn't understand her fascination with a human or how she could miss someone she technically didn't even know, but I certainly wasn't going to bring that to her attention.

Alice's eyes squinted in warning. "And don't you dare tell me that it isn't possible for me to miss her when I haven't met her yet."

I bit back the laugh that almost broke free as she called me out. "I didn't say a word." It was getting harder to hold in my burgeoning amusement.

"You were thinking it." She said accusingly, her arms crossed over her chest.

I quirked my eyebrow at the certainty in her voice. "So you read minds now?" I teased.

"Only yours." One corner of her mouth twitched in the beginnings of a smile.

"I won't argue with that," I conceded. And truly, at times I would swear she knew what I was thinking even before I did.

Alice's slender shoulders heaved with her deep sigh as she plopped on the ground beside me. "I've thought about ignoring him and talking to her anyway. It's not like he has the right to say who can and can't speak to her, but if I did that he'd probably rip my head off." She huffed. "He's just so exasperatingly stubborn. And he's impossible to live with when he doesn't get his way."

Finally, I couldn't help it, I threw back my head and laughed.

"What exactly did I say that was so funny?" Her eyes narrowed as she glared at me.

Her ire made me laugh that much harder. She really didn't see it.

"Oh, never mind, just hush!" She reached over to shove against my shoulder, knocking me flat on my back. I grabbed her hand before she could get away and pulled her down on top of me, my chest still shaking with amusement.

I rolled so she was pinned beneath me, and she averted her head in a pout. "Darlin, in Texas we used to have a story for times just like this. It was all about a pot and a kettle. I wonder if you've heard it?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" She asked without looking at me.

"Sweetheart, if you want to see a prime example of 'stubborn' you just go look in a mirror. I've wondered many times how someone so tiny can house so much stubbornness. You are downright obstinate sometimes."

She snorted in disagreement.

"And if you want to talk about hard to live with when you don't get your way…" I trailed off making a whistling sound between my teeth.

"Fine. You've made your point, now would you get off me!" She raised her hand to shove me off but I refused to budge. Instead of releasing her, I brought her hand to my mouth and kissed each of her fingers in turn, my lips twitching with a smile as I continued.

"You are single-minded to the point of obsession when you want something, and you're not afraid to fight dirty to get whatever it is that you want." I said as I traced my fingertip along the bridge of her nose and placed a fleeting kiss against both of her eyelids.

Alice fought desperately against the desire that was building inside her tiny frame as my touch melted her irritation. Neither of us was able to stay angry with the other, and we both knew she wasn't truly angry with me now.

My voice grew lower and huskier as I continued to caress her features, "You don't know how much I love that about you." She finally turned her face to look at me in puzzlement. I smiled as my finger traced along the shell of her ear, following a path down the delicate line of her jaw.

"Darlin, not a day goes by that I don't give thanks for the determination that kept you going for thirty years searching for a man that you had only ever seen in your visions. Or the persistence that it took to wear down the walls around his heart once you found him. You were too stubborn to give up on someone that had given up on not only himself but on everyone else as well. Anyone else would have quit, but you didn't. Alice, if we have a hundred thousand years together I'll never get over that."

Alice's expression softened as a plethora of emotions began pooling in her gaze. She reached up to stroke a lock of hair back from my forehead, running it in between her fingers, a look of wonder filling her eyes —eyes so deep I felt I could drown in them.

"I love your single-mindedness — the way you throw yourself wholeheartedly into whatever project you undertake. I love your energy and your zest for life." She squeezed her eyes shut and I brushed my lips reverently over hers, savoring the softness of them.

"I love the way you let me see the world through your eyes, like I'm seeing it for the first time. I love how you make each day of my life something to treasure because _you_ are at the center of it."

The depth of Alice's emotions coupled with my own made the act of forming words a feat in and of itself, but still I continued. "Not a moment goes by when I'm not grateful beyond words for the fierce way you love, with nothing held back. Every part of your heart — even the most secret places — are open to me. The man I see reflected back at me when I look into your eyes is the man that I want to be."

I laid my forehead against hers, "Alice, darlin, look at me." I pleaded. Her eyes slowly opened, and I nearly lost my focus as one glance into her eyes held me a willing captive.

"Every breath I take, every moment I'm alive is all for you. In giving me a reason to live, you saved my life. I belong to you, and I don't think I'll ever get to a place where that thought doesn't thrill me and blow my mind all at once. Everything good and right inside me, Alice — all of it — is because of you."

Alice's eyes slid shut again as her lips trembled. The depth of her love refused to be contained within the confines of her heart – it overflowed, wrapping around me, warming me. Her love was a balm that healed all the broken places inside me. This was the love that had taken all the shattered pieces of myself and made me whole again.

I didn't understand, even after all this time, how she could love me that much. I had yet to understand what there was inside me that could have drawn her. Yet somehow, inexplicably, she loved _me_…

And one thing I knew – I needed her. She was the reason that I lived each day. She was my life, my heart, my soul.

"It was worth it." she murmured so softly I wondered at first if I'd imagined it. "All those years of waiting and _wanting you_… I'd do it all again," her voice trembled as her eyes glistened with tears that couldn't be shed, "Every minute of it, even if today was all I had with you." She cupped my cheek in one palm and brought my face down to hers. "You are every dream I ever had — even the ones I didn't dare let myself believe in," she whispered against my lips.

Our lips brushed together as gently as a whisper — once, twice — savoring each other. Our hands traced each other's features as softly as the flutter of butterfly wings, almost hesitantly as if we were in a dream and one wrong move could shatter the magic shimmering between us.

Words were superfluous now as our hands and our hearts spoke for us. Alice's love was so consuming, so measureless, that it caused my head to spin. She had taken my cold, dead heart and replaced it with her own – a heart vibrant with the vivid colors of her love — love that I had done nothing to deserve. Love that had transformed my existence from a prison to a place of rest and belonging.

Alice's hands went to my shoulders and nudged me gently onto my back. I let her have her way and lay there at her mercy. No longer was I afraid to let myself be vulnerable. Safe in the haven of Alice's love I had discovered the sweetness of surrender — the joy of loving with nothing held in reserve. Every recess of my heart was open and exposed without fear as her lips caressed every inch of my face and trailed along my neck. Her lips came to rest at the hollow of my throat before I shifted underneath her and rolled so that she lay beneath me again.

I cherished her face with my lips, brushing the pads of my fingers along the soft skin, running my fingers through the silken strands of her hair. Her contented sighs were more precious than gold to me, and I hoarded each one of them like a miser, storing them in my heart like priceless treasure.

Gently, I took one of her hands in mine and threaded my fingers through hers. Her eyes fluttered open, and once again I lost myself in their fathomless depths. I placed our joined hands against my chest in the place where my heart lay. Without breaking our gaze, I opened my heart to her, my own immeasurable love, my tender adoration for her flowing between us like a lifeline. It built and swelled as our hearts joined together, the feelings multiplied between us.

Our lips came together again, all hesitancy banished as the intensity of our love overflowed, demanding release. All barriers and boundaries melted away as our hands sought and rememorized every curve and plane — cherishing, savoring the oneness between us.

One heart. One mind. One flesh.

Peter had been right all those years ago. Some things were worth dying for. I knew beyond a doubt that if laying down my life would save Alice, it was a price I'd gladly pay.

But even more importantly than the things worth dying for, were the things that were worth _living _for. And my reason for everything I did was safe in my arms, loving me, making me whole.

**OoOoOoOoOo**

_**Song for Chapter 5**_

_**Pieces **_

_**by Red**_

_I'm here again  
A thousand miles away from you  
A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am  
I tried so hard  
Thought I could do this on my own  
I've lost so much along the way_

I've come undone  
But you make sense of who I am  
Like puzzle pieces in your hand

Then I'll see your face  
I know I'm finally yours  
I find everything I thought I lost before  
You call my name  
I come to you in pieces  
So you can make me whole!

**_OoOoOoOoOo_**

**_Thanks for reading!!_**

**_Nik_**


	6. Awakening 'Alice POV'

**I know I sound like a broken record by now, but I want to say again **_**thank you**_** to everyone who's read and reviewed. I have loved hearing from all of you!! I squeal a little with each new response! :-) **

**As for this chapter, we're going to temporarily interrupt your regularly scheduled programming… While this update isn't "technically" part of Journey, it goes hand in hand. When I started writing Jasper-centered fan fics, it wasn't because I had any particular fondness for him… I just adored Alice and wanted to see her through the eyes of the one that loved her more than life. And along the way, managed to fall in love with him as well! After I wrote the last chapter, I decided that I wanted to see the other half of the equation, so to speak. Alice was ready to have her say!**

**You may have picked up in the last couple of chapters that I've taken somewhat of a different twist as far as Alice and Jasper's early days together… this expands on that just a little bit more. **

**When this chapter returns to the present day, it picks up where we left off in the last chapter of Journey. I hope you enjoy!!**

**.**

**OoOoOoOoOo**

**.**

**Awakening**

**Alice POV**

**1920s**

.

Darkness.

The darkness was all around me. Consuming me. Encompassing me.

The darkness was all I knew.

There was no pain, no feeling, nothing to mark the passage of time. Time didn't exist in the darkness.

The darkness had no beginning and no end. There was nothing.

I was trapped in the vague, empty void with no way out, and with nothing to struggle against to break free.

In the instant when something broke through the dark abyss into my consciousness, I grasped it like a lifeline; clinging to it in this sea of emptiness.

_Alice_…

The soft whisper of sound wrapped around me like a caress, soothing me, comforting me- the first sound my ears had ever heard.

If I had dreamed for a thousand years, I could have never imagined that such love could be infused into a single word. The deep tenor could only have belonged to an angel… my angel, coming to release me from this prison of darkness.

I waited for the voice to speak again- needing it as an anchor in the void in which I existed.

I strained to hear it, becoming anxious when I couldn't

Finally the voice came back to me, speaking in murmurs too low for me to understand. But then it didn't matter. The musical lilt of his voice soothed me like a lullaby-- calming me, sustaining me. The darkness meant nothing as long as he was here with me.

I wasn't alone anymore.

_My Alice…_

Gradually the voice became stronger, more distinct. The beauty of it caused a strange fluttery feeling in my chest. I could listen to this voice forever and not tire of it. Surely a more beautiful sound could not exist.

A gentle light filtered into my awareness, shining from the same source as the voice that my world had suddenly come to center around. Slowly the face came into my view.

Some small part of my mind noted the scars that marred his features- the scars which _were_ his dominant feature. That instinctive part of me warned that he was dangerous, that I should be afraid.

Perhaps I should be, but I wasn't.

The warning was pushed from my mind as I focused wholly on burning this face into my memory, each and every detail of it.

Blonde curls framed his face lending him a boyish appearance that was incongruous with the rest of him. A single curl fell over his forehead and for the first time I felt my fingers as they itched to reach up and brush it back… to feel that lock of hair and see if it was as soft as it appeared.

His eyes were brimming with warmth… oceans of love were contained in their amber depths. I could see the gold flecks that sparkled in those eyes… the long, dark lashes that framed them, contributing to his boyish look.

My eyes caressed his straight nose, the strong line of his jaw… the full lips that were turned upward in a tender smile.

He was beautiful… perfect.

Even the scars couldn't diminish his perfection. A desire rose inside me to caress each of those scars, to brush my lips over them and love away the pain that must have accompanied them.

I traced my gaze over him again, memorizing every minute detail.

This time my gaze continued onward to the breadth of his shoulders, the curve where his shoulders joined his neck -- a place where my head was made to fit.

My eyes adored the strength that was evident in the defined muscles of his chest, and in his arms -- arms that were meant to hold me and to shelter me. I knew the protective circle of those arms was meant to be my own special haven.

His hands fascinated me. That instinctive place inside me knew that these scar-covered hands could be used to crush, to break… to kill. But none of that mattered to me, for now they were being used to cradle, to caress.

By slow degrees the vision had shifted, until now I could see a woman by his side.

The face that I saw now was strangely foreign, though somehow I felt that I should recognize it. Her features were delicate, her build slight. A perfect counterpoint to his tall, masculine beauty. As if she had been fashioned specifically with him in mind.

That woman was me, I realized.

Alice.

That was what he had called me, so that was who I was.

The palm of one of his hands was curved against my face, cupping it gently as if the slightest twitch of his fingers could crush me. The other traced a soft path from my temple to the corner of my lips.

The adoration in his eyes produced a soft warmth that began in my chest and spread through my body down to my fingers and even to my toes.

_I love you._

The voice that belonged to my angel breathed against my hair.

The gentle warmth surged again with his words. My body felt weightless -- not the same as before when the darkness obscured it, but as if he was supporting me… as if I was being carried in his strong arms.

There was no room for fear or anxiety in my heart now -- no need to struggle. I was with my angel… I was home. Peace that came from his presence wrapped around me softly like a blanket.

Slowly his face lowered closer to mine, his eyes never breaking our gaze. I could almost feel his soft breath blowing against my face. My eyes slid shut as I finally gave into the desire to reach out for him -- to touch him.

My hand rose to brush that unruly curl away from his forehead as his lips hovered a breath away from mine.

_Jasper._

No sooner did the soft moan fall from my lips than he disappeared.

My eyes shot open in a vain attempt to bring him back.

It was no use. He was gone… and the light was gone with him.

I jumped to my feet taking in the bleak brick walls surrounding me. My angel was nowhere in sight.

He wasn't here…

Why wasn't he here?

Desolation crashed over me, knocking me from my feet. I fell to my knees under the crushing weight of this sense of utter _aloneness_. This was far too much like the darkness from before, only now it seemed twice as dark since I had seen how bright his light could be.

A scorching burn made its presence known in my throat, but it was overshadowed by the aching feeling in my arms… and the heavy emptiness that was carved in my chest.

My eyes stung as I raised my arms to wrap around the hollow cavity where my heart should be.

_He_ was my heart. Without him I would never be whole. The emptiness that consumed me now, as the darkness had before, was something only he could fill.

"Jasper." The sound -- the first my lips had ever uttered -- came out as a strangled cry. My arms wrapped tighter around myself… a poor substitute for the arms I craved.

I fought to bring his face to mind again. My fists clenched and pressed into my eyes with my effort.

Finally his face flashed into my sight again, though I had to look twice to see that it was the same man as before.

His face was almost unrecognizable. The eyes that had gazed so lovingly at me were now cold and hard, and instead of the rich golden hue as before, they were a glaring blood red. The smile that had brought light into my darkness was nowhere in sight. Those lips that I had ached to feel were drawn into a tight, firm line.

His jaw was set, and his posture was cold and forbidding as he paced in front of a line of restless beings. The tender voice that had guided me from the darkness was replaced by a harsh voice barking instructions and commands at those restless ones.

Without warning, one of the beings towards the center of the line charged at him with a vicious growl. My heart leapt into my throat in fear that my angel, different though he appeared, might be harmed. I needn't have worried for him.

The attacker hadn't closed half the distance before Jasper had leapt to the side, his arm slung out sending the other careening into a massive tree across the field. The tree crashed to the ground with an earth-shattering boom.

Before he even had a chance to regain his footing, Jasper had descended on the one foolish enough to challenge him. I watched as the hands that had cradled my face like it was spun glass, tore him into pieces as the others watched from the sidelines with wide, shocked eyes.

Like them, I couldn't tear my eyes away from my angel… the angel who had rescued me- now an avenging angel… an angel of death.

I watched, spellbound, as Jasper set fire to the broken pieces, and then as he straightened his posture again, his military bearing bordering on regal.

"Let that be a lesson to the rest of you," he roared. "You will listen and do exactly as I say. _That_," he gestured with a wave of his hand to the flames, "is the fate of anyone who attempts otherwise. You have all been placed under _my_ command now. I suggest you remember this when any of you are tempted by such foolishness again. "

As one, the remaining six beings shrank back, their posture speaking clearly of fear.

Jasper motioned for the three men who had been standing guard on the perimeter throughout the whole time to keep the others in line.

One in particular caught my attention. He resembled Jasper enough to be his own brother with the same tall, lanky frame, and similar blonde hair. Instead of watching the six standing in line as the others had done, his eyes had been focused intently on Jasper throughout the short fight. I could see the determination in his eyes, as if he was waiting for a moment when his help might be needed. Standing at readiness if Jasper had required his aid.

I felt a surge of gratefulness for this man I didn't know -- someone I instinctively knew was a friend to Jasper.

"We're finished for now. Let's take them back to base." Jasper's words were clipped, carrying an undeniable command.

He didn't have to speak twice. They all fell into a formation and herded the six still wide-eyed beings back to the dreary, dilapidated buildings a few miles away.

I studied Jasper's face as they walked. His eyes were guarded, blank. There was no discernable emotion on his face. It was empty, detached from everything and everyone around him, as if a mask covered his features.

The mask didn't fool me. I could see right through it -- straight to the hopeless darkness that chained him, holding him prisoner.

His eyes were open, but he didn't really see…

He was alive, but he wasn't really living.

The vision shifted again until I could see him walking by himself in a field with the sun hanging low in the thick clouds behind him. He appeared preoccupied, and I would have given anything to know what he was thinking to put that expression on his face. I needed desperately to know him… to know the secret thoughts that were hidden behind his facade of indifference.

Jasper's steps suddenly came to a stop and, without warning, the mask fell away. Utter despondency became visible on his face as his shoulders slumped with the weight of this depression. I could feel the despair that was painfully evident on his countenance as it wrapped around my own heart. His pain was mine.

My arms ached with new intensity with the need to hold him, to cradle and shelter him from whatever caused the pain he was stumbling under. The protectiveness that I felt surprised me, especially in light of what I had just seen. The thought that this man could need me to physically protect him was ludicrous. No, his body didn't need my feeble protection, instead, it was his battered heart that I wanted to shelter.

My heart ached as I watched him sink to the ground and lay his head against his knees.

Seeing the savage side of him before should have frightened me, it should have made me turn and run the other way. But it accomplished just the opposite. Nothing could have prepared me for the aching need that I felt at that moment. I knew that my life was intended to be lived by his side. My heart was made specifically to love him -- to be the balm that healed his wounds.

Just as he had been the one to rescue me from the nothingness that had chained me, I wanted to be the one to release him from this prison of darkness that held him captive.

He had been my savior, now I needed to be his.

The vision dissolved and once again his face faded from my view.

With the disappearing vision, my resolve firmed. I was _going_ to find him. And I was going to spend the rest of my life loving away the hopelessness I had seen in his eyes.

_Hold on, Jasper._ My heart called to him. _Keep fighting; don't give up… I'm coming for you…_

.

**March 2005**

.

The sound of the river rushing was a pleasant background melody as I lay with Jasper replete and content while the rising sun painted a beautiful canvas above us. My body was draped across his chest, rising in time with his slow, deep breaths. His fingers danced in a gentle pattern along my spine sending pleasant trails of warmth wherever he touched.

For thirty years I had searched for him, dreaming of the day when I could be with him like this. Open to him, as he was to me. Loving him impossibly more with each breath I took. After almost sixty years I should have reached the limit of how much I could love him -- surely one heart could only hold so much. But instead of exploding as one would think it would, my heart kept growing and expanding to accommodate the love that never slowed.

He was still the one my life centered around. He was in my every thought. I remained incomplete unless he was at my side.

But even thirty years of dreaming of him could not have prepared me for how it felt to actually have him here with me.

The visions couldn't prepare me for how it felt to have him so near that his scent permeated the air around me, clouding my mind like a drug, yet making me feel more alive each time I breathed him -- the scent that was sandalwood, cinnamon, and a musky fragrance that was uniquely his.

The visions couldn't prepare me for the fluttering warmth that filled my chest when he threw back his head and laughed- a smile lighting his face like the sun which my universe orbited around.

Visions could never prepare me for the way I felt when his arms wrapped around me, cradling me like I was a priceless treasure… or how it felt to be held securely against his chest. To have him protecting me like his world would end if I weren't in it.

Having him here with me was not something I ever took for granted. I knew all too well how it felt to live without him -- a half-life, if it could even be called that.

For him, the road to opening his heart had been long-- or at least it seemed that way to me -- and very bumpy. It had gone against his nature to leave himself unguarded after almost eighty years in Maria's army. The walls around his heart had been thick and almost impenetrable when I finally found him. He trusted no one, not even himself. He was bitter, angry… scarred far worse on the inside than he was outside.

I had been euphoric to finally have him physically in front of me, ready to jump in with both feet and love him as I had longed to since the first time I heard his voice. That love had been building exponentially with each passing day until I was almost ready to explode with it.

Being loved by him was the only thing I had ever wanted in life… and my heart had almost broken in two when I realized all too clearly that he didn't immediately share that desire.

It had been so difficult to give him the patience he needed as daily his walls came down little pieces at a time. To finally have him physically by my side but not really _with_ me was excruciating- a painful lesson in patience.

It had taken precious time as he struggled daily to unlearn everything that he had been indoctrinated with since his transformation. It had been hard for him to relearn a life where he wasn't simply a pawn used for someone else's selfish gain. Even though he could feel my love, he couldn't understand its unconditional nature. And it was difficult for him to learn to trust someone else -- perhaps almost as difficult as allowing himself to believe that he deserved to be loved… that he deserved to find peace.

My heart had leapt in my chest the first time he had looked at me without suspicion clouding his gaze- suspicion that I would betray him as he had been betrayed so many times before. Suspicion had then given way to resignation to my presence, and resignation to acceptance, and gradually, acceptance to love.

I had rejoiced in each of our firsts, all of them carefully treasured in my heart. The first time he had allowed my touch without pulling away from me as the instincts honed by eighty years of war compelled him to… the first time he had voluntarily touched me, reaching for my hand, linking it between us as we wandered… the first time I had seen him smile and the first time his unrestrained laughter had rang out. I couldn't remember my heart ever beating, but I was certain that the joyful sound would have stopped it altogether.

I remembered vividly the first time that I had seen _that_ look on his face as he gazed at me- the same expression that had been in his eyes the first time he had appeared in my vision… the look in which the love in his heart spilled into his eyes.

I remembered the first time that he had placed his hand over my heart and opened himself to me, letting me feel his love coursing through every cell in my body, fulfilling every dream that I had ever dreamt. In that one act he had torn down the very last barrier between us and finally let me in completely.

Jasper did nothing half-way. His resistance had been fierce, but the way he loved was doubly fierce. When he gave me his heart, it was with nothing held back. He kept nothing aside to protect himself.

When he loved, it was with his entire being.

It was like the purest kind of fire- consuming, refining, mesmerizing in its intensity.

I had meant what I said earlier. Even if this was the only time I could be with him like this, I would have done nothing differently. I would still have searched all of my life for him, even if a single day was I could have. He was worth every moment of my heartache.

I reveled in the warmth of his solid chest rising and falling beneath me, and the weight of his arm wrapped around my waist holding me tightly to him, as if he had no intention of ever letting go. I didn't have to ask to know that he had cleared his mind of anything and everything that had happened in our family the last few months. None of that could touch us here in this place where only the two of us existed.

Jasper was almost boneless in relaxation, basking in the warmth shared between us -- the warmth of our bodies resting together and the easy, familiar comfort of the love that flowed and pulsated between us like a living heartbeat. He reminded me of a lion sunning himself on a rock, soaking in the warmth of the sun's rays.

Like the lion, Jasper was deceptively harmless in repose, his lethal claws safely sheathed, his deadly strength at rest. The low sound rumbling in his chest almost sounded like a purr, contributing to the image.

I smiled at the sound and brushed my lips in a gentle kiss against the warm plane of his chest, snuggling a little deeper into his embrace. His hand rose to brush a strand of hair from my cheek, tucking it behind my ear, his finger lingering to trace the outer shell.

"What are you thinking about?" His voice was thick and husky with contentedness. His words dripped with the deep, Texas drawl that was far more pronounced than usual in his relaxed state.

"You." I said simply. I rose up to prop myself on my forearms, looking deep into the fathomless pools of Jasper's eyes which were a rich liquid gold thanks to the night we had spent hunting.

My gaze wandered over his familiar features just as it had countless times before. After so many years, I should be at least somewhat desensitized to his beauty. Yet every time I looked at him the same wonder filled me just as it had the very first time I had seen him.

He was still my angel.

With a gentle smile, I lifted my hand, giving in to the desire to run my fingers through his curls. I loved the silky feel of it between my fingers. The way the rising sun reflected from it made it shine like polished gold.

Jasper's chest vibrated beneath me with his purring sound as his eyes slid shut to absorb the pleasure. I combed my fingers through again beginning a gentle massage against his scalp. I loved that he found as much pleasure in my touch as I did in his.

"You know," I murmured softly, continuing my soothing ministrations, "there are times I still have to take a minute to convince myself that you're really here -- that I'm not actually in the middle of one of my visions. There's still a part of me that's afraid that this is too good to be true, and that just like before you'll vanish without warning and I'll find myself alone again."

Jasper's hand came up to brush the back of his knuckles against my cheek, back and forth as a soft kind of awe filled his eyes. "I know. I feel the same way at times… like the last sixty years have been some sort of strange vampiric hallucination, and one day I'll open my eyes and discover that none of this was real to begin with. That I'm right back where I started."

I brushed my lips against the palm of the hand that was still resting on my cheek, cradling it.

His hand left my face as it took my free hand in his, engulfing it. I looked at our joined hands as if I was seeing them for the first time. My hand was dwarfed in his. His wrist was bigger than both of mine put together.

Just as before, I knew what harm these hands were capable of wreaking. There was no doubt in my mind of the strength he possessed. Not the same as Emmett's burly, muscled strength; instead his was understated -- it was a quiet strength… and perhaps all the more lethal because of it.

But that knowledge only made the gentleness of those hands all the more remarkable. He could crush me if he chose, but instead now, as always, his strength was carefully restrained. It was used not to hurt me, but to protect me… to keep me safe.

"I'm here." He said simply, his eyes searching mine, probing all the way to my soul. "I'll always be here." His quiet voice carried the weight of his promise. "Just try to get rid of me." His lips twitched in a mischievous smile, provoking my own.

"Never. I'm afraid you're stuck with me," my eyes teased. I giggled at his dramatic sigh.

My amusement faded as I traced the strong line of his jaw with my fingertip, remembering the desperation I had felt all the innumerable times I had returned to reality only to find myself painfully alone. "I can't live without you." I whispered.

Jasper caught my wandering hand in his, holding it secure. "You'll never have to again. That's a promise." There was no hint of teasing now in his voice. His eyes bored into mine conveying the truth in his words.

His hands came up to frame my face, bringing it gently down to his. He molded his lips to mine, slowly, gently -- not yet deepening the kiss, just caressing my lips with his as the familiar warmth bloomed in my chest.

"I'm yours." I almost had to strain to hear the low, breathy murmur.

This wasn't a dream. He was here, in my arms, loving me more than I had ever dared to dream possible.

The darkness was gone for good, driven away by his presence. In its place was the light of his smile, the warmth and security of his love.

In his arms, I was home.

.

**OoOoOoOoOo**

.

_Song inspiration for Awakening:_

_Far Away  
__by Nickelback_

_On my knees I'll ask  
One last chance for one last dance.  
'Cause with you,  
I'd withstand all of hell to hold your hand.  
I'd give it all, I'd give for us,  
Give anything but I won't give up.  
'Cause you know..._

_I love you,  
I have loved you all along.  
I miss you,  
You're far away for far too long.  
I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go,  
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore._

_I wanted you to stay  
'Cause I needed, I need to hear you say,  
I love you.  
I have loved you all along.  
I forgive you for being away for far too long  
__  
So keep breathing 'cause I'm not leaving you anymore.  
Believe __it,  
__Hold on to me and never let me go._

Keep _breathing 'cause I'm not leaving you anymore.  
Believe it,  
Hold on to me and never let me go._

**OoOoOoOoOo**

**Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts!!**

**Nik**


	7. Chapter 6

**Thanks for indulging me with the last pseudo-chapter! Now, we'll resume our regularly scheduled programming. ;-)**

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, themes, and dialogue are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement is intended.**

.

**OoOoOoOoOo**

.

**Chapter 6**

The sense of contentment that had permeated every pore of my body that night stayed with me throughout that morning and even during school. For whatever reason, the fires didn't blaze quite as badly in my throat; the fight to resist the call of blood was not quite as torturous as usual. I wasn't sure whether it was the fact that I had glutted myself until I could feel the blood sloshing inside my body or the sweet oneness that Alice and I had shared, or perhaps even both together, but I wasn't going to question whatever it was that made the difference. I welcomed the unusual respite.

I did my best to block out Edward's black mood as we all sat in the cafeteria together that afternoon, refusing to let it get me down. That was the norm for him these days, and I had stopped giving it any conscious attention. He was so tightly wound, like a coiled spring, that I feared he would soon snap without warning. It was because of the girl, of course… always because of the girl.

"Bella's going to stare at Edward in a minute. Look normal." Alice spoke quietly from her seat beside me. The others shifted in their seats and fidgeted slightly, playing with the food on their plates — our necessary props. I toyed with the delicate silver band on Alice's left ring finger as, just as she had predicted, Bella looked over to our table.

We really didn't need Alice to predict it though; it happened every day with clocklike regularity. Isabella Swan was just as fascinated with Edward now as she was two months ago… almost as fascinated as Edward was with her.

Alice sighed and I felt her sad longing as she looked at Bella's table.

"Stay out of it, Alice." Edward said under his breath. "It's not going to happen."

Alice's lower lip jutted out in a pout and her arms crossed over her chest.

"It makes plenty of sense to me." Edward said in response to whatever she had communicated silently to him.

I didn't see it, but somehow I could almost feel it as Alice rolled her eyes at him.

The rest of the day passed uneventfully. After the final bell rang, I met Alice by her locker where she was waiting for me. With a wink I took her book bag—yet another prop—from her shoulder.

"Allow me, ma'am." I said with a grin.

"Why, thank you." Her answering smile was knowing and intimate… a lover's smile. She linked her hand in mine and swung them between us in time with our steps.

Emmett was waiting for us with Rosalie by the front door, a perplexed look on his face.

"What's up?" I questioned.

"Edward." Emmett said simply as if that explained everything.

"What now? What did I miss?" Alice said with a sigh.

"He's acting weird."

"And that's unusual?" Rosalie scoffed.

"Nah, it's different this time. When he walked into Spanish class earlier, he had this look on his face, like… I don't know… he kinda looked _hopeful_."

Alice's eyes glassed over as she looked into Edward's future for some action that could give her a clue as to what had caused this change in his mood.

"Did he say anything?" I asked.

"Nope, not a word until we got outside, and then it was just to tell me to wait here for you. I can't figure him out. I think he might have finally cracked." Emmett said, not entirely joking.

As we had talked, we had been walking to the parking lot.

"_What _is he doing?" Rosalie asked in exasperation.

I looked over to see the Volvo idling in the middle of the lane directly in front of the Swan girl's truck, blocking her exit. Even from where I stood I could feel Isabella's raging frustration, her glower clearly visible on her profile. Our steps slowed as the four of us watched Edward, trying to figure out what the hell he was doing.

Some part of my mind noted the Crowley boy as he strutted up to Bella Swan's window and the short conversation that passed between them, but I wasn't particularly interested in them. I was more concerned with my normally rigidly disciplined brother's erratic behavior.

As we reached the Volvo and I opened the front door for Alice to slide in, I was struck with the amusement that was rolling off Edward in waves—the whole car was literally shaking with his laughter. Bella Swan revved her engine loudly behind us, provoking even louder laughter from Edward.

"Let's go!" Rosalie hissed, "Stop being an idiot _if you can_."

Edward didn't respond but he did put the car in gear and drove away. Deep chuckles rumbled in his chest at random intervals during the drive home. I was beginning to think, like Emmett, that perhaps he _had _finally cracked under the strain he had put himself under.

As Edward swerved into the driveway at ninety miles an hour, Alice's voice piped up in the front seat.

"So, do I get to talk to Bella now?" She asked hopefully.

"No." Edward snapped rudely.

"Not fair!" Alice whined like the teenager the population of Forks believed her to be. "What am I waiting for?"

"I haven't decided anything yet, Alice."

"Whatever, Edward," she dismissed him.

Edward's spirits suddenly plummeted to despondency, the transient hopefulness only a memory now. "What's the point of getting to know her if I'm just going to kill her?" He mumbled almost too low for us to hear.

Alice's mood plunged as well with his words. "You have a point," she admitted reluctantly, her voice barely a whisper.

With that, the Volvo screeched to a stop at the garage, and just as quickly, Edward had bolted from the car as was his habit every afternoon recently.

"Enjoy your run," Rosalie sneered in his direction.

Rosalie slid out of the backseat with Emmett clambering out after her, sauntering into the house oblivious to the way the atmosphere in the garage had dropped. Alice didn't make a move to get out of her seat. She still sat motionless, her shoulders slumped in dejection.

I opened her door and stooped down to my knees in front of her. Her sad expression tore at my heart. She should never have cause to wear that look on her beautiful face.

Alice's natural effervescent personality was one of the things that I adored most about her. Her eternal optimism was contagious, lifting my spirits and opening my eyes to enable me to see the beauty around me that I was so apt to overlook… beauty that she instinctively gravitated towards.

Her smile was my sunshine. Its absence was inexcusable.

"It's all going to be fine, darlin. Stop worrying." I said rubbing gentle circles on her thighs.

She shook her head morosely, "I can't see it anymore, Jazz. The future's all blurry. What if I was wrong? What if he really does kill her?" Her lower lip trembled.

I traced her quivering lip with the tip of my finger. What could I say? Her fears were, unfortunately, quite founded. None of us knew what the future held at this point. It could all too easily sway either way.

"I know, darlin. I know." I didn't try to downplay her fears; I could only validate them.

Alice held out her arms to me, her pitiful expression making my heart twist painfully again.

"Hold me." She pleaded in a quiet whimper. I took her in my arms, lifting her gently to my chest and carried her to the living room couch. She curled herself into a ball in my lap, not a peep passing from her lips for hours.

The evening was spent watching Emmett and Rosalie construct a massive house of cards as Esme curled up in a side chair sketching out housing designs in her notebook. The three of them continually cast furtive glances at Alice's forlorn expression but no one said anything. Esme in particular was deeply troubled by Alice's unusual sadness.

Carlisle came home from his shift at the hospital and immediately sensed the apprehension in the air. "What's wrong?" He questioned, concerned.

"I don't know." Alice mumbled, her lower lip trembling again. "I don't know anything anymore."

"Where's Edward?" He directed the question to no one in particular.

Emmett shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know. He took off after we got home. Didn't say where he was going."

"He's hunting." Alice said listlessly.

No one pressed any further. Finally around midnight, I had had enough of the sideways glances of our family. Even though I knew they were merely concerned, I wanted some semblance of privacy. I scooped Alice's unresponsive body up into my arms and carried her upstairs to our room.

I pulled the blankets back with one hand, cradling Alice gently in my other arm. I laid her down, kneeling at the foot of the bed to remove the shoes from her tiny feet. Kicking off my own shoes, I climbed back up to her, winding my arms tightly around her and tangling our limbs together. I wrapped the bedding securely around us creating almost a cocoon effect.

I could feel Alice drifting in and out of awareness as she searched avidly for our future— more specifically for Edward and Isabella's future. After an hour or so, Alice's sharp gasp brought my senses to full alert. She bolted to her knees like she was debating fleeing from the room.

"What is it, Alice. What are you seeing?" I asked trying to remain composed, rubbing gentle rhythms on her trembling back.

"He's going to her house, Jasper… _to her house_!"

"Should we try to stop him?"

Alice shook her head. "It's too late. He's already on his way."

Not good.

"What else do you see?"

"Nothing that makes any sense. I'm just getting flickers… as soon as I see one thing it's gone."

"But you don't see him hurting her?"

"I don't know!" She wailed. "_He _doesn't know what he's doing yet."

Alice buried her face in my chest, looking for comfort, burrowing into me like she was trying to sink into my skin. As I lay back down with her, I wished once again that she could do just that.

I would have given anything to find a way to absorb her just under my skin— to shield her with my body, filtering anything unpleasant and bearing it in myself rather than letting it touch her. But I was powerless to keep her heart safe from pain, much as I wished it otherwise. I could mask it so that she would be unable to feel it for a time, but that was only a temporary fix… an emotional band-aid.

The only thing I could do was lay with her and share her worry and her fear, to make sure that she didn't suffer alone.

And so I worried. I worried for Alice and the grief she would endure if she were to lose the friend she already loved and was so eager to know.

I worried for my brother and the aftermath he would face in himself if he gave in to the desire for the girl's blood. With each passing day he lost a little more footing in his battle to deny his attraction to her. His determination was slipping steadily away. I wondered if he would ever be able to forgive himself if he hurt her now.

I worried for what it would mean for the rest of our family if he couldn't resist— for Esme who was so sensitive to her children's emotions that her tender mothering heart broke when we suffered. For Carlisle with his compassionate nature who would blame himself for encouraging Edward to stay and for not insisting that we leave before anything could happen.

Isabella Swan was a fragile cord that was already winding through the structure of our family, impacting all of us… and she had not the faintest idea.

With the coming of dawn, I could feel the exact moment when Alice saw the resolution to the scene she had been so focused on for hours. Her whole body went limp with the relief that flooded through her, and in response, I felt my body relax as well. I hadn't realized how tensely I had been wound until my muscles released.

I felt her lips stretch into a smile against my chest before she lifted her head to press a kiss to my chin. Her eyes sparkled as she looked up at me.

"I take it everything is all right now." I said with a smile of my own.

"Yes." She nodded in profound relief, her dancing eyes saying much more than her words. "Everything is going to be just fine."

With that confident declaration, the tension of the night faded away almost as if it had never happened as a sense of peace pervaded the room around us.

Alice brushed a second kiss to my chin before seeking out my lips for a gentle, searching kiss. She settled against me again with a contented sigh as we remained in our little cocoon until we could delay no longer without being late for school.

Edward still wasn't home when it was time to leave. Alice tossed the keys to the Volvo into my hand.

"You get to be the chauffeur today. Edward will meet us there." Alice said, all smiles, her usual sunny disposition firmly in place again.

Mere seconds after we pulled into the school parking lot, I caught Edward's scent in the woods behind us. I had been prepared for his presence but not the emotions projecting from him even at this distance. Instead of the morbidly depressed zombie that I had come to expect recently, he was exultant— wildly hopeful. I didn't turn around to see him, but still I was taken aback by the feverish emotional high he was riding at the moment.

Alice looked up at me with a brilliant smile lighting her face. "I think he's finally decided to be reasonable. The future hasn't looked this good in a long time!"

Out of the corner of my eye I caught Rosalie's exasperated eye roll and Emmett's almost imperceptible shrug. I didn't say anything, just took Alice's proffered hand, smiling slightly at her steps which were more like graceful little skips due to her happiness.

As Emmett, Rosalie, and I met her in the hallway for lunch, she was again almost bouncing in place, her excitement reaching out to me long before her arms did, wrapping around my waist. "Edward's sitting with Bella today. He's finally talking to her and she's going to be so surprised…" Alice's happy chatter continued oblivious to the glare that painted itself on Rosalie's face. She stalked off with Emmett close on her heels shaking his head.

I couldn't find it in myself to resent Edward's decision to reach out to the Swan girl. As happy as it had made Alice and as much as it seemed to lift his own spirits, though I still didn't understand the draw, I sincerely wished him well.

Even though I knew to expect it, it still seemed odd to see Edward sitting at another table in the cafeteria. He appeared deeply preoccupied as we entered.

_Good luck_. I directed my thoughts to him as I passed by. He looked up briefly with a semblance of a smile.

Alice's tiny body fairly trembled with excitement as she watched the unfolding exchange between our brother and Bella Swan as the lunch hour passed. I wondered briefly if I would have to sit on her to keep her in her seat.

Her eyes shot up to mine in bemusement, a snort passing from her lips. "_That _wouldn't draw any attention to us, now would it?"

I chuckled and gently maneuvered Alice in her seat so that her back was resting on my chest. I wrapped one arm just below her shoulders. "How about this? Is that less conspicuous?" I whispered against her temple.

She chuckled and settled against me. "Much better."

Edward didn't even seem to notice as the crowd in the lunch room thinned out. He was completely enraptured in his conversation with the human sitting across the table from him.

That afternoon, I sat dutifully in my classes counting down the minutes until I could be released from this purgatory called high school.

When the final bell rang I joined Alice in our customary place.

"You can have the front seat today." She said to Emmett as we walked outside. "I'm driving Bella's truck home."

"Why? Where's Bella?" I asked, confused.

Alice shrugged. "I'm not sure. I just saw that I was doing it."

I saw Edward jump in surprise when Emmett opened the door. I wondered what had him so preoccupied until I got into the car and every thought was wiped out of my mind. The stifled air in the Volvo was saturated with the scent of human blood. Venom pooled copiously in my mouth as my mind registered its appeal.

I swallowed convulsively, fighting to squelch the wildfire raging in my throat. I caught Edward's displeasure, and I assumed it was because of our collective reaction to the scent of the girl's presence in the car.

Briefly I wondered what circumstances had led to him to drive her home— at least I assumed that was what had happened since she was obviously not at school— but the majority of my mind was occupied by an unreasonable sense of betrayal.

I expected to have to fight my bloodlust at school and when venturing out in to the world of humans, but it was another thing entirely to bring it into our space like this.

As the Volvo followed closely behind Alice, I knew my sulking feelings were unwarranted. I should have expected this, of course, when Alice had foretold that Edward would fall in love with a human. I just hadn't thought it out quite to this extent.

Alice deposited the truck in the Swan's driveway and climbed into the car beside me.

"Bella needs a new truck." She said with a grimace. "No matter how hard I tried, that rusty monstrosity wouldn't drive over _forty-five miles an hour_." Alice shuddered with distaste.

"So I noticed." Edward said with a crooked smile, glancing in the rearview mirror. "Thank you."

Alice shrugged, "No problem." Then, noticing my rigid posture, she turned slightly towards me. With a furrowed brow, she took my hand in hers and linked our fingers, rubbing a calming pattern against the back of my hand with her thumb. Feeling her concern, I tried to relax and push the empty temptation of the blood from my mind.

"You up for a game of chess this afternoon, Jazz?" Emmett slugged me in the shoulder as we walked up to the house.

"Sure, why not." I acquiesced still trying to wipe from my memory the alluring scent that lingered. Emmett and I brought the boards downstairs spreading them in front of the full glass wall-- eight boards in total. We played by our own complicated rules using all eight boards at one time in an attempt to make the human game a bit more challenging.

As we set up the pieces, the others took their own places to entertain themselves— Rosalie on the couch flipping channels, Alice on the computer working on designs for a new wardrobe for Rosalie. And with some surprise I noticed Edward walk to the long neglected piano in the corner of the family room. He traced the keys absently as he watched the rest of us for a few moments. The soft, peaceful sounds of Esme's humming drifted from upstairs.

As our game began, I noticed Alice's head peeking from around the corner watching us with interest. With our first few moves she remained silent, simply watching. After a few moments, she began mouthing Emmett's next moves from behind his back.

I kept my face carefully smooth so as not to give her away. Emmett's consternation grew as I quickly cut off his favorite knight. Alice winked at me as Emmett quietly swore in frustration; I could almost see the wheels in his mind spinning as he plotted his comeback.

Emmett played chess in the same manner as he did everything else— with reckless abandon. He more often than not chose the most direct route, opting for aggression rather than strategy. Our gaming styles demonstrated clearly the differences in our personalities.

Emmett was oftentimes the easiest of my siblings to be around. He was open with no pretenses. He took on life with a vigor that was sometimes mentally exhausting but equally infectious. He reminded me not to always take life so seriously. With him it was always easy to laugh, to find humor in things.

I was almost startled when the first sounds of the piano strains filtered through the room. It had been many, many months since we had heard Edward play. From upstairs I felt Esme's pleasure as the unfamiliar song continued. Even as I plotted my next maneuver, I noticed her leave the blueprints and sit quietly on the top step, listening intently.

In stark counterpoint to Esme's quiet joy was Rosalie's seething resentment. She and Edward had a very strained relationship. Though both loved the other in their own way, the relationship between them had never been easy.

I nearly jumped in surprise when the music came to an abrupt stop and a loud barking laugh erupted from Edward's place on the piano bench. Emmett and I looked up at him in time to see Rosalie's murderous glare directing itself at Edward who was still shaking with restrained laughter.

Esme glided down the stairs, confusion evident on her face as she took her place behind Edward. "Don't stop," she quietly urged him.

The pleasant melody resumed after a moment though Edward's shoulders continued to shake with amusement. Rosalie rose from her seat on the couch with her regal air and stalked wordlessly from the room.

"What's wrong, Rose?" Emmett called after her, confused. She didn't answer, instead burying herself under the body of her BMW. The sounds of her tune-up began a moment later as she worked out her fury on her favorite hobby. Her anger and embarrassment still lingered with me and I wondered briefly what had gone on in her silent exchange with Edward.

"What's that about?" Emmett asked, bewildered.

"I haven't the faintest idea." Edward answered.

_Liar_. I thought with amusement.

Emmett grumbled, but turned his attention back to our game.

"Keep playing." Esme encouraged, smiling when he complied. "It's beautiful. Does it have a name?"

"Not yet."

"Is there a story to it?" Esme asked, a smile in her voice.

"It's a lullaby, I suppose." Edward said with some hesitation. The music swelled and the beautiful melody filled the house in a hauntingly beautiful refrain.

Alice abandoned her seat at the computer and went to sit at his side on the bench. After a moment, her trilling voice joined the sound of the piano, weaving a poignant harmony.

"I like it." Edward murmured. "But how about this?" Edward pieced her harmony into the song adding to it, tweaking the notes slightly.

Alice listened intently for a few measures before her bell-like voice chimed again captivating me with its ethereal beauty. Taking advantage of my distraction, Emmett in an unexpected move captured my king with a chuckle.

"Check mate." He said with a smirk.

I couldn't find it in myself to be irritated with his unexpected win as Esme's abundant joy in having Edward apparently back to himself permeated the room. Her fierce mother's pride was her prominent emotion now as she smoothed his hair back from his forehead in a tender maternal gesture.

"Stop it, Mom, you're making me blush." Edward teased in response to whatever was in her thoughts at the moment.

Alice's wind chime laugh tinkled beside him as her fingers picked out the first notes of "Heart and Soul." Edward chuckled and humored her, completing the song with her.

I propped myself on my elbow, watching their lighthearted interaction. I didn't try to stop the smile that stretched itself across my face. These were the moments that I found myself most grateful to be part of this family. The harmony and the peace that pervaded the atmosphere around me was a kind of heaven. By no means was our family perfect, but it was just that… a family. Through the good and the bad one thing was certain— we always had each other.

I chuckled when Edward's skilled fingers pecked out the first notes of "Chopsticks."

Alice giggled, and then sighed. "I wish you would tell me what you were laughing at Rose about, but I can see that you won't."

"Nope." Edward responded, popping the "p."

Alice reached up to flick his ear with her finger.

"Be nice, Alice. Edward is being a gentleman." Esme scolded with a half smile.

"But I want to know." Alice whined with a pitiful expression.

Edward laughed and ruffled her hair. "Here, Esme." He said as he began playing Esme's favorite song-- a song inspired by the love she shared with Carlisle.

It was uncanny how Edward could take the tone of their relationship and weave it through the melody as he did. The feelings the notes inspired were loving, pure, and timeless, much like Carlisle and Esme themselves.

As the last notes faded, Alice's eyes glassed over. "Oh!" she said abruptly, "Jasper, guess what."

"I couldn't even begin to guess, darlin. Why don't you tell me what you saw." Her pleased surprise had me curious as to the cause.

"Peter and Charlotte are coming to visit next week; they're going to be in the neighborhood. Isn't that nice?"

Edward visibly tensed beside her before I could respond.

"What's wrong, Edward?" Esme questioned in concern.

"Peter and Charlotte are coming here? To _Forks_?" Edward hissed through clenched teeth.

"Calm down." Alice scolded, rolling her eyes. "It's not their first visit. They don't hunt here, Edward. You know that."

"When?" He demanded curtly.

Alice's displeased expression mirrored my own feelings as she answered him silently. I didn't appreciate his reaction. Peter and Charlotte would never do anything to put our family at risk, and Edward should have known that.

"Emmett, are you ready to leave?" Edward asked abruptly.

"I thought we were leaving in the morning?"

"We're coming back by midnight Sunday. If you're coming with me then you need to get ready, I'm leaving now."

"OK." Emmett said with a slight shrug. "Let me say goodbye to Rose first."

"Sure."

Emmett shook his head as he headed out the back door to the garage.

"Play the new song for me one more time." Esme pleaded softly.

"If you'd like." Edward conceded. He seemed to contemplate something for a moment before pulling a bottle cap out of his pocket and setting it on the music stand in front of him almost worshipfully. The faintest whiff of Bella's scent lingered on the small object.

As the haunting strains resonated throughout the house, memories jogged by Alice's declaration of the coming company filled my mind-- memories of another time, another place… another life.

.

**OoOoOoOoOo**

.

**Texas 1945**

It had been five years since Peter and Charlotte had made their escape. Five long, interminable years. With each day that passed I fell deeper and deeper under the waves of depression that sought to drown me.

I had thought that surely there must be a limit to how far one man could fall — surely there could only be so low I could sink before I hit the very bottom. With each day I thought that I had reached that place, yet the dawning of the next day proved me wrong time and time again.

Impossibly, I still had yet farther to fall.

Not only was I dealing with the depression that was almost more than I could stand up under, I was now growing more and more fearful of Maria's designs. Over the last few years, I had been discerning whispers of suspicion and unrest from my maker. She had nothing to complain about as far as my performance. As always, I did her bidding on the battlefield without question and without hesitation. But in between the conquests, I felt her unrest and her uneasiness around me. The feelings I detected from her now were very similar to the warning signals I had felt from Lucy and Nettie before they had revolted several decades ago.

She didn't understand the despair I felt now. Not once had Maria ever had the faintest glimmer of remorse for the things she had done or the lives she had taken. Maria was a brilliant tactician and the most skilled manipulator that I had ever encountered— the two qualities a deadly combination. But she was entirely without a conscience. She loved no one. She cared for only herself and the things that she wanted.

Maria's heart was as frozen and hard as her immortal body.

It had slowly become apparent over the last few years that the two of us could no longer exist in peace together. With the defection of Peter and Charlotte, my conscience had sprung to life with a vengeance. I despised myself and the things that I had done. I couldn't pass a mirror without being disgusted at the man reflected back at me.

Maria couldn't understand that. And she was quickly growing tired of my perpetual despair.

It was now late in March, and a storm was brewing on the horizon as I stood and watched the darkening clouds in the sky above me. My troop had just returned from another successful combat… another battle that I had sworn would be my last. Yet another fight I had walked away from bemoaning the loss of an opportunity.

I wanted to die.

With each battle I had fought in the last year, I had walked into it fully intending to let myself be overtaken. Yet each time something deep inside me that I couldn't explain refused to give up no matter how much I willed it otherwise. When the moment came, some recess of hidden strength fought to the forefront and refused to surrender… time and time again.

As thunder rumbled in the distance, one thought repeated itself over and over in my mind…

_Why…_

Why am I still here?

The ache that had made itself known in my chest as I watched Peter and Charlotte escape pulsed inside my chest now like an open wound. Something was missing… something I couldn't pinpoint, something I didn't know yet, but somehow needed just to survive. I felt unbearably restless… empty.

Hopeless.

As thunder rumbled in the distance, I caught the scent of two of my comrades approaching from behind with Maria following them. Carlos was one of them. He had become my right hand after Peter had escaped, though I wondered at times if he was commissioned in part by Maria to watch me. Many times now I had sensed an air of superiority in him. He eyed me strangely, and while I couldn't quite place what it was about him that disturbed me, I still didn't trust him.

I paid them no heed at first, until I caught the leashed hostility emanating from them. My body automatically tensed to defend, but wallowing in despair had dulled my reflexes just long enough to give them the advantage.

I didn't have time to fight back as the two guards descended on me, seizing me in an unbreakable hold and forcing me roughly to my knees.

Maria sauntered in front of me, her slow steps and placid expression belying the restrained fury seething beneath her benign exterior. She stood silently in front of me until I lifted my gaze long enough to meet hers.

"What is this?" I questioned, genuinely confused. I didn't understand what I had done to make her snap at this moment. I had suspected that she would soon grow tired enough of my melancholy to plot an end to my life, but I hadn't expected a direct attack from Maria herself. She usually chose to let other hands do her dirty work.

"Major Whitlock," she sing-songed in a deceptively smooth voice. "By any chance, is there something you'd like to tell me?"

"I don't think so." My mind was racing in attempt to find the trigger, but I was coming up with nothing.

The guards' hands tightened around my arms which were pinned forcefully behind my back.

"Think hard, Jasper." Maria cooed though her eyes glinted with anger. "Think very, _very _hard."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"No? Well, let me see if I can jog your memory, shall I?" Without waiting for a response she continued. "It should be no secret to you, Major, that I have a number of 'friends' who assist me in, shall we say, certain _intelligence _matters. I don't think I need to explain that to you, do I?"

Of course I knew that Maria had spies, but I failed to see how that impacted me now.

"You'll never guess who these 'friends' of mine happened to find in the area this morning."

No, it couldn't be.._._

Dawning realization caused dread to sink like lead in my core.

_Peter and Charlotte. _

"Yes." Maria's icy glare was unrelenting. "You know _exactly _who I'm speaking of, don't you?"

Her eyes narrowed dangerously. The full force of her contained rage came unleashed as her hand reared up to slap my cheek with enough impact that I almost expected my head to come unhinged from my neck. The sound of granite smiting granite echoed the fierce rumbling of thunder as the storm came closer. Though it didn't physically hurt, the intent was clear— the blow was an unmistakable show of dominance.

"You conniving, deceitful _bastard_!" Maria roared. "Who the _hell _do you think you are, Jasper Whitlock? After everything that I've done for you, this is how you repay me? By deliberately lying to me?

If it weren't for me, your worthless corpse would be rotting in an unmarked grave in the middle of some godforsaken battlefield. I saved you from certain death and gave you a position in my own army, second only to me, and this is the thanks you see fit to give me?

I gave you life, Jasper. Power. Everything you have — everything you are is because of me." Her hand reached down to grab a fistful of hair, yanking it back and forcing my eyes to hers. "Your life, Jasper, belongs to me. I chose to give it to you, and I will choose when it ends."

With those words, Maria stepped back and took a match from her pocket, striking it in front of my face, the small flame dancing before my eyes. At an unseen signal, Carlos gripped tighter on my arms, pinning them securely in place. With unmasked glee, he sunk his teeth into my neck. Against my will, a sharp hiss escaped me as the venom stung its way through my body. Though I was well accustomed to the pain, the familiarity did nothing to dull the cruel sting.

My joints audibly protested the strain they were being forced under with a disturbing metallic sound. I didn't even make an attempt to fight against their hold. With the slightest of twitches my limbs would come unhinged, and, with Carlos' teeth sunk into my neck, it would take only a fraction of a second to sever my head.

Resignation flooded me. This was it.

An end was in sight at last.

Maria turned and dropped the lighted match in a pile of brush situated merely a few yards behind her. At the convenient position of the pyre, the pieces all fell into place in my mind. This ambush was no coincidence. She had been planning this, I realized, and I hadn't even seen it coming.

The brush and limbs went up in a cloud of smoke as the first flames danced their way from the pile. The sight had never been so welcome. A dreamlike sensation came over me as I watched the fire grow in intensity.

It was finally over. My life could be numbered in minutes now. The oblivion I had spent years longing for was finally within reach.

"Is there anything you would like to say now?" Maria asked coming to stand in front of me again.

If she thought I was going to beg for mercy, she was going to be sorely disappointed. My life was not worth the breath it would take to form the words.

She raised one eyebrow, waiting for an answer. She would be waiting for a long time — I was finished. The fire was calling my name with an irresistible lure.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't give the order for you to be torn to shreds right now. Just one reason." She demanded.

No reason. There is no reason.

_Do it._

Enraged by my silence, she signaled Carlos who again sunk his teeth into me, this time into my shoulder gouging out a chunk of flesh. I could feel the pain now — the pain of death… and I welcomed it with open arms.

"Have you nothing to say?"

I averted my eyes, focused on the welcoming flames leaping before my eyes, calling to me.

"I should kill you right now; you deserve it for the way you've deceived me. But just this once I'm inclined to show clemency."

_No._

I looked up in disbelief.

"But so help me, Jasper, if you ever betray me again, you won't live long enough to regret it," she swore, "I'll see to that myself."

Maria stood above me scrutinizing my downcast form. I could feel her contempt swelling inside as she studied me. After several long moments, she knelt down to my level, her cold, cruel eyes boring into mine.

She articulated each word carefully in a mocking, biting tone. "Don't ever make the mistake of thinking you're irreplaceable to me, _Major_," She spat my title like a curse, "You're not."

I already knew this to be true, but still her words cut what was left of my tattered dignity into shreds.

With a regal air, she rose, and with a final glare turned back to glide in measured steps back to the compound.

At her departure, the two guards released me. My arms fell limply to my sides as a sense of disappointment fell over me. I couldn't believe she had let me live. I had truly thought that her anger would have ensured my death.

The sudden burst of hatred and aggression from Carlos should have warned me, but I was too wrapped up in my morbid musing to foresee the threat. His foot shot out, coming into sharp contact with my midsection forcing the air from my lungs with a harsh whooshing sound. My body went flying through the air, rolling limply several times before finally coming to a stop.

His vindictive laughter echoed all the way back to base.

I lay facedown in the dirt, lacking even the will to lift up my head. I had nothing left. No more will to fight. I was dead inside — a dead man caged inside a body that wouldn't die.

The clouds turned black overhead with the coming storm, the air sizzling with electricity as lightning sliced through the atmosphere. The rain pelted down on my body in sheets, soaking my clothing and turning the dust beneath me into mud, yet still I lay there as the ground beneath me trembled from the fury of the storm.

With my face buried in the dirt — right where I belonged.

Eventually the storm raged itself out and the torrential rain was reduced to a drizzling mist. It could have been minutes or it could have been days after that before I finally lifted my head and struggled to my feet. My vision was unfocused, everything appearing blurry around me. Colorless… lifeless.

My feet stumbled forwards though I didn't know where I was going and truly not caring where I ended up. I had nothing to live for and no reason to care about anything.

I wandered aimlessly for miles beyond our encampment before finally slumping onto a boulder, unable to support myself with my own two feet anymore. After all these years, I had finally reached my breaking point. I knew without a doubt that something had to give.

I contemplated my options. Either I could wait this out and allow Maria to kill me in her own good time — it wouldn't take long, I was sure of that — or I could eliminate her altogether. It was all too apparent that we couldn't co-exist any longer; the only question now was which of us would be the one to go.

Incomprehensibly, some part of myself balked at the idea of killing the one who had been the core of my existence for nearly a century. I harbored no misconception about my place in her life. I was merely a pawn to her as her earlier declaration had clearly reminded me, but nevertheless, this life with her was all I knew. She had been the only constant factor in my life for as long as I could remember. 

Could I kill her now?

I knew that her death would spark a war such as the South had not seen in years. Her territory was vast due to the larger than average size of the army she was able to maintain thanks to my unusual ability, a fact that both she and I were deeply despised for by neighboring warlords.

With Maria out of the way, the battle to claim her territory would be fierce.

After some time, I was pulled from my turbulent thoughts by a familiar scent carried on the wind.

Peter.

Listlessly I turned my head at the sound of footsteps to see my once closest friend cautiously approaching me. He met my eyes uncertainly as we stared at each other for several long moments.

"Jasper?" He questioned with something akin to disbelief coloring his voice. "What happened to you?"

"Peter, you should leave," I said lifelessly, ignoring his question. "Maria knows you're in the area. You won't like what happens if she finds you here."

"I need to talk to you." Peter insisted.

"I don't think there's anything you have to say to me that's worth risking your life for. Go."

Peter determinedly took two steps closer. "Jasper, please listen to me. After I've said what I came to say, if you still want me to leave I'll go and I won't ever bother you again. But believe me, Jasper, you need to hear this."

I shrugged, not having the will to argue with him, "It's your life. I think you're being foolish, but I can't stop you. Say what you need to say."

"She lied to us, Jasper. Maria lied to us." He said bluntly, wasting no time.

"What?" I asked with incredulity. Of all the things I might have expected him to say, that was probably the furthest from my imagining.

"Everything she ever told us— everything we based our lives on was a lie." He said with conviction and a growing sense of urgency. "The life she built here, the life she told us was the only way for our kind… it's not true, Jasper. All the fighting and the hatred, it's not like this everywhere."

"What are you talking about?" After all this time knowing the despicable things that Maria was capable of, the news of her deception should be no surprise, but still the knowledge shook me to my very foundation.

"Charlotte and I went north when we left here. I couldn't believe it at first; it's almost as if it's a whole different world there. We've come into contact with many of our kind. They're different there— they're civilized. Many of them even interact on a regular basis with humans."

"That's not possible." I interrupted. "We aren't able to-"

"But we _are_. Charlotte and I have lived peacefully in Vermont for the last five years, and not once have we ever had a fight. We have a home deep enough into the woods not to be found by humans, but we're able to venture into the city when we need to. It's an existence like I never dreamed was possible."

The implications of what Peter was telling me were staggering. I felt almost as if the rug had been pulled from my feet. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Charlotte and I want you to come back with us."

I stared at him blankly for a long moment; my mind had difficulty processing the strange words he had spoken.

"You what?"

"You heard me correctly, Jasper." He said nodding his head once. "For a long time, we waited for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. We were _happy_. I didn't even realize that that kind of peace existed for us, let alone happiness on top of it, but it does.

You remained on my mind from the moment we left. As time went on, I knew I couldn't rest entirely easy until you knew that you had another option for yourself.

Jasper, from the beginning of my life here, you were always my friend and my mentor. Until Charlotte, you were the only friend that I had. I felt you deserved to know the truth."

"A friend?" I scoffed in derision. "I would have killed you, Peter, and Charlotte too. Don't delude yourself."

"But you didn't." Peter said intently, taking another step closer. "You let us go. You lied to Maria because you knew it was the only way to give us a chance. It was because of you that it was even possible for us to make a life for ourselves. Why, Jasper? Why did you do that?"

"I don't know." I said simply, recalling the overwhelming emotions that had come over me as I watched them escape, and the debilitating anguish that had followed as the missing piece of myself became an open, raw wound.

"I think I do."

I looked up at him raising one eyebrow.

"This," he gestured around us, "this life has never been what you've wanted. From the time I first knew you until the time I left, I could see the changes in you. I could see the way you slipped deeper into depression each day. Even from the time I left until now the changes in you are startling, Jasper.

This fight is killing you slowly. You won't last much longer here; you must know that. If you don't get yourself killed in battle, Maria will finish you off herself. I've heard rumors to that effect just since being back in Texas."

"I know." I sighed deeply. "But still, you shouldn't have come back." I whispered lifelessly. "I didn't deserve it."

"Not all of life is about what we deserve. Jasper, I care about you. You're my friend— my brother. I needed to be sure that you knew that you had another option. I've done what I can; now the rest is entirely up to you. My question for you now is will you take it?"

His words stirred something inside me. I didn't know if the life Peter described was possible for me, I was far too set in my ways to so easily believe that I could change. I had been a warrior far too long to even remember what peace felt like.

But what if he was right? What if I had another choice than the life that had been the only thing that I had known? 

Was I strong enough to take the chance?

What did I have to lose?

If Peter was right, then perhaps it was possible for me to obtain some modicum of peace— maybe to find some place just to rest. If he was wrong, then if nothing else, surely my defection would be reason enough for Maria to destroy me when or if she ever found me. Either way I had nothing to lose.

I looked up at Peter who was still waiting anxiously for a response.

"Let's go." I said simply, rising from my seat.

Peter's mouth dropped open in surprise. He hadn't anticipated such a quick reaction from me. The thought almost made me want to chuckle… almost.

"We should go quickly," I said wryly. "It's not wise to leave Charlotte too long unprotected in this area." 

"No, you're right, of course." He stammered still in shock at my easy acceptance. "Is there anything you need to get before we go?"

I shook my head. "No. There's nothing for me here. Nothing at all."

"All right then." Peter nodded, still reeling a bit, and gestured for me to follow him.

With that, I turned my back on the only life I could ever remember and walked away without a backwards glance.

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**OoOoOoOoOo**

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**Song for Chapter 6**

**Death of Me  
by Red**

_**I should've seen all the signs all around me  
But I was comfortable inside these wounds  
So go ahead and take another piece of me now  
While we all bow down to you**_

How can you help my affliction  
If you're the sickness and not the cure  
Too long I've faked this addiction  
Another sacrifice to make us pure

You tear me down and then you pick me up  
You take it all and still it's not enough  
You try to tell me you can heal me  
But I'm still bleeding  
And you will be the death of me


	8. Chapter 7

**Brace yourselves, gang… This is a long one! I'll see you at the end. :-) **

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**OoOoOoOoOo**

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**Chapter 7**

**Vermont 1946**

"You're leaving." Charlotte's quiet voice was tinged with regret.

I shouldered the small bag that contained all of the limited possessions I had acquired in the last year before turning slowly to face her. She stood in the middle of the living room with Peter at her side. I felt a certain sadness at the thought of leaving the one place that I could ever remember feeling even a small measure of warmth.

For over a year now, Peter and Charlotte had opened their home to me, introducing me to a new way of life untainted by hatred and conflict. I should have been happy, but I wasn't. Instead of abating , the restless emptiness that had plagued me before leaving Texas only grew stronger as time went on.

I still couldn't place exactly what it was that was missing, but I felt the irresistible pull to move. I didn't know where I was going, I only knew I had to leave. I couldn't sit still any longer.

And despite the change of scenery, feeding was still every bit as much of an issue as it was before. Since leaving Maria's army, I had begun pushing myself to go as long as I could before giving in to the need for sustenance, but I could only last for so long. My body simply wasn't used to this withholding. The depression hadn't lifted; I was still suffocated by its merciless bonds every time a life was ended by my hands.

My guilt was piled to the heavens – so deep that I could never dig my way free even if I tried for the rest of my miserable existence.

Even with Peter and Charlotte's assurances that I wasn't a bother, I knew my despondency was wearing on them. Leaving now was the kindest thing I could do for my friends. Though I would miss their company, it wasn't right of me to force them to suffer with me.

"I think it's for the best." I answered Charlotte as gently as I could. "Please don't think I'm anything less than grateful for everything you've done. You've been far better to me than I had any right to hope for."

"We were glad to do it." Peter spoke. "I do wish you'd reconsider though."

"I've been thinking about it for a while now. It's time for me to move on."

"Where will you go?"

"I'm not sure." I shrugged. "I don't have any definite plans."

"Just be careful." Peter pleaded. "Just because Maria hasn't found you yet doesn't mean she's not looking for you. I don't like the thought of you traveling alone."

"Don't worry about me; I know how to handle myself."

Peter was right. I had to believe that Maria was looking for me, and eventually she _would_ find me. The thought had hung like a cloud over me every day for the last year. At least with Peter and Charlotte, I had someone watching my back, someone to assist me if it came to a fight as we all knew it would. But that wasn't reason enough to stay. And if nothing else, I hated the thought of dragging my friends into unnecessary danger.

"Promise me you won't be a stranger. You know our doors are always open for you, whenever you might want to come back."

"Thank you." I said sincerely. With as much of a smile as I could muster, I turned to the front door.

"Be safe." Charlotte's soft voice spoke beside me. "And I do hope you find what you're looking for."

My breath exhaled in a short puff and I shook my head wearily. "Why don't you tell me what I'm looking for, Charlotte, because I don't have the faintest idea what that might be."

"Peace." She said simply. "But peace is something you won't be able to find until you learn to forgive yourself." Charlotte took one step closer, her hand resting on the doorframe beside the place where I had leaned my head. "And you won't be able to do that until you realize that you're _worth_ forgiving."

With her soft-spoken words I felt my carefully constructed walls falter slightly, my mask slipping just enough to display the vulnerability that I fought so hard to hide. Charlotte's eyes looked deeply into mine, reading far more than I wanted her to.

With a sigh, I pulled myself back together, my defenses firmly in place again.

"I'll be in touch." I promised. "Take care, both of you."

"You too." Peter responded.

Peter wrapped his arm around Charlotte's waist, pulling her close to his side as I walked away. Even after I was miles away from the house, the sight lingered with me – the way they centered around each other, the way they always were so in tune to the thoughts and feelings of the other. The depth and permanence of their love, though in one sense had been a relief to the constant hatred, in other ways it was just as painful… it only reminded me of what I didn't have. No matter how welcoming Peter and Charlotte were, I was still the odd man out.

I was still alone.

With no destination in mind, I simply let my feet take me where they would, hoping that somehow just being on the move would assuage the incessant restlessness. And so I became a nomad. A man with no home and no one to care where I went or what happened to me.

My only company day after endless day was the gnawing ache inside my chest that reminded me with each step that I was alone.

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**OoOoOoOoOo**

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**Forks 2005**

A chuckle beside me pulled my thoughts back to my present surroundings. I felt Peter's amusement from where he sat beside me. I assumed at first that the source was the two tiny women playing down by the river about a hundred yards in front of us.

Alice and Charlotte had been picking the first wildflowers of the spring as their lilting voices carried on the wind to where we sat observing them after our own conversation had quieted. Peter and Charlotte had arrived the day before, and until now, we had spent the time catching up on all that had happened in the last couple of years since we had seen them.

It was very gratifying to me to see the way my one-time brother and his wife interacted so easily with my family. Peter and Charlotte, though they didn't share our lifestyle, had the greatest respect for Carlisle and Esme and the life we had built here. And they adored Alice.

Looking over my shoulder, I caught Peter's smirk directed not at our wives, but at me.

"What?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You." He chuckled again. "It doesn't matter how many times I see it, I still can't get over the surprise of seeing that sappy look on your face."

"You should talk." I smirked back. "I'm sure it's probably that same love-struck expression that I see on your face every time you look at Charlotte."

Peter snorted and shook his head. "We're pretty pathetic, aren't we?"

"I wouldn't trade it for the world." I said with sincerity.

"I know." Peter nodded in turn, his gaze trained on his laughing blonde wife. "We both got far more than we ever deserved."

"Yes. That we did."

I never tired of seeing Alice like this. Her face was bright with smiles as she and Charlotte walked by the river, stopping every now and then to add to their collection of wildflowers. The shock of seeing her so real and so vibrant before me was something that never failed to affect me.

Even after sixty years, the loneliness that I had felt during my nomadic existence was still very fresh. No matter where I went or what I did during that time, nothing satisfied me. There was always something that I knew I needed that was just out of reach.

It was in Philadelphia in the year 1948 that that _something_ was finally identified. I had walked into a diner to escape the rain, my throat burning like wildfire in the sparsely filled building, and there _she_ was, waiting for me.

Her dancing eyes and her brilliant smile had pulled me in like a magnet; her musical voice had captivated me. I had taken her outstretched hand and amid the sparks that had flown from where our hands had joined straight to my heart, I knew that nothing in my life had ever felt so _right_. For once, I hadn't stopped to think or analyze before I acted… at least not until later. I had let her lead me from the diner and followed her without a second thought.

But once out of sight in the woods, reason had returned and the self-preservation which had been my primary instinct for nearly a century rushed in like a flood. Her words, "you've kept me waiting," sounded in my head with the force of a wrecking ball.

I'd kept her waiting?

How had she known where I was? And most importantly, how did she know _who_ I was?

Grabbing her arm and bringing her abruptly to a stop, I had demanded an explanation from her. Having never encountered one with a gift such as she proceeded to describe to me, I had found her story to be incredibly far-fetched.

I accused her of being a liar.

In attempt to make sense of her appearance some other way, I had attributed every sinister intention to her, wracking my brain for how she could have known so much about me when I knew I had never seen her before in my life. There was only one explanation that had made sense to me at the time.

To my chagrin now, I had initially thought her to be sent by Maria as an emissary to trap me. Some small part of my mind reasoned that if this lovely woman was the harbinger to my demise, then so be it; I had longed for death for many years anyway. But the part that had dominated to enable me to survive in the constant state of war which I had existed in had prevailed.

I had fought – and fought hard.

In fear that she would carry news of my whereabouts back to Maria, I had even momentarily contemplated silencing her… permanently. The thought made me shudder now with a sick feeling in my stomach.

Though, in the end, I hadn't been able to carry through with it. Her wide-eyed innocence and the purity of her feelings had disarmed me. She was either the best damn liar I had ever encountered in my century of existence or an angel sent to save me – I wasn't sure which.

As the days passed, I was more and more baffled by her appearance and by her story. As time went on, I saw evidence of her gift. She would answer questions before I asked them and would know the direction my steps would take even before I moved. It became obvious that she was telling the truth about her abilities. Which led me to wonder if the rest of what she told me was true.

Did she really know me from her visions? And if so, why was she here? Shouldn't that have been enough to drive her away, seeing all that I had done – all the lives I had stolen? Why then did I feel her love bathing me every time she looked at me? What was this longing I felt from her, that I saw in her eyes when her hand would move as if she wanted to touch me?

I couldn't understand it.

In fear, I had pushed her away, but she refused to leave. I had closed myself off from her, but she wouldn't be set aside.

But despite her persistence, with each rebuff from me her heart shattered into little pieces at my feet. And every time, I felt her knifing pain in myself – as if my own heart was breaking along with hers. This pain didn't affect me in the same way as everyone else's; it wasn't borrowed – instead, her pain _was_ mine. I couldn't hurt her without hurting myself.

I had never seen her before, yet somehow I instinctively _knew_ her.

Though I tried to deny it, she elicited in me every primal urge known to man – the need to protect, the need to defend… the need own… the need to love. The force of those emotions was enough to scare the hell out of me.

But as the days turned into weeks, I felt my heart thawing to her. The gaping hole in my chest was filled by her presence. I almost didn't recognize the man her love was bringing back to life. She resurrected characteristics of the man I had been before that I had thought were buried and gone after my transformation.

Though I had kept my heart shut away inside myself for so long in attempt to protect myself that I wasn't entirely sure that I could truly allow anyone in.

I knew if I were to let myself love her, my life would be consumed by her. But could I trust her enough to let her in completely? Could I trust her enough to be completely defenseless with her – to be vulnerable when that went entirely against everything that had been engrained in me for as long as I could remember?

It had been one small step at a time, but eventually I began opening up to her, and with each new advance I felt her unmitigated joy with a force that astounded me. Each time I offered pieces of my past without coaxing, recounting to her what I could remember of my human life and then afterwards, her heart almost leapt from her chest.

Every time I voluntarily reached out to touch her, the force of her love and the ecstatic joy the action brought warmed my heart in ways that I had thought were impossible.

In the end, I realized that I couldn't deny her. I couldn't reject the love she so freely offered.

I needed her.

And so I had given her everything – my whole heart, all of my self, and my future… and never once regretted it. I gave her everything that I had and received so much more in return.

She had become my world.

"This is a good thing you have here." Peter's words interrupted my thoughts. "Your family, I mean. It's nice to see you finally happy."

"It's nice to finally _be_ happy, believe me. I don't take it for granted."

There was silence between us for a moment as I debated asking a question that had been on my mind the last few days.

"Peter, have –" I paused and ran a hand through my hair, "have you heard anything from Maria lately?" I asked hesitantly.

He laughed in contempt, "No." I almost had to smile at the vehemence in that one word. There was absolutely no love lost between the two of them. "If I _never_ see that woman again, it will be entirely too soon."

I chuckled. "Peter, has anyone ever told you it's not good to hold your feelings in like that. Come on, tell me how you really feel."

Peter rolled his eyes, "Very funny," he mumbled. "What makes you ask about her?" He questioned, eyeing me strangely.

I shrugged. "Morbid curiosity, I guess."

Peter snorted beside me, his fingers toying with a blade of grass as he contemplated. "No, I haven't seen her, but the last I heard she was still – well." He paused for a moment before finishing that thought. "Her territory has vastly decreased though. Her empire started crumbling when you left."

He looked up at me shrugging. "She was able to maintain some of it, but without you to keep peace between the newborns, she just couldn't keep up the size of her army. The neighbors apparently took advantage of that fact." He said wryly.

I felt Peter's disgust as he spoke of our the one who had created us. I found, however, that I just simply didn't care enough about her to hate her. I had moved on to an entirely different chapter of my life, and I refused to give her even enough of a hold on me to cause hatred to take root.

She had no power over me any longer.

Though I vividly recalled the last time I had seen her. Little had she known that her "visit" would be a major catalyst in my life – and not in any way that she might have hoped either.

.

**OoOoOoOoOo**

.

**Calgary, Alberta 1952**

Alice and I had been living with the Cullens for almost two years now. Alice was overjoyed at having all the people she had longed for in her life at last. And it was for her sake that I had agreed to this arrangement at all.

While Alice had meshed into their family almost seamlessly, I was very uneasy with the whole situation. It was unsettling to me to live in such a large grouping of our kind without hostility. It simply didn't seem natural.

It had taken some time for my defenses to lower around them. I had hovered over Alice for the first months, watching for any sign of a threat from the five vampires I had no knowledge of… only knowledge of our natures in general – and that was anything but reassuring. Even before I was willing to admit it, though, it had become apparent to me that this was nothing I had ever encountered before.

With Peter and Charlotte I had witnessed firsthand the deep love of one for their mate, and then experienced it myself later with Alice, but this was something else altogether. Though all but Edward had mates, it was the strength of the love between family members that surprised me the most.

This wasn't simply a coven living together out of convenience or desire for power. No, they lived together out of love for each other. Not a coven, this was a true family.

All but Alice and I were bound by the same venom, by their common "upbringing" and the conscience behind that conviction – though even Alice, through her visions, had the benefit of Carlisle's teaching in her formative years.

After their initial surprise at our abrupt appearance, the Cullens had welcomed us with open arms, and Alice had fallen into their routine as if she had always been a part of their lives.

I wasn't quite so easily accepting.

I lived with them – a part of, yet apart from.

The knowledge of Maria's years of deception had shaken me. If the one who had created me, the one who had been my partner for eighty years, would lie brazenly to me, then what guarantee did I have that others wouldn't take advantage in the same way? So I waited and watched. The first time I caught Carlisle as the patriarch, or any of the others for that matter, in a lie I was finished… I wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

To the few humans that we came into contact with those first two years, Alice and I were known as cousins of Carlisle's from the South. That was as much of a concession as I was willing to make at that time. Alice and I still retained my surname and a separate identity from the rest.

I waited, looking for some breach of faith on their part. But it never came.

Esme was the first to win a place in my affections. She reminded me of my human mother – what dark, faded memories I had of her at least – with her gentle, maternal ways. Aside from Alice, I had never come into contact with anyone who's heart was so full of pure, unquestioning love. She never looked at me with suspicion as the others had been wont to do at first; instead, she had seemed to see me as a lost boy in need of mothering.

And in a certain sense, she was right. Though I was technically almost fifty years older than she was, there was just something innately maternal about her that I had not been able to help responding to.

I had been deeply suspicious of Carlisle at first, simply because of his position of leadership. I had watched for even one time where he used that authority to his advantage, but I waited in vain. Though I searched for it, there was nothing in Carlisle that commanded anything but respect. Always he had been completely forthcoming and honest in his dealings, not only with me, but with everyone else as well. His heart was ruled by compassion, and while that confounded me at first, I had come to respect it.

Emmett and Rosalie accepted our presence without much fanfare. Emmett was one of the most easygoing people that I had ever encountered, accepting us as if we had always been a part of the family. Rosalie was reserved but not hostile, and I gathered that as long as we presented no inconvenience to her she had no quarrel with us.

Edward was another matter entirely. He had taken one look at my scar-ravaged face and heeded the inherent warning that the others had not. He had appointed himself as my warden, constantly monitoring my mental processes for potential threat to his family. The defensiveness of my thoughts had only served to spur his wariness even further. I deeply resented his ability to get inside my head as he did. I felt invaded – violated.

It had taken quite some time for him to decide that I intended no harm to his loved ones, and with that realization, eventually, a truce of sorts had been established between us.

It had been three years since I had begun trying to modify my "diet." Even before Alice and I had joined the Cullens I had been making the attempt to change. The guilt had finally become unbearable, and when Alice had suggested an alternative, though I had scoffed at first, I realized that I had nothing to lose by trying.

I avoided contact with humans as much as possible now to avoid temptation, but at times temptation seemed to find me. I had fallen. I had made mistakes, but I was _trying_… I was trying _so hard_. Though many times I wondered if I was just wasting my time and everyone else's as well.

I waited for the Cullens to grow tired of my shortcomings, but if anything they rallied closer around me, supporting me more as time went on.

To my surprise, I found myself genuinely caring about each individual in this family. Somewhere along the line in the last couple of years, I had let my guard down and allowed them in. Carlisle and Esme had reiterated several times recently that they viewed Alice and me as part of their family. It was now up to me to take down the last barrier and acknowledge them as such to me.

I knew without a doubt that was what Alice wanted, but she was waiting for me to finally be ready… again. It seemed that she was always waiting for me in one sense or another.

I reached up to stroke her cheek as she rested against me. She was leaned against my chest with a sketchbook in her lap as I lay propped on one elbow in the middle of the living room floor.

The melodious sounds of the piano filtered through the room as Edward sat working on his latest composition at the grand piano in the corner. Carlisle and Esme sat close together on the couch, each with a book on their laps, while Rosalie and Emmett were deeply involved in a game of chess on the other side of the room.

This, being together like this, in a family setting was easy for me now… effortless almost. I couldn't name one specific point in time when that had happened, but this sense of peace – this _wholeness _– was reminiscent of my human years… a life that I had truly believed was lost to me forever. Little by little I found remnants of the man I had been before resurfacing – a development that I welcomed.

I was content for the first time – happy even. I smiled. Maybe I wasn't as hopeless as I had always believed.

Alice's sharp gasp and the tensing of her muscles startled me. The pencil she had been holding crumbled to dust as her hand fisted. The music abruptly stopped when Edward's fingers stilled while he watched Alice's vision with her.

"Alice?" I questioned gently, concerned by the strange looks Edward was shooting my way. "What do you see, darlin?"

"She's coming here." Alice's whispered words sounded more like a question than a statement. The flood of conflicting emotions battering her small frame unnerved me. Insecurities, doubts, and fears poured from her in waves.

"Who, darlin? Who's coming?" I sat up and shifted her in my arms, holding her against my chest in a vain attempt to protect her from this unknown threat. She nuzzled her head in the crook of my neck for a moment before lifting hesitant eyes to mine.

"Maria."

With that one word, my whole world came crashing down on my head. A sick feeling settled in my core, my muscles seeming to freeze in place.

She had found me.

It had taken seven years, but she had found me.

The room was silent for an interminable period of time as everyone took in my expression, which I had no doubt, looked sick.

"Jasper?" Alice's soft voice was weighted with worry. "Please say something."

"When?" I almost didn't recognize the raspy voice that came from my lips.

"I can't tell for sure. In a week maybe."

"Is anyone with her?"

Alice shook her head. "Not that I can see." Her voice faded and her eyes glassed over again. "No," she shook her head, "I don't see anyone else. Just her."

"Can you see what she wants?" I asked, though I had a very good idea what that would be.

Alice shook her head again. "Nothing else is really concrete; I can see that she's coming, but not much more. There's still too much undecided." Her voice had fallen to a whisper again.

I pinched the bridge of my nose with one hand, breathing deeply in attempt to dislodge the sick weight in the pit of my stomach. Standing suddenly, I paced to the window feeling every eye on me as I contemplated what I should do now.

One thing I was certain of, this was not a simple friendly visit on Maria's part. She wouldn't travel all the way from Mexico to Canada if she didn't expect to accomplish something with the trip. I didn't know exactly what she intended, but I was certain it didn't bode well for me. Too clearly for comfort I recalled her fury the last time I had seen her and the threats she had made. She hadn't killed me then, but I could only assume she was coming now to finish what she had started.

I knew I couldn't drag the people I loved into this with me – and yes, I realized now that I loved them… now that I stood to lose everything that mattered to me. They were innocent. And while Maria might not be bringing anyone with her this time, if provoked she could come back with others… I shuddered internally. I couldn't let that happen.

I would go and meet her myself before she could come here.

"No, Jasper." Edward said rising from the piano bench and striding towards me. "That's not necessary."

"And you're crazy if you think I'll allow it!" Alice stated vehemently.

"Confronting her by yourself is an insane risk and one that you don't have to take." Edward continued.

"I can't let her come here." I protested. "It's too dangerous."

"Jasper, there are seven of us and one of her. She's not going to have the chance to do anything." Edward attempted reasoning with me. "You're far more likely to get hurt if you're by yourself."

"I can take care of myself."

"I don't doubt that, but do you really want to gamble with those odds when you have another choice?"

"Jasper, listen to him, please." Alice's eyes beseeched me.

At the sound of her voice another realization came hurtling at me knocking the breath from my lungs.

I knew Maria all too well. I knew her methods and how her vindictive mind worked. She would be furious with me for not only deserting but for evading her for so long. She would strike at me in whatever manner would cause me the most pain.

Alice.

The surest way to hurt me was through Alice, and Maria would only need one glance to see that.

Panic welled inside me making it difficult to draw breath as I thought of Alice at the merciless hands of Maria. If nothing else, I had to get her away. I couldn't let her be nearby when Maria came.

Maybe Edward and perhaps Esme would be able to take her somewhere else out of the way until this was over. As long as she was anywhere but here.

"No!" Alice's tiny hand reached up to grab my arm, forcing me to turn to her. "No way in hell am I leaving you now. You put that thought right out of your head, Jasper Whitlock. _I'm. Not. Leaving. You._" Alice enunciated each word emphatically.

Her eyes flashed fire, daring me to argue.

"Alice, please--"

"I won't go; you can't force me. If you try to send me away, I'll just get away and run right back here. You know I will."

"Alice, I'm only thinking about your safety. I can't live with myself if I let you get hurt."

"I'm _not_ going to get hurt unless you send me away!"

I ran a hand through my hair, exasperated by her obstinacy.

Selfishly, I wanted her here with me. I knew I'd need her moral support to get through this 'visit' even if it didn't turn violent. But I was terrified by the mere thought of having her in the same vicinity as Maria.

Alice was just so _delicate_… but what if…

A sudden idea occurred to me and, not stopping to let myself think twice, I took a hold of one of Alice's crossed arms and led her out of the house.

"Jasper," she protested as we walked out the front door without an explanation, "this really isn't necessary."

I wasn't listening. If she was intent on staying with me then I was going to make damn sure that she knew how to take care of herself.

"There isn't going to be a fight, Jasper. I told you that."

"Wrong." I said, stopping at my destination in the middle of a clearing far enough into the forest that we wouldn't be stumbled upon by errant hikers. "You said that you didn't _see_ a fight. You're _prescient_, Alice, not _omniscient_. There's a difference… a very, _very_ big difference. How quickly can one rash decision can change the course of someone's entire future, Alice? Tell me." I raised one eyebrow, now my turn to dare her to argue.

Her argument never came. Instead a strange determination fell over her face.

"You're right." She agreed unexpectedly. "A single decision can change everything." Her muscles tensed into a crouch as she foresaw my objective in coming out here. "I'm ready. Give me your worst."

Though my entire being screamed out against it, I bent into a crouch and prepared to spring. If she wouldn't leave then I'd make sure she had every weapon at her disposal in the event that she had to fight. In this case, knowledge. She would know how to fight, and fight well.

I leapt at her with an instinctive growl. Alice avoided me easily, stepping out of reach of my hands before I could grab her. Defensively, I knew she had an advantage due to her ability to see the moves of her opponents before they occurred, but that wasn't nearly enough to ease my mind.

Her movements, despite her advantage were untrained and a little uncertain. Ignoring the utter wrongness of what I was doing, I shut down my thought process to the best of my ability and acted solely on instinct. Right now she was not my wife, but my target. My movements came quicker and closer to her as we feinted and sparred across the field.

The quicker the pace became the more uncertain she appeared. It took only a fraction of an instant for me to capitalize on a moment of hesitation. In less time than it took for me to think it, I had seized her, forcing her to her knees, my hands gripping her neck as if to sever it.

No sooner had a stifled scream passed her lips than I had her clutched in my lap, rocking her back and forth, as wave upon wave of nausea rushed over me. My breath came in short, rasping pants as I realized anew just how quickly things could go terribly wrong.

If that had been someone else, Alice could have been ripped away from me just that quickly. Everything that ever mattered to me could have been cruelly torn away in only a matter of seconds. My arms contracted convulsively around her in attempt to assure myself that she was all right… that she was still here.

From dim human memories, I recognized the vise that clamped around my midsection, making each breath a struggle, and the way the earth seemed to be spinning out of control around me. Panic had taken over, ruling my every careening thought. Not since my human life had I felt terror like this – the same terror that awakened me at night, my body soaked with sweat and screaming for air.

As a human it had been my own life that I had feared for, but _this_ was infinitely more terrifying.

Impossibly, Alice was now the one consoling me as she drew my head down to the cradle of her neck. Her hands stroked through my hair and across my violently trembling shoulders in attempt to calm me.

"Darlin, please," I whispered into the soft skin of her neck, "don't put me through this. Just let me send you somewhere safe until this is over."

"I already told you, love, I'm not leaving." The tips of her fingers stroked my cheek as she whispered into my ear.

I lifted my head taking her chin in my hand, desperate to make her see reason. "Alice, you don't understand. _I can't lose you_. And I'm terrified of what might happen if you stay."

"No, Jasper, _you're_ the one who doesn't understand." She snapped, jerking her chin from my grasp with frustration glistening in her eyes. "The fear – the sheer terror – you're feeling right now is _exactly_ what I felt every time that I had to see visions of you in battle. When I told you before that I saw you, I don't think you fully understood what that meant.

"For three decades I saw every single fight you were involved in. I didn't just see what happened, I saw what _could have_ happened. Especially in that last year when you were so hell bent on getting yourself killed, I'd see you with that hopeless look in your eye, knowing that you just wanted to give up. But that wasn't all I saw… not even close." Alice's words trembled and almost broke as sobs gathered in her voice.

"Every single time I had to watch while you were torn to pieces right in front of my eyes. I had to watch as they threw you into the fire… time and time again I watched you _die_." Alice's shoulders were shaking with sobs now, her words flowing faster and faster.

"I'd fall down on my knees not able to breathe or even move, _begging_ for you to hold on just one more time. Over and over I had to watch wondering if this was the time that _everything_ I ever wanted was going to be stolen away from me.

I will not stand on the sidelines and watch helplessly while you fight again without me. I can't do it, Jasper. I just can't. From now on I _will_ be at your side no matter what."

I lay my head again in the curve of Alice's shoulder overwhelmed with this new realization. I hadn't considered that part of her ability before. My heart broke as I thought of her alone, feeling the fear and the anxiety that was eating away at me right now.

But the other side of what she told me was just as staggering, if not more so. All those times I had wanted to give up, all the times I hadn't thought I could go on another day and she was there all along, even when I couldn't see her.

"Alice," my voice trembled with the heartrending emotion her words invoked. "I need you to promise me something…"

She shook her head. "I know what you're going to ask, and I won't promise that."

"Alice, I need to know that you'll be all right, that no matter what happens to me you'll be safe. I can't do this otherwise."

"No." She shook her head. "Wherever you go, I'll go. Whatever your fate is, that's what mine will be."

I shook my head, not wanting her to continue. "No, Alice – "

"The moment your life ends, mine will as well. I'll make sure of that. I won't live without you. Not again."

"Damn it, Alice!" I swore jumping to my feet and pacing like a madman in front of her. The thought of anything happening to her was enough to make me lose my mind. "Don't you ever say that again. You can't – "

"I lived without you for thirty years, Jasper – _thirty years_! That's three hundred and thirty nine months… ten thousand three hundred and forty-seven days! Do you know how long that is? How slowly the days pass when you're waiting for your life to begin? The only thing that kept me going was knowing that at some point I would find _you_." Her voice matched mine in volume, though her shoulders still shook with sobs. "I won't do that again. I can't! _I need you_."

I only took two steps farther from her before something inside me snapped. Desperation and need, mine and hers, hit me with violent force. I spanned the distance and met Alice halfway as she threw herself into my waiting arms with a strangled sob.

Our lips crashed together. Teeth clashed. Hands gripped.

I backed her up into the tree behind us as her legs wound around my waist, her hands clutching my hair as she held me to her with every ounce of strength in her tiny body.

There was nothing gentle about this embrace. This was raw, aching _need_. Both of us needing to know that the other was truly here… truly real.

I breathed deeply, inhaling her scent into every crevice of my lungs just as the taste of her filled my mouth. It would be so easy to lose myself in her, to assuage this ache in my chest and forget that anything else existed outside of this moment. But the small part of my brain that was capable of rational thought knew there was no time for that now.

Reluctantly I slowed the kiss, bringing one hand up to stroke against the silken skin of her cheek. My lips caressed hers gently, drawing out our connection, unwilling to let her go just yet. Finally calming, I placed several tiny pecks on her lips before leaning my forehead against hers letting her sweet breath wash over my face. Much as I hated to pull away, there was something far more pressing at hand. The need to see her safe outweighed anything else.

Alice brushed a gentle kiss over the bridge of my nose and the corner of my mouth before her hands and her legs released me with a final squeeze. Though letting go of her was the last thing that I wanted to do, I forced myself to step back.

"OK." Alice breathed deeply walking back into the middle of the field. "Show me where I messed up before. What did I do wrong?"

Alice proved to be an apt pupil as we spent the next four days wrapped up in intense training. She caught on quickly, many of the things she had witnessed through her visions coming back to her now. I could almost see the pieces clicking into place as I demonstrated different techniques.

Seeing her like this, utilizing the lessons she had seen me teaching the newborns that had been under my command, served to further cement the realization in my mind that she really _had_ seen me for all those years. I didn't doubt her now when she told me, but even more than the words, the proof was staggering to me.

Alice had seen me at my very worst, she knew exactly what depths I was capable of sinking to, yet here she stood.

Despite my instinctive desire to coddle her, I was not an easy taskmaster during those four days, pushing her harder than she thought she could go, not satisfied until I knew she was putting forth her absolute best. I tried not to think about her actually using these lessons to fight anyone, I tried to view them merely as a precaution. I would lose my mind otherwise.

Finally when I was satisfied that she could hold her own in a fight I stepped back with a nod. "You did well. I'm proud of you."

Alice beamed with my praise, as well she should. She had earned it.

"Did that put you any more at ease?" She questioned, raising one eyebrow.

"Nope. Not a bit." I chuckled shortly.

"Everything's going to be fine. Trust me please."

"I'm trying." I sighed deeply. "I'm trying very hard.'' I cradled her face in my hand, brushing my thumb along her cheek, noting again the contrast of our skin. My ravaged, scar-riddled hand against her unblemished skin. The need to protect that purity was overwhelming.

"We should get back." I whispered with a final caress.

At Alice's nod I turned to head back to the house but her hand on my arm stopped me.

"Hey." She tugged me gently towards her. "Come here." She murmured softly.

Her hand cupped my face and brought it down to hers. I lifted her in my arms to make up the difference in our height as I responded willingly to her embrace. This kiss was worlds different than the last. The need was still there, as it always was, but the urgency was gone. Instead of the fear that had dominated the previous kiss, this was a kiss filled by hope – the hope for a future.

I was still afraid for Alice, but despite that fear I had to realize that we were a team – we were partners. While I knew I would fight to the death to keep her safe, I also knew that I couldn't deny her right to be at my side. Whatever came, we would face it together.

When we returned to the house, the others looked up at us with concerned expressions.

"I think it would be best if everyone went hunting before she arrives. Just to be on the safe side." I spoke first.

Emmett rolled his eyes theatrically. "Can't say I had you pegged as the dramatic type, Jazz. I mean, don't you think you're overreacting just a little." He squinted and held his fingers about an inch apart. "Come on, she's only one woman."

I didn't say anything at first. I just held his gaze with unblinking eyes and an impassive face. I stared him down for several long moments until he finally shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

When I finally spoke, I kept my voice monotone and threateningly smooth. "Emmett, do you realize that in the South for the last several hundred years, every time you draw a breath you're breathing in ashes. Ashes of warlords who were overthrown and destroyed. Hundreds of thousands of them.

"All of those strong men and women who were highly skilled in the art of war were reduced to ashes blowing wherever the wind takes them. Do you know one thing they all had in common, Emmett?"

Emmett shook his head, not saying anything.

"They underestimated their opponent. A mistake which inevitably proved to be fatal. This _one woman_ you're so unconcerned about is one of the few who have survived for such a lengthy period of time. She is not to be trusted, and not to be taken lightly.

"If you can't treat this situation with the proper gravity, I would suggest that you sit it out entirely. I would prefer not to have your death on my conscience."

Carlisle placed his hand on Emmett's arm. "He's right. There is no such thing as being too cautious at this point. I think it would be wise if we all followed Jasper's suggestion."

"Come on, Em." Edward clapped him on the shoulder, playing the peacemaker. "Let's see if we can find some grizzlies to pick a fight with."

Emmett's face brightened considerably at the prospect, and just that quickly he was back to his boisterous self, lumbering out of the house with Edward close on his heels.

I, however, couldn't bounce back that easily. Even after hunting, I was still unsettled. The bitter taste of the bobcat which I had fed on lingered in my throat. And with that reminder, yet another cause for alarm presented itself.

Despite my very recent feeding, there was no doubt that Maria would still have an advantage. The loss of strength that came with feeding on animals was one of the things I bemoaned most about this lifestyle, now more than ever. I feared anything that would give Maria the upper hand should this come to blows as I had every reason to believe that it would.

But that situation was easy enough to rectify.

I had drifted a little ways from the others when I had followed the trail of my prey. It would be easy enough to go into town before anyone realized where I had gone, assuming they were still caught up in their own hunts. They would be disappointed but, all things considered, that seemed to be the lesser of the two evils at the moment.

I would deal with the repercussions later.

Before I had a chance to turn towards town, a familiar scent caught my attention behind me.

Edward.

I swore under my breath. "You heard me." It wasn't a question.

"Not on purpose, but yes."

I slumped down on the ground with a disbelieving snort. "You didn't bring a posse with you to stop me?"

"No." Edward shook his head slowly walking towards me. "I didn't." He gestured to the ground beside me. "Do you mind if I sit?"

I shrugged. "Have at it."

Edward sighed at my surly tone. "You know, contrary to what you believe, I'm not in your head looking for you to make a mistake or even to make you miserable. Most of the time I like this ability even less than you do. It's a curse more than a blessing at times."

I didn't respond.

"May I ask you something?" Edward asked, undeterred by my silence.

"Doubt I can stop you." As soon as the words left my mouth, I cringed at their biting tone. The rational part of me knew that Edward had done nothing to deserve this cold shoulder from me. I was unreasonably taking out my inner turmoil on him.

"Why are you so opposed to letting us help you?"

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are. Even in your thoughts you're still seeing this as a one-on-one confrontation. I've seen your memories, Jasper, I know what Maria's capable of, but you're letting your fear cloud your outlook. It would be wise to be cautious, yes, but we have the advantage if you'll just accept our help.

"I'll be monitoring her thoughts, and you know Alice will be searching for her every move before she makes it. Carlisle is a diplomat at heart and as such is quite good at diffusing tense situations." He chuckled once, "And don't underestimate Esme in mother bear mode. She's something to behold when one of her children is threatened."

I started a little at his reference to Esme as my mother. I hadn't been expecting that acknowledgement from him as aloof as I had held myself.

"Jasper, you and Alice are part of our family. We all think of you that way."

"I know." But it was still somewhat of a surprise to hear Edward say that, especially considering our rocky start. "And I thank you for that."

I could feel his eyes on me, gauging something, though I didn't know what. I could feel his pensiveness for several silent moments before he sighed deeply and slowly stood. "I won't stop you."

I looked up in shock at his quiet words. "What?"

"From hunting. I won't stop you. If the added strength gives you peace of mind, then so be it. I'll cover for you with the others until you get back. But you do have another choice. There are six of us ready and willing to watch your back if you'll let us help."

I stared blankly at him, truly stunned that he would make that kind of concession.

"The choice is yours, Jasper, but you know what I hope you decide."

I looked off into the distance weighing my options. It went against the grain to leave any measure taken to defend myself, but did I want to actively take steps back into my old life? Making a mistake was one thing, but making a conscious choice to end a life when there was another option available… did I want to cope with my loudly protesting conscience if I didn't have to?

Hearing my indecision, Edward held out his hand to me with a question in his eyes. A simple gesture in and of itself, but we both knew it signified much more. It was an invitation – an olive branch. He was reaching out to me… now would I accept?

I looked at his outstretched hand for a long moment. Yet again I wrestled with my engrained hesitation in trusting another, and not just with my own life this time. This time there was much more at stake – the one woman who was my entire world.

The two sides of myself warred within me. The broken, calloused warrior that I had been for so many years, afraid to rely too heavily on any one person, balked at leaning on anyone for support. No matter how tightly bound you were to those around you, betrayal was never given a second thought when gain could be had from their demise. I had lived in a cutthroat environment for far too long to be loosed from those lessons so quickly.

But yet recently, a gentler, more noble side had been fighting to rise from the ashes. In Alice's loving hands, the shattered, cynical pieces of my heart had been melded back together. Desire to hope had surfaced in me. Thoughts of the man I had been before had given rise to the hope that even though I couldn't go back perhaps I could recover remnants of what had once been.

A single choice of many was before me now. Which man did I want to be?

Was it really a choice?

Taking a deep, fortifying breath I reached out my hand to take Edward's, allowing him to pull me to my feet.

Edward smiled warmly at me. "Come on." He spoke softly, clapping my shoulder. "Let's go home."

We ran side by side until Edward's voice stopped me a couple of miles away from the house.

"Jasper," I paused at the solemnity of his tone, turning my head to look at him. Determination was visible in his eyes when he spoke. "She won't get anywhere near Alice. That's a promise." There was no doubting the sincerity in his words. "I'll make sure of it – with my life."

My eyes slid shut as he touched on my worst nightmare. His promise caused the fear that had wrapped icy talons around my heart to subside in small measure. "Thank you." I whispered, choked.

He shrugged. "You'd do the same for me." I nodded. With nothing further needing to be said, he turned to lead the way back to the house.

With each second the clock ticked away in the corner of the room that night, my unrest grew. Despite the new camaraderie with Edward and the reassurances of Alice's visions I found I couldn't quite control my anxiety. I had known this moment was eventually coming for seven years. The one thing that had loomed over my head like a specter for years was about to become reality.

"It's time." Alice's quiet voice seemed like a shout after the silence of that night.

With my face vacant as stone, I rose from the couch. "Stay together; don't go anywhere by yourself. And don't let your guard down, no matter what." My voice sounded hollow… flat.

I didn't wait for a response before walking out the front door with each Cullen filing out silently after me. Without words we fell into a line on the front lawn. With Emmett, Rosalie and Esme on one side and Alice, Edward, and Carlisle on the other I was surrounded, but I still felt anything but safe.

I reached down, searching for Alice's hand, needing to feel that connection with her – one sure link with reality when my world felt like it was caving in around me. She laced her fingers through mine with a reassuring squeeze.

Time seemed to stand still as I braced myself and faced the forest where Alice had seen Maria emerging from. In the distance, I caught a flash of a familiar face, and a whiff of a scent I would recognize anywhere carried on the breeze.

A surreal feeling came over me leaving me almost numb as, one step at a time, I watched my past come face to face with my future.

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**OoOoOoOoOo**

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_Song for Chapter 7:_

_Bring Me Back to Life_

_Evanescence_

_How can you see into my eyes  
like open doors.  
Leading you down into my core  
where I've become so numb.  
Without a soul  
my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold  
until you find it there and lead it back home._

___Now that I know what I'm without  
you can't just leave me.  
Breathe into me and make me real  
Bring me to life._

Frozen inside without your touch,  
without your love, darling.  
Only you are the life among the dead.

All of this time  
I can't believe I couldn't see  
Kept in the dark  
but you were there in front of me

I've been sleeping a 1000 years it seems.  
I've got to open my eyes to everything.

Without a thought  
Without a voice  
Without a soul

Don't let me die here  
Promise there's something more.  
Bring me to life.  
  


**Thanks again to all of you reading and commenting! You've all been so supportive, and I absolutely love hearing from you. I know this was a busy chapter, and I know that it probably deviates somewhat from what you might have expected, but I'd love to hear what you thought. **

**I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! See ya Monday! :-)**

**Nik**_  
_


	9. Chapter 8

**Here we go, folks… the very last flashback chapter. Thursday we'll pick up in Twilight again. That's when things really start happening! **

**Thanks again to every single one of you who have read and especially those of you who have taken the time to review. I have a special little happy-dance reserved for when I see those messages from you all in my inbox!**

**Alice demanded her say in this chapter... she wouldn't shut up until I let her at least have a prologue to the chapter! Pushy little pixie! LOL ;-) Enjoy!**

.

**OoOoOoOoOo**

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**Prologue**

_**Alice**_

I had seen this look in his eyes more times than I could count, but it had been years since the last time.

Visions of our future flashed before my eyes in an endless stream. Maria's coming was a crossroads for us, that much was becoming evident.

In these visions, my love's eyes were dark, empty — just as they had been years before while still in _her_ army. His eyes were pools of vast, blank nothingness.

It frightened me.

I had grown accustomed to the warmth that had softened his gaze. He was so very different now than he had been even two years ago. He was _alive_ now, rather than just _existing_.

We had come too far – had worked too hard to get where we are now. Over my pile of ashes would I let _that woman_ destroy what we had worked so hard to build.

I would not stand by and watch while he slipped away from me.

Lines of concern creased Edward's forehead as he stood beside me, a partaker in my visions. I knew the promise he had made to Jasper – a promise to keep me safe. But it wasn't my life I was concerned about. I wasn't the one in danger, despite what Jasper thought.

I was immensely grateful for Edward's presence though. No matter what I saw in my fleeting visions, Edward was always at our side, watching, standing at the ready. I knew just as I would be monitoring Maria's every move, he would be watching her thoughts.

_Thank you._

One eye drooped in an almost imperceptible wink. That single, minute action was strangely reassuring.

With Jasper's hand clasped tightly in mine, I steadied myself to meet the one person I had hoped to never come face to face with.

Beside me, I could feel Jasper's unease – not because he was projecting it – I didn't need to feel it to know. His defensive posture, his blank, guarded eyes, the way his hand held so tightly to mine like he was afraid I would vanish – all these tugged poignantly at my heartstrings.

Strong as he was, he could still be vulnerable.

He was virtually indestructible, but that didn't mean he was invincible.

I squeezed my fingers around his in a gesture of reassurance.

_I'm here, love. You're not fighting alone anymore._

No matter what happens now, this is my fight too.

And I _will not_ give him up.

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**OoOoOoOoOo**

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**Chapter 8**

**Calgary, Alberta 1952**

With my family surrounding me I watched the advance of the woman who had been my partner, my mentor, and the focal point of my world for eighty years. My stomach felt weighted not knowing what to expect from her. I knew Edward and Emmett felt that I was overreacting, and perhaps I was, but Maria was volatile and unpredictable. Too many times I had seen evidence of that to take her presence here lightly.

And aside from that very real fear, I had to admit that I was worried that seeing this part of my past would cause the Cullens to realize just exactly what my past had entailed. Knowing about it was one thing, but seeing the proof of it was another thing entirely. A part of me feared that this could change everything… that my sins were coming back to haunt me.

And Alice… my silent heart jerked painfully in my chest. The thought of my wife, the one I loved with my entire being, face to face with the one who had held my loyalty for almost all of my life was unsettling and very disturbing.

If I was capable of sleep, surely that would be the substance of my nightmares now.

I didn't fear Alice leaving me – she had made it abundantly clear that she had no intention of living without me. But I wouldn't be able to bear it if this caused her to look at me differently, or to even question my devotion to her. The thought of her doubting the depth of my love for her caused an agonizing weight in my chest.

My fingers tightened reflexively against hers, drawing comfort from her presence. Alice squeezed my hand in return, letting me feel her love flowing between us, allowing me to borrow from her strength.

The gentle flow of her love wrapped around me, insulating me somewhat from the fears that were gnawing relentlessly at me. No matter what happened, I wasn't alone.

But that momentary interlude aside, the moment I saw Maria break through the trees and come clearly into view, my muscles froze in place. My thoughts and feelings scrambled wildly inside me.

_She_ was _here_.

At that same instant I felt a burst of pure hatred arising from Alice such as I had never imagined that my gentle wife was capable of. The undiluted malignancy of her feelings distracted me slightly.

I glanced over expecting to see her face screwed into a horrific snarl to match her emotions. Instead a placid mask covered her features, belying what was seething inside. If I couldn't feel what was roiling inside her now, I wouldn't have believed it.

Maria's face also was calm, deceptively pleasant. She stopped several feet away from me.

I stayed silent, waiting for her to speak first. Finally she did.

"Jasper. It's been a long time." She said cordially as if we had parted under the best of circumstances. "You're a difficult man to find."

"And yet here you are. Care to tell me how you found me?" My voice was cold. It sounded distant to me, as if it had come from someone else.

"Now, Jasper," her tone was gently scolding, as if she was speaking to a small child. "You know I have my sources. And asking questions like that, you'll soon have me believing you're not happy to see me."

Her eyes scanned for the first time over the others standing with me. I saw the calculation in her eyes as she weighed the potential threat each of them posed, cataloguing what she saw in case it was needed later. I felt her flicker of uncertainty as she noted the gold color of our eyes, but she made no comment about the strange hue.

"A welcoming party? Why, Jasper, it almost appears that you were expecting me." She quirked one eyebrow in question.

"I have my sources." I said, turning her words back around.

Alice's fingers flexed against mine at my words, an infinitesimal action that didn't escape Maria's notice. For the first time she seemed to notice our joined hands. Her eyebrows shot up before she squelched her surprise and put her mask back in place.

"Well, who might this be?" With Maria's full attention focused on Alice, more than ever I felt the desire to grab her and flee with her to somewhere safe. Alice didn't flinch under Maria's scrutiny though.

"Maria, allow me to introduce you to Alice – my _wife_." I didn't call her my mate or my partner, both terms that Maria might have expected. Neither one went quite far enough. She _was_ my mate, and the only life-partner that I ever wanted, but in truth she was so much more.

She was flesh of my flesh.

She was a vital part of me in a way that no one else could ever be.

To her credit, Maria's façade didn't falter at my announcement. I felt her surge of surprise, but her face gave nothing away.

She chuckled quietly. "Major and Mrs. Whitlock. How cute." Alice kept her face smooth and painstakingly pleasant as Maria eyed her, sizing her up. "Well, Jasper, isn't she just darling. And when did the happy event occur?"

"Almost five years ago." Alice spoke for the first time.

"Five years?" Maria's smile was deceptively benign. "Well, Mrs. Whitlock," Maria's intonation managed to make the title sound like a slur, "you have my best wishes. But let me give you a little piece of advice as someone who's known our Jasper for many years. Watch him carefully." Her tone was conspiratorial, "He's a little skittish when it comes to the long term."

I knew exactly what she was doing. Maria was a master at playing mind games, but still her words hurt. Shame filled me as she spoke those words in front of the only people whose opinions mattered to me.

Alice bristled internally, but I was proud to see that she didn't outwardly show it. She smiled pleasantly, "Thank you for the advice, but I don't think there will be any problems."

"I suppose we'll see." Maria's eyes drifted again over the five others who were standing at our sides. "And these are?" She turned to me questioning.

"This is our… family." In unison I felt the surprise of each individual as I introduced them as family. This was the first time I had acknowledged them that way.

From each of them I felt varying degrees of pleasure. Edward's mouth twitched in a smile, clearly pleased, though he must have had a good idea this was coming based on our earlier conversation. Esme was delighted, joy fairly radiating from her face. But it was Carlisle that surprised me the most. The surge of fatherly pride was not what I expected. It humbled me. I didn't deserve it, but I knew I'd strive for whatever would keep that emotion in place.

"Welcome to our home, Maria." Carlisle spoke, nodding genially at her. "Would you care to come inside?"

"Why, thank you. You're too kind." Maria followed Carlisle inside the front door. I waited until she was in front of me before following them into the house. I wasn't about to turn my back on her.

Seeing Maria in the Cullen's home – in my home – felt wrong. I felt violated. It was too personal watching her amble around the ground floor. She had no place here.

My unease was growing by the minute. I could feel my insides twisting and tightening until I thought I might snap in two. I tried so hard to keep my feelings tamped down, not allowing them to seep from me. I didn't want to give Maria the satisfaction of knowing she unnerved me this way. And also, I wanted the others guarded but not agitated. It helped no one if they were jumpy.

Alice knew though. Alice always knew. I was an open book to her.

I felt a sense of immediate loss when she loosened her hand from my grasp. My inner turmoil increased tenfold at the loss of contact. I needed her to be able to get through this.

I didn't have any reason to worry though. Alice didn't step away, instead she moved closer, winding her arms around my waist, pressing a kiss to my side. Her hand rubbed gently against my back, calming my nerves.

"Your home is so quaint." Maria cooed patronizingly. "I've never seen anything quite like this before."

"It's lovely isn't it?" I spoke wrapping my arm possessively around Alice as Maria turned her gaze back to us. "Esme has a particular gift for turning a house into a home."

Esme smiled warmly at me, "Thank you, dear. Making a haven for my family has always brought me a great deal of joy." She spoke in explanation to Maria.

"I'm sure." Condescension oozed from those two words.

It had only been a short time, but I was already growing tired of this. It wasn't the words Maria was saying that were offensive, it was the tone behind them. It was as if everything she said had a double meaning. She was saying one thing, but it meant something else entirely.

I glanced at Edward needing to know that he was monitoring her thoughts, watching for things that weren't apparent to me yet. He met my eyes and tilted his head in a slight nod. As aggravating as I'd found his gift before, there was no questioning my appreciation for it now. His lips quirked in a small smile hearing my thoughts.

Tired finally of her perusal of our home, Maria turned her gaze again to me, studying me. She pretended to notice the color of my eyes for the first time. She gasped.

"Why, Jasper, what happened to your eyes? You really don't look well." Her voice dripped saccharine concern.

"On the contrary, I've never been better." I retorted.

She took a step closer and I stiffened instinctively.

"Our family has chosen not to feed on humans, Maria." Carlisle spoke from the other side of the room. "We hunt animals instead. The animal blood gives our eyes their golden color."

"Indeed?" Maria's eyebrow shot up in surprise. "I've never heard of such a thing."

"It is possible, I assure you, though not without effort." Carlisle continued calmly.

"Most interesting." Maria fairly purred before turning back to me with calculating eyes. "Though I would imagine that would be terribly difficult for you, Jasper, considering your… appetite."

"I manage." I said stiffly.

With a snort and a final dark smirk directed towards me, she turned back to Carlisle questioning the particulars of our strange diet. I listened only half heartedly to their discussion.

As the hours passed with Maria right in the midst of the family I had grown to love, I found that I was withdrawing further into the shell that I had encased myself in to survive before – a futile attempt at self-protection.

It was a strange feeling to see such a significant part of my past interacting with my future. It was almost like seeing the two different parts of myself clearly displayed. I felt disconnected from the situation, like I was watching from a distance.

Alice never left my side. She was my one link with reality, my last tenuous hold on sanity. I found myself leaning on her, drawing from her strength as the minutes stretched endlessly before me. And the further I retreated into myself, the tighter her hold became, like an anchor holding me in place.

_Don't let go. _Please_, don't let me go._

Seeing Maria here now in contrast to the people I had grown to love was startling and revelatory. I couldn't help but draw the comparisons that were so clearly displayed before me.

The difference between Maria and Carlisle… the one who had sired me for her own gain and the man who had opened his home and his heart to me. He had given back to me the very thing Maria had stolen. A family.

The difference between Maria and Esme… Maria was entirely coldhearted. She thought nothing of the lies and deceptions she used to manipulate others to do her will. She would get what she wanted no matter the cost, or who got in her way in the process. Esme, on the other hand, was the very epitome of the word "mother." Every warm and tender emotion the word invoked was personified in her. Esme was the truest embodiment of a selfless mothering heart.

The difference between my new siblings… already there was a camaraderie and a fellowship with them that I had never truly experienced with Maria in all the years we had been together.

And the most obvious of all – the difference between Maria and my Alice. There truly was no comparison that could be drawn between them. They had no common traits to base a contrast on. Seeing the two of them in front of me was like seeing the difference between life and death. Between hope and despair.

Maria had taken my life, my dreams, and dashed them to pieces before me. She had stolen my soul.

Alice – my Alice –

had painstakingly restored all the things that Maria had stolen from me. She had restored to me my reason to live… had breathed her life and her joy into me and caused me to hope again.

Maria had cultivated only one aspect of my personality. She had been only ever concerned with the soldier in me. She'd never cared to look deeper and see the man that I had been.

But Alice… in one vision Alice had seen all the things that Maria had been blind to for more than eighty years. She _knew_ me, inside and out. With her I was more myself than I had ever been before.

For the first time in almost a century, I didn't despise myself or my existence. I had a future once again… a future to look forward to. I refused to let Maria take that from me again.

The charade continued and I grew all the more restless as time passed. I wished that she would go ahead and get to the point of her visit and stop prolonging the inevitable. But she appeared to be in no hurry.

I could feel the others growing more and more wary themselves as time went on. They didn't show it outwardly, but their agitation only served to multiply mine.

Finally I'd had enough. It was senseless to drag this out any longer and I feared that I would soon break in two under the tension.

"Enough, Maria." My voice was quiet, toneless. I stood to face her.

She looked up with false innocence in her eyes. "Enough of what?"

"I'm tired of playing this game, and it's gone on long enough. I'm through." It felt strange speaking to her like this. In all the years we'd been together I'd never spoken an impertinent word to her. It wasn't my place to question or correct, only to follow her lead.

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about." She placed a hand over her heart, continuing her feigned innocence.

"Don't stand there and try to play me for a fool, Maria. What do you want?" I questioned bluntly.

"What makes you think I want something from you?" Her eyebrow raised in question. "After more than eight decades together you just disappeared one day without a word. Is so strange to think that I might have simply wanted to make sure that you were all right?"

I barked a harsh laugh. "You and I both know that you never do anything without some kind of motive. And if you'll recall, we didn't exactly part under the most pleasant of circumstances. I'm sure you can understand how I might be questioning your intentions here."

"You wound me, Jasper. You really do. Here I've come all this way to check on you and be sure you're well and you act as if I'm the villain. I'm trying not to be insulted, but it's hard, really."

I pinched the bridge of my nose, growing exasperated. "Maria…"

"I admit that I'm surprised at what I've found here. This certainly isn't something I would have expected from you."

"I'm not asking you to understand my choices." I muttered.

She shook her head sadly. "Oh, Jasper. This…" she waved her hand around the room, "this worries me. You're _not_ a family man. I think you and I both know that you've set yourself up quite well for failure. I do hate to see that happen."

"You don't know anything." But my words and my traitorous feelings didn't agree. Maria had touched on one of my deepest fears, one that dated back to my years as a human… this fear that I would be unable to pick up the pieces that my years as a soldier had left and return to a normal life.

"You're a soldier, Jasper. A warrior at heart." Maria's softly spoken words took the wraithlike essence of my fears and gave them substance, feeding them so that they whispered ruthlessly, tauntingly, in my ear. Doubts and uncertainties took root, burrowing deeply, undeniably into my heart. "You don't belong here."

She wasn't telling me anything that I hadn't thought before, but hearing it spoken by someone else very nearly wrenched my heart out of my chest.

How do you refute something you _know_ to be true?

How do you deny something that's been the essence of your fears for almost a century?

"Come back with me to Texas, where you belong. I don't want you to get hurt trying to be something you're not."

I felt Alice's eyes on me, her emotions just as tumultuous as mine. Unease, anger, and a certain measure of fear were fighting for prominence. Yet through it all there was the eternal assurance of her love shining through like a beacon in the night. Like a candle left burning in the window, her love beckoned me home.

And that was the only thing that gave me the courage to fight.

"You're wrong." I put as much assurance as I could into the words, willing myself to believe them in spite of my ingrained fears. "I _am_ where I belong."

A flicker of something I couldn't quite identify passed over Maria's face and her emotions but it vanished as quickly as it appeared. She sighed, "Don't be foolish, Jasper. This life isn't meant for you. You belong in Texas, with me, living a life you know."

"I'm not going back."

I felt her frustration rising with each refusal. "If this is about what happened before, I admit I probably overreacted when I found out about Peter. I was just surprised and a little bit hurt that you had lied to me. But you and I can work through that. The partnership that we had was too valuable to throw away over a triviality."

"A triviality like the fact that you planned to kill me?" I snapped.

"I told you, Jasper, I overreacted. If you were that dissatisfied you should have told me. We could have worked something out and saved me all this time and effort searching for you.

"I'm willing to negotiate with you. Come back with me, Jasper. I'll restore you to your position as second in command of my army. You help me regain my territory and I'll split it with you. You can take your pick of whatever hunting grounds you like. You know you're not content hunting animals." She spat the word in distaste. "That's unnatural and most likely unhealthy. You were never meant to live this way."

The false concern in her voice was disgusting. "Come home, Jasper."

I felt the weight of every eye on me, waiting for my decision. We all knew I had difficulties maintaining this new diet.

I knew it.

And if I were entirely honest, there was a part of me that was still under the influence of the monster within. The monster that rejoiced at the thought of blood for the taking… not the unnatural substitute I had been surviving on for several years now, but _real_ blood. Blood that actually satisfied this relentless burning thirst.

It was mine for the taking if I wanted it… offered in abundance.

But at what cost?

The cost I knew all too well. I had paid the price for many years… the price was my soul.

The monster craved the seductive lure of blood. But I refused to be under the rule of the monster any longer.

I had another choice. A better choice.

The right choice.

Alice's hand slid into mine giving it a small squeeze. That simple gesture was enough to give me the fortitude I so desperately needed.

"I am home."

The mask fell from Maria's face as she finally dropped her charade. Rage contorted her features, revealing, at last, her true colors. "Jasper, you're being a fool! You can't change what you are to fit some fleeting whim. People like you aren't meant for a life like this." She waved her hand in a gesture that encompassed the home Esme had created and everyone in it.

"You don't belong here! Don't you see that? _You don't fit! _You are meant for combat – it's what you do. It's who you are. You're a killer – a murderer. You can't simply walk away from that and expect to leap right in to the middle of a family. It just isn't possible."

I retreated further into myself with every word she spoke. She was only giving voice to the very thoughts that had whispered into my ear day after day… and yet I had let myself hope.

I should have known better.

"Enough!"

My head jerked up in surprise at the unexpected command.

Carlisle hadn't raised his voice in the slightest, but the inherent authority in his tone stopped the flow of Maria's words. She looked at him with her own surprise evident on her face. Few people had dared to speak to her that way.

He continued, his voice still quiet and steady. "I will not allow anyone to come into my home and speak to a member of my family in such a manner. As a guest, I offer you the same hospitality I would to anyone else, but this is something I will not tolerate.

"Jasper is free to go, if that's what he chooses. Not one of us would hold him here against his will," he turned his benevolent gaze towards me, "though we do desire him to stay. But I will not stand by and condone an attack on his character."

I was dumbfounded at his defense. I hadn't expected him to speak on my behalf.

"Jasper," his solemn voice pulled my eyes to his. "Is it your desire to return to Texas with Maria?"

I felt each eye on me as he asked the question that brought everything to a culmination. Alice shifted anxiously beside me, not so much as breathing as she waited for me to speak. Esme's mournful eyes caught mine, seeming to plead silently with me.

"No." I was surprised by the strength of my voice, in spite of the disquiet churning under my surface. "I'm not going back."

Carlisle nodded, and I surely must have been mistaken, but for a moment I thought I had felt relief emanating from him.

"In that case, Maria," He turned back to her, unflinching at her murderous glare. "I think it's best if you leave now." His tone, quiet as it was, brooked no argument. He meant what he said.

"You're making a grave mistake, Jasper." Maria's eyes narrowed dangerously at me. "Don't try my patience any further. I assure you, you won't like the results."

Feeling as if my feet were made of lead, I trudged to the front doorway and turned the knob. The door swung open in front of me.

Maria's eyes widened in surprise – surprise that turned to vengeful wrath as soon as I spoke.

"I believe you were asked to leave, Maria."

Her hands balled into fists and she looked as if she would love nothing more than to strike me. A glance around the room at the six other vampires at my back must have been enough to change her mind though. "You _will_ regret this." She hissed.

I shook my head. "Not likely."

With a final hiss she turned and stalked out the door.

The click of the knob as the door swung back into place was the only sound to disturb the stillness that followed.

I was almost afraid to turn around and see the censure that must surely be looking back at me from every eye in the room. Carlisle's defense of me notwithstanding, how could I expect anything else?

"Well, good riddance." A fervent voice finally broke the silence.

I heard Emmett's guffaw at the unexpected source of the sentiment.

Turning, I saw Esme's arms crossed over her chest.

Edward's mouth hung open in disbelief. I could only imagine that my face must have mirrored his. I had never heard Esme utter one word that could be construed as anything but kind in the years we had lived with her – until now.

She reached up and nudged Edward's jaw back into place. "Close your mouth, dear, before you start collecting flies. And don't look at your mother with that tone; it's rude." The corner of her mouth twitched in a smile.

Alice giggled and even Rose chuckled quietly as the tension finally eased from the room with Maria's departure.

"Jasper, are you all right?" Esme asked gently, gliding to my side and placing a compassionate hand against my back.

"She was telling the truth." I said in a whisper, not willing to lift up my eyes and see the condemnation that should be reflected back to me. "Everything she said about me… it – "

"Doesn't matter." Esme interjected gently. "Jasper, look at me." Her hand cupped my chin and lifted up my eyes to meet hers. Her voice was soft as she continued. "We _all_ have our histories – things that we regret, things that we would change if we could.

"Every one of us has scars in some form or another. Scars that serve as reminders of where we've been and lessons we've learned along the way. Some are easily visible to outward appearance," she gently touched one of the many overlapping marks on my cheek. "Others run much deeper, perhaps only visible to ourselves. But those are just as real, and just as painful.

"My heart hurts to think about all the unspeakable things you've had to endure – to have seen all the things you've had to see. I look into your eyes now and I see a world of regret contained there. But, Jasper, just imagine the regrets you've saved yourself simply by the recent choices you've made. Imagine the next eighty that you'll be able to look back on without this same guilt that you're feeling right now.

"Not one of us holds you accountable for anything that happened in the past. The only thing that matters to us is who you choose to be now. Given the fact that your heart – your desires – are in the right place, as they are, your actions _will_ follow.

"She was wrong, Jasper – so very wrong. You _can_ change. You already have."

I searched as deeply into her eyes as I could. Nothing but truth was found… truth and the unfathomable depth of a mother's love. And for just an instant, it wasn't her golden eyes looking back at me, but the hauntingly familiar blue from a different life. The hand resting on my cheek became the same hand that had chased away my trivial fears as a child.

The same words that Esme had spoken were the same words I had known deep down inside my own mother would have said to allay those fears – fears that said I was undeserving and beyond saving. These were the words I had needed to hear for the last nine decades. These were words that broke and healed at the same time. Breaking through the walls of my defenses, and healing deeply ingrained wounds – reaching me where I was most vulnerable.

I glanced over to Carlisle, who had been silent while Esme spoke, simply nodding in concordance with her words. His sympathy and understanding further disassembled my crumbling defenses. In the wake of their compassion I found the beginnings of absolution for my sins.

Alice had never held my past against me. In fact, impossibly, it seemed to draw her closer. But Alice was my wife… she had chosen to be with me despite my flaws – indeed had fought for her place at my side in spite of them. It was one thing to hear these same things from her when I knew she viewed me through eyes blinded by love, but to hear it from ones who had no reason or motive to disregard my past was something else entirely.

I lifted up my eyes to look at each member of the family that I had grown to love. From none of them did I sense the slightest reproof or judgment. There was only the warmth of their acceptance – acceptance that left me defenseless and open.

"Thank you." My whisper was choked with the depth of the emotions fighting for an outlet.

Esme didn't speak aloud – she didn't have to. Her eyes said more than words could express as she reached up to brush the hair back from my forehead in an innately maternal gesture. She drew my head down to her shoulder and just held me.

Somehow, from the very start, Esme had been able to sense that part inside of me that was hidden from everyone else. The nineteen year old boy who had seen too much to still be a child, but that still ached for the reassurance of his mother's love. Reassurance that Esme gave now without reservation.

Fleetingly I thought how absurd this must look – me standing head and shoulders taller than Esme, covered in battle scars, clinging to her as she swayed gently back and forth in a rocking motion. But in all truthfulness, that didn't really matter to me at the moment. Esme was filling a void that had been present for many, many years.

The acceptance that surrounded me now was astounding. Each person in the room had chosen not to hold me accountable for what I had been. The only one who had yet to forgive was me. It was my turn to let the past go, to forgive myself. And for perhaps the first time, I believed I might just be able to do that.

From across the room, I saw Alice's muscles tense, her eyes glazing over in a familiar way. Edward stiffened along with her, a look of anger passing over his features.

"What?" Emmett spoke first. "What's going on?"

I couldn't tear my eyes away from Alice's face as it contorted in indignation. Her gaze snapped up to mine.

"She's going into town. She's going to expose us."

I didn't have to hear anything else. "Oh, hell no." I muttered as I vaulted from the room through the forest following Maria's scent.

I didn't know what Maria might be plotting, but she was furious enough not to be thinking rationally. She wasn't thinking about consequences; she was only concerned with revenge, which was made obvious by her recklessness. I couldn't see how she could possibly expose us without revealing herself as well. That was a moot point though; I wasn't going to let her get close enough to town for it to matter.

Seconds after I tore from the house, I heard the sound of pursuit at my back. Edward, Alice, and Emmett came up quickly behind me.

"Head her off, but don't engage her." I shouted as Edward passed me. With his ability to read her mind, I didn't worry about Maria being a danger to him, I doubted she could even catch him.

But this one was mine.

With every step my rage built and swelled inside until it became almost a living being within me. My vision colored red as I let the fury take full reign. Every lie, every word she had spoken came back to me now to fuel the fire burning in my muscles, pushing me farther and faster than I had ever run before.

Never again.

She would never take anything from me again.

Not my dignity, not my integrity, or my honor.

Not my family, not my future.

Her hold on me ended _now_… whatever it took.

The sounds of the city began to filter in through the forest. In spite of my best efforts, Maria had gotten too close to town. A few people on the very outskirts were beginning to notice the strange disturbance in the woods. The sound of Edward and Maria's fierce growling seemed unnaturally loud to me. The slowly setting sun reflected like prisms on our unprotected skin, presenting yet another risk of exposure.

Edward was circling around Maria, easily avoiding her attempted strikes as we drew nearer. Slowly, he forced her deeper into the cover of the trees. Emmett, Alice, and I further surrounded her until the only direction she could go was the one we allowed.

Maria's anger flared as her options were stripped away. That anger served only to enhance mine until it was the only thing I could feel. It consumed me.

Safely miles away from the city, the others stepped aside as one, leaving me to face off with my maker.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Alice's hands balled up into fists, her expression fierce. I saw Edward place his hand on her shoulder, but whether in comfort or restraint I wasn't sure. Emmett stood a step in front of the others, looking like it was galling him to be on the sidelines of the fight.

They faded to the background, though, as my vision narrowed to a glaring red tunnel where the only thing I saw was my sire. The only thing I felt was the rage that pumped like a life force through my limbs. My muscles coiled, my instincts honed to this familiar, lethal dance.

I didn't pause to wait for Maria to make her move; I struck first – lunging instinctively for her throat. With a ferocious snarl, she sidestepped me launching herself at my left side. Feral snarls ripped from my lungs as I dodged her every strike, though I was no more successful than she was.

We knew each other too well. We could anticipate the other's every move almost before it occurred. She had been the one to train me – I had observed her fighting style for decades. That made the fight entirely too even for my liking.

I was _not_ going to lose.

I let the rage have full domination, my mind not in control anymore; instead, I was ruled by my instincts.

I thought of the eighty years I had spent under her thumb, not even considering that there might be a different life than what I had been taught, because I had trusted her completely. It had never occurred to me to question her. I had believed that she could do no wrong… her word had been law.

I thought of all the times that the guilt had gnawed away inside me until I had thought I would crumble under its weight. All the times she had assured me that this was the only choice for our kind. I recalled the despair that had ruled me until I wanted only to kill myself… to find some way out.

The way out that had been there all along, I just hadn't known to look for it.

And finally I thought of the thirty years with Alice that I had been denied… thirty wretchedly wasted years. Three decades that I had been seeking my own death, when my life had been out there waiting for me.

Blind rage coursed through me in a powerful surge. My body, my mind, my instincts focused on only one thing – destruction… in whatever means it required.

I was through fighting fair.

In one lunge, Maria's hair flew out behind her and that was all I needed to gain the advantage. I grabbed it, wrapping that fistful of hair around my hand, and used it as leverage to force her to the ground. My knee landed solidly in the small of her back as I pushed her face forward into the dirt, pinning her so that she was rendered helpless.

Fury and adrenaline still pulsed in my body making me feel invincible.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't tear you apart limb from limb right now." I hissed in her ear, almost word for word what she had said to me in our last conversation. "Just _one_ reason."

"I gave you life." Maria hissed back, trying furiously to regain the upper hand.

"And how many lives have I taken for you since then, Maria? Tell me!" I demanded as I recalled them all now in a steady stream, cursing the memory that wouldn't allow me to forget. Hundreds. Thousands of them. "No. That score was settled long ago. Try harder."

"You would kill me after eighty years together? After the partnership we had?" She demanded.

"Eighty years, yes. And every last one of them a living hell. You thought nothing of taking my life there at the end. I still wonder why you didn't."

"I should have!" She spat, "This isn't the life I created you for."

"You have no say over how I live my life anymore. It doesn't belong to you. And as of now, you still haven't given me a reason to leave you alive."

She didn't speak, but I could feel the venomous hatred seeping from her every cell.

I waited. Nothing.

"You have nothing to say?"

She stayed still and silent as a stone. Even she knew that there was no valid defense that she could offer.

"I could give you a list of all the reasons why I _should_. But that would be a waste of my time and breath, wouldn't it?"

Maria's body stiffened, preparing for my hands to break her in two. I was sorely tempted, but once again, I stood at a crossroads. I had a choice presented to me yet again.

I could kill Maria now and probably be justified in doing so. But that was the choice that my first life predisposed me to. Violence. Killing.

I thought of Carlisle, the look I would see on his face if I made that choice. He would say nothing, but I would feel his disappointment. He believed that I could be better than that.

Who did I want to be? Which authority did I want to emulate?

I didn't have to think twice.

I tightened my grip on Maria, leaning down to hiss in her ear, "Fortunately, for your sake, _I_ am not _you_."

With a shove, I released her. She was on her feet in the same movement.

I met her glare with my own. "Leave. Now. I don't ever want to see you again. I don't ever want to hear from you again. As far as I am concerned, from this moment on, _you no longer exist_."

She didn't flinch. My words only seemed to increase her ire. "If that was what you wanted, then you should have killed me when you had the chance. This is far from over, Jasper. You can count on that." She spat.

I saw Edward and Alice exchange a meaningful glance, a silent conversation passing between them. It only lasted a moment before both smirked, decidedly smug. They had something up their sleeve.

"Oh, I think it is." Edward spoke for the first time. He sauntered forward, Alice close beside him, and propped up against a tree as if he hadn't a care in the world. Both of them appeared completely unconcerned with the threat that Maria posed.

Maria turned her icy glare on Edward as he continued to speak. "You see, one of the things perhaps we neglected to mention during the course of your stay with us, was the fact that Carlisle spent several decades with the Volturi. Aro still has the highest regard for Carlisle, in fact. I think he would be most displeased if he found out about the threats you've made to a member of Carlisle's family."

What the hell was he doing?

There was no chance that Aro was going to be concerned with the petty dealings going on here. It would be of no consequence to him. I couldn't fathom where Edward was going with this train of thought, but I was willing to give him a chance. The smug assurance on Alice's face indicated that whatever he was doing had a good chance of being successful.

A whisper of fear passed through Maria at the mention on the Volturi. Odd. Everyone in the South had a healthy respect for the Volturi, but Maria had always been too meticulous in her dealings to have reason to fear… unless Edward had seen something in her mind that I was as yet unaware of. My curiosity was piqued.

The fear was gone just as quickly as it appeared. Maria laughed in mocking contempt, "Really, Cullen, what kind of fool do you take me for? You honestly expect me to believe that the Volturi would care so much for your little family that they would intervene on your behalf? That's a little far-fetched, don't you think?"

Edward simply shrugged, the very picture of nonchalance. "Perhaps. But is that really a risk you want to take? Do you truly want to draw that kind of attention to yourself, especially after that little 'incident' in Laredo last year?" Edward made a condescending 'tsk-ing' sound. "You've gotten a bit careless recently, Maria. I doubt that Aro would appreciate the all the suspicion your little escapade aroused with the locals. People _were_ beginning to talk, you know."

Maria's shock was evident on her face. "How did you know about that?" She hissed through her teeth.

"Does it really matter? The point is, a well placed word could easily be the end of your entire operation… and of you. That kind of notice from the human population isn't something the Volturi takes lightly."

Maria was fuming as Edward verbally backed her into a corner. "Of course, if you were to leave now, there'd be no reason for us to involve the Volturi. You can either return to Mexico and salvage what you can on your own, or you can persist with this fool's errand and stand to lose it all. Your choice."

I looked over at Alice who was positively gloating. "In case you haven't figured it out on your own, Maria, this is the part where you tuck your tail between your legs and run right back where you came from."

Maria shot livid, flaming glares between Edward and Alice. I could almost see the wheels in her mind turning furiously as she tried to work her way out of the corner.

"It's your call, Maria – though it seems to me like it ought to be a fairly easy decision. Is it really worth it to you to continue?" Edward pressed.

Her eyes narrowed and I felt a certain bitter resignation added to the seething rage teeming beneath her surface. Her glower shifted from Edward to me, eyeing me contemptuously. I felt like I should have been singed by the fire of her glare.

"No," she spat venomously, "Not worth it."

"I didn't think so." Edward smirked. "So, I guess that means you're done here, doesn't it." It wasn't a question, it was a command.

Maria's eyes shot daggers at him before finally turning to leave, not bothering to even look back even once at me.

"Oh, Maria," Alice's voice chirped, disarmingly affable. Maria turned back around, still seething. "I _will_ know if you change your mind. And I almost hope you do. Believe me when I say that you won't walk away again. I'm not as _forgiving_ as my husband is where his life is concerned." The pleasant mask fell away from her features, the icy, threatening glare surpassing the ferocity of even Maria's.

At first glance, such a threat coming from tiny Alice should have been amusing rather than frightening.

Should have been, but it wasn't. Not in the least.

I had never seen her look so menacing… so much like the vampire that she was. In that moment, I had no doubt that she could indeed carry out the threat she made. They were not just idle words.

Maria eyed her sharply, sizing her up. She didn't bother to respond.

She turned… and stalked away.

Disappearing through the trees, she was gone. I could breathe again. The rage that had fueled me drained from my body, leaving me feeling spent.

"Well, that was easy." Emmett dead panned.

"Are you all right?" Alice flitted to my side in the same second that Maria was out of earshot, her expression changing from menace to concern instantaneously. Her hands ran over me, checking for wounds from my fight with Maria.

"I'm fine." I took her hands in mine and pressed a kiss to her knuckles, pulling her into my side, holding her close. "I'm not hurt."

I looked to Edward who was still leaning against the tree like he hadn't a care in the world. "What was that?" I questioned, still reeling a little. "The Volturi? Unless there's something about Carlisle's time in Volterra that you haven't told me there's no way they would ever get involved here." I shook my head, "I can't even imagine what kind of favors he'd have to call in for that… and even then, I don't think – "

"_That_, Jasper," Edward cut in, "was, admittedly, a somewhat reckless wager. I thought that perhaps some mention of the Volturi would spark a memory, some slip-up on her part that could be used to our advantage. Apparently it worked.

She got a little desperate to maintain her territory after you left, made some mistakes and didn't cover her tracks as well as she ought. It was a gamble, but it paid off."

"But if she ever figures out that you were bluffing – "

"Then we cross that bridge when we come to it." Edward was confident. "I don't think she'll risk it though. Her thoughts didn't sway that direction. Her pride was hurt, but she didn't think it was worth risking her life over. I suppose I just helped her rearrange her priorities a bit." He shrugged.

I shook my head, incredulous. "I don't know what to say." It was a new experience having people willing to fight _for_ me, to be willing to put their lives on the line for mine. I still wasn't entirely sure how to deal with that.

"Thank you is sufficient." Edward smiled crookedly at me. "After all, that's what brothers are for. Right?"

One corner of my mouth lifted in a small smile, "I suppose. Edward, I – thank you." I said simply, wanting to say more, but unable to quite find the words.

"Come on." He clapped me on the back, "Let's head back. The others will be worried."

Back at the house, I was taken aback by the flurry of activity within. White sheets were covering most of the furniture, suitcases and boxes lying around the entryway.

"What's going on?" I questioned, though it appeared quite obvious. We were leaving.

A silent communication passed between Edward and Carlisle. Carlisle turned towards me, "All things considered, I believe it's best for us to make a move – before the people in town have too much time to speculate about what happened earlier. It's merely a precaution."

I hung my head. Despite how much I willed it otherwise, my past was coming back to affect my family.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Carlisle laid a hand on my shoulder. "In the grand scheme of things one move is nothing to be concerned about."

"You shouldn't have had to uproot yourselves on my account." _Again_.

"Jasper," Carlisle's voice turned solemn, "you're not responsible for Maria's actions. You never have been. You've done nothing wrong, and you have nothing to apologize for."

Carlisle turned to the others, "We need to discuss where we're going and what public stories you'd like to use this time."

A conversation ensued among the others, but I was only half listening. I felt Alice's gaze on me as she must have seen our future flickering before her eyes.

I knew what I wanted now. Having seen so plainly my past and my potential future, I knew what path I wanted my life to take. I didn't want to be on the outskirts of the family anymore, I was finally ready to commit – to throw my lot in with them whatever the future held.

Alice's hand slid into mine in a gesture of support and encouragement. I felt her surge of excitement and expectation as her vision must have solidified..

"Jasper, Alice, I assume you'll be joining us." Carlisle turned, expectancy evident in his voice.

"Yes," I nodded, "we'd like to." I paused, searching for words, a little bit nervous when it actually came down to taking this last step. I was fully aware of the importance of what I was doing.

"We'd like to come with you, as part of your family… officially."

Esme placed a hand over her mouth, covering her smile, her eyes suddenly bright with tears that couldn't be shed. She placed her arm around Alice and laid her head against hers – the tender bond of a mother and daughter further proof to me that this was right.

This was where we belonged.

We were loved.

_I_ was loved-- I could feel it.

A warmth flooded me at the thought. It had taken almost a century, but I had come full circle. Once again, I was embraced in the heart of a family.

I was wanted.

I was home.

"I would be honored." Carlisle's voice caught. He knew, as resistant as I had been to take this step, how monumental this was for me – what this signified.

Just as Alice had taken my name when we had joined ourselves together as a sign of oneness and of commitment, I was ready to take the Cullen name now. In doing so, placing myself under Carlisle's authority, committing myself and my wife to truly be a part of his family.

Carlisle stepped towards me and placed his hands on my shoulders, "I'd be honored, son." His voice was no more than a whisper.

_Son_.

My eyes stung with tears that couldn't fall.

Slowly, giving me the chance to pull away if I wished, Carlisle wrapped his arms around me in a father's embrace.

I didn't pull back. I held tightly to my father instead.

In that moment, Jasper Whitlock was, in a sense, finally laid to rest.

I was no longer Major Jasper Whitlock – soldier… executioner… educator in the ways of death. My past would always be a part of me, but it no longer owned me. My past no longer directed the path of my future.

I was, instead, Jasper Cullen – husband… brother… and son. That was who I _chose_ to be. That was how I chose to be defined now.

I had been granted forgiveness. I'd been given a second chance – an opportunity to begin again… to regain all that I had lost.

I had been restored.

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**OoOoOoOoOo**

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Song for Chapter 8

What I've Done  
by Linkin Park

_Put to rest What you thought of me  
While I cleaned this slate with the hands  
Of uncertainty_

_So let mercy come_  
_And wash away_  
_What I've done_

_For what I've done_  
_I'll start again_  
_And whatever pain may come_  
_Today this ends_  
_I'm forgiving what I've done_

_I've faced myself_  
_To cross out what I've become_  
_Erase myself_  
_And let go of what I've done_

_What I've done_  
_Forgiving what I've done_

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**OoOoOoOoOo**

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**Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts! :-) **

**Nik**


	10. Chapter 9

**All right, folks, this is the point where things start moving on the Twilight front… events should start looking pretty familiar from here on out. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, themes, and dialogue are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement is intended.**

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**OoOoOoOoOo**

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**Chapter 9**

**March 2005**

"He's really not coming, is he?" Emmett's disheartened voice questioned. The whole family, plus Peter and Charlotte, had gathered at the Rainier field—the whole family with the notable exception of Edward.

Edward had been noticeably absent for the last several days keeping a constant watch on Bella Swan. I knew that his excuse of Peter and Charlotte being in town was just that, an excuse, but it irritated me just the same.

Peter and Charlotte, though they hunted in the usual way, had far too much respect for our family to do anything to put us in danger. They most certainly never hunted in the area in which we lived. Edward, though, thought as much of Peter's self-control as he did mine. In other words, not at all.

Alice glanced sideways at me before she answered Emmett in a regretful voice, "No, Em. I'm sorry."

Emmett shook his head. "I don't get it. I even left him a note, and he's still not coming."

Alice shrugged, "He got the note, but…"

"How is watching a human sleep more interesting than football?" Emmett asked, incredulous.

"Don't look at me." I held my hands up. I had my own suspicions about Edward's mental stability at the moment, but I wasn't going to air them with Peter and Charlotte present. Some things were better left within the family.

"It's just as well that he's not, babe." Rosalie laid a hand on his arm, "the teams are even without him anyway."

"I know, but still…" Emmett's voice trailed off.

Rose attempted to squelch a burst of frustration. I assumed it was directed towards Edward's absence and the way it was affecting Emmett. I doubted that for herself she cared if Edward was here or not.

"Come on, Em" I clapped him heartily on the back. "Let's play some ball." I sent a subtle wave of enthusiasm his way. "You know you're about to get whooped, right?"

"That's what you think." He shoved at my shoulder, grinning now. "Just try not to cry in front of your guests when I pound you into the dirt."

Peter tossed me the ball he and Carlisle had been passing back and forth between them.

"Give it your best shot." I challenged with a grin as I chucked the ball into Emmett's hands. Not another word was said about Edward's nonattendance as the game progressed.

I noticed with some surprise how quickly Peter and I fell back into an easily familiarity as we played together on the same team. Peter had always been able to anticipate my maneuvers on the battlefield, and it appeared that this was much the same. In terms of years together, Peter and I had a history that spanned a longer time period than anyone else on the field. Despite the years that we'd been apart, we could still almost predict each other's movements.

The score stayed close throughout the game as each of us gave it everything we had. All of us enjoyed the chance to let go of the restraints we used in our everyday lives and truly push ourselves to our limits. The effort was invigorating. I reveled in the energizing effects of each person's intensity in the game, using it to push me to compete harder.

Though the competition was almost palpable to me, it wasn't the only aspect of this that I enjoyed. I basked, too, in the lighthearted pleasure each person was experiencing.

It was pure fun.

During one possession, Peter looked hurriedly down the field as Rosalie barreled towards him. He passed the ball in my direction, but while it was still in the air, Emmett hurtled into my side knocking me into the dirt so hard that our bodies left a huge furrow in the soft ground

"Pass interference!" Alice yelled as Emmett and I hopped back onto our feet, brushing some of the mud clods from our clothes. "Esme call him on it!"

"She's right, Emmett." Esme shrugged apologetically, "The ball was still in the air when you hit him."

"Mom!" Emmett's jaw dropped, "you're not refereeing this time; you're on my team! You're not supposed to call me for a foul."

"But Emmett, that was cheating. Winning isn't as much fun if it's not done fairly."

Emmett looked at Esme like her shoulders had suddenly sprouted a second head. I laughed, and Alice stuck her tongue out at him, decidedly smug that Esme had taken her side.

With much half-hearted grumbling from Emmett, the game recommenced. When the game finally ended towards dawn, my team had won by one score. The good-natured ribbing that had gone on throughout the game continued as we returned to the house, each of us to our various entertainments.

Towards the latter part of the afternoon, Peter rose from his seat reaching for Charlotte's hand. "If we're going to make it to Seattle by nightfall, we should be moving on." He extended his hand to Carlisle who shook his proffered hand warmly. "Thank you again for your hospitality."

"Yes, thank you." Charlotte echoed sincerely. She turned to Esme, "You're always so kind in opening your home to us. We do appreciate it."

"You're quite welcome." Esme laid a hand on Charlotte's shoulder. "Our doors are always open."

Just then, Edward entered through the kitchen door and breezed through the house, nodding curtly to Peter and Charlotte. He didn't say a word, just headed straight for the family room. Sounds from the piano filled the room just seconds later. The music, like Edward's emotions, had a distinct undertone of impatience.

I noticed the look Peter and Charlotte exchanged and felt their confusion at Edward's odd behavior. I didn't even acknowledge Edward in my thoughts, however. His behavior was getting old very quickly.

"We'll see you out." I said as Alice stood. After they had completed their goodbyes, Alice and I filed out the front door after them. We walked with them into the edge of the woods, making small talk about their immediate plans, shaking off the awkwardness Edward's abrupt appearance had brought.

"Well, Char, I guess we should probably get going," Peter said after a few moments. "After all, it _is_ a school night for some people." He smirked. My high school status provided no end of amusement to my once-subordinate.

"Go ahead, laugh it up." I shrugged, fully expecting his teasing to continue.

"It would be embarrassing to me if you had to bring a truancy note home to your parents because we caused you to miss too much school... _Major_." Alice and Charlotte made poor attempts to hide their smiles as he continued. "And I would hate to be a bad influence on you. High school is such an impressionable time for kids, you know."

"Peter, keep in mind, I may not be your commanding officer anymore, but I can still kick your tail back to Texas. Keep on if you don't believe me." I crossed my arms over my chest with a mock glare.

"And I sure would hate to have to answer to Dr. Cullen for contributing to the delinquency of his underage son." Peter continued despite the warning, the smirk on his face practically begging for me to knock it off.

"You know what, you asked for this." I jumped him, both of us laughing as we hit the dirt. "You just don't know when to quit." I saw Alice and Charlotte exchange a tolerantly amused glance as we play-wrestled in the dirt.

"Peter," Charlotte warned, amusement still lingering in her eyes, "do not make me have to wash those clothes again. You'll find yourself becoming reacquainted with the doghouse if I do."

I noticed a decidedly mischievous glint in Alice's eyes as she grinned, "Why _wash_ them when it's so much more fun to _replace_ them?

Uh-oh. I recognized that look.

I quickly abandoned my tussle with Peter and launched myself at Alice. She squealed as I wound my arms around her, imprisoning her, but she didn't try to get away.

"Peter, if you have any intentions of making out of the state sometime this year, you might want to grab your wife and run before this little monster gets loose. When she gets that look, she's more than liable to kidnap Charlotte and hold her hostage at the nearest shopping establishment."

"Hey!" Alice elbowed me in the side—as much as she could with her arms pinned. "Don't be silly, Jasper; I'd never do that. The Port Angeles mall is nothing to brag about. Paris, on the other hand, is _lovely_ in the springtime." Her eyes sparked with wicked amusement.

"Hmmm…" Charlotte grinned, joining in on Alice's game, "I've never been to Paris before. That might be fun."

"Well, folks, it's been great, but we've got to get moving." Peter grabbed hold of Charlotte's arm and tugged her towards the woods. I laughed out loud at his feigned panic.

"Another time." Charlotte winked at Alice.

With a squeeze, I released Alice and watched as she went to embrace Charlotte, expressing her wishes for their safe travel.

Peter hugged her next. "Keep him out of trouble, huh?" He smirked and nodded towards me.

Alice's tinkling laugh answered, "I do my best. But you know how he is." The smile she directed at me was equal parts affectionate and teasing.

"She's probably the only one who can." I was only half-kidding. I took Alice's place, embracing my one-time brother, pounding him warmly on the back. "Don't be a stranger. You know you're always welcome."

"We'll be in touch." Peter promised.

"Take care." Charlotte took Peter's hand and together they ran into the forest, heading towards Seattle.

Alice stepped back, leaning into my chest and lifting my arms to wrap them back around her as we watched them disappear. They turned around, and with a final wave they were gone.

I stooped down, enveloping Alice further into my embrace, resting my cheek against hers. I couldn't help but recall the first time I had parted from Peter and Charlotte… alone and searching… aching and empty. Charlotte had known even before I had what I was looking for. Peace and forgiveness.

I held all that and more in my arms right now.

After a moment, I felt a vague edge of disquiet creeping into Alice's emotions, distracting me from my own contented thoughts.

"What are you thinking?" I whispered, brushing my lips against the lobe of her ear.

Alice didn't say anything at first, just held my arms more securely around her, like she was trying to hold me in place. Her mouth opened and closed several times as she seemed to search for words. "Do you ever think about if it might be… easier… to live like Peter and Charlotte?"

"What do you mean?" I turned her so that she was facing me, needing to see into her eyes – hoping they would provide some insight to her strange question.

"You fight so hard," She cupped my face in her tiny hand, her eyes brimming with love and concern. "_So_ hard, and you never really get a break. I guess I wonder if seeing Peter and Charlotte so content makes you question our way of life… if it would be less of a struggle for you to live like they do."

It shouldn't be possible for my heart to hold anymore love for Alice; she already occupied it completely. Impossibly though, my heart swelled again at her selfless concern for my wellbeing.

I bent to press a kiss to her forehead. "You forget, I've already been there, darlin. I tried it that way. That lifestyle is no less of a fight for me, not having to live with the depression that goes along with it. You saw, Alice; you saw what it did to me. I have no desire to put myself through that again.

At least this way, I feel like I'm actually fighting for something worthwhile – like I'm actually fighting for the _right_ thing. Difficult as it is, at least at the end of the day, I can live with myself."

Alice buried her head into my chest for a moment. I felt the swelling of her relief and the wave of her love washing through every cell of my being before her head tilted back to look at me. "I love you." She whispered fervently.

"I know." I leaned my forehead against hers. "That's the only reason why I'm still alive. If it wasn't for that, I'd have given up a long time ago."

"Jasper?" Alice's hands tightened on my arms and a longing filled her voice. "Let's go upstairs? Please."

"You don't have to ask me twice." I took her hand in mine and kissed her knuckles, leading the way to our room.

We loved each other through the evening hours, glorying in the completion we had in each other and the joy we received from simply being together. Our lovemaking was a myriad of tender, unhurried caresses, languid, slow kisses, and whispered words of love.

Afterwards, we lay together wrapped up in a cozy tangle of arms and legs. Alice's head rested in the curve where my neck joined my shoulder, her hair softly tickling my cheek where it rested against her head.

Without warning, a gasp fell from Alice's lips, jarring me from my tranquility. She leapt from the bed, a stream of uncharacteristic curses falling from her lips in seven different languages. She hurriedly wrapped herself in my button-down shirt that had been abandoned on the floor and lunged for her phone.

"Alice?" I was worried by the tenor of her emotions at the moment and by her abrupt departure. I stood from the bed and stepped into my pants before kneeling down in front of her.

"He's not answering." Alice's voice was panicked as she held the phone to her ear.

"Who? Edward?" She nodded hurriedly. "Is he in danger?" She shook her head. "Bella?" Her face contorted with fear and she nodded again.

Alice swore again when the automated voice message picked up. She reared back her hand to hurl the phone across the room, but I grabbed it before it could leave her grasp. Esme wouldn't appreciate the resulting hole in the wall.

With her head held in her hands, I felt Alice's body tense as she fought to see what was happening.

"Is there anything we can do?" I questioned rubbing my hands up and down her arms.

"No. I think—" Some of the tension slowly began draining out of her muscles. "Yes, he's on his way. He'll get to her in time." Alice groaned and released the breath she'd been holding in a sigh. "That was too close."

I tugged on her hand and led her back to the bed. She snuggled against my chest again, still wrapped in my shirt which dwarfed her small frame. "What happened?"

"Edward followed Bella to Port Angeles this evening. She was cornered in an alley by a group of thugs."

"But Edward got to her in time?"

She nodded, "With no help from me though. I can't believe I didn't see that sooner." Alice's self-reproach was evident in every word.

"No one expects you to see everything, darlin. You're not infallible, let alone omniscient." She just grunted in response.

This was, unfortunately, one of the down sides to Alice's gift; she felt such a weight of responsibility for the wellbeing of the ones she loved. That was a burden I wished she didn't have to carry.

Nothing more was said for a time as we sat with our thoughts.

I was a little startled to realize that it was already nearing our anniversary—one of them anyway. In just over three weeks, on April 3, it would be fifty-three years since the day Alice found me at the diner in Philadelphia. Fifty-three years since the day my life truly began.

I smiled at the memory of my first sight of her, the love and the joy that had radiated from her tiny being, warming me for the first time in almost a century. Even through my subsequent stubbornness and idiocy, her presence had brought the light back into my life.

Now the question was what to get her as an anniversary gift. Certainly not clothes. I almost chuckled at the thought. That would be a redundant gift as Alice could stock a shopping mall of her own with what she had in our closet (if one could still call that monstrosity a closet.) And I had long ago conceded that the workings of her mind where fashion was concerned was entirely beyond my limited understanding.

She had more jewelry than she could wear, and honestly, in keeping with our charade of being high school students trying to blend in, there was only so much she could prudently wear out in public.

The noises filtering into our room from our family members gave me an idea – privacy. It had been some time since Alice and I had taken a trip on our own. Alice had mentioned Paris earlier, and I knew she would enjoy that excursion. Or perhaps the chalet in Switzerland; the remote mountain location would certainly be easier for me to enjoy.

"Who said you had to choose just one?" A smug voice piped up from my side. "A week or two in Paris followed by a couple of weeks in the Alps. We can both be happy."

"Alice!" I shook my head. I should know by now not to try to surprise her… yet another disadvantage to having a prescient wife. "You could at least have the decency to try not to look." I tweaked her nose.

"You know better." Her bright, teasing smile indicated that she had finally stopped flogging herself for her earlier oversight. "What fun would that be?" She pecked me on the lips and rose to get dressed.

I followed her into the massive closet after a moment and took the clothes she held out.

"You know, Alice, one of these days, somehow someway, I'm _going_ to surprise you." I teased as she slipped into her shoes.

Two delicate hands brushed mine out of the way and finished off the last three buttons of my shirt. She tugged gently on the collar to bring my face down to her level. She feathered her lips over mine, and caught my lower lip between both of hers, nibbling softly, teasingly.

"Don't hold your breath, soldier." She taunted in a breathy voice against my lips before she spun around and flitted towards the door.

"Tease." I swatted her behind before she could escape. Her trilling laugh carried through the hall as she skipped down the stairs.

"Love you!" She called back up to me.

"You'd better." I mumbled under my breath, fighting a smile, knowing full well she could hear me. I took a moment to set our room back to rights and then followed Alice downstairs.

Emmett was sprawled on the couch with the television blaring when I went down. Rosalie was occupied at the computer desk, and I heard Esme and Carlisle's voices in quiet conversation from Carlisle's study upstairs. I plopped down on the rug in front of the couch settling in to watch the basketball game with Emmett.

Not much later, I heard the sounds of Edward's Volvo coming down the driveway and stopping in front of the house. I couldn't help but overhear his conversation with Alice who had been waiting on the porch steps for him. From the tenor of their emotions and the disjointed flow of the exchange, I got the feeling that once again Alice knew something about Edward's situation that she was hiding from the rest of us.

I was, however, relieved to hear him reassure her about her earlier oversight. I had felt the shame that enveloped her again, and I could easily picture the way her slender shoulders would stoop under her unnecessary guilt.

"Don't be." I heard Edward's voice comfort her. "I know you can't catch everything; no one expects you to be omniscient, Alice." I was grateful that the words seemed to cheer her. And grateful, too, that he hadn't made her feel worse about the lapse in her vision. Had he done so, I would have made quite certain that he regretted it.

A moment later, Edward came inside, heading up to Carlisle's study, looking like a man on a mission. I heard the two of them planning to return to Port Angeles and find the man who had cornered Bella in the alley this evening—a serial rapist and a murderer wanted in several different states.

Edward and Carlisle left for Port Angeles without delay. Alice came back inside after the Volvo had sped back down the road in the same direction that Edward had just come from. Emmett and I both looked up when she walked in the door.

"Judging by the smile on your face I'm assuming they won't have any difficulties with their little task." I remarked as she settled on the floor beside me.

"Nope. It'll be easy." She grinned up at me.

CNN was the first to break the news of Alonzo Wallace's capture that morning. I could feel Edward's relief as he realized that the man was finally behind bars where he could no longer be a danger to innocents walking along the streets.

Edward stayed just long enough to watch the coverage and then left again to return to Bella's. The rest of us took Rose's car to school that morning.

At lunch, Edward sat with Bella again. Their quiet conversation joined the continual buzzing of all the other voices that we tuned out until one question of Bella's caught our attention quite effectively.

"What would you do if someone dared you to eat food?" Bella whispered to Edward.

Rosalie's eyes grew wide at the same time mine did. I caught her incredulous gaze, which I was sure matched mine. We both turned to Alice for answers.

Alice shifted in her seat, not looking at either of us, the water bottle on her tray apparently fascinating all of a sudden.

With our ears now attuned to their conversation, it was exceedingly obvious that Bella knew more than was good for her… the question now was just _how much_ did she know.

"Alice," Rosalie's voice, though quiet, was sharp enough to splinter ice. "is there something the rest of us should know?"

Alice looked up to meet our eyes, clearly uncomfortable. Admittedly, it should have been Edward's place to tell us, but he obviously wasn't going to. I recalled earlier that morning when I had grown suspicious that they were hiding something; it appeared now that my suspicions were correct.

Alice gnawed on her lip, stalling.

"Alice," Her reluctance to tell was worrying me.

"She knows." Alice whispered, eyes downcast.

"How much?" Dread made my stomach sink.

"Everything."

With a wry, disbelieving chuckle, I rubbed the back of my neck with my hand. "Great. This is just great."

"He told her?" Rosalie hissed through her teeth.

"He didn't have to." Alice was growing defensive. "She guessed."

"And he didn't try to persuade her otherwise?" I demanded.

"Think, Jasper. She would have had to find out eventually."

I swallowed hard, trying to get my anger under control—which only became more difficult as the lunch hour continued and Edward conversed so nonchalantly with Bella about our hunting preferences.

Edward was playing with fire, and as they said, someone was bound to get burned. Even as vampires, we were far from immune from the flames… in fact, they were the one thing that could destroy us.

My mood went on a downward spiral from there. All afternoon, I noticed the humans I passed in the hallways giving me an even wider berth than normal, their instincts for self-preservation unconsciously coming into play.

Emmett took Rosalie hunting after school in attempt to distract her from her anger towards Edward and to give her an outlet for her frustration. Alice attempted to reason me out of my black humor after they'd gone.

"Rose is going to give him hell enough for everyone. It'd be nice if he didn't have to get it from you too." Her arms were crossed over her chest.

"I don't like this, Alice. It's _dangerous_ for us that she knows, and you and Edward don't seem to grasp that."

"I know it's a risk--"

"A risk?" I laughed humorlessly, "There are seven necks on the line if anyone finds out that a human knows about us. That's one hefty risk there, Alice."

"What do you want me to do, Jasper? This is out of my hands; it was meant to be. He loves her."

I didn't respond. I didn't know what I wanted or even what I had expected. And I _didn't_ like the fact that Alice and I were arguing about this. I hated arguing with her—hated the tight, uneasy feeling that wrapped around my chest when we did.

Alice's forehead creased with her frown. She sighed, "I can see you're going to like this even less." She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, gnawing on it before she spoke, "I'm going hunting with Edward tomorrow after the lunch hour. He's taking Bella on an outing Saturday, and he needs all the help he can get beforehand."

"And his going off with her by himself seems like a good idea to you?" I scoffed, not able to fathom how he could justify that. The image of his face the first day he had seen Bella Swan came to mind now in vivid detail, the bloodlust in his eyes causing my throat to burn even in remembrance.

"Jasper, you're being unreasonable." Alice's voice was grave. "You already knew that something like this had to happen. I don't understand why you're so upset by it."

"And if he kills her… do you not see how the entire family is going to come under suspicion. People _will_ become suspicious, Alice, if she just disappears. Their relationship isn't exactly low-profile with the people in town anymore."

Alice raised her chin, becoming defiant. "He won't hurt her."

I lifted one eyebrow. Her words said one thing, but her emotions housed a sliver of doubt— enough to make me worry.

"He won't." She insisted again, and I couldn't help but wonder if she was trying to convince herself as much as me.

That next afternoon, Alice's emotions were a turmoil of excitement and an almost fearful anticipation. She pushed herself away from the table as the hour came to an end, reaching to squeeze my hand under the table before she stood. I flipped my hand over and grasped hers before she could let go. I couldn't let her go while there was still any tension between us.

I cupped her cheek with my other hand and kissed her softly on her forehead. "Be safe, darlin."

"I will." She smiled lovingly, our disagreement set aside just that quickly. "I'll see you tonight."

She almost danced to the table where Edward was sitting with Bella. I had to smile at the way her body fairly vibrated as she was finally able to speak to Bella. She'd been waiting months for just this moment. Guilt worked through me as I realized how much my cynicism had been detracting from her excitement recently.

It wasn't just Edward that loved Bella, it was Alice as well, and I'd been spoiling that for her.

The sounds that originated down the hall from Emmett and Rosalie's room that evening were nothing new, and usually nothing that I would pay any mind to. Right now though, I was in no mood to deal with their noise or the raging desire they emitted.

Normally I would be able to tune them out without much difficulty. The lack of privacy was one of the prices to pay living in a family of mated vampires, but for now it was highly irritating.

Abandoning the pretense of trying to read, I tossed my neglected book onto the foot of the bed. I opened the window and dropped the distance to the ground, gladly fleeing the house. Esme's scent caught my attention as I jogged into the cover of the trees. I followed it to the river where I found her sitting propped against a tree with her sketchbook in her lap. She looked up and smiled in welcome at my approach.

"So, they drove you out too?" I teased with a half-smile.

"Not at all. It was just too lovely an evening to spend indoors." Her eyes twinkled as she patted the ground beside her for me to sit.

"Uh-huh." I snorted, plopping down on my side at her feet.

"Don't be a smart alec." Esme tapped my head with her book, grinning.

"Me?" I quirked one eyebrow. "Never." I chuckled as she rolled her eyes. "What are you working on?"

Esme handed me her book. I flipped through the last several pages… all pictures of a very homey looking interior. It was much smaller than what she usually designed, not quite as lavish as our usual homes. Flipping to the page showing the outside, I noticed there seemed to be something familiar about the quaint little house.

"Is that the cottage down the path?"

Esme nodded, "What do you think of it?"

"It's lovely. But then again, I'm quite certain you could make a cardboard box habitable." I half-teased. "What's it for?"

Esme's eyes had taken on a faraway appearance. "I'm just dreaming for the moment. Maybe someday..." her voice trailed off. There was a strange wistfulness to her words that I didn't quite understand.

We fell into a comfortable silence as I left Esme to her thoughts and let my own mind wander. Even without words, Esme was a very easy person for me to be around. Her pleasant demeanor was relaxing—comforting, especially after the way I'd been berating myself this afternoon.

I wondered how Alice and Edward's hunt was going. I hoped Alice was enjoying herself; I knew that she had missed Edward's company as distracted as he had been with Bella lately. Even when he had been present with us in body, it had been obvious that his mind was still with _her_.

I knew that Alice was nearly beside herself that Edward had apparently moved past his aversion to allowing Bella in his life. I had almost thought for a moment there that she was going to wiggle right out of her skin when she had finally spoken to Bella for the first time. The thought made me smile.

I wondered, though, about Edward's plans to spend the next day with Bella… alone. I didn't see how that could possibly be a good idea. Not yet. Leaving him alone with her posed far too much temptation, even as controlled as he normally was. He had finally met the one human being that could decimate his considerable self-control.

I hadn't realized that my forehead had creased with the weight of my concerns until I felt the gentle tap of Esme's forefinger on my temple bringing me out of my contemplation.

"What's going on in here?" Esme's quiet voice inquired. "I can almost see those wheels turning in your head. What are you thinking?"

"Do you think we're being naïve?" I asked. I didn't even have to be more specific in my question. Esme knew exactly what I meant – her immediate concern was proof of that.

"I don't know." Her voice was barely audible. "I hope not."

"You didn't see him that first day, Esme. I've never, in all the years I've known Edward, seen him like that." I almost shuddered remembering the violence of the bloodlust I'd felt rushing from him that day. "He ran, Esme. Edward never runs. I've never seen him that affected by a human before."

"Carlisle said much the same thing." Esme's voice was barely a whisper.

"And yet we're going to stand by and let him take this same human girl into the woods, miles away from anyone or anything else and think it's a good idea?"

Esme shrugged though her worry was palpable in the air around me. "All we can do is trust him—to trust them both. Bella knows what he is; she knows about his instinctive reaction to her, and she agreed to go."

"Sounds like someone with a death wish to me." I muttered.

"You don't know that." Esme's voice was gentle. "Alice seems quite certain that everything will turn out all right, doesn't she? I would have thought you'd be the last one to doubt her." One corner of her mouth twisted in a half-smile.

"Alice is only as certain as Edward is. And they both still have significant doubts, even though neither one would say anything about them."

Esme ran a comforting hand through my hair as she contemplated. "As I said, this is between Edward and Bella. We simply have to trust that they're both… responsible… enough to handle whatever might arise."

"I suppose."

"I want him to be happy, Jasper. That's all I've ever wanted for each one of you, and Bella seems to be the one to do that for him. I have to believe that somehow things will work out for them if that's what they want."

I nodded. Despite my misgivings, I too wanted this strange, unprecedented situation to work out favorably for my brother. I just didn't quite see how it could.

Nothing more was said on the subject for the rest of the evening. Esme returned to the house to wait for Carlisle when his shift at the hospital was over. I stayed where I was, opting to give the two sets of couples privacy.

I rolled onto my back and closed my eyes. I was far enough into the woods not to hear anything besides the rushing of the river and the sounds of the night. I relished the unusual quiet, letting the tranquility seep into my bones, releasing all the doubts and fears that had been plaguing me. Alice was right—this was out of my hands. My worrying wasn't going to do anyone any good, let alone impact the situation one way or another.

Towards dawn, I heard the soft padding of a single pair of footsteps approaching me. The gentle breeze carried Alice's familiar sunshine and lilac scent to me. I smiled and turned my head toward her.

"Enjoy your hunt?" I slid my eyes open as she came nearer. Alice smiled a little at the accent that was so much more prominent than usual in my relaxation.

"Umhmm." She murmured, kneeling down and draping herself comfortably on my chest. "Missed you though." She pressed a soft kiss on my neck and another on my jaw. I cupped her jaw in my hand and briefly captured her lips with mine. I'd missed her too.

"You looked so peaceful out here, I just had to come join you." She settled her head back into my chest, right over my heart, sighing contentedly.

"I'm sorry about earlier." I whispered, stroking her back.

"Don't be." She nuzzled her face against me. "You were concerned, not trying to be difficult; that's not something you have to apologize for."

"Still…"

Her lips cut off my words as they softly caressed mine. She trailed a line of kisses to my jaw and back. She smiled against my mouth. "Your over protectiveness is one of the things I love about you, believe it or not."

I chuckled, "Guess that's a good thing."

Her eyes, sparkling with love, put away the last of my remorse. I wrapped my arms tighter around her, running the fingers of my left hand through the silky strands of her hair, settling back into my peaceful lull—the closest I could ever come to sleep.

We stayed in our tranquil bubble all through the morning. Towards the afternoon, Alice finally stirred and, albeit somewhat reluctantly, admitted that we should probably return to the house.

We found the rest of the family assembled in the living room. The television was on, but it didn't appear that anyone was paying much attention to the images on the screen. I felt a certain level of anxiety from all four of them, and for good reason. This day had the potential to go dreadfully wrong if Edward let down his guard for even a moment.

As public as their relationship had become, I didn't see how Edward _wouldn't_ be implicated if something happened to Bella. And if that happened, the whole family would get sucked in as well. But what would be even worse than that, I shuddered to think what torture Edward would endure if he lost control of himself and hurt her. I honestly didn't know if he could live with himself if he did.

Alice gestured for me to take the chair and settled into my lap after I sat. I recalled the peacefulness that had enveloped me during the night and let that feeling of serenity flow to the others in the room. No one said anything, but I saw tension drain out of all four of them.

I was keenly aware of Alice's attention flickering in and out of her visions as the afternoon passed. Several times I felt her tense, but just when I would begin to worry, she would relax once again. Finally towards dusk, I felt a feeling of relief and jubilation pass through her tiny frame. Her lips pulled into a wide smile against my chest.

Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Rose turned to see the joy lighting her face. Not a word needed to be said. Relief that had nothing to do with me flowed through every person in the room.

Edward and Bella had passed this monumental test. If this day had passed without mishap then perhaps there really was hope for them after all.

It was very early that morning when Edward came home, long before the sun even starting peeking over the horizon. I was struck by the force of his emotions as soon as he walked in the door—or perhaps floated would be a better word. In all the years I'd known him, I'd never felt this kind of emotional high from him before.

His euphoric joy seemed to shine from his face as he bypassed us all, flying up the stairs. He came down only a moment later in fresh clothes, his expression unaltered.

I noticed Alice gnawing on her lip, growing nervous about whatever was about to transpire.

"I take it you had a nice day yesterday." Esme was thrilling in Edward's obvious happiness.

"Yes, it was lovely." Edward bent to kiss her cheek. "I was thinking, if you wouldn't mind, that I'd like to bring Bella here this afternoon so you could all meet her."

"You know I don't mind. I'd love to meet this girl who's finally won your heart." Esme patted his cheek lovingly.

I almost flinched away from the sudden burst of pure fury that overtook Rosalie. "You're going to do _what_?" She hissed through her teeth.

Edward actually looked taken aback by her vehemence.

"She's a _human_, Edward. She doesn't belong here." Rosalie narrowed her eyes at him.

"I well aware of her human status, Rosalie; that fact hasn't exactly escaped my attention," Edward barked back, the emotional high draining away as he dealt with Rose's verbal, and most likely mental, assault. "But she's part of my life now, and I have every right to bring her home to meet my family."

"She shouldn't be." Rosalie was almost trembling with the force of her wrath. "She's human; you're not. You don't belong with her, and she has no place here with us!"

Edward's eyes narrowed as his temper rose presumably at something in Rose's thoughts, "You, of all people, have no right to accuse anyone of selfishness. You're not even truly concerned about her humanity, as you'd like me to believe; you only care about how this affects _you_!"

"You think you know everything because you can read minds, but you don't, Edward. Far from it. I can't stop you obviously. You don't care what I, or anyone else, think. You're going to do what you want."

"Rose," Esme attempted to intervene, uncomfortable by their stand-off. "Don't you think you should just try to give this a chance—"

"No." Rose shook her head, her eyes set as she glared at Edward who was still seething. "I will have _no_ part of this—or her." She stalked over to the door. "I'll be back when she's gone." Shooting one last venomous glance towards Edward, she stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind her.

Emmett sighed deeply, dejected, and followed Rose's steps to the door. He shot an apologetic look in Edward's direction which Edward acknowledged with a curt nod.

Edward heaved a sigh when the door closed behind Emmett, running his hand through his hair, frustrated and angry.

I didn't necessarily agree with Rosalie. I could see the change already in Edward; I knew that Bella Swan made him happier than he'd ever been before. But I couldn't help the feeling of betrayal that spread through me just the same as on the day when Edward had driven her home from school.

I battled the two sides of myself now. On the one hand, I couldn't help be affected by Edward's newfound joy, and I _did_ want my brother to be happy.

But the selfish side of my nature protested vehemently at the thought of a human infiltrating my home. This was my haven. This was the one place I could let down my guard and not have to fight my thirst, and Edward was taking that away. I recalled how Bella's blood had scented his car, and I could only imagine how that potent fragrance would fill the house in the same way, lingering in the air and in everything she would touch.

There would be no escape from it.

My throat flamed painfully at the memory.

Too late, I realized that Edward heard every thought that passed through my head – including my thirst. His anger flared, "And you," Edward turned to me, pointing his finger at my chest with his eyes flashing fire.

"Edward Cullen, don't you dare!" Alice shouted.

"_You_ will keep your distance!" Edward bellowed, narrowing his eyes at me.

My head jerked back as if he'd slapped me across the face.

"Edward!" Esme scolded, shocked. "That was uncalled for."

"I'm not taking any chances with his pitiful excuse for – "

"Shut _up_, Edward!" Alice hissed furiously, balling her hands into fists. "So help me if you open your mouth one more time…"

"No, Alice," I stopped her. "It's fine."

Far louder than the words Edward had spoken, the words left unsaid screamed tauntingly in my ear.

_I don't trust you._

I had known that Edward thought little of my self-control. His disapproval seeped through at times though he had never said the words out loud before… not to me at least. And if the truth were known, when it came right down to it, I didn't trust myself either. How then could I be angry with him for the exact same thing?

But knowing my own brother had so little faith in me—hearing him say it out loud— cut somewhere in the deepest part of my heart. _It hurt_.

Edward's glare faltered as the realization of what he had said struck him. Hearing the pain in my thoughts, remorse etched itself on his face in its place.

"Jasper, I didn't mean that." He whispered with true regret.

"Don't worry about it. You were upset with Rose… I was a convenient target. It's nothing." I shrugged, wishing I could shrug off the hurt that easily.

"Yes, it is. I had no right – "

"Forget it. I'm fine." I cut off his apology.

"Jasper…" Edward ran his hands through his hair, truly miserable.

"Edward, I understand. Point taken. I'll stay away from Bella. You don't have to worry about it anymore."

I felt suffocated—trapped even in the spacious room. The front door beckoned me as a welcome path of escape. Not saying anything else, I too bolted from the room, not responding even when Esme called out after me.

Shamed and hurting, I wandered along the bank of the river, back to the spot where Alice and I had lain so peacefully together just the night before. I wished in vain that I could return to that moment and the completeness I had felt then—a rare moment in time when everything had seemed _right_.

I stopped, placing my hands against the bark of a tree and laying my head on top of them. With a certain sense of irony, I thought about how little effort it would take to uproot the tree I was leaning against and hurl it across the rushing river. Superhuman strength was just one of the characteristics that came with this life of immortality… but what possible good was that strength when it couldn't even touch the one thing it was needed to control?

I could crumble a boulder with a flexing of my fist. I could make a house fall to its foundation like it was a deck of cards. I was physically invincible… but I could be reduced to a mindless mass of need by a mere scent. My own body betrayed me at the first whiff of blood.

It was a cruel kind of mockery.

Only moments later, I heard the soft tread of Alice's footsteps at my back. I felt her love and concern wrap around me, caressing me just before her arms did, wrapping themselves around my waist. Her cheek rested against my back. She didn't say anything, just stood there with me, comforting me with her presence.

Her hand stroked my chest just below my heart, and I felt the whisper soft brush of her lips against my spine. "Are you all right?" She breathed finally.

I nodded though I wasn't… not really.

"I had to stop him from coming after you, you know. He felt awful."

"He shouldn't." I shifted, bringing Alice around so that she leaned against my side. "He's just being cautious—taking no chances. In his shoes, I'd do exactly the same thing." I whispered, stroking the silken skin of her cheek.

It hadn't even been that long ago that I'd been willing to stop Edward in whatever means necessary to keep Alice safe. Of all people, I could understand his concern for the safety of the one he loved, but it still tore me apart to know that _I_ was the danger here. After all this time, I didn't have the control necessary to keep my bloodlust at bay.

It was nothing new to be the weak link… but the shame and self-reproach was something I never became immune to.

I should be used to this by now, but I wasn't.

I should have better control of myself by now, but I didn't.

Some things never changed… no matter how much I worked at it… and no matter how much I wished it otherwise.

Alice pulled away slightly to look into my eyes. "Jasper, you're not going to have any difficulties. You're standing here beating yourself up, but you're going to be fine."

I didn't respond. Her words hadn't held any doubt, but I still couldn't quite make myself believe them.

Determination filled Alice's eyes when I didn't answer, "Jasper," her voice was quiet but intently solemn, "do you trust me?"

What a ridiculous question! She knew I did. "Alice, that isn't the issue… not at all. I – "

"No." Alice's hand came up to cover my mouth. "Don't avoid the question, Jasper. Don't analyze it. Don't think at all, just give me your instinctive response. I'm asking you, Jasper Whitlock, _do you trust me_?"

Taking her hand from my mouth, I kissed her palm and looked deeply into her eyes. "With my life." I conceded. "You know that."

Her gaze softened at my fervent response, and she continued. "Would I ever knowingly put you in a position where I believed you to be a danger to yourself or anyone else?"

I shook my head.

"No," she said. "I would never _ever_ put you in harm's way, either physically or emotionally. Jasper, I've already seen it—you're not going to have any trouble with Bella here. You're worrying for absolutely no reason. This is nothing you can't handle." Her hand caressed my cheek lovingly, "Do you believe me?"

"Yes." I said simply. She had quite effectively worked me into a corner. I had to smile a little at the thought.

Alice knew me as well as I knew myself. She knew my limitations, and had the advantage of knowing almost before I did how I would react to any given situation. And with the depth of her love for me, I knew she was the one person I never had reason to fear betrayal from.

Alice had seen that I would be able to handle the presence of a human in our home… and I trusted her to tell me the truth. Her confidence had reduced my doubts, not erasing them completely, but causing them to subside.

I wrapped my arms tighter around her delicate frame, pulling her closer against me and resting my cheek against the top of her head.

"You underestimate yourself, Jasper." Alice tilted back to look up into my eyes. "If there was one single thing about you that I could change, it would be that. You are so much stronger than you think you are. I wish I could make you see that."

I closed my eyes against the aching depth of the love in her gaze. "So do I, darlin. Because I don't. I don't see that at all."

I pulled back slightly, forcing a smile onto my face. "But you should be excited. This is what you've been waiting for."

Alice's smile spread across her face and lit her eyes, making them sparkle with enthusiasm. "Yes," her joy was contagious, "Edward was holding out for so long, I was almost starting to think I'd been wrong."

"Perish the thought." I teased with a mock shudder.

"Well, I've heard there's a first time for everything."

I laughed out loud at her complacent tone. "You are something else." I nuzzled my nose against hers, grateful beyond all imagining for her unique ability to be able to pull me out of my moods.

"And you love me for it." She looped her arms around my neck, smiling up at me.

"That I do, darlin. That I do."

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**OoOoOoOoOo**

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Song for Chapter 9

It's the Only One You've Got  
by 3 Doors Down

_Memories have left you broken and the scars have never healed  
The emptiness in you is growing with so little left to feel  
You're scared to look back on the days before  
You're too tired to move on_

And now you think that you're the only one  
Who doesn't have to try and you won't have to fail  
If you're afraid to fly then I guess you never will

You hide behind your walls of maybe nevers  
Forgetting that there's something better  
Your mistakes do not define you now, they tell you who you're not  
You've got to live this life you're given like it's the only one you've got.

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**OoOoOoOoOo**

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**Once again, thanks for reading, everyone! As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts! :-)**

**Nik**


	11. Chapter 10

**Happy Monday, everyone! Thank you all so much for your wonderful reviews for the last chapter… I love hearing from you all! :-)**

This little scene should look pretty familiar to you… hopefully it won't disappoint!

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, themes, and dialogue are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement is intended.**

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**OoOoOoOoOo**

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**Chapter 10**

Alice danced around in a cloud of joy that morning, helping Esme perfect the house until not a speck of dust could be found on any flat surface. By the time they were finished, the house shone – much like the smile on Alice's face.

Once the house was readied to Esme and Alice's satisfaction, I lay on the bed and watched Alice get herself ready. The melodic sound of her humming filled the room, an audible testimony to her joy. I chuckled under my breath as she tossed outfits around in the closet, determined to choose just the right one. I didn't see how it mattered that much; Bella didn't exactly strike me as the type to fuss over what she was wearing, let alone notice what anyone else was. But it provided Alice with an amusement, so I wasn't about to say anything.

I fed from Alice's joy and enthusiasm, letting it lift my spirits. I knew that even if I hadn't been able to feel it, seeing her like this would have made me happy no matter what the circumstances. Nothing brought me more joy that seeing Alice so vibrant, and I could never bring myself to resent anything that put such a smile on her face.

I was determined, if not for Edward's sake then for Alice's, to have an open mind about today's events. My own fears and prejudices aside, they both deserved at least that much from me.

"How do I look?" Alice twirled in a dramatic circle displaying her outfit of choice.

"Beautiful. As always." I reached out to grasp her hand, pressing a kiss to her palm and gently tugging at it until she sat beside me on the bed.

"Not that you're biased at all, of course," she teased, leaning in cup my face in her hands and press a short, yet fervent, kiss on my lips.

"Of course not." I rubbed my nose against hers, smiling simply because she was.

Alice's eyes glazed suddenly with a vision. The corners of her mouth tipped downward in a frown and concern flickered across her face.

"Something wrong?" I asked, stroking her cheek..

"I don't _think _so. Looks like we've got company coming, though."

"Company?"

"There's a group of nomads heading through the area. They've heard about us, and they're curious."

With the tip of my finger, I smoothed the lines that had formed between her eyebrows. "How many are there?"

"Only three, so there shouldn't be a problem. We should let Edward know though, just to be on the safe side. He'll want to be a little extra cautious with Bella while they're in the area."

I chuckled lightly. "Darlin, I don't really think that it's _possible _for him to be any more cautious. He's paranoid enough as it is."

Alice shoved playfully at my head, "You know what I meant. And you _really _don't have any room to talk." She shot me a meaningful glance.

No. I really didn't. I supposed paranoid over-protectiveness was one of the things that Edward and I had in common.

"When are they coming?"

She shrugged, "A few days maybe. They don't appear the be in a hurry."

The sound of a car door echoed from outside followed by two sets of footsteps on the walkway.

"They're here!" Alice squealed, jumping up from the bed, her momentary concern quickly forgotten. "Come on, Jazz." She grabbed my hand and attempted to pull me to the door.

"Hold on a second, darlin. Bella's nervous enough as it is; I can feel that already. Let's let them at least get in the door before we bombard them."

She sighed deeply and crossed her arms over her chest in exasperation, "I hate it when you're right." In spite of her petulance, she leaned into my side as we listened to the introductions take place downstairs.

I heard, more than felt, the pride that colored Edward's voice as he introduced Bella to our parents. "Carlisle, Esme, this is Bella."

"You're very welcome, Bella." Carlisle said in his most soothing doctor's voice, attempting to allay some of Bella's nervousness.

"It's nice to see you again, Dr. Cullen." Bella's voice, though it trembled slightly, was undoubtedly sincere.

"Please, call me Carlisle," I could hear the warmth of his smile in his voice.

"Carlisle," she repeated with sudden confidence which seemed to relieve Edward.

Like Carlisle, Esme's smile was very much evident in her welcome, "It's very nice to know you."

"Thank you. I'm glad to meet you too."

"Where are Alice and Jasper?" Edward's voice was all it took to set Alice in motion. She was at the staircase before he'd even finished asking the question. I followed a few paces behind her, bracing myself against the temptation that grew stronger with every step closer to Bella's potent scent.

"Hey, Edward!" Alice called enthusiastically streaking down the stairs and coming to a sudden stop in front of Bella. Carlisle and Esme shot warning glances at her but she paid them no attention. "Hi, Bella!" she bounded forward to kiss her cheek, shocking all of us, especially Bella. Edward stiffened, but his expression remained unreadable. "You do smell nice, I never noticed before." Bella was embarrassed by Alice's candid declaration.

I stepped forward then, fighting the flash-burn of thirst that Bella's presence triggered. Sensing her uneasiness, I let a wave of calm flow to her, settling her tremulous nerves, which in turn, slowed her heart rate slightly. I tried not to think about how inviting the wet, pulsing sound was in the stillness of our home and instead took note of the unspoken language between her and Edward.

They stood closely together, and I couldn't detect any fear from her at being so close to someone who had so strongly desired to kill her. He seemed quite well in control of that urge now, though. I had felt before just how deeply he loved her, and, having experienced the life-altering changes that kind of love brought for our kind, I could identify with it. I still didn't understand what his draw to her was, but the evidence of it was undeniable. He loved her; she had changed him in ways that were becoming increasingly more obvious.

Edward raised one eyebrow in recognition of my manipulation of Bella's emotions. When he met my gaze, though, a quick flicker of remorse passed through his eyes and his emotions – yet another apology for his hasty words from before. I smiled in acknowledgment of the unnecessary gesture.

_Forgiven and forgotten, Edward… well, theoretically speaking, that is. _

One corner of his mouth crooked in a relieved, answering grin. Forgetting offenses wasn't exactly possible with our flawless, immortal memories, but the intent was still the same.

Even though Edward and I had settled our dispute, I still maintained a safe distance from his human love, not offering to shake her hand when I greeted her. I spoke as cordially as I could manage against the thirst that seared my throat when I breathed in. "Hello, Bella."

"Hello, Jasper," Bella smiled shyly, seeming not to notice the strain behind my greeting. "It's nice to meet you all – you have a very beautiful home."

"Thank you," Esme's smile widened, "We're so glad that you came." Her words were tinged with a certain measure of respect and admiration. It took courage enough for Bella to foster a relationship with a vampire, and even more to brave a house full of them just to meet said vampire's family. Esme recognized that.

In my periphery vision, I noticed Carlisle's face become serious, and from the concern that passed over Edward's face, I presumed that he was telling him about the visitors that Alice had seen. A crease etched itself on Bella's forehead as she noticed the exchange, but it passed to be replaced by a look of awe as her attention was captured by the grand piano gracing the family room.

Esme took note of her preoccupation as well, "Do you play?" she asked.

Bella shook her head, "Not at all. But it's so beautiful. Is it yours?"

"No," Esme laughed, "Edward didn't tell you he was musical?"

Bella glared at Edward's suddenly too-innocent expression. "No. I should have known, I guess." she said, making the statement sound more like an accusation. Esme raised her brow in question at Bella's surprising tone. "Edward can do everything, right?" The look on her face was comical as she spoke.

I snickered; I just couldn't help it. If that statement didn't prove that love was blind, I couldn't imagine what did. I made a mental note to check back with her in a couple of years and see if she still thought the same. Alice shot me a warning look at my laughter, though her eyes glinted with hidden amusement as well.

Esme glanced at Edward reprovingly. "I hope you haven't been showing off – it's rude," she scolded in true mother fashion.

"Just a bit," Edward laughed freely and heartily – a very un-Edward-like sound. The reproof on Esme's face softened at his carefree laughter and they shared a brief look. I noticed as she looked away that her expression was almost smug.

"He's been too modest, actually." Bella corrected.

"Well, play for her," Esme urged Edward, gesturing to the piano.

"You just said showing off was rude," he objected with wide, disbelieving eyes.

"There are exceptions to every rule." Esme pointed out frankly. I wasn't sure that I had ever seen Esme gloat before, but she was most certainly playing the part of the proud mama right now. She was on cloud nine watching Edward and Bella interact so familiarly together.

I wondered briefly if the two of them realized how obvious the adoration they shared was. I could feel the love between them, and was a little surprised by what I sensed from Bella. I was unaccustomed to such a depth of feeling from a human, but the surge of love that she felt every time she so much as looked at Edward went a long way to erasing my fears.

I still didn't know how this would play out in the long run, but the more I saw her interact with my brother, the more convinced I became that things would eventually work out for them. Alice had seen her joining our family as one of us someday, and after witnessing the two of them together now, it seemed to be more a question of 'when' than 'if.' She loved him; she made him happier than I'd ever seen before. Bella brought a side of him to life that I had never even noticed was absent, but seeing him happy like this now, I couldn't imagine him going back to the loner he'd been before.

The atmosphere in our home was joyously vibrant and warm as each person witnessed this new side of Edward, and I gladly soaked it in. If this was the effect her presence would have on our family, then I'd find a way to cope with the thirst – surely it would get easier in time.

"I'd like to hear you play." Bella interjected, looking encouragingly at Edward.

That was all the prompting Esme needed, "It's settled then," she said, pushing him towards the piano. Edward sat, pulling Bella alongside him on the bench. He gave her a long, playfully exasperated look before turning to the keys and beginning to play.

Alice stepped up beside me, linking her hand in mine and leaning her head against my arm. We listened to the rich melody for several moments, taking in the picture that Edward and an enraptured Bella made before Alice tugged on my hand and led me from the room. Carlisle and Esme followed us out, giving the new couple their privacy.

Esme and Alice exchanged a look full of jubilation and tried to suppress their squeals of delight as we vacated the room. Esme was very nearly choking on her glee. Every time Edward had reached out to touch Bella, no matter how innocently, Esme had to stifle her overwhelming joy.

Carlisle passed me a look and shook his head tolerantly at the ecstatic display from our wives. He bent down to kiss Esme's cheek lovingly when his phone rang and left the room to answer.

Alice tugged on my hand and led me to the back door. She settled on the back porch step and patted the place beside her. I laid down and placed my head in her lap; her hands automatically went to my hair, sifting through the unruly curls and gently kneading my scalp.

I breathed in the outside air, now more concentrated with Alice's familiar, alluring scent than Bella's intoxicating blood. I had done better than I had thought I would having a human's presence in our home, but nonetheless, the reprieve was welcome.

"I told you." Alice spoke after several moments of silence. Her smile was bright when I tilted my head back to look at her. "You're doing just fine."

Her words warmed a place deep in my heart. Maybe I had let my worries go too far when Edward announced that he was bringing her here. It wasn't _comfortable_,per se, having Bella in such close proximity, but it wasn't as agonizing as I'd imagined it would be.

"I didn't say you could stop that." I mock-pouted when her hands stilled in my hair. "That felt good."

"So demanding." Alice chuckled but resumed her massage. I closed my eyes and let the pleasurable, repetitious stroking lull me. She hummed under her breath after a while, and I grunted in question, too comfortable even to move enough to ask what she saw. "There's a thunderstorm coming – a good one. Emmett will want to take advantage of it," she informed me brightly. "You up for a game tonight?"

"I suppose. There's just one problem, though." I said, opening my eyes and tilting my head back to look at her.

"What's that?" Alice's eyebrows scrunched together in confusion.

"That means I have to move." I said sullenly.

Alice laughed, "You're impossible." She nudged my head off her lap. "Come on. Let's go see if Edward wants to go." She took my hand and led me back into the house where the scent of Bella's blood struck me again, reigniting the burn. I struggled to ignore it as I followed Alice up the stairs.

A crashing sound followed by Bella's squeal distracted me half-way up. I didn't sense any aggression from Edward, though, and only a small amount of fear from Bella. I looked at Alice in confusion, but her face, with its amused smile, gave nothing away.

"What were you saying?" I heard Edward ask, amusement coloring every word.

"That you are a very, very terrifying monster." Bella's voice was breathless, but more sarcastic than anything.

"That's better." Edward laughed under his breath.

"Can we come in?" Alice chirped just outside the door.

"Go ahead." Edward was still chuckling quietly with Bella in his lap.

Alice danced directly to the center of the room and folded herself onto the floor. I paused in the doorway, a little shocked at the sight that met my eyes even after seeing them together downstairs. Edward had Bella held recklessly close in his arms, and instead of shying away as humans were wont to do in our presence, Bella was curled instinctively towards him. She was shy and a little bit embarrassed, but that seemed to have more to do with mine and Alice's presence in the room rather than her place in Edward's arms.

And Edward… he almost seemed to be glowing! I'd never seen such a smile on his face – it appeared to be shining from the deepest recesses of his soul. This was the very same euphoria that had been present the night before when he'd come home, but now seeing Bella in his arms, the picture was complete.

Any lingering resentment I might have felt toward the human girl that had so completely infiltrated our lives vanished at the sight of them together like this. It didn't matter anymore that she was human and he was not; she completed him – in just the same way that Alice had done for me. Somehow, in spite of the odds, I knew that they were right together, and that thought was strangely warming and comforting to me.

"It sounded like you were having Bella for lunch, and we came to see if you would share." Alice grinned cheekily.

Edward's smile widened in amusement. "Sorry, I don't believe I have enough to spare." His arms tightened further around Bella's frame, and instinctively it seemed, her body shifted towards his, her head leaning easily against his shoulder – as if it belonged there.

The elation that radiated from not only Edward and Bella, but Alice as well, flooded me in a pleasant wave. I smiled in response and stepped further into the room, barely fazed by the scent of Bella's blood. The burn registered in my throat, of course, but the warmth of their happiness was enough to help me combat the bloodlust. "Actually, Alice says there's going to be a real storm tonight, and Emmett wants to play ball. Are you game?"

Edward's eyes lit up, but he hesitated.

"Of course you should bring Bella," Alice chimed in.

I shot her a quick glance, a little surprised that she would encourage Edward to bring her. If Emmett was there, that meant Rosalie would be as well, and she would be none too happy when she knew that Bella was tagging along. I wasn't quite sure that it was fair to unleash Rosalie on Bella yet.

"Do you want to go?" Edward asked with bright eyes, undeniably hopeful at the thought of Bella joining us.

"Sure. Um, where are we going?" Bella's forehead creased in confusion.

"We have to wait for thunder to play ball – you'll see why." Edward smiled like he was privy to an inside joke that he was about to share with her.

"Will I need an umbrella?" Bella's question was so unexpected that we all laughed out loud. She was a defenseless human accompanying a family of vampires into a deserted field, miles away from the nearest human, and her only concern was getting rained on!

"Will she?" I asked Alice, diverting the attention away from Bella who was embarrassed by our amusement.

"No," Alice was positive. "The storm will hit over town. It should be dry enough in the clearing."

"Good then." I was looking forward to the game, to having the whole family together for the first time in too long – the family which seemed to have expanded to include the fragile-looking human girl still cradled in Edward's lap.

"Let's go see if Carlisle will come." Alice suddenly bounded up and glided toward the door.

"Like you don't know." I teased, closing the door behind us on our way out.

Carlisle and Esme agreed readily to the outing just as Alice had known that they would. Now all we had to do was let Emmett and Rosalie know – a task that I wasn't looking forward to at all.

Alice and I followed the fading scent of their trail miles up the river to find the two of them perched at the edge of the riverbed. They were silent as we approached, and I was relieved to see that things seemed to be peaceful between them.

I had worried that Rosalie would be angry if Emmett had tried to play advocate for Edward, but that didn't seem to be the case. They were sitting closely together, Emmett with his arm slung around her and Rosalie with her head leaning against his shoulder. They straightened as we drew closer, not seeming to be surprised by our unannounced appearance.

Alice smiled widely at Emmett as we reached them. "I hope you don't have any plans for tonight," she grinned.

"Why?" He asked, his interest immediately peaked by her mischievous grin. "What are you up to?"

"I made reservations for us at the Rainier field this evening," she bit back her chuckle as Emmett looked at her like she was crazy.

"Say what?"

"There's a storm coming." She gestured grandly towards the sky like she had placed the order for the storm herself.

She didn't have to say anything else before Emmett's eyes lit up brightly, immediately understanding what she meant. "Awesome! I've been itching for a good game."

"There's just one thing, though." Alice cast a nervous glance at Rosalie, who, up until now, had been smiling tolerantly at Emmett's enthusiasm. "Edward's coming… and he's bringing Bella with him."

The smile immediately froze on Rosalie's face, quickly fading into one of fury. "He is, is he?" Her voice was painfully frigid. "Well, then I can promise you I won't be there."

I watched as Emmett's face fell at her adamant declaration. "Rose, come on…" he started to plead with her.

She held up her hand to stop him, "No," her tone brooked no argument, "if she's there, then I'm not having any part of it. I've already told you that."

Emmett ran a hand through his hair, fighting an internal battle, "All right then," he said in a voice that sounded strangely quiet for Emmett, "I guess I'll sit this one out, too. Sorry, Alice," he turned apologetic eyes to her.

Rosalie wasn't unaffected by the sight of Emmett's unusual dejection. In fact, she was pained by it. "Don't be silly, Emmett," Rosalie shook her head, her voice softer now. "Of course you're going."

Emmett shrugged, "Nah, it's not as much fun if you're not there." One corner of his mouth tipped up in a mischievous grin, "Besides, I'm sure we can find something else to do."

Rosalie rolled her eyes, "You're only upset because you won't have anyone to show off for. Go. You just said yourself that you've been waiting for a good storm."

"Are you sure?" Emmett looked uncertainly at her.

"Would I say it if I didn't mean it?"

"No," he admitted. A pensive look passed over his face, and he looked like he was about to ask her to reconsider again.

She held up her hand before he could say anything, though. "Don't, Emmett. My mind's made up."

Alice and I shared a knowing look. Even without Alice's foresight, I could see how quickly Rosalie's obstinacy could cause a nasty division in the family. Once she was decided about something, it was almost impossible to get her to see reason. Emmett knew that, and there was only so much he was going to risk angering her. He couldn't afford to piss her off too badly – she'd make his life miserable. I, on the other hand, didn't have as much to lose.

Alice, seeing what I was planning, held out a hand to Emmett, "Come on, Em, why don't you help me start getting everything together." She passed me a look as if to say, "good luck." She gave no indication of trying to sway me, so I assumed that, whether it would do any good or not, it meant this wasn't going to do any foreseeable harm.

Emmett looked uncertainly at Rosalie, gauging her reaction. "Go," she urged him, "I'll be here when you're done." He nodded once, still hesitant, and took Alice's outstretched hand. Together they ran back in the direction of the house.

Left with just the two of us now, I sat in a somewhat awkward silence with Rosalie. I could already see a pattern developing here, and it worried me. A rift was already forming. And, truth be told, the one I was most worried about right now was Emmett. He was placed in the most awkward position that any of us had to deal with… stuck right between Rosalie and Edward. His first loyalty was to Rose, of course, but I could feel how it strained him to be put in the position where he had to make a choice. It just wasn't right.

I was trying to decide how best broach a conversation with my hard-headed sister, but I wasn't sure of the best way to start. As it turns out, I didn't have to begin; she did it for me.

"I'm disappointed with you." Her voice wasn't angry, but the matter-of-fact statement certainly took me by surprise.

"Excuse me?" I scanned quickly through recent events looking for any reason I had given her to be upset, but I was coming up with nothing.

She turned and looked at me with a hint of accusation in her eyes. "You know, out of everyone, I thought you'd be the one I could count on to be on my side. I really thought you'd be the one person who wasn't taken in by the human. Looks like I was wrong, though."

I was taken aback by her reasoning, "This isn't about taking sides, Rose. Not at all. This isn't a game or a competition; this is our family we're talking about. And Edward loves her; that makes her a part of our family."

Rosalie looked aghast at me, shocked by my equally blunt and unexpected sentiment. "What is wrong with you?" She demanded. "Just weeks ago you were hell-bent on seeing her dead, and now you're, what? The president of her fan club? You are absolutely unbelievable."

"Don't be ridiculous, Rosalie." I scoffed, "I'm only being a realist, here. Edward loves her – really, truly loves her. That kind of change comes only once for us, and this is it for him. In fifty years, I've never seen him alive like I saw him today; I can't imagine him going back to what he was before, and, truthfully, I'll do everything I can to keep that from happening.

"Do I like the fact that a human knows about us? No, that much hasn't changed. I still think it's dangerous, but I truly don't think it'll be an issue for long. Alice sees her becoming like us, and after what I saw today, I don't imagine it will take too much time before the issue resolves itself."

Rosalie shook her head vehemently, but I cut her off before she could speak, "I know you have your own reasons why you think that's not a good idea…"

"I am _not _discussing that with you!" Her voice was furiously adamant.

"I wasn't expecting you to, and if you had let me finish, you'd know that. I know you have your reasons, but her situation isn't like any of ours. She has something that not one of us had – a choice. She's walking into this with both eyes open. And it's not just infatuation she feels for Edward; she truly loves him, too."

"It's not right. It's just… not right." Her voice was pained and angry, "As if there aren't enough of us eternally damned walking the face of the earth already. I don't care how much he might love her, if he really wanted what's best for her, he'd let her live her human life and die the way that it's meant to be."

I hesitated, thinking carefully before I spoke, knowing that what I was about to say could easily set her off. "Rosalie, if you _really _believed that, you'd have let Emmett die instead of begging Carlisle to change him."

I watched her face carefully, gauging any sign that I was saying too much. Her mouth hung slightly open in surprise, but she wasn't ready to kill me yet, so I continued, "Emmett didn't make that choice, Rose, you did. But can you honestly imagine your life without him? Emmett adores you, Rosalie. He worships the ground you walk on. And despite your aversion for this life, I know you love him just as desperately."

A look akin to vulnerability passed over her face, and she nodded slowly. "Yes," she whispered, almost as if she'd forgotten she was speaking to me, "He's the one good thing life brought my way. Every time I imagine myself human again, he's always there with me."

"Exactly. Now imagine finding that kind of love only to learn you have to find a way to live without it again. Imagine yourself in Edward's shoes having someone in your own family fighting to take it away from you. I know you two have a… difficult… relationship, but really, Rose? Think about what you're doing, here."

Just as quickly as her vulnerability had appeared, it vanished, a hard mask settling over her features again as she realized exactly where I was going with this.

"You already have a tense relationship with him. Do you really want to damage it further? And that's not the only issue you're facing, either. You know that Carlisle and Esme are going to support Edward no matter what his decision entails. You risk straining your relationship with both of them as well. And you might consider what you're doing to Emmett, too. You've placed him right in the middle, making him choose between you and Edward. That's not fair to him."

Her eyes narrowed as I brought up Emmett's name, and I hurriedly finished my thought before she had the chance to explode. "I'm not asking you to agree with Edward; I'm not naïve enough to think that will happen. But I am asking you to at least not antagonize him."

"Who the hell do you think you are to talk to me like that?" She hissed, well and truly angry that I had attempted to correct her.

"Your brother." I said simply. "And believe it or not, I love you. I don't want to see this blow up and pull our family apart as it so easily could. I suppose you could say I have an ulterior motive, but I want this transition to be as peaceful as possible. I know you're upset, but you need to realize how much damage you could do if you're not careful."

"You're far too bold for your own good." Her arms crossed over her chest irritably. She had no valid argument to come back with, but that didn't mean she was going to concede anything to me.

"Rose, after all the things I've seen in my life, it takes more than a strong-willed woman to intimidate me. You think nothing of speaking your mind, so I'm returning the favor – I'm shooting straight with you. You don't have to agree with anything that I've said, but I needed to say it. What you do now is all up to you."

"I still don't like it." She said under her breath.

"You don't have to," I shrugged. "But Edward deserves better from us than this. He's not perfect, but he's our brother, and he means well. You can tell me you don't care, but deep down, you and I both know better." I sighed when she remained silent, knowing this conversation was over, "Will you at least think about what I said?"

She shrugged, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "I'm not going to promise to change anything or even to agree with you, but, yes, I'll think about it."

"That's all I ask. I'll leave you alone now." I reached out to squeeze her shoulder. She didn't respond – I didn't really expect her to – but she didn't shrug away either. "I'll see you later." I stood and turned to leave.

"Jasper," she called out as I took a step. "I'm _not _heartless, you know."

"I know," I said with a half smile, turning back around to look at her. "You're stubborn, and moody, irritable and opinionated," I counted off on my fingers, "but not heartless."

She bit back a chuckle, "Flattery will get you nowhere, Jasper."

I laughed once, "Right. So, can we expect to see you at the game?"

"I'll think about it."

"Fair enough." Knowing that was the best I could ask for at this point, I headed towards the house, leaving her to mull over our conversation.

As I walked slowly back to the house, I, too, replayed the conversation over in my head. I knew Rosalie would give anything she owned – would do anything – to be human again, and I knew that was partly where her current problem originated. To her, I'm sure it looked like Bella was willing to throw away the one thing that Rosalie wanted above all else – and she couldn't stand it.

I knew Rosalie loved Emmett; there was no doubt in my mind about that. But I couldn't help but wonder if she would still choose humanity if it meant leaving Emmett behind. I honestly didn't have an answer for that, and it bothered me.

I wondered if Emmett ever thought about that. If he did, he gave no indication that it troubled him. He loved her unreservedly and wholeheartedly. Emmett was truly a perfect match for Rosalie. He lived life in black and white – there were no gray areas, no "what ifs" for him. That thought would be a moot point to him because there was simply no way it could ever become a possibility.

I didn't envy Emmett his position. It would kill me to know that the one thing Alice wanted from me was the one thing I was powerless to give her. I couldn't honestly fathom how I would be able to pour my heart and soul into loving Alice if I thought for even a moment that there was anything in the world that she desired more than me.

I tried so hard to make myself see from Rosalie's point of view – to understand why humanity held such an irresistible lure for her. I had never, that I recalled, dreamed of my future the way Rosalie had when I was human. Being a soldier was the only thing I remembered dreaming of… and most certainly, that dream had turned out to be anything but what I had expected. I had spent almost a century of my life entrenched in war, and I would do anything _not _to go back – even living in a way that went so contrary to my nature… fighting a thirst that I was never, ever able to fully satisfy.

But if by some miracle, I was presented with the opportunity to go back more than fourteen decades, to have all my wrongs erased and start fresh again, would I take it? I knew Rosalie's memories of her humanity were clearer than mine were; she had kept them in the forefront of her mind, keeping them fresh.

My memories, however, were nothing more than wraithlike shadows by this point. I would see faces I thought I recognized, hear voices that were painfully foreign despite their familiarity when I would least expect them. But, like a mirage in the desert, the harder I tried to focus on them, the more elusive they became. I remembered writing and receiving letters from my family while I'd been away at war; I remembered the longing I had felt to return home, and the love for them that I had clung to when times were darkest, but even that felt more like a dream than reality at times.

If presented with the choice to go back and have my past wiped clean again, would I take it?

The closer I got to the house, the clearer my answer became: not without Alice.

I had lived eighty years in the darkest pits of hell, done things that would haunt me for an eternity, and become a man that I had loathed. But deep down, I knew that all of that had been leading me to Alice. With the crystalline clarity of hindsight, I saw now how everything had been orchestrated to lead me to her.

Without Alice, my life was much like a military code used during wartime: indecipherable, a meaningless series of characters – to all appearances, worthless and futile. Alice was the key that restored meaning and purpose to the jumbled mess of my life.

I wouldn't go back. I wouldn't change a thing if it meant living my life without her. The world would be a senseless place for me if she weren't in it.

Alice was waiting for me on the porch, the warmth of her smile and her love which wrapped around me like an embrace drawing me irresistibly nearer. Her arms reached up to twine themselves around my neck as I stooped to hold her. I breathed her in deeply, loving the feel of her small, warm body pressed so closely to mine – fitting against me so perfectly that there was no doubt in my mind she had been formed solely for me.

"Have I told you lately that I adore you?" I breathed into her hair.

I felt her smile against my neck, "Not for the last half-hour, at least. You're slipping." She teased, brushing her lips against the tendon in my neck.

"I'll just have to do better, I suppose." I teased in return, making her giggle.

"Heaven help me if you do," she dead-panned before turning serious. "You did good out there. I know that wasn't exactly easy, but I appreciate the fact that you spoke up for Edward – and for Bella."

"For all the good it'll do. I know stubbornness seems to be a Cullen family trait, but she takes it to a whole new level."

Alice snorted, "I think you may be right."

"What do you think – will she come?"

Alice shrugged, "I'm not sure yet. It looks like it's about fifty-fifty right now, but Emmett's on his way back out there. Give him a chance to work some of his magic on her, and we'll see how it turns out."

"So, in other words, we just have to wait."

"Afraid so. Looks like we'll be doing a lot of that in the near future."

"Lovely," I sighed, laying my cheek against the silky strands of her hair. "Nothing ever comes easy, does it?"

"Nothing worth having," she agreed, tightening her hold and drawing me closer.

I knew that the gathering this evening would be very… interesting… to say the least. But not one of us could have foreseen just _how _eventful it would turn out to be.

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**As always, thanks for reading! :-)**

**Nik**


	12. Chapter 11

**Got a little bit of a Civil War history lesson for you in this one. I promise I didn't make any of it up… difficult as that may be to believe when you read it! ;-) **

**The baseball scene was, without a doubt, my favorite part of the Twilight movie. And I can't even read about it now without hearing "Supermassive Black Hole" playing in my head! LOL Hopefully I was able to do it justice... maybe? Enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, themes, and dialogue are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement is intended.**

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**OoOoOoOoOo**

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**Chapter 11**

Alice and I went out to the field before the others, bringing some of the equipment with us. I tossed one of the baseballs between my hands with a distant smile. I had relatively few clear memories from before my transformation, and even fewer clear _pleasant_ memories, but this was one of them. I'd first learned how to play baseball during my time in the army, and the rousing games we'd had remained some of my favorite human memories.

Alice was quick to notice my preoccupation. "What are you thinking about?" She questioned with a smile, flitting to my side.

"Remembering." I said simply, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close.

"Tell me," she urged, tugging on my arm until we were both sitting on the grass.

I took her hand, toying with her slender fingers as I mulled over where to begin. "Baseball was just becoming popular in the 1860s, so it was the new big thing with the boys in the army. You could pretty much bet that whenever we had any free time, some of us would have a game going. At the time, though, we called it rounders."

Alice wrinkled her nose and made a face. "Rounders? Really?"

I chuckled at her twisted expression, "Oh come on, that's not any worse than _base_ball."

"If you say so," she replied, quite obviously not convinced.

"You know what, if you're just going to make fun, I'll stop now." I said, fighting a smile.

"No, I'm done. Continue, please." She propped her head on her knees, staring at me with exaggerated attentiveness.

"Because baseball was still so new, the rules hadn't been fully developed yet. Understandably, for us, the games had a tendency to be a little… rough." I laughed under my breath at the understatement.

"Why?"

I glanced up at Alice's confusion and attempted to explain, "American autonomy is a wonderful thing, but it doesn't always lend itself for particularly submissive soldiers. Most of us had been our own masters before we'd enlisted, and the majority of us had little experience taking orders from anyone, let alone having nearly every minute of every day outlined for us. We were told what to wear, when to get up, when we could speak, when and what we could eat.

"We drilled constantly, almost from the time we got up to the time we fell into our cots, exhausted, at night. The incessant repetition was necessary to turn all of us civilians into soldiers – we knew that, in the heat of a battle, our lives could depend on that automatic, instinctive response to orders, but that didn't make it any more bearable at the time. We'd joined the army to fight Yankees, not to drill until we could perform the maneuvers in our sleep. It got to the point that we were all ready to take the next unfortunate bastard who told us to 'fall in' and string him up by his thumbs on the nearest tree."

I grimaced, realizing what I'd said, and the resentment that had still managed to make itself known after all these years. "You… didn't hear me say that." I glanced over at Alice who was grinning at my disconcerted expression.

"Hear what?" She winked.

"Right. Well, as you can probably imagine now, whenever we had any free time, we had some pent-up frustrations to work out. It wasn't unusual at all for our games to involve physical injuries." Alice's eyes widened, and I nodded. "I'm serious. Especially since, at that point, it wasn't necessary for a player to have the ball in hand when tagging someone to get them out. We would just chuck it, and if the ball hit you, it was an out.

"Now, keep in mind, the balls we used then were different; they were softer. I almost shudder to think how much worse it would have been to play with these." I tossed up the baseball I was still holding in one hand.

"Did you ever get hurt?" Alice asked, concern coloring her voice.

"Oh yeah," I chuckled. "I remember one time, the ball hit me square in the face. I'm pretty sure it broke my nose – you talk about a nasty sound, Alice, that still makes me cringe a little when I think about it. The next morning when I woke up, my eye was swollen shut. I don't recall ever having a black eye before that point, but I remember I wore that one with pride. It was a beaut, too."

Alice rolled her eyes at the teasing tone I'd used in talking about it, just as I'd known she would, but nonetheless, there was still a certain measure of distress in her voice when she asked, "Was it painful?" With no human memories of her own, and no recollection of her transformation, real physical pain was something that Alice was largely unfamiliar with.

"To put it mildly," I said with a half-smile, "but it could have been much worse. One of my buddies got hit right in the mouth one time; knocked one of his front teeth out."

"That doesn't sound like a game," Alice said with crossed eyebrows, "it sounds more like you were trying to kill each other."

"Nah," I shook my head, "it was intense, but it was never malicious. We played hard, and most of the time it was fun. We just got a little carried away sometimes."

"Ri-ight," she drew out the word, thick with sarcasm. "'Carried away' sounds just like how I would put it. And you're telling me that's supposed to be a good memory?"

I shrugged with a grin, "What's one little black eye in the grand scheme of things. We were just blowing off steam; no one meant any harm."

I supposed it did sound a little brutal now, but we hadn't thought so at the time. There was a strong camaraderie that developed among the men in each company. These were men that we'd spent nearly every moment of every day with… drilling, playing, eating, and sleeping in very close quarters. We'd been bonded together by our common purpose. Thrown together, far from home and missing our families, we'd grown to consider ourselves brothers in many cases.

"Were the rest of your activities that… rough?" Alice prodded when I didn't continue after a moment.

"That depended on how much energy we had left over. After a long day, we were more inclined to quieter pursuits. You could always find a game of chess or checkers going – card games, too… though that was actually still largely frowned upon as immoral. We'd read absolutely anything we could get our hands on, and letters from family were infinitely precious. Especially as more time went on, we all depended on news from home as a reminder that normal life still existed outside our bubble of chaos.

"And oh, Alice, you should have heard some of the debates we had. We'd take any topic under the sun and deliberate it back and forth. Sometimes it was political, or maybe philosophical or theological, but sometimes we'd pick the most ridiculous, inane topics that we could think of and just… well… let's just say we called them 'bull' sessions for a reason."

Alice giggled, and I, again, got lost in the memories, that when let loose, flooded my mind in a steady stream.

"On days when we hadn't spent hours drilling, there'd be footraces, wheelbarrow races sometimes… really any kind of activity that tested physical prowess. And you asked about aggression… it wasn't unusual for fistfights to break out among the men, and unless there was underlying insubordination, most of the time, the officers preferred to look the other way and let the men settle disputes themselves. The rest of us would gather around and cheer them on, making bets about who would win. We'd gamble over absolutely anything."

"So that's where you get it from," Alice interjected with a chuckle. "I guess some things never change," she teased.

I laughed, "I suppose. I think, though, that probably the most memorable _event_, shall we say, had to be the regiment-wide dance." I smirked knowing that Alice would get a kick out of this, even if it was at my expense.

"This sounds… interesting," she said with wide, attentive eyes.

"Oh, it was. That first summer, the men decided they wanted to have a good old Virginia reel. The only problem was the lack of female participants, but they weren't going to let that stop them." I smirked in remembrance, "So, the men divided up, and half of them wrapped a rag or a handkerchief around their left arm, and they got to be the 'ladies' for the duration of the dance."

Alice's eyes grew even wider, and she made a strange half-cough, half-snort sound in the back of her throat, trying valiantly not to laugh, "Oh, really. And, ummm, which one were you?"

I didn't say anything, just shrugged and raised one eyebrow, letting her assume the worst. She didn't disappoint. Alice doubled over, her laughter pealing through the trees. "Are… are you serious?" She finally asked through her mirth.

"About the dance? Yes. About emasculating myself for the evening? No. I hid behind a banjo for that little event. I couldn't play very well, but it still seemed better than the alternative at the time. An all-male dance was just a little… much…"

Alice laughed again at the thought of my discomfort, "All the same, you better make sure Emmett never finds out about that. You'd never hear the end of it."

"No, I probably wouldn't." I chuckled, thinking about how silly the memory seemed now. As my thoughts turned inward, though, my amusement faded. All this had been towards the beginning of the war, when we'd all assumed that it would be a brief affair. We'd even assumed that we'd be home in time for Christmas… how quickly we'd been proven wrong. As time had gone on and we'd witnessed the gruesome carnage of war, the playfulness had been drained out of every one of us.

As those of us who'd survived battle to stand on a field saturated with the blood of these same men that we'd considered not only friends and comrades, but brothers-in-arms, we'd left a little bit of ourselves behind with them. Once a man had seen his friends lying broken on the ground, the trivial games and amusements had lost their appeal.

Set free by the chain of my thoughts, images assaulted me now in an endless, vivid stream.

_Limbs scattered across the ground, torn asunder by the force of canon blasts. _

_The putrid stench of flesh rotting in the heat. _

_Bodies blackened and bloated to twice their normal size from exposure to the sun for too long before burial. _

_Mass graves that had been hastily dug – graves that were never long or deep enough to bury all the mutilated bodies that were revealed when the smoke cleared… _

_The overwhelming guilt I'd felt when looking into the sightless eyes of friends who had been called on to give up their lives… and wondering why it hadn't been me instead._

So caught up in my thoughts was I, that I didn't even notice when Alice sidled up to me, winding her arms tightly around one of mine and leaning her head on my shoulder. When the grisly, horrific images finally began to fade out, I found myself absently stroking the raven black strands of her hair, my subconscious perhaps seeking a tangible reminder that all that was behind me.

Alice reached one hand up to caress my face, watching intently as my eyes slowly came back into focus. I placed one of my hands over hers and leaned my face into her cradling hand, savoring the warmth of the gentle touch.

"You all right?" She asked in a subdued voice, barely louder than a whisper.

"Yes," I responded in the same quiet tone, "as long as you're here when the memories fade, I'll always be fine." I lay my head against hers, soaking in the physical warmth of her body resting against mine and the inner warmth of her undying love – the only salve for the scars on my soul. Slowly, the graphic memories dissipated again as I let my mind be saturated and purged by the light that was Alice. My saving grace yet again.

It wasn't long before unmistakable lumbering footsteps alerted us to Emmett's approach. I was surprised, and very gratified, to hear the second lighter pair of footsteps that signaled Rosalie's presence.

"You can stop your moping, people, 'cause the party's here." Emmett's voice boomed as they appeared through the trees. I smiled a little at his typical boisterous entrance, grateful again for my brother's carefree personality as his excitement helped to erase the last vestiges of the melancholy remembrance that had gripped me moments ago. Carlisle and Esme turned out to be not far behind them, bringing the rest of the equipment with them.

Esme, Emmett, and Rosalie sat down on an outcropping of rock, talking quietly among themselves while Carlisle walked around the field setting up the bases as we waited for Edward and Bella to show up. Alice and I took one of the baseballs to the far end of the field, passing it back and forth to kill time.

We all looked up when we heard a shout of laughter from the middle of the forest – the voice sounded an awful lot like Edward's, but we certainly weren't used to hearing such boisterous laughter from him. He emerged from the trees only a moment later with Bella at his side.

"Was that you we heard, Edward?" Esme asked, with an open smile.

"It sounded like a bear choking," Emmett interjected teasingly.

"It was him." Even as far away as I was, I could see Bella's flush of nervousness – nervousness, but not fear, which shouldn't have surprised me considering the source, but it did anyway. The girl had guts, I had to hand her that.

"Bella was being unintentionally funny." Edward smirked down at her, amusement and a depth of love shining in his eyes.

Seeing Bella, Alice bit her lip, and with a quick glance at me showing her excitement, she took off running towards them. She came to a graceful stop right in front of Edward and Bella. "It's time," she said simply with a knowing grin. As soon as she spoke, a deep rumble of thunder shook the forest behind us.

"Eerie, isn't it?" Emmett winked at Bella with a familiarity that would make one assume they'd been friends for years. Bella smiled and seemed to relax slightly at the comfortable way Emmett had broken the ice.

"Let's go." Alice reached for Emmett's hand and, together, they darted towards the field. I noticed that Rosalie was studiously avoiding making eye contact with Bella, but at least she wasn't being hateful either.

"Are you ready for some ball?" I heard Edward ask Bella, his expression bright and eager.

"Go team!" Bella infused her voice with far more excitement than she felt – or tried to, anyway. It didn't appear that Edward was convinced. He chuckled, ruffling her hair affectionately, and ran towards the field, leaving her with Esme.

We took our places on the field. Emmett was up to bat first, and I knelt behind him in catcher's position.

"All right," Esme called, giving us the signal to initiate the game. "Batter up."

With little fanfare, Alice sent the first pitch sailing directly into my waiting hand. Emmett didn't even have time to swing the bat around. With a wink of congratulations, I tossed the ball back to her. She smiled briefly in return. The second time, Emmett was ready for her. He hit the ball with a resounding clash, sending it out of the field.

"Home run." Bella breathed in awe.

"Wait," Esme cautioned her, eyes directed into the woods where Edward had darted in pursuit of the ball. He caught it effortlessly. "Out." Esme called. Emmett made a face and grumbled his way back.

I was up to bat next, and while Emmett got his kicks from seeing how hard he could hit the ball, I knew better. Edward was the fastest among us, and he was more than capable of chasing the ball down no matter how hard we hit it.

When Alice threw the ball, I hit a grounder and raced to first. Carlisle scooped up the ball and took off after me. I made it to base a mere fraction of a second before he collided into me.

"Safe," came Esme's call.

I stood, dusting myself off. "The arthritis slowing you down again, Pop?" I smirked.

"Not at all," he replied, undaunted by my audacity. "I just wouldn't want to discourage you, son." He feigned an earnest expression. "You know, 'Fathers provoke not your children to wrath,' and all that."

"Sure," I drawled, "Keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better, old man."

Carlisle laughed good-naturedly at my ribbing, and I was reminded again how fortunate I was to have this man as a father figure – a man who was not only father but friend as well. If I could ever be a fraction of the man he was, I'd be happy. It was something to strive for, in any case.

The game continued as the storm rolled on. I vaguely remembered as a boy being frightened by storms; I loved them now. I loved the raw, elemental power behind them and the way the electricity surged through the air with each flash of lightning. I reveled in the intensity of the storm as it transferred over to our game – the crashing of bats hitting balls echoed by the rumbling thunder.

The lead constantly changed hands as we played with abandon, teasing and ribbing on both sides. Edward was picked on especially as he seemed to be blatantly showing off for Bella. He was laughing and carrying on with the rest of us, though, fully engaged and much more animated than I was used to seeing him. At one point, a little bit amazed at this unusually spirited side of Edward, I looked over to Alice as if to say, 'who is this and what has he done with our brother?' She just grinned, ecstatic to see her prophesy playing out before her eyes.

Esme wasn't slow to reel us back in when we got too out of hand, though… such as the time I'd been tagged out by Edward. I hadn't been able to resist giving him a good-natured shove, as brothers do, knocking us both to the ground. I'd had the upper hand for just a moment, knuckling the top of his head and mussing his hair before he'd shoved me off, laughing. Esme had stopped us before it could turn into a wrestling match, telling us that one sport at a time was enough.

Carlisle was up to bat, Edward catching, when a sudden gasp from Alice caused my head to jerk up. Seven pairs of eyes flew to her, and, seeing the horrified expression on her face, the game was instantly forgotten.

"Alice?" Esme was the first to respond, her tense voice betraying her worry.

"I didn't see – I couldn't tell," Alice stammered under her breath, her eyes still unfocused.

I darted to her side, worried as to the cause of her panic. As one, all the rest of the family gathered around, as well.

"What is it, Alice?" Carlisle questioned, the calm voice of authority.

"They were traveling much quicker than I thought. I can see I had the perspective wrong before," she murmured, her wide, panicked eyes seeming to swallow her face.

"What changed?" I asked gently, leaning protectively over her.

"They heard us playing, and it changed their path," she said contritely, as if she was responsible for their ill-timed visit.

"How soon?" Carlisle asked, turning now towards Edward.

"Less than five minutes." He scowled, "They're running — they want to play."

"Can you make it?" Carlisle asked tersely, concern etched on his face.

"No," Edward shook his head ruefully, "not carrying —" He didn't complete the thought, his own panic twining its way around his heart. "Besides, the last thing we need is for them to catch the scent and start hunting."

"How many." Emmett asked Alice, speaking for the first time.

"Three."

"Three!" He scoffed. "Let them come." His eyes were fierce as he instinctively flexed the bands of muscle in his arms. It was common knowledge that he was always ready for a fight at the drop of a hat – he'd ask his questions after the fact.

Every one of us looked to Carlisle, waiting for his decision. If there was anything that Carlisle was _not_, it was impulsive.

"Let's just continue the game." He said steadily after deliberating for a moment, "Alice said they were just curious."

As we all scattered back into our positions, hovering infield, Esme's apprehensive question caught my attention.

"Are they thirsty?" she asked Edward in a voice much too quick and low for Bella to hear. Edward shook his head minutely, and a look of relief overtook Esme's face.

"You catch, Esme," he said quietly. "I'll call it now." She nodded and took Edward's place on the field, though she and Alice purposefully oriented themselves around Bella.

Edward planted himself in front of Bella. "Take your hair down," he said in a low, even voice.

"The others are coming now." Bella's words were a statement, not a question. Edges of fear and uneasiness skirted around her emotions.

"Yes," Edward replied in a calm, smooth voice that didn't convey any of his fear to Bella. "Stay very still, keep quiet, and don't move from my side, please." He pulled her hair forward, gently adjusting it around her face.

"That won't help," Alice said softly, almost desperately. "I could smell her across the field."

"I know." Edward kept his face impassive, but his fear for Bella was overriding every other emotion.

Emmett, Rose, and I hovered close as the game continued for appearance purposes only. None of us were truly focusing on what we were doing. We were all tensed and waiting for the appearance of our imminent visitors. When the treading sounds of footsteps came from the forest, Edward's breath hitched, and he took a half-step, angling himself in between Bella and the nomads. We all turned in the direction that they were approaching from, watching warily as the three unknown immortals emerged from the trees one by one.

In front was a tall, dark-haired man, who, based on the unspoken interaction from the two others, I would assume to be the leader. The female was the next to catch my attention with her blazing red hair and wild, shifting eyes that seemed to miss nothing. The third was a rather plain looking male; there was absolutely nothing in his face or form that commanded any notice. Briefly, the inconsequential thought passed through my mind that he must have been one ugly son of a gun as a human to be so ordinary as a vampire.

Just as Alice had predicted, there seemed to be no ill-will from any of them as they came nearer. The dark-haired man in front seemed genial enough, even if the two others weren't. I didn't sense any hostility from them, but with their shifting, vigilant eyes I was naturally more wary of them.

Emmett and I stepped forward when Carlisle did, flanking him, ready to jump in at a moments notice if we needed to protect our family.

The dark-haired man stepped forward also, smiling as he did so. "We thought we heard a game," he said with no hint of malice, a slight French accent coloring his words. "I'm Laurent, these are Victoria and James." He gestured as he spoke their names.

As closely as I was monitoring the emotional climate around us, it was impossible for me to miss the flurry of emotions that passed over the one they had called James. A flash of recognition grabbed my attention – recognition that was followed by disbelief, morphing quickly into acute surprise. I glanced at him as surreptitiously as I could, curious as to what caused the unexpected emotional range from him.

His eyes were trained on Alice.

Alice seemed oblivious to his stare, not looking in his direction at all. I'd felt nothing at all from her to indicate that she had known who he was. Alice had been alone until she'd found me – she'd had no companions, and I'd never seen this man before in my life. How the hell could he have known her, then?

Something felt off to me, though I couldn't exactly put my finger on what it was. The look that had flickered over his face when he saw her, brief though it may have been, had disturbed me to no end. I had to consciously hold myself in place, as my instincts screamed to pull Alice behind me, to shield her with my body. I didn't sense any hostility from him at the moment, though that wasn't nearly enough to ease my mind. I glanced at Edward to see if he'd heard anything in his thoughts, but his face gave no indication of anything other than concern for Bella.

"I'm Carlisle. This is my family." He introduced us, pointing us out in groups, purposefully not drawing attention to anyone.

I couldn't help but notice the familiar reaction when he gestured in my direction. From all three of the nomads, I felt a moment of hesitation, an instinctive defensive response when they saw my disfigured face. Aside from Alice, I'd yet to encounter anyone who didn't have some sort of reaction to my battle scars. In this case, however, I hoped that would work to our advantage. It might make them think twice before attempting anything… aggressive. Without missing a beat, I settled a wave of serenity over the eleven of us gathered around.

"Do you have room for a few more players?" Laurent asked sociably, returning quickly to the conversation at hand.

"Actually, we were just about to finish up," Carlisle informed him. "But we'd certainly be interested another time. Are you planning to stay in the area for long?"

"We're headed north in fact, but we were curious to see who was in the neighborhood. We haven't run into any company in a long time."

"No, this region is usually empty except for us and the occasional visitor, like yourselves."

"What's your hunting range?" Laurent casually inquired.

"The Olympic Range here, up and down the Coast Ranges on occasion. We keep a permanent residence nearby. There's another permanent settlement like ours up near Denali."

Laurent was shocked by Carlisle's statement. "Permanent?" He questioned, incredulous. "How do you manage that?"

"Why don't you come back to our home with us and we can talk comfortably. It's a rather long story." Carlisle gave the invitation with a smile, though I had no doubt that his warm expression belied his eagerness to get Bella away from here before something had the chance to go wrong.

It didn't escape my notice that James and Victoria exchanged a pointed look at the use of the word "home," but they still said nothing.

"That sounds very interesting and welcome," Laurent smiled warmly. "We've been on the hunt all the way down from Ontario, and we haven't had the chance to freshen up in a while."

"Please don't take offense," Carlisle cautioned, "but we'd appreciate it if you'd refrain from hunting in this immediate area. We have to stay inconspicuous, you understand."

"Of course," Laurent nodded in understanding. "We certainly won't encroach on your territory. We just ate outside of Seattle, anyway."

Bella's emotions had been fairly steady throughout the whole exchange; no doubt the danger she was now in had to be a bit surreal for her, having been so recently thrust into this supernatural world. Laurent's words, though, sent a surge of fear and revulsion through her – the first time I'd actually felt real fear from her.

Carlisle nodded, "We'll show you the way if you'd like to run with us – Emmett and Alice, you can go with Edward and Bella to get the Jeep."

Just when it seemed that we might actually get out of this unscathed, James whipped his head around, his nostrils flaring as he caught Bella's scent carried on an extraordinarily bad timed breeze. Edward crouched in front of Bella, blocking his path to her, defensive growls bellowing from his throat.

"What's this?" Laurent exclaimed in true surprise.

"She's with us." Carlisle stated with no room for argument in his tone.

"You brought a snack?" Edward's snarl intensified at Laurent's disbelieving inquiry.

"I said she's with us." Carlisle snapped in an uncharacteristically sharp voice.

"But she's human," He continued, still astounded.

"Yes."

Seeing Emmett's hulking frame posturing protectively over Carlisle, James straightened slowly but still glared at Bella, who seemed to be frozen in place.

"It appears we have a lot to learn about each other." Laurent spoke slowly, trying to smooth things over.

"Indeed." Carlisle's voice was still cool.

"But we'd like to accept your invitation. And, of course, we will not harm the human girl. We won't hunt in your range, as I said." At Laurent's assurance to Carlisle, James's face betrayed his extreme disbelief and aggravation.

Carlisle measured his sincerity for a moment before replying. "We'll show you the way. Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett? He called, not taking his eyes off the three nomads. The three of us instantly flew to his side, effectively blocking Bella from their view. In the same second, Alice was at Bella's side.

"Let's go, Bella." Edward said, edges of desperation coloring the words. He pulled on her arm, tugging her away with Alice and Emmett following closely behind.

When they were away, the rest of us proceeded to the house. James and Victoria followed us there, their eyes taking in everything, but declined to come inside. Instead, the two of them fell back into the woods surrounding the house. I watched them go as Laurent followed Carlisle and Esme into the house.

I didn't miss the look that had been exchanged between the two men before James had taken off, but I couldn't decipher the meaning behind it. Laurent seemed reproachful, almost, though it hadn't seemed to faze the other man.

Not knowing what the two were capable of, I gave them enough time to get out of earshot before running the perimeter of the property. I sniffed out their scents, needing to know if they had followed Alice and the others.

I was still unsettled by the earlier revelation from James. I knew I hadn't imagined his recognition of Alice, and it disturbed me to have her away from me now with our futures so suddenly uncertain. I didn't like being away from her in any case, but the potential volatility of this situation only made my anxiety that much worse than usual.

Briefly, I took comfort from the fact that she was with Edward. But, just as quickly, I realized that with Edward's focus so entirely centered on Bella, Alice might as well be on her own. I knew that she was more than capable of taking care of herself should she have need to, but old habits and attitudes died hard.

It had been engrained in me from my earliest days that women, as the weaker and more delicate sex, were to be protected and provided for. Thankfully, most of the time Alice was unruffled by my, admittedly, overbearing protectiveness, but I knew she wouldn't hesitate to put me in my place if she even suspected that I was thinking of her as a helpless little woman. All the same, though, it did ease my mind that Emmett was there. If nothing else, there was safety in numbers.

A pair of footsteps approaching from behind sent me momentarily into the defensive until I realized who it was. I was more than a little surprised to identify the footsteps as belonging to my sister. I slowed, letting her catch up.

Her face was determined as she fell into step beside me. "If that bastard is really as dangerous as the French one seems to think he is, you shouldn't be out here alone."

I was surprised, to say the least, at her display of concern. "I'm not worried." I'd faced opponents far more formidable than him and at much worse odds.

"Of course you're not," she rolled her eyes, "but I'm coming with you just the same. Safety in numbers, right?" She quirked one eyebrow, daring me to argue.

"OK, that's scary," I mumbled remembering I'd had the exact same thought not even a minute before. I wondered if I should be worried that my mind was apparently starting to work like Rosalie's.

"What's scary?" She asked, giving me a sideways look.

"Nothing." I shook my head. "It was nothing. Let's go."

We picked up our pace, continuing around the edges of our property. James and Victoria were well and truly gone; we caught their combined scents heading back into town but didn't pursue them. I had no way of knowing which way Alice and the others had gone, and though it galled me not to be able to do anything, I figured the best thing to do was hang close to home in case Carlisle and Esme should need help. Just because I hadn't picked up any malicious intent in Laurent didn't mean he was harmless.

"What were they doing when you left?" I asked Rosalie, breaking the silence between us.

"Carlisle was touting the advantages of our vegetarian lifestyle. Trying to convince him he should join the Denali coven for a while."

"That's good. If he can convince him, that turns the odds even further in our favor."

Our pace slowed as we approached the house again.

"Do you think they're coming back?" Rosalie's voice, when she spoke, was so low it was difficult to make out the words. I caught a whisper of something akin to fear, almost bordering on insecurity.

I turned to face her and shrugged, "I don't know for sure. I can't imagine that James would give up without a fight, though."

"Not _them_." Rosalie shook her head, glancing up at me.

"Oh." I said, realizing now exactly what she meant. "I'm afraid I don't know that either." I wished I did though.

"They just took off. We don't know where they went or when they'll be back."

"But we know they _will_ be back. Edward's first priority is going to be getting Bella somewhere safe. After that's accomplished, I imagine we'll regroup and figure out where we go from there. It's only temporary."

"Do you see now why I was so opposed to this?" Rose asked, fire quickly returning to her eyes. "Our whole family is in danger now because of the human."

"Don't blame Bella for this; she hasn't done anything. It's not her fault." I tried to reason with her.

"No. It's not her fault," she agreed too readily. "It's Edward's."

"Rose," I ran a hand over the back of my neck, "yes, we have a problem right now, but we're going to do what we have to do to take care of it. If James chooses to persist, then we eliminate the threat…"

"And what about the next time this happens?" She cut me off. "She's a little girl playing in a world where she doesn't belong. This isn't going to be a one time thing. What about the next time, Jasper, and the time after that? Do we keep putting ourselves in danger over a human? It's not worth that to me. I won't have Emmett constantly in danger because a human fancies herself in love with our brother."

"Rosalie, were you not at the same field as I was this afternoon? Did you not see Edward? This isn't about a 'human fancying herself in love'" I made air quotes around her words. "How could you not see the changes in Edward today? For the first time in as long as I've known him, he's truly happy – and it's because of Bella. For the life of me Rosalie, I can't imagine how you could deny him that."

"She's human." Rosalie said simply, as if that explained everything. "She doesn't belong with us."

"For now." I pointed out, watching, even as I said it, the shadows of anger fill her eyes. "You know what Alice saw."

She laughed in derision, shaking her head incredulously, "You know what, I don't know why I'm even bothering to talk to you about this. I can't believe I actually thought that you'd be logical," she spat. "You're so concerned about what _Alice_ wants that you obviously have no ability to think for yourself anymore. And Alice wants to be all buddy-buddy with the little human, doesn't she? So, of course, you go along with it because you don't have the nerve to stand up to your wife _even when you know she's wrong_!"

With a snarl, I took a step closer, towering over the seething Rosalie. "You're treading on thin ice, Rosalie Hale." I hissed scathingly in her face, matching her blistering glare with one of my own. "I suggest you take a step back."

Our staring contest lasted a moment more, neither of us willing to back down. Finally with an indelicate snort she whirled around on her heel and stormed into the house. I scrubbed my hands over my face in exasperation when she was gone.

Her concerns were valid, unfortunately… that was the problem. But the problems ultimately were outweighed by the joy that Bella brought to Edward's life – and in doing so, touching the rest of us as well… sans Rosalie, apparently. I had to believe that, somehow, someway, we could overcome the odds that were stacked against us. It wouldn't be easy, that much was a sure bet, but there had to be a way. And when the chips were down, there was no one I'd sooner trust than Alice – and Alice believed that this would work.

In the distance, I heard the faint rumbling of a vehicle heading towards the house. As it came closer, the relief I felt upon recognizing Emmett's Jeep nearly knocked me from my feet.

Alice was coming home.

I hurried into the house, interrupting the hum of voices coming from the living room.

"They're coming." I announced. Carlisle and Esme were in the foyer in the same instant with Laurent right behind them. Rosalie appeared next, not meeting my eyes.

Emmett was the first to burst into the room with Bella tucked securely into his chest. Alice and Edward were close on his heels. Seeing Laurent in the room with us, Emmett snarled under his breath as he carefully set Bella down next to Edward.

"He's tracking us," Edward spoke with a hateful glare directed towards Laurent.

Laurent sighed, the tenor of his emotions disapproving. "I was afraid of that."

Before anyone else had the chance to say anything, Alice flashed to my side, tugging at my arm to bend to her level. She whispered hurriedly into my ear the plans they had made while they'd been gone. Alice and I were to take Bella to Phoenix while the others tracked James and destroyed him. Since she was telling me this with Laurent in the room, I had to assume that he'd decided not to side against us.

With Alice still clasping my hand, we darted to our room. Hurriedly, we gathered a set of fake IDs that we saved for such emergency situations and the few things we would need for the time we were gone, and threw everything into a leather bag.

With Alice safely by my side again. whispers of another kind of fear began to take root in my mind. All of a sudden, I realized just what my part in this plan entailed. The thought of being trapped in the same car with Bella for hours, and in a hotel room for days afterwards, was intimidating. That was pushing the limits of my control far more than I was comfortable with. I hadn't had any problems ignoring the burn in my throat yet, but this was something entirely different that I was being thrust into.

Not only would Bella's life and future be dependent on my shaky control, but Edward's as well. His life was truly bound up in Bella now. The weight of that responsibility rested heavily on my shoulders.

Could I do this?

Alice's hand placed gently on my arm pulled me from my flurry of doubts. I glanced down to see the compassion of her gaze resting on me. "Do you trust me?" she whispered intently.

Looking deeply into her eyes, I recalled the conversation we'd had only the night before. She wouldn't ask me to do this if it wasn't within the scope of my capability. I nodded once in response. Yes, I trusted her – and she trusted me.

I could do this.

Determination settled over me. Bella's safety was resting in my hands now, and I would do whatever I had to do to keep her safe.

I would not fail.

Alice flitted out of the room and down the hall to wait for Bella, who was now switching clothes with Esme – a ploy that would hopefully confuse the scent long enough for us to get her away. When I got downstairs, Laurent was gone and Edward and Emmett were set to leave. Only a short moment later, Alice and Esme fairly flew down the stairs with Bella supported between them.

I glanced briefly at Carlisle. As strongly opposed as he was to violence, it was obvious that he understood the necessity of the course we were now taking. I felt a grim sort of resignation from him as he passed out the cell phones and gave us each last minute instructions.

"Esme and Rosalie will be taking your truck, Bella," he explained when Alice and Esme set her down. She nodded, looking overwhelmed and ill at ease in her unfamiliar clothing. "Alice, Jasper," he glanced at us, "take the Mercedes. You'll need the dark tint in the south." Alice and I nodded in turn. "We're taking the Jeep."

The fact that Carlisle was choosing to be a part of the actual hunt, bespoke of the true danger that was posed to our family.

"Alice, will they take the bait?" He questioned evenly, no trace of fear in his voice.

Alice stilled at his query, her eyes sliding closed as she searched for the trackers course. "He'll track you. The woman will follow the truck. We should be able to leave after that." Her voice was unwavering in its certainty.

Carlisle's head dipped once in a nod, and he breathed deeply, "Let's go." His voice, though quiet, carried the weight of authority – the signal we had all been waiting on to make our move.

Without warning, Edward caught Bella in his arms, crushing her to his chest, oblivious to the rest of us in the room. He pressed his lips to hers in a short, desperate kiss. He set her down gently, and when he released her, the look on his face sent chills through my spine. His eyes were blank, as if all the life had been siphoned from his body.

The man standing in front of me was a shell of my brother – he had left his heart and his soul with Bella. The look on his face was a terrifying foreshadowing of what would happen if he were to lose her… we'd lose him too.

Silent tears pooled and slipped from Bella's eyes, streaking steadily down her cheeks as he turned away. The fear and grief that this fragile girl was feeling tugged at my heart, evoking an unexpected surge of compassion.

_Edward_. I called silently to him. His steps faltered, but he didn't turn around. _With my life, Edward. I'll guard her with my life. That's a promise._

His head dipped once in a nod of remembrance. He'd spoken almost the same words to me once. It was now my turn to repay a debt. With no further acknowledgement, he slipped from the house like a wraith in the night.

Esme's phone vibrated short moments later. "Now," she whispered. Rosalie stalked out the door without a glance at Bella. "Be safe." Esme stroked Bella's cheek in her motherly way, and then she was gone too.

Their departure left only the three of us to await the signal to move. Alice had the phone to her ear in the same instant that it vibrated. "Edward says the woman is on Esme's trail. I'll get the car." She vanished, too, into the shadows leaving me alone with Bella for the very first time.

Bella looked up at me with the same dead expression on her face that had been on Edward's as well. Self-reproach and unworthiness flowed from her in waves.

"You're wrong you know." I said quietly, gently, so as not to startle her.

"What?" Her voice, still thick with tears, questioned.

"I can feel what you're feeling now," I reminded her, "– and you _are _worth it." I infused my voice with as much assurance as I could, but Bella still wasn't persuaded.

"I'm not," she murmured shakily. "If anything happens to them, it will be for nothing."

"You're wrong." I said again, smiling as kindly as I could. I wished that I could make her understand how integral she had become to our family in such a short amount of time, but I could see that she wouldn't be convinced.

Alice stepped out of the shadows then and walked to Bella with her arms held out. "May I?" she asked.

"You're the first one to ask permission." Bella made a poor attempt at a smile for Alice.

Alice lifted Bella easily into her arms, shielding her as we flew out the door and into the garage. She helped Bella get strapped into the back seat and closed the door for her. Seeing me still frozen, grasping the door handle, she met my gaze with love and understanding coloring the golden depths of her eyes.

I was desperately clinging to the control that I was still slightly fearful would desert me once trapped in the close confines of the car with a human. I didn't usually test myself to this degree, and never with so much riding on my control.

Alice said nothing but the steady wave of her confidence bolstered me. _I_ can _do this_. _I_ will _do this_. I brought to mind the look on Edward's face as he left – that lifelessness that was in such stark contrast to his liveliness this afternoon during our game. I owed my brother this much. He'd, in essence, placed his life in my hands, and I would not let him down now.

Steeling myself against the burn that inflamed my throat the instant I lowered myself into the car, I placed the keys into the ignition and started the engine. Failure was not an option. I had a mission to protect this frail human that my brother loved – a human whose quiet sobs reverberated in the near silence.

I _would_ do everything in my power to keep her safe, and return her unharmed to my brother. For once, I _would not_ be the weak link.

With a death grip on the beast within, I pulled out of the garage and sped out of Forks.

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**I do hope you enjoyed the chapter! Please don't forget to take a second and let me know what you thought… we're almost at a hundred reviews… think we can top that this time? ;-)**

**As always, thanks for reading!**

**Nik**


	13. Chapter 12

**Happy Memorial Day to those of you in the States! And to the rest of you, Happy Monday! ;-)**

**This chapter has some of my favorite Jasper-lines from the whole saga… aww… heck… who am I kidding? Every line of his is my favorite! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, themes, and dialogue are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement is intended.**

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**Chapter 12**

The miles sped away under the tires that night as I raced down the highways at more than twice the speed limit, and the only times I dared to stop were to refill the gas tank. The air in the car was saturated with the tantalizing scent of blood, setting my throat aflame. Venom pooled in my mouth and coated my throat as I swallowed convulsively, refusing to even acknowledge the allure.

I refused to let the beast within have any place in my thoughts. Any time temptation would rise, I would squelch the thought swiftly and violently, bringing to mind the lifelessness of my brother's face as he'd left, recalling the trust he'd placed in me. I refused to betray that.

Bella's anguish, surprisingly enough, was an additional aid in combating the relentless thirst. Her almost silent sobs continued all throughout the night as she fought sleep. Her eyes were still blank – hollow through the tears that never slowed. Her distress at being separated from Edward was a constant reminder of what I was fighting so desperately for.

Alice had chosen to sit in the back with her. The gentle shushing noises she made were the only sounds, aside from Bella's choked sobs, to break the silence. Bella sat with her head on Alice's shoulder, clinging to her. Alice had been so eager to spend time with Bella – to forge the relationship that she'd waited so long for – but I knew this wasn't how she'd envisioned their friendship developing.

I glanced in the rearview mirror seeing the two girls huddled together. Alice had never had a close girl friend. She and Rosalie got along fine for the most part, but they were never _close_. And while Esme and Alice had a strong bond, the dynamic of their relationship was just different. It was becoming more and more apparent to me that, not only was Bella central to Edward's life, she was filling a void in Alice's life as well. That realization was just one more thing to cement my determination to see this mission through.

"Which way to the airport, Bella?" I asked as we approached Phoenix, having made a three day trip in one. I had kept my voice as quiet and unalarming as I could – only loud enough to be sure that her human ears could hear – yet still she flinched and jumped at sound which seemed especially loud after the stillness of the night.

"Stay on the I-10, We'll pass right by it." Her voice, raspy from her tears, was toneless and as blank as her eyes. "Are we flying somewhere?" she asked Alice without any real interest, almost as an afterthought.

"No," Alice's voice was soothing and even, "but it's better to be close, just in case."

Finally, making the loop around Sky Harbor International, sleep had won the nightlong battle that Bella had fought. She barely roused when Alice half-carried, half-dragged her into the airport Hilton.

"Bower." I said simply, approaching the desk, giving the name that Alice had used in making our reservation earlier. The receptionist processed the necessary information quickly, professional enough not to give more than a cursory glance to the sight behind me – Bella was petite by most standards, but, standing almost six inches taller than Alice, she made my wife look especially tiny as she supported Bella's weight.

We followed the bellhop, who was well-trained enough to make no comment about our virtually luggage-less state, up to the room. My senses were on heightened alert as we strode through the halls, searching for any scent that could indicate the presence of our pursuers. I had no reason to suspect that our trackers knew where we were going, but I wasn't about to become complacent. There was far too much on the line for that.

While Alice helped Bella into one of the bedrooms, I instructed the bellhop to have our maid service canceled for the time being, pressing a wad of bills into his hand for his trouble. Once he was gone, I walked over to the couch and slumped down, sinking into the cushions. Alice joined me a moment later, curling up into my side.

"Hey," she whispered.

"Hey, yourself," I kissed the top of her head, snuggling her closer.

"You seem to be doing OK," she stated looking up into my eyes. "Are you?"

"I'm fine," I replied honestly. "It's not easy, exactly, but I'm coping."

Alice smiled, "That surprises you." It wasn't a question.

"A little. This is _slightly_ out of my comfort zone, you know." I smiled down at her.

"And yet, to look at you, I'd think it was effortless. I'd say you're doing pretty _damn_ good, myself – especially as little time as you had to prepare yourself."

I chuckled at her fervent compliment – quietly, though, being mindful of the sleeping girl in the next room. "Thanks."

"You know what I think?" She looked down, tracing a pattern on my forearm.

"Not yet."

She paused for just a moment, and I could almost see the wheels of her mind turning. "I think," she hesitated, looking up at me to gauge my expression. "I think that maybe if you just trusted yourself a little more you could make your life a whole lot easier. You're capable of so much more than you give yourself credit for – and this is just one example. You were so worried before we left, but, once you made up your mind that you could do this, you've barely even seemed fazed."

"It's not that easy, Alice. I wish it were."

"I'm not saying it's just that simple; I know it's not. But you don't trust yourself, Jasper – you've told me that. Yet, all night in the car, and today at the hotel, you've been so focused on your task and so determined to see it through that you haven't even seemed to notice anything else –"

"Did you see Edward's face when he left, Alice?" I cut her off a little sharper than I intended to.

She nodded, her eyes clouding at the reminder, "It almost broke my heart. I've never seen him look like that before." Her voice was barely audible, her forehead creased with concern.

"Exactly. But I didn't just _see_ it, Alice; I _felt_ the emotions behind it. Of course I've been focused. Of course I've kept a death grip on my control. I've had some horrible, despicable things on my conscience over the years, but I can't imagine how I could possibly ever look my brother in the eye knowing that I was the one to put that look on his face – _because I failed him in the worst possible way_… because I wasn't strong enough to control myself." I felt panic surfacing at just the thought. "I don't know how I could live with myself if –"

"Shhh…" Alice stopped the frantic torrent of words, cupping my face in both her hands. "Do you hear that?"

The only sound to break the silence was the steady beating of Bella's heart, the slow, deep breaths that indicated her slumber.

"She's safe." Alice stroked my face, brushing the hair back from my forehead, "And you and I are going to do everything in our power to see that she stays that way."

I nodded, sighing deeply. The air was tinged with the scent of blood, but, much to my relief, after so many hours in such close proximity, it wasn't as hard to ignore as it usually was.

"So now we wait." Alice shifted again, settling herself in my lap with her arms twined around my neck.

"Your favorite pastime," I teased, tucking her head against the curve of my neck and leaning my head against hers.

Hours passed. Neither of us moved. We both tried to suppress our growing anxiety as more time passed and the phone didn't ring. I tried to tell myself that the lack of communication from home meant nothing – that things were just taking a little longer than perhaps we'd thought.

It was difficult to just sit still. I wasn't used to playing bodyguard; I was accustomed to a more active role – to one of offense rather than defense.

The sense that things weren't going as planned was harder to ignore as the night progressed. I knew Alice was monitoring things on the home front as closely as she could. She flickered in and out of awareness, watching through her visions. Everyone was fine, she assured me, the nomads were just more cunning and resourceful than we'd given them credit for.

Shortly after two o'clock in the morning, Alice finally stirred. "I'm going to order Bella something to eat. She'll be hungry when she wakes up."

I was sure she would be; she hadn't eaten anything since before we'd left Forks. That was a long time for a human to go without food. And now that I was paying attention, I could hear her stomach protesting its emptiness even in her sleep.

Alice called for room service, ordering a steak and a baked potato which was delivered on a covered tray a short time later. The fact that it was covered did nothing to mask the stench, and, in no time, the room reeked of human food.

I wrinkled my nose and resisted the urge to gag. Alice, making a face that would have been amusing any other time, lifted the lid to look at the contents.

"Is this actually supposed to smell appetizing?" She looked at me in disbelief after slamming the lid back on the tray.

"You're asking me?" I raised one eyebrow in disbelief.

"Well, of the two of us, you're the only one to remember eating human food," she said as if the answer were obvious.

"That doesn't make it smell any better now, that's for sure."

"Ugh! That smell is rank!" Alice shivered in revulsion.

The rhythm of Bella's breathing changed soon after the food was delivered, signaling her return to wakefulness. When it did, Alice glided to the door and knocked softly, "Can I come in?" she called.

"Sure," Bella's sleep-groggy voice responded. Alice went in, leaving the door cracked slightly behind her.

I moved from the couch for the first time in hours and turned on the TV to the news channel, leaving the volume down low. Taking the remote with me, I sat at the desk this time, leaving the couch for the girls.

"You look like you could sleep longer," Alice observed though I heard no reply from Bella. "Thirsty?" She asked in response to Bella's scratchy voice.

"I'm okay," Bella assured her. "How about you?"

"Nothing unmanageable." Alice said, and I heard the smile in her voice. Bella really was a unique human to be able to so casually inquire about our peculiar kind of thirst. It was obvious she didn't realize how defenseless she really was – or perhaps the part of her brain that alerted her to danger was short-circuited. I couldn't imagine how she could be so at ease with the subject otherwise. "I ordered some food for you;" Alice continued, "it's in the front room. Edward reminded me that you have to eat a lot more frequently than we do."

"He called?" Bella asked suddenly with a surge of hopefulness that was evidenced in her voice.

"No," Alice said gently. Bella's question reminding both of us that we'd yet to hear anything definitive from our family since the hunt began. "It was before we left." Just as quickly as Bella's hopes had risen, they plummeted back down again.

The two girls came back into the room a moment later, Alice leading Bella carefully by the hand. Alice perched on the arm of the couch while Bella knelt at the low table in front of the couch and began picking at her food. For someone who'd gone without food for as long as she had, she displayed little interest, poking at her meal and not even seeming to notice what she was eating.

Every so often I noticed that she'd look up from her tray, glancing at me or Alice, gauging our still forms. Finally, growing nervous, she pushed her plate away. Alice glanced down to meet Bella's anxious eyes.

"What's wrong, Alice?" She asked fearfully.

"Nothing," Alice replied, her eyes wide and honest.

Bella wasn't fooled. "What do we do now?"

"We wait for Carlisle to call."

"And should he have called by now?" Alice's eyes flitted to the phone and back as Bella's question hit closer to the mark than she knew.

"What does that mean?" Bella's voice quivered, her fear growing exponentially now, "That he hasn't called yet?"

"It just means that they don't have anything to tell us." Alice soothed her, though none of us were truly convinced of that.

Bella's heart rate accelerated, thudding wildly in her chest with her growing panic. Of course she was scared. How could she not be? It was a frighteningly disconcerting feeling to discover that the _normal_ world you thought you lived in was inhabited by creatures you'd believed only existed in horror stories.

As a human, I'd never been superstitious. I'd believed in the existence of spiritual beings – angels and demons, because that's what I'd been taught – but, even believing as I did, it was merely a concept to me. I'd never given much thought to the actual physical existence of the supernatural… until Maria… until the one night that had utterly destroyed any concept of the world I'd thought I'd lived in.

I moved to Alice's side on the couch, coming closer to Bella. Keeping my expression and my voice as soothing as possible, I attempted to allay her fears. "Bella, you have nothing to worry about here. You are completely safe."

"I know that."

Her quick, confident answer surprised me as much as it confused me. "Then why are you frightened?"

"You heard what Laurent said," she spoke in a desperate whisper. "He said James was lethal. What if something goes wrong, and they get separated? If something happens to any of them, Carlisle, Emmett… Edward…" her fear spiked as she spoke Edward's name. She gulped in a lungful of air, her voice rising higher with hysteria as she continued, "If that wild female hurts Esme... How could I live with myself when it's my fault? None of you should be risking yourselves for me – "

"Bella, Bella, stop," I interrupted her frantic tirade. Her wide, teary eyes fixed on me as I suddenly became desperate to take away this paralyzing fear she felt. "You're worrying about all the wrong things, Bella. Trust me on this – none of us are in jeopardy. You are under too much strain as it is; don't add to it with wholly unnecessary worries."

She looked away, shaking her head minutely. "Listen to me!" I ordered, leaning in slightly. When her eyes came back up to meet mine, I forced myself to speak slower, enunciating every word carefully to make her understand. "Our family is strong. Our only fear is losing you."

"But why should you –"

Alice cut her off this time, gently stroking her cheek, "It's been almost a century that Edward's been alone. Now's he's found you. You can't see the changes that we see, we who have been with him for so long. Do you think any of us want to look into his eyes for the next hundred years if he loses you?"

Finally, some of Bella's guilt and fear began to subside as the truth of Alice's words started to sink in. I took care of the rest, wrapping a blanket of serenity around the room.

The rest of the day was spent waiting. Food was delivered for Bella at regular intervals. She picked at it when it came, unable to stop fidgeting even while she ate. She paced the length of the room over and over as we waited in vain for the phone to ring. Alice and I remained motionless except for our eyes following her movements. Though, if it would have done any good, we would have been pacing with her.

Late that afternoon, Bella decided to go back to bed. Alice followed her. I heard the rustling movements as Bella settled into the covers.

"Alice?" Bella's voice, no louder than a whisper, broke the silence after a while.

"Yes?"

"What do you think they're doing?"

"Carlisle wanted to lead the tracker as far north as possible, wait for him to get close, and then turn and ambush him. Esme and Rosalie were supposed to head west as long as they could keep the female behind them. If she turned around, they were to head back to Forks and keep an eye on your dad." Alice explained. "So I imagine things are going well if they can't call. It means the tracker is close enough that they don't want him to overhear."

The low hum of their voices continued, as I wished again that I was with Carlisle and my brothers in the hunting party. This sitting and waiting patiently was never my strong suit. I felt helpless. I understood how important it was to keep Bella safe, and even honored that Edward had trusted me that much, but it was still so difficult to sit on the sidelines and just… wait.

My attention snapped back to the present when I heard Bella's shocking question to Alice, "Tell me then… how do you become a vampire?"

Alice was quiet for a long moment, her surprise equal to mine. "Edward doesn't want me to tell you that," she replied hesitantly.

"That's not fair. I think I have a right to know." Bella persisted.

"I know." Alice said almost to herself. The silence stretched between them as Alice pondered. "He'll be _extremely_ angry," she finally said.

"It's none of his business." Bella retorted, surprising both of us with her intensity. "This is between you and me. Alice, as a friend, I'm begging you."

"I'll tell you the mechanics of it," Alice conceded at last, "but I don't remember it myself, and I've never done it or seen it done, so keep in mind that I can only tell you the theory."

Barely breathing, I listened to Alice explain to Bella the process of becoming a vampire. Closely monitoring Bella's reaction, I didn't catch even an iota of the fear I expected, only curiosity, which was surprising to say the least. When Alice finished, Bella's first question surprised me even more.

"Why do you think you don't remember?"

"I don't know." Alice replied, her voice wistful, almost sad. "For everyone else, the pain of transformation is the sharpest memory they have of their human life. I remember nothing of being human." Her voice trailed off.

The blank space where her memories should be troubled Alice deeply. All the rest of us had at least some vague recollection of where we'd come from and the families we'd left behind. Alice had nothing, and though she covered it well, I knew how much it bothered her. It was a curious circumstance why, of all of us, she was the only one to have no memory of a life before this one. All we could do was speculate, and even that was pointless as there was no way to know anything for sure.

"Something's changed." The urgency in Alice's voice immediately pulled me to my feet, propelling me to the door without a single conscious thought. I reached the door at the same time she did. Her eyes were wide and distant, distressed, as she searched through a future only she could see.

I placed my hands on her shoulders, guiding her back to the bed and helping her to sit on the edge. Kneeling in front of her, I placed my hands on her knees, staring intently into her sightless eyes.

"What do you see?" I asked gently.

"I see a room. It's long, and there are mirrors everywhere. The floor is wooden. He's in the room, and he's waiting. There's gold… a gold stripe across the mirrors." Her voice was flat, as if she was reciting from a script.

"Where is the room?"

"I don't know. Something is missing – another decision hasn't been made yet."

"How much time?" I continued my methodical questioning, keeping my voice as calm as possible.

"It's soon. He'll be in the mirror room today, or maybe tomorrow. It all depends. He's waiting for something. And he's in the dark now."

"What is he doing?"

"He's watching TV… no," she paused, correcting herself, "he's running a VCR, in the dark, in another place."

"Can you see where he is?"

"No, it's too dark."

"And the mirror room, what else is there?" I prodded gently, coaxing as much information from her vision as I could.

"Just the mirrors, and the gold. It's a band, around the room. And there's a black table with a big stereo, and a TV. He's touching the VCR there, but he doesn't watch the way he does in the dark room. This is the room where he waits." Her eyes drifted around the room as they came back in focus, finally landing on my face.

"There's nothing else?" I asked. She shook her head. Wordless now we stared at each other, taking in this new set of circumstances.

"What does it mean?" Bella asked, growing nervous from our silence.

Ensuring that my face gave away none of my apprehension, I turned slowly and looked at her. "It means the tracker's plans have changed," I explained evenly. "He's made a decision that will lead him to the mirror room, and the dark room."

"But we don't know where those rooms are?" Bella questioned further.

"No."

"But we do know that he won't be in the mountains north of Washington being hunted. He'll elude them." Alice said, her voice bleak.

"Should we call?" Bella asked uncertainly. Alice and I passed a look between us, weighing the best option to take now.

Before we could make a decision, the phone rang. Alice was across the room instantaneously; she pressed a button and waited for the voice on the other end. I could hear Carlisle recounting to Alice the events we'd already known, with Edward's voice in the background interjecting at intervals.

They'd lost the tracker.

Alice filled him in on what she'd seen. When she'd finished, I heard Edward impatiently requesting to speak to Bella.

"Bella?" Alice held out the phone and Bella ran for it.

"Hello?" she breathed into the phone.

"Bella," Edward said.

"Oh, Edward! I was so worried." I could feel it as her hovering cloud of despair lightened as he spoke. The lines of strain that had been etched on her face dissolved at just the sound of his voice.

"Bella," he sighed, sounding slightly reproving, "I told you not to worry about anything but yourself."

Alice and I drifted into the front room while Bella talked to Edward, giving her the illusion of privacy at least. Sitting on the edge of the couch, Alice buried her face in her hands, rubbing her temples with her fingertips. I sat beside her, wrapping one arm around her shoulders.

"I have a bad feeling, Jasper. A really bad feeling," she breathed far too low for Bella to overhear.

"Everything's going to be fine." I rubbed a gentle pattern on her back. "We won't let her out of our sight; we'll do everything we possibly can to make sure she's safe."

"But what if that's not enough?" she raised plaintive eyes to mine. "What if, despite everything, we lose her?"

"We won't let that happen." I insisted, taking both her hands in one of mine and lifting her chin with the other. "You hear me? We won't let it happen."

She nodded once, though it was more to appease me than to indicate that she actually believed me. She was still frightened.

"Do you see something else?" I asked when her eyes became glassy again.

"Nothing different. Just the same room as before." She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, trying to force herself to see more.

"Here," I said, whipping over to the desk and grabbing a piece of stationery and a pencil and placing them in her hands. With eyes still distant, her hand traced over the page forming a long rectangular room with wooden planks stretched lengthwise and walls of mirrors.

Bella wandered out of the bedroom and stood behind Alice's shoulder peering down at the drawing.

Alice sketched out lines in the walls denoting breaks in the mirrors. A gold band, waist high, wrapping around the walls.

"It's a ballet studio." Bella said suddenly with recognition.

Simultaneously, Alice and I raised our heads to stare at Bella, trying to mask the horror we both felt at realizing that Bella was familiar with this room that the tracker was heading to.

"Do you know this room?" I asked, fighting to keep my voice calm. The apprehension that flashed across Bella's face indicated that I hadn't quite succeeded.

Alice bent back over the page, her pencil flying now to create an emergency exit along the back wall, a stereo and TV in the right corner.

"It looks like a place I used to go for dance lessons – when I was eight or nine. It was shaped just the same." My stomach sank. This was not good. "That's where the bathrooms were – the doors were through the other dance floor. But the stereo was here." She pointed to the left corner, "It was older and there wasn't a TV. There was a window in the waiting room – you would see the room from this perspective if you looked through it."

Alice and I stared at her as she rambled on, oblivious to our growing dread.

"Are you sure it's the same room?" I asked.

"No, not at all – I suppose most dance studios would look the same – the mirrors, and the bar." She traced her finger along the bar set against the mirrors. "It's just the shape that looked familiar." She touched the door.

"Would you have any reason to go there now?" Alice asked, breaking through Bella's reverie.

"No," Bella shook her head. "I haven't been there in almost ten years. I was a terrible dancer – they always put me in the back for recitals." She made a face at the memory, still not aware of the true danger she was in.

"So there's no way it could be connected with you?" I prodded.

"No, I don't even think the same person owns it. I'm sure it's just another dance studio, somewhere." I wished I could believe that, but with everything Bella had relayed to us now, I didn't think it was mere coincidence that Alice saw the tracker at a ballet studio… waiting for someone.

"Where was the studio you went to?" I asked, struggling to maintain a casual tone.

"It's just around the corner from my mom's house. I used to walk there after school…" She trailed off finally noticing the weighted look that Alice and I exchanged.

"Here in Phoenix, then." I glanced back at her to see her eyes dilating as she realized at last the seriousness of the situation.

"Yes," she whispered, "Fifty-eighth Street and Cactus."

We all fell silent, each surrendering to our own turbulent thoughts. Alice sketch seemed to grow more foreboding as the minutes passed – an ominous portent of the very thing we were fighting to prevent.

"Alice, is that phone safe?" Bella asked, her quiet voice shattering the silence.

"Yes, the number would just trace back to Washington." Alice responded.

"Then can I use it to call my mom?" I felt the edge of desperation that crept over Bella at the mention of her mother.

"I thought she was in Florida." Alice asked, confused.

"She is – but she's coming home soon, and she can't come back to that house while…" Bella's voice trembled as her fear spiked.

"How will you reach her?"

"They don't have a permanent number except at the house – she's supposed to check her messages regularly."

"Jasper?" Alice asked, glancing in my direction, leaving the final decision up to me.

I thought for a moment, trying to think of any way that could come back to bite us later. Coming up with nothing, I looked at Bella, "I don't think there's any way it could hurt – be sure you don't say where you are, of course." I cautioned as an afterthought. Surely that reminder should go without saying.

She reached eagerly for the phone and dialed the number, leaving her mother a message telling her not to go back to the house without talking to her first. With that done, much of her anxiety seemed to fade. She settled into the sofa, absently watching the droning television as the afternoon progressed. She eventually nodded off again, and Alice carried her to bed.

With her out of the room now, Alice and I didn't try to hide our apprehension. We shared a wordless look that communicated far better than words our fear that our best efforts might _not_ be enough.

"Oh!" Alice's exclamation caught me by surprise. She jerked to the edge of her seat, eyes distant again.

"What is it?" I asked, grasping her shoulders. "Still the mirror room?"

"No," she shook her head. "It's the other one. He's come back. It's much clearer this time, and it's light out."

I quickly grabbed another piece of stationery and placed it on her lap. I was watching her pencil fly across the page, watching the room take shape that I was only peripherally aware of Bella leaving the bedroom and coming up to stand behind my shoulder.

"Did she see something more?" she softly.

"Yes. Something's brought him back to the room with the VCR, but it's light now." I didn't take my eyes off the page as I answered.

This time the room was square with dark beams across the low ceiling. Wood paneling on the walls. Dark carpet with a pattern. A stone fireplace. A TV and VCR the focal point of the room with an old sectional sofa in the middle of the room.

"The phone goes there," Bella said tonelessly, pointing. Alice and I looked up with the same wide-eyed horror. "That's my mother's house." Bella's eyes were vacant as her panic swelled inwardly.

Alice was already off the couch, phone in hand, before Bella even finished speaking. Feeling Bella's terror building to a crescendo, I ignored the deep-rooted warning and slid closer to her. Keeping her painful human fragility at the forefront of my mind, I slowly reached out and placed my hand on her shoulder, fighting not to notice the scorching heat that seemed to sear its way from my palm to my throat. My gift was more effective – more concentrated – through touch, and, this way, I was able to keep the majority of her panic at bay.

"Bella," Alice called, though she seemed not to hear, "Bella," she called more forcefully this time, finally getting a glimmer of response from Bella's eyes. "Edward is coming to get you. He and Emmett and Carlisle are going to take you somewhere, to hide you for a while," she spoke slowly, as if to a young child.

"Edward is coming?" Bella whispered in a hoarse voice, looking like a drowning victim that was just thrown a rope.

"Yes, he's catching the first flight out of Seattle. We'll meet him at the airport, and you'll leave with him." Alice reassured her.

"But, my mother…" Hysteria began bubbling its way to the surface again, "he came here for my mother, Alice!" Bella's eyes were wild and terrified.

"Jasper and I will stay until she's safe." Alice promised her.

The promise did nothing to calm Bella, though. She shook her head adamantly, "I can't win, Alice," she cried. "You can't guard everyone I know forever. Don't you see what he's doing? He's not tracking me at all. He'll find someone, he'll hurt someone I love… Alice, I can't –"

"We'll catch him, Bella." Alice assured her again trying to make her see reason through her hysteria.

"And what if you get hurt, Alice?" Bella demanded. "Do you think it's only my human family he can hurt me with?"

Alice cast me a meaningful look. Knowing what that look was intended to convey, I let a deep heavy fog of lethargy flow through Bella. Her eyes closed without meaning to, and she began to slump forward. Realizing what I was doing, she forced her eyes open and stood, jerking away from me.

"I don't want to go back to sleep," she snapped. Running into the bedroom, she slammed the door shut. Neither of us followed.

The night was long and silent. I could hear the whimpers that issued from the other room at intervals, but both Alice and I left Bella alone, honoring her wish for privacy. Alice and I didn't speak except to decide that we were changing hotels to relocate closer to Bella's mother's house. There was nothing else we could say to change any of the events to come.

At five thirty that morning, I went downstairs to check out. The lobby was all but empty, and with my thoughts still up in the room with the girls, I barely noticed the scent of blood that permeated the room. I didn't like leaving them alone. I didn't honestly think that the tracker was waiting for us here – Alice would have seen that – but having them out of my sight worried me.

I didn't linger any longer than necessary, rushing back up to the room as soon as I could. Coming into the hallway, I found myself inundated with a barrage of emotions coming from our room.

Terror. Distress. Grief. Panic. The emotional deluge was overwhelming.

"Alice," I heard Bella call uncertainly.

I had to remind myself to use the key and not tear the door from its hinges in my rush to get to Alice. She was gripping the table, almost doubled over. Her eyes seemed to swallow her face, blank, dazed, and absolutely horrified.

"Alice!" I whipped into the room as quickly as I could, grabbing hold of her before the door even had time to swing shut. I pried her hands off the table so that she didn't break it in two. "What is it?"

Overcome, she turned and buried her face in my chest. "Bella," she said simply, her voice choking on a sob.

"I'm right here," Bella responded, trying to soothe her, not understanding that Alice hadn't been calling for her… she'd been grieving for her. With considerable effort, Alice pulled herself together and turned slowly to look at her. Bella's eyes darkened in comprehension. "What did you see?" she asked, her voice flat and uncaring – not the reaction one would have predicted.

I looked up quickly, taking in Bella's vacant expression. Fear I would have expected. Panic I would have considered normal. But she was feeling neither of those. Her eyes were just… blank. Like she didn't care. Like she expected it.

Glancing back and forth between Alice and Bella, I did the only thing I could do to help… I calmed them both, releasing another wave of tranquility.

"Nothing really," Alice responded to Bella's question – her voice perfectly smooth now under the influence of the artificial calm. "Just the same room as before." She looked at Bella casually, "Do you want breakfast?"

"No, I'll eat at the airport." Bella left the room to shower, leaving us alone again.

When she was gone, Alice once again burrowed into my arms, like she was trying to hide.

"We're going to fail, Jasper," the words were barely audible, muffled as they were by my chest.

"No. We're not." I insisted. I thought, childishly perhaps, that if I said the words enough that might make them true.

"I saw it," she shook with a single, anguished sob. "Bella's going to die. We won't be able to stop it."

"No one's going to die, Alice." I hunched down, level with her grief-contorted face. "No matter what we have to do, _no one_ is going to die."

On the way to the airport a short time later, Alice sat up front, her face towards me. I knew, though, that she was watching Bella out of the corner of her eye – desperate to keep her within sight at all times.

Bella was still painfully indifferent. Resigned, almost. "Alice?" she asked as we pulled into the airport.

"Yes?"

"How does it work? The things that you see?" Bella was staring out the window, her voice sounding almost… bored. "Edward said it wasn't definite… that things change?" Brief though it was, I couldn't miss the wave of pain that hit her as she spoke Edward's name.

"Yes, things change…" Alice murmured, a new surge of hope rising at the reminder. "Some things are more certain than others… such as the weather," Alice explained. "People are harder. I only see the course they're on while they're on it. Once they change their minds – make a new decision, no matter how small – the whole future shifts."

Bella nodded absently, "So you couldn't see James in Phoenix until he decided to come here."

"Yes," Alice agreed, a little wary of where Bella was going with her line of questioning. Bella said nothing else, however.

We parked on the fourth level of the parking garage. Bella led the way for us, for once more familiar with the surroundings than we were. We made our way to the gate where Edward's plane was to land. Glancing at the departing flight board every now and then, Alice and I kept up a half-hearted conversation about the pros and cons of various airports that we'd been to, though neither of us really cared at that point. It was merely for appearance sake… that and to kill time.

Bella's toe tapped an impatient rhythm on the hard floor. She didn't once attempt to join in our conversation, staring blankly ahead. Alice and I quieted after a while, pretending to pass the time by people watching, but in actuality, just watching Bella. She didn't so much as twitch her nose without one or both of us glancing at her.

At one point, Bella pulled a folded piece of paper from her pocket and laid it on Alice's bag. "My letter," she explained. Alice nodded wordlessly and tucked the letter the top flap of her leather bag.

Several times Alice offered to go with Bella to get breakfast. Each time Bella refused.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the numbers indicating when Edward's plane was to land went from thirty minutes to show that they were running ten minutes early. Only twenty more minutes to go. I was more than ready to pass along the responsibility of Bella's safety to my brothers and my father. Hopefully they would be more successful at avoiding the danger that Alice had seen.

"I think I'll eat now." Bella's voice interrupted my musings.

Alice stood immediately, "I'll come with you."

Bella looked at her apologetically, "Do you mind if Jasper comes instead? I'm feeling a little –" she didn't even have to complete that thought. Her wild eyes and sudden surge of fear said more than words.

I stood, noticing Alice's look of confusion. With a small shrug to Alice, I walked with Bella through the airport café. Keeping my hand on the small of her back as a surety that she was still safe, I guided her through the throngs of people, keeping watch for anything that might pose as a danger.

Bella had no interest in any of the restaurants that we passed. Instead she stopped outside the ladies restroom. "Do you mind?" she gestured to the bathroom, "I'll just be a moment."

"I'll be right here." I reassured her.

I waited while she went inside, watching the people passing by, still on alert for any sign that the tracker had followed us here. There was nothing but the constant hum of people either waiting for loved ones, like we were, or hurrying to catch a flight themselves. Nothing caught my attention until I heard someone running towards me. Alarmed by the terror that enveloped me, I looked over to see Alice hurrying as fast as she could while still keeping up the human façade.

"What's wrong?" I asked as she ran up to me and grabbed my arm, gripping convulsively.

"It's Bella! She's gone! She's going to meet the tracker!" Alice cried.

"No, Alice. She's in the bathroom. No one's gone in or out. I've been standing right here; I would have seen..."

My words trailed off at the desolate expression on Alice's face. She shook her head wretchedly, "No, Jasper." She looked up at me with the weight of the world in her eyes.

"There's another door."

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**OoOoOoOoOo**

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**So, does this still count as a cliffie since you all know what happens next? LOL Sorry about stopping right there… that's just where the chapter ended itself!**

**Now we have two more chapters and an epilogue to go, people! Please don't forget to take a second and let me know your thoughts!**

**Nik**


	14. Chapter 13

**OK, I'm not going to hold you up… let's get to the action! I'll see you all down below!**

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, themes, and dialogue are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement is intended.**

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**OoOoOoOoOo**

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**Chapter 13**

Even with my immortal mind, it took me a moment to process the impossible words she'd spoken. When it finally sunk in, a succinct four letter word flew from my mouth. With a rapidly escalating sense of urgency, Alice and I raced down the airport passageways in attempt to reach Bella before she could get away. I noted that a few people were startled at our speed, which was admittedly too fast for our human charade, but at the moment I couldn't find it in myself to give a damn.

Outside, there was no trace of Bella. Her scent seemed to disappear into thin air.

She was gone.

Alice looked up at me with a wounded expression. "I can't believe she would…" her words cut off in a sob. "Why would she do that?" Alice cried, feeling betrayed.

"I don't know," I shook my head, stunned myself. "I don't know what she was thinking." I truly couldn't even begin to imagine what might have been going through Bella's mind. That was irrelevant now, though. We'd promised to keep her safe – to keep her alive, and damn it, that's what we were going to do. I knew from experience that not every battle could be won – that there was a time and a place for disengagement – this wasn't one of those times. Alice had seen Bella dead, but so help me, we weren't going to let that happen.

My resolve solidifying, I turned to Alice who was still staring blankly into the distance, seeing God only knows what. "Alice, listen to me now. We're not done yet… this isn't over. You run and meet Edward and the others, bring them around front. I'll be waiting with the car. We're going to get to her, Alice. We're not giving up."

The tracker wasn't going to win. We wouldn't let him.

Alice opened her mouth to speak, her expression anguished, "It won't work, Jasper. I saw –"

"I know what you saw," I cut her off abruptly, "but we're changing it. Go, Alice, run! Get the others and meet me back out here. Go!"

She nodded once, torn, wanting to believe what I said, but too afraid of what she had seen. Thankfully she didn't argue any further, and as soon as she turned around to run back into the airport, I dashed to the car. The ticking of my watch as it marked each second seemed to mock me as I struggled to maintain a believable human pace. Each ticking sound was a reminder that our seconds were numbered.

The countdown had begun.

After what seemed an eternity, I finally reached the car. I jumped in and threw it into drive, racing around to the terminal. Just seconds after I pulled up, Alice was there with the others. They all piled hurriedly into the car, and before the last door was even shut, I stomped on the gas, tearing out of the airport.

Edward was absolutely distraught. Never, in all the years I'd known him, had I heard such a continuous stream of profanity from him before. The blistering language, so out of character for him, only further revealed how terrible his inner turmoil was. They were oppressive, those emotions that bled over into me.

I pressed harder on the gas in response. If he were to lose her… he'd lose his mind. He was holding on by a mere thread as it was.

We had to make it in time. We just had to.

"Will we get to her in time?" Carlisle turned to look at Alice in the backseat.

She didn't open her eyes to answer, rocking back and forth with her hands clasped over her eyes as she strained to see the future. "I don't know," she almost wailed. "I can't tell… it's so close… it's far too close."

"Dammit, Jasper! Drive faster!" Edward's terror surged in a renewed stream – something I wouldn't have thought possible. His eyes were feral in their panic, his fists clenched so tightly that the tendons bulged against his skin. I couldn't even put a name to all the emotions roiling and seething in him now. There were so many, but it all boiled down to a blinding degree of stark terror.

Surprisingly enough, the deluge of emotions, his and Alice's, didn't overwhelm me – I didn't shrink from them – they served instead to form and strengthen my single-minded focus. If we were to lose, this was only a taste of what our future would hold – the pain and the agony, the regret and the blame. It was unthinkable to even imagine.

"Edward, I know you're frightened, but you do need to try to calm down." Carlisle said, his voice equal parts soothing and authoritative. "You'll need your wits about you when we get to Bella. We're doing everything we can, son."

"Oh!" Alice exclaimed suddenly, pained and worried anew.

"What is it, Alice?" Edward demanded, frantic.

"She's going to be hurt," Alice lifted her head, her eyes swimming with anguish, "badly."

Edward groaned and slumped forward, burying his head in his hands, keeping up his desperate stream of curses.

"Jasper," Alice leaned towards me, laying her hand on my shoulder, "there's going to be blood… a _lot_ of blood." I felt her concern in the warning, but for once I wasn't going to let my bloodlust choose my path for me.

I'd given my word that I'd keep Bella safe.

And I was going to keep it.

I had started this mission to keep her alive.

And I would finish it.

"I'll be fine," I said, determined that I would be.

"Yes," Alice breathed almost inaudibly, her eyes unfocused once again, "yes, you will."

At long last, we sped through the streets of Scottsdale finding the corner of Fifty-eight street and Cactus. The ballet studio was easy to spot.

Edward was out of the car before it even stopped. The rest of us were right behind him. I cut off my breath before I vaulted out of the car. I could taste the scent of blood in the back of my throat and coating my tongue, but I paid it no heed.

I knew what I had to do.

And I'd walk through hell to do it... damning the flames along the way.

When I lunged into the studio, hell is exactly what it felt like. Blood was everywhere, pooling on the floor, pulsing and gushing from the helpless girl lying on the floor. Her piercing cries of agony rent the air, interrupted by Edward's ferocious snarl which rang with a deadly fury.

Edward hurtled into the tracker, knocking him away from Bella's writhing body. A vicious growl erupted from deep within my chest as I watched the tracker's body fly across the room. Vaguely, I was aware of Edward's desperate pleas as he knelt beside Bella, incoherent with his anguished terror.

That faded into the background, though. The familiar red haze of fury, of impending death, cloaked my vision. Rage pumped through my hardened veins. That same invincible feeling that accompanied a fight coiled and banded through my muscles as I lunged in time with Emmett. Twin growls ripped through our throats as we converged on him. He never had a chance.

The confident, assured hunter shrunk back as he was overcome, fear darkening his eyes. His fear wrapped around me, feeding me, fueling me with a familiar drugging sense of power. He'd toyed with the life of a helpless innocent – a life that meant nothing to him, simply a pawn in his sadistic game – he'd made the mistake of underestimating who he was fighting against. And now, the fearsome hunter had been reduced to the impotent, powerless prey.

Emmett's arms restrained him effortlessly like two unyielding bands of iron. I wrenched his head to the side and sank my teeth into the juncture where his neck met his shoulder, twisting violently to sever his head at the same time. His hiss of shock and pain only served to further the burning ire pulsing through every last cell of my being.

Emmett released him, turning to rip up the floorboards and striking them with a match to light a flame. In practiced motions that took no cognizant thought, my hands shredded his body into irreparable pieces. I didn't flinch in the slightest at the gruesome metallic shrieking that accompanied the action, for this was a task that I had performed thousands upon thousands of times in the past… far too many times to number. Yet this time, there was no remorse – no regret that came on the heels of taking a life.

This was justice. He had attempted to take a life, and he'd paid for it with his own.

Emmett and I hovered watchfully over the raging flames, intent on assuring that the menace's body was completely consumed. When all that remained were ashes, the haze of fury which had driven me dissipated like a morning mist.

And in its place, the irresistible lure of blood seeped its way into my awareness, calling to me.

The blood… it was everywhere.

It was agony.

My body was now the one being licked with flames… flames that centered in my throat, searing its way throughout my torso, down my limbs.

There was only one way to put out the fire… to appease it.

In the distance, murky, as if through a fog, the frantic sound of Edward's pleading and his broken, heaving sobs reached my ears. Awareness of his emotions twined a fragile strand through my mind.

Fear.

Despair.

Agony.

But above all else, desperate, overwhelming love.

It was a weak hold, easy enough to shatter should I so choose, but it was enough to bring one last measure of sanity to my crazed mind. A quick glance at Emmett showed the same struggle on his face.

It wasn't much, but it was enough.

Not sure if it was meant in restraint or support, I gripped his arm like a life raft, clinging desperately.

_Run! _

The silent cry pierced my mind.

_Get out now!_

I didn't stop to question. I didn't give another thought.

I ran.

I fled from the room like the devil himself was at my heels.

For blocks I ran, finally coming to a screeching halt in a deserted alley with Emmett right at my side. I doubled over, gripping my knees and gasping for air. I sucked in oxygen to my burning lungs, clearing my head of the swirling bloodlust that had clouded my mind almost to the point of no return. Emmett's heaving breaths echoed mine. When I turned to look at him, he had the back of his head leaned against the brick wall, his eyes clenched tightly shut.

He sighed deeply after a moment, turning to look at me.

"You all right?" I asked.

He nodded, "Yeah, I thinks so. You?"

"I'm fine," I replied, realizing with a start that I actually was. And with the clearing of my head, with the return of sanity, a strange new feeling crept over me… something I was entirely unaccustomed to. The unfamiliar thrill of victory worked its way through me with a surge of warmth. It was… wonderful… this new sense of triumph… of true accomplishment.

The room had been practically painted in blood, but I had run.

I'd actually been able to run.

I hadn't let the demon inside have control. _I _had controlled _it_.

Emmett smiled widely when he saw the triumphant grin spreading over my face, accurately guessing its cause. "You did good, Jazz. You should be proud of yourself." He clapped my shoulder warmly.

It didn't take too long after that for Alice to come find us. She came bounding into the alley, jumping into my arms and wrapping her arms and legs around me. She pressed a resounding kiss on my mouth, not caring in the slightest about our one-man audience.

"You did it, Jasper! I _knew_ you could!" She squeezed her arms tighter around my neck. "I'm so proud of you… you don't even know."

"Actually, I do." I could feel it. I'd never even once gotten the sense that my past weaknesses had left Alice disappointed in me. She loved me enough to overlook my shortcomings, but I'd been frustrated with myself and I knew that troubled her.

"What about Bella?" I asked. All of this was for nothing if we'd been too late. Though, I highly doubted that Alice would have been smiling as she was if that were the case.

"She'll be fine." Alice assured me, looking next at Emmett. "She has a long recovery ahead of her. She's got a broken leg, some broken ribs, and she lost a lot of blood, but, given time, she'll be good as new."

Emmett and I both relaxed visibly at her confident declaration. "Edward and Carlisle are on their way to the hospital with her now. I've got to call her parents and let them know. But first," she trailed off, releasing me and jumping back down, " we have some work to do."

"Work? What kind of work?" Emmett asked, confused.

"We'll need to destroy the evidence at the ballet studio, for one." I responded. We couldn't afford to leave any evidence whatsoever for anyone to find.

"What ballet studio?" Alice asked, cocking her head in feigned confusion. I shot her a look, not understanding what kind of game she was playing. "Oh," she said, mischief sparkling in her eyes, "you mean the one the vandals burned to the ground tonight."

"Vandals?" I quirked one eyebrow, still not having the faintest clue where she was going with this.

"Yes," Alice nodded solemnly, "It's such a shame. They burned it to the ground. There's nothing left – nothing at all."

"Pity." Emmett smirked, "I'm sure they've got insurance to cover that, though."

"Yes," Alice nodded sagely. "Insurance companies are going to be very busy over the next few days between the studio and the hotel…" she trailed off suggestively.

"What hotel?" Emmett asked, confused again.

"You didn't hear? Why, the hotel where Bella had her accident, of course." Emmett and I both looked at her like she'd lost her mind. "Bella fell down two flights of stairs tonight and went through a window. She's busted up pretty badly."

Alice's eyes were so sincere, her expression so entirely convincing, that if I hadn't been at the ballet studio to see what really happened I would have believed her. As it was, she almost had me doubting my sanity.

Emmett snorted, "You know what, the sad part is, that really does sound like something that would happen to Bella."

"Now all we have to do is set up the scene of the accident," Alice said. "You boys up for a little fun?"

"Hmm… destruction of public property. My favorite form of entertainment." I quipped.

"It beats the alternative," Alice pointed out, "and we have to have a believable explanation for Bella's injuries."

"I know." I nodded. There really was no alternative. "Let's do what we've got to do and make it good."

"Excellent," Alice chirped. "Let's go."

We took care of business quickly and thoroughly. By the time Alice was through, no one would think to question the validity of the explanation for Bella's injuries. The evidence, to all appearances, was foolproof.

Early that morning, Alice had called both of Bella's parents informing them of the accident, but assuring them that Bella would be fine and that she was in good hands. Charlie was due to fly in this afternoon and Renee later this evening.

Alice and I stood at the entrance of the hospital now, hand in hand.

"You don't have to do this," she said for the third time.

"Do you see any reason why I shouldn't?" I asked, though I was as certain as I could be of her response.

"No, I just don't want you to feel like this is something you _have_ to do. You've already done unbelievably well," she sighed and squeezed my hand, "I don't want you feeling like you have to punish yourself… and I'm afraid that's what this is."

"That's not it at all," I promised. "I want to do this. I need… the closure, I suppose." I'd made a promise to myself and to my brother that I'd keep Bella alive – a promise I'd come so close to breaking. The image of Edward's panic-stricken form kneeling over Bella's broken body had been burned into my brain. I needed to see the both of them now… to know and to see for myself that I hadn't failed them.

"Okay." She didn't try to persuade me any further.

I pushed open the door and, for the first time in my life, stepped into a hospital. I'd never frequented Carlisle's place of work – I'd never trusted myself to go quite that far before – and as a human, I'd never had occasion to visit a hospital. Hospitals, at that time, had been something else entirely than they were now – they were a place you went to die.

The stringent scent of antiseptics was the first thing to catch my attention, the burn it caused in my nose taking some of the edge off the burn in my throat. As Alice and I walked through the halls, my eyes took in everything, slightly fascinated by the advances in medicine that had taken place since my human years.

Briefly, I wondered how many lives might have been spared during the war if we'd had facilities like this… if we'd had even the most rudimentary knowledge of wound care… of the spread of disease.

Sterilization was an unknown concept at the time. Doctors would dig for imbedded bullets with their bare hands if forceps weren't readily available. On limbs that couldn't be spared, amputations had been performed in assembly line fashion – as soon as one man was taken down from the operating table, another took his place. Hands weren't washed between patients – the most you could expect was that the surgeons wiped their blood-caked hands on equally blood-soaked garments.

I'd read that for every two men that died on the battlefield five died from disease. I hadn't known the numbers or statistics at the time, but I knew that we'd all feared disease more than we'd feared a Yankee bullet. Our poor living conditions, inadequate diet, and lack of sanitation had been a fertile breeding ground for epidemics.

It was staggering to think about how many thousands of deaths could have been avoided if we'd only known… if we'd only had enough doctors to treat the sick and wounded… enough nurses to provide care… immunizations to ward off disease.

I shook my head, dispelling the morbid, fruitless thoughts. After nearly a century and a half, the point was moot anyway. The war was long since over. Those men would have long since been in their graves. To consider any of this now was an exercise in futility. But still…

We stopped outside Bella's door and Alice lifted her hand to knock merely for appearance sake. She didn't wait for Edward to say anything before nudging open the door. Hesitating for just a fraction of a second, I followed her into the hospital room, closing the door behind us.

Edward was sitting at Bella's bedside, holding the hand that didn't have her IV. I stood back while Alice went directly to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. He let go of Bella's hand long enough to return her hug, kissing the top of her head.

I glanced at Bella's sedated form, looking so much more fragile than normal against the stark white bedding. The oxygen machine wheezed rhythmically, and her heart monitor kept up a slow, steady beep assuring me that our mission hadn't been in vain… that I hadn't failed.

"Thank you… both of you." Edward whispered solemnly, taking Bella's hand in his once again, rubbing his thumb in small circles on her skin.

"For what?" I asked.

"For everything… for watching over her in Phoenix… for your part in taking care of James… for everything."

"Don't thank me," I shook my head disparagingly. "If I'd been paying better attention, she might not have escaped from us at the airport in the first place."

"No. _I_ should have seen that coming," Alice hung her head in shame. "I can't believe I didn't. That was my fault."

"Stop that, both of you." Edward said with a hint of humor tugging at his lips, yet not quite meeting his eyes. "Neither one of you are to blame for that. She's just a little more… resourceful… than we credited her for being."

"Still…" Alice's voice was troubled.

Edward caught her hand and squeezed. "Don't apologize when you haven't done anything wrong." A strange mixture of emotions filtered through Edward as he looked at her. Sadness, protectiveness, indignation, and actual anger. I looked at him, not understanding. Hearing my perplexed thoughts, he glanced at me with secrets weighing heavily in his eyes. He knew something.

Alice looked back and forth between the two of us, her brow knit in confusion. I saw the moment her vision occurred, watching as her eyes darkened in understanding of the secrets Edward held. In that same moment, a veil seemed to fall over her features, masking them with an impassive expression. "I… I think I'll go find Carlisle. See you both in a bit." She squeezed Edward's shoulder and bent over Bella to kiss her forehead in a whisper of a touch.

The room was silent after she left. I looked at Edward's drawn face, watched him trace the vein in Bella's hand so gently he barely made contact with the skin. There was something deep in his eyes that I couldn't quite place. A hopelessness, an emptiness, there that left me feeling cold.

Pulling up the other chair, I sat beside him, leaning on my knees. "How ya doin, kid." I asked quietly, concerned at his vacant expression.

He laughed once humorlessly, "You tell me."

"Dumb question, I guess." I grimaced.

"No offense, but, yes."

I tried another tactic, "We took care of the evidence. No one will suspect anything now."

"I saw a little of that from Alice. She seemed to enjoy herself, didn't she?" Again, he tried to laugh but didn't quite succeed.

"Too much, I think." I showed him my recent memories of Alice laughing while hurtling herself through a window and how hard it was for me to watch that… tampering with security cameras… and, for the crowning touch, she'd saved a small amount of blood from the ballet studio to smear it on the ground amid the broken glass where she claimed Bella had fallen.

Edward shook his head. "Only Alice."

"She was thorough, that's for sure." I watched him for a moment as his vacant expression settled back in place. "I'm sorry." I said suddenly, without thinking first.

He looked at me, surprised for once, "Why?"

I glanced down at my hands, gathering my thoughts. "For not understanding before," I began, looking back up at him, letting my sincerity be visible in my eyes. "For not supporting you as I should have. And for anything and everything I did to make this… transition… harder for you than it had to be." He looked down as I spoke, stroking Bella's fingers. "She's good for you, Edward; I see that now. And she loves you… deeply." I said, stating the obvious, but thinking he needed to hear it just the same.

"It would be better for her if she didn't." His voice was so low I had to strain to hear it, that same something that had been in his eyes before now coloring his words.

"Why would you say that?" Of all the things he might have said, that was one I never would have seen coming.

His face twisted in pain, "She wouldn't have almost died yesterday if it wasn't for me… she wouldn't be in this hospital bed right now if she'd never met me. She'd be safe. She'd be living a normal human life without fearing for her life from creatures that shouldn't exist." His voice trailed off, almost inaudible once again by the last word. "But she's human… she's young. Her feelings could change in time." His jaw clenched against the wave of pain that swept over him with those words. "I'm selfish enough to fear that happening even though I know it's better for her that way."

I was completely taken aback at hearing this from him; I hadn't imagined that he felt that way. And I was surprised that he'd actually spoken to me as openly as he had. I felt slightly out of my league now. Edward was usually so self-sufficient, and when he did need counsel he generally went to Carlisle. It was so rare that I actually felt like Edward's older brother… like I had any guidance or words of wisdom for him.

"Edward," I shook my head, trying to find the right words to take away some of his irrational guilt. "don't make the mistake of underestimating just how much she loves you. She was a nervous wreck the whole time you were apart; you should have felt her relief when she would hear your voice even over the phone. That wasn't someone who's experiencing a teenage crush, let alone someone who resents your presence no matter your differences. She loves you, Edward, _truly_ loves you… enough to give her life for you."

His eyes were tortured, "I don't deserve –"

I cut him off before he could even finish, "No one does. Not one of us _deserves_ that kind of love. It's a gift… the most precious gift you'll ever receive. And remember, you're talking to the man who gave 'undeserving' its very definition." I smiled in self-reproach. "You don't think I struggled with that very same thing with Alice?

"She came to me with her heart in her hands, offering her love freely. The only thing she wanted in return was to be loved. But I let my past – my fear and my distrust – control my actions. I knew exactly what I was; I saw her innocence, and I knew that I could never deserve the priceless gift she wanted to give me. I was stupid, Edward, so stupid. I threw it back in her face and pushed her away. And all I did was hurt both of us in the process."

"That's not the same thing," Edward shook his head vehemently. "Alice was already… one of us. She knew what she was getting into. And she didn't have to give up her life to be with you. There was no one else affected by her decision… no family to wonder…" His forehead wrinkled in pain – a different sort of pain than before – and his voice trailed off again. His heart clenched at the word 'family.'

"What?" I asked, remembering the odd exchange between Edward and Alice before she'd left the room. A strange, sick feeling began working its way through me as I realized that he wasn't thinking about Bella now. "I know you know something that you're not telling me. Is it about Alice?"

He slowly turned to look at me, nodding once, almost reluctantly. "Yes." Releasing Bella's hand once again, he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small disc, holding it out to me.

"What's this?" A sense of dread settled in my stomach as I looked at the seemingly harmless object. I didn't know for certain what it held, but, based on Edward's reaction, I had a terrible suspicion as to what it might be.

"James… he taped everything…"

"He what?" I hissed, almost not able to believe something that grotesque. "Of all the sick, twisted…"

"That's not all." My stomach sunk further at the morbid expression on Edward's face. "He knew Alice."

Three words, only three words… and nothing I hadn't been suspicious of before… but hearing them spoken aloud, hearing them confirm my fears, left me shaken. All of a sudden, my world was spinning out of control around me.

"I know." I whispered without realizing I'd spoken aloud.

"You know? How?" Edward asked, confused. I thought back to the day of the baseball game, the surge of recognition I'd felt from James when he saw Alice. Edward's breath left his lungs in a short rush. "I didn't hear anything about Alice in his thoughts. I was so afraid for Bella that I… still… I can't believe I didn't catch that."

"Did you watch it?" I asked, nodding towards the disc he still held, though I was fairly certain of his answer.

Edward's eyes darkened with poorly concealed rage, "Yes. I saw it. If he hadn't already been dead…" Edward clamped his eyes shut as he struggled to tamp down on the anger that threatened to overwhelm him.

His eyes opened again, and he looked at me. The darkness in them worried me. "He knew her while she was human… he hunted her. He was taunting Bella… telling her about it. There's not a lot of information, but it's something at least."

Hearing those words, a fierce wave of protectiveness flooded me. I needed to see Alice; I needed to have her in my arms and know that she was safe… that there was no possible way for him to hurt her now, no matter his intentions in the past.

Edward said James had hunted her… he had meant to kill her. I had thought I was taking James' life in retribution for threatening Edward's beloved, but now it would appear I had been avenging the life of mine… my own helpless innocent. The image of Alice's tiny, defenseless human body lying in Bella's place filled my mind, torturing me. I could have so easily lost her before I'd ever found her. Where would I be today if he had succeeded… if she had died? I shuddered thinking about having to live my life without her. It was unthinkable.

"Remember, Jasper," Edward spoke in a husky whisper. "When you watch this, remember how it felt to tear him limb from limb. Remember that you were the one to end his life."

"That bad?" I croaked, still trying to process everything.

He dipped his head once, "You will want to bring him back solely for the joy of killing him again. I promise you that. Here," he handed me the disc. I took it tentatively, almost as if it would burn me. "Alice has a right to see this."

"Do you know where she went?"

"Alice saw that Carlisle would be able to get the use of one of their conference rooms here. I don't know where they are, but you should be able to find it by following her scent."

I sighed, steeling myself to walk through the hallways again. That, actually, was less daunting to me right now than the thought of what this disc contained. "Are you going to be all right?" I asked Edward, referring to our earlier conversation.

He smiled bleakly, "I think so. Are you?" He turned the question back around.

I sighed again, "That remains to be seen, I guess." I stood and started to the door. Turning back around, I saw Edward's unblinking eyes trained on Bella's motionless face once again. His fathomless love for her, visible on his face, was tempered with a searing kind of anguish as he gazed at her. The frightening emptiness was back once again just that quickly.

"Edward?" He looked up when I called his name, his eyes unreadable. "I truly am glad she's all right." He nodded once wordlessly, bringing her still hand up and simply holding it to his lips.

Leaving him alone with her once more, I slipped back into the hallway, tentatively following Alice's trail down the corridor and through two sets of double doors. She was waiting for me outside one of the conference rooms. Inside I heard Carlisle and Emmett moving around.

Seeing her in front of me brought back the overwhelming urge from before to hold her. I wrapped my arms tightly around her, pulling her into my chest. With some surprise, I noticed that she returned my embrace only half-heartedly. I pulled back slightly to bring one hand up to cup her chin, lifting her face.

She didn't quite meet my eyes as she asked, "You have the tape?"

I searched her eyes, usually so open to me – so deep I felt I could see into her soul – now guarded and inscrutable. "I have it, yes."

She shrugged out of my arms and took my hand almost as an afterthought, leading me into the room behind her. I was confused and concerned about her behavior. This detachment wasn't normal for her. The veil that I had noticed in Bella's room was still very much in place. Alice's expression was painfully blank.

Emmett and Carlisle were sitting at the long desk, facing the projector screen on the wall. Alice released my hand and went to sit down on the opposite side. Maybe it was simply my own uneasiness coloring my perception, but she looked so small and almost lost sitting there.

Taking a deep breath, I turned on the disc, making certain that the volume was low enough that anyone walking through the halls wouldn't be able to decipher the words. The picture came to life on the screen in the dim room, showing Bella's fearful face.

Absently, I pulled out a chair next to Alice and sat down as James' voice came through the speakers.

"Before we begin," he spoke almost conversationally, as if he wasn't only moments away from stealing the life of the frightened girl in front of him. "I'd just like to rub it in, just a little bit. The answer was there all along, and I was so afraid Edward would see that and ruin my fun. It happened once, oh, ages ago. The one time my prey escaped me."

I shuddered at his use of the word 'prey' knowing that he was referring to Alice. I slipped my hand into hers, trying not to notice that she held her hand lifelessly in mine. I didn't have too much time to think about that as the tracker continued.

"You see, the vampire who was so stupidly fond of this little victim made the choice that your Edward was too weak to make. When the old one knew I was after his little friend, he stole her from the asylum where he worked – I _never_ will understand the obsession some vampires have with you humans – and as soon as he freed her he made her safe. She didn't even seem to notice the pain, poor little creature. She'd been stuck in that black hole of a cell for so long. A hundred years earlier and she would have been burned at the stake for her visions. In the nineteen-twenties it was the asylum and the shock-treatments. When she opened her eyes, strong with her fresh youth, it was like she'd never seen the sun before. The old vampire made her a strong new vampire, and there was no reason for me to touch her then. I destroyed the old one in vengeance."

I flinched as each and every word hit me as an individual blow. This was worse than I had even imagined.

"Alice," Bella breathed.

Alice slipped her hand from my grasp and pulled away from the table, walking across the room. But like a horrific accident, the scene unfolding before me on the screen demanded my attention. I couldn't look away.

"Yes, your little friend. I _was_ surprised to see her in the clearing. So, I guess her coven ought to derive some comfort from this experience. I get you, but they get her. The one victim who escaped me, quite an honor actually.

"And she did smell so delicious. I still regret that I never got to taste… She smelled even better than you do. No offense." The recording went on as he taunted Bella further. The cacophony of sounds continued even after he dropped the camcorder as Edward barreled into him, knocking it from his hands. The sounds from the fight filled the room as we all sat there in stunned silence, absorbing this unfathomable information.

I felt almost dizzy as I struggled to make my mind comprehend what we had learned. Of all the scenarios from Alice's human life that we might have conjured up, absolutely nothing as disturbing as this had been considered.

James' words turned to images bombarding my mind… Alice locked away in a cell… crying in the darkness with no one to help… Alice strapped to a table, her body convulsing in a deliberately induced seizure as volts of electricity were surged through her body…

That was why she had no memories? Because there was nothing but darkness and pain in her past for her to remember?

And for what reason? For her visions? What kind of parents would leave their child at the mercy of strangers, dooming her to such a fate, for something she had absolutely no control over? To have left her there for so long… her mind broken down and all but destroyed, her body left to wither away in the darkness.

Edward had been right. I was furious… murderously so. Not only at her worthless excuse for parents for abandoning her in the first place, but at James and the perverted pleasure he took in hunting those so much weaker than he… those who were defenseless to fight back. Just as Edward had predicted, I would have given anything I owned to bring the sick bastard back from the dead for the sheer pleasure of killing him again. He had not died slowly enough… not nearly painfully enough to atone for what he'd done.

Through the rage, a sense of gratitude for Alice's nameless savior made itself known. I'd never know who he was, or why he was drawn to Alice enough to fight for her life, but I owed him a debt that I could never repay. He had been there when everyone Alice _should have been_ able to count on had deserted her… years before I knew she existed… that she needed saving.

I finally glanced up to see Alice standing at the window with her back to us. Her shoulders were hunched forward and her tiny hands clenched into fists at her sides. But what disturbed me more than her stance was her complete absence of emotion. She had never once closed herself off from me. Her transparency had been one of the first reasons I'd known I could trust her all those years ago when trust had come so hard to me – one of the main reasons I'd known I was safe with her.

But now there was nothing. I felt nothing from her, almost as if she wasn't even in the room. That frightened me. As tumultuous as my thoughts and emotions were, as disturbed as I was, I had expected it to be much worse for her.

Carlisle, Emmett, and I exchanged helpless, perplexed glances. All of us were at a loss as to how we should handle the screaming silence.

Finally, Carlisle stood and went to stand at Alice's side. She didn't move even to open her eyes and look at him. His face was a mask of loving concern and a father's pain as he placed one hand on her head. He bowed his head over hers, closing his eyes in a silent benediction.

He bent to press a gentle kiss to her forehead. "I'm going to check on Bella. You know where to find me if you need me." Alice's expression didn't alter; she gave no signs of having heard him. "I love you." He whispered into her hair.

Emmett stood next. I could feel his uncertainty. "I think I'll, um, head back to Forks," he said in a voice much quieter and more solemn than his usual boisterous nature. His face was pained as he looked to Alice's impassive expression; I knew he, too, was aching to reach out to Alice and break through the barrier she'd put up. He looked back at Alice and then to me. "Guess I'll, uh, see you there." I nodded wordlessly.

"I'll walk out with you." Carlisle spoke softly. With a hand placed on my shoulder in a silent gesture of support and encouragement, he and Emmett were gone, leaving me alone with Alice.

The silence stretched on between us, for once awkward and uncomfortable. I didn't know what to say to her. There was nothing I could do to ease the pain of what she'd learned about herself. Briefly, I wondered if it would have been better not to know at all.

Unable to stand the distance between us anymore, I got up and moved to stand behind her. I was about to reach out and place my hand on her shoulder when she appeared to finally break out of her trance.

"Charlie's plane is going to land soon. I should get going so he doesn't have to wait on me." She avoided my reach casually, like it had been a coincidence, but I knew better.

"I'm sure Carlisle will be willing to get him in light of everything." I tried to keep my voice even, not betraying my hurt that she'd deliberately avoided my touch.

She shook her head, "I said I'd do it."

"I'm sure he'll understand."

"I'm quite capable of picking Charlie up from the airport, and there's no reason for me not to." I opened my mouth to object, but she cut me off abruptly, her voice detached. "You should head home, Jasper. If you leave now you can catch up with Emmett before he gets too far."

Her words cut deeply into my heart. She was trying to send me away – something she'd never done before. I tried to brush off the hurt, telling myself that she was just hurting and confused herself, but it was growing increasingly more difficult. I wanted to hold her and help her find her way out of this, and I wanted to be with her when she was ready to let me. "I'd rather stay here with you,"

"There's nothing for you to do here," she persisted stubbornly, "besides you'll be more comfortable at home." Her eyes were scanning the room, looking at everything but me. It almost looked like she was searching for an escape.

"Alice?" I tried to get her to look at me, but she wouldn't. "I know you're hurting, but don't you think we should talk –" As I spoke, I reached out once again to touch her face.

"Don't!" Alice jerked back, her eyes losing their veil for a fraction of a moment, wild in the intensity of the emotions she was fighting so hard to hide. She stepped away from me, her anger searing me before the curtain dropped into place again. "Just don't!" she choked, "I don't want to talk. I want you to go home, Jasper. Please," she clenched her eyes shut, "just go home."

I dropped my hand and stepped back like she'd punched me in the gut. And truly, any physical pain she might have been capable of causing would have been preferable to the agony of watching her put up walls to keep me out like this.

"If… if that's what you want." I whispered, shaken and shattered by this new and unfamiliar chasm between us.

"It is." She kept her voice low and even. She looked up in my general direction, though she still refused to meet my eyes. "Have a safe trip. I'll see you in a few days." She walked to the door and grabbed the handle. She paused uncertainly for a split second, like she wanted to turn around. But she didn't.

The door clicked shut behind her leaving me alone in the room, still reeling.

Outside, the hustle and bustle of the hospital continued. People went on about their routines, business as usual. None of that mattered to me.

All I could see, the only thing my mind could recall, was the sight of Alice with her back to me as she walked away.

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**OoOoOoOoOo**

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**(sigh) I'm not sure who I feel worse for… Alice or Jasper. Before you get too mad at Alice for how she treated him, think about how often we lash out at the people we love the most when we're hurting or angry… how easy it is to take it out on them because, deep down, we know they'll be there for us and love us just the same no matter what. The two of them will have a **_**long**_** heart-to-heart in the next chapter, don't worry.**

**The last chapter and the epilogue will be posted on Monday. (sniffle) But after that, the sequel will be up and running shortly… and I have another project in the works juuuust about ready to be revealed. :-)**

**As always, thanks so much for reading and especially to all of you who have been wonderful enough to leave reviews. You all make me smile! I love hearing what you have to say!**

**Have a great weekend, everyone! :-)**

**Nik**


	15. Chapter 14

**I know I said the epilogue would be up today too… but I kinda lied… sorry! I'm rushing trying to get even this chapter up because I didn't want to leave you hanging any longer… see I do love you! :-P**

**Also, I posted a new story this past week called _Awake and Alive _which deals with the early years of Alice and Jasper's relationship. I'd love for you to check it out! The link is available on my page.**

**OK, on with the show! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, themes, and dialogue are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement is intended.**

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**Chapter 14**

Leaving the hospital, I caught up with Emmett easily. Thankfully he accepted my presence without asking questions I didn't want to answer. I didn't want to talk, and, brash and abrupt as Emmett could be sometimes, he sensed this and left me to my thoughts.

The thrill of running – of the wind rushing through my hair and caressing my face – the excitement of watching the scenery pass by me in a rush, eluded me now. For the first time in years, I felt like I was running _from_ something – seeking an escape. I felt out of place. Everything just felt… _wrong_, and the closer we came to Forks, the more that feeling intensified.

When we came in sight of the house, Esme and Rosalie were waiting for us on the front porch. Rosalie flew down the front steps and met Emmett halfway. She flung her arms around his neck, truly joyful at seeing him safely home. He spun her around in circles, holding her close and burying his face in her hair. Her feet dangled several inches from the ground as they clung tightly to each other. She didn't seem to mind at all.

Seeing their uninhibited reunion, the last of my reserves deserted me. I felt absolutely exhausted… mentally and emotionally _spent_. The last several days had been a wild emotional roller coaster that had left me entirely drained.

Not letting go of each other, Emmett and Rosalie went into the house. They were completely unaware of anyone else around them, entirely consumed with each other. I managed to drag myself to the porch steps and slump down, laying my head on my knees. I wanted to simply curl up into myself and not think, not feel anything. I wished I could just be numb.

Behind me, I heard Esme's soft sigh as she lowered herself down to sit beside me. She didn't say a single word; she just laid her hand lightly on my back, rubbing gentle patterns on my shoulders and over the crown of my head. Her loving concern seeped into me, but it almost made the ache worse instead of better. Much as I loved my mother-figure, it wasn't her presence I longed for at the moment.

I wanted so desperately to sleep… simply to make my mind stop for even just a short period of time. I wanted to forget everything that had happened in the last week – to forget the constant temptation of being imprisoned in such close quarters with human blood for so long. I'd held such a tight reign on myself, watching myself every moment lest I do something that I would eternally regret.

I wanted to forget the colossal weight of the responsibility I'd held in my hands – two lives that I had come so close to failing. I wanted to block from my memory the consuming rage I'd felt when killing the tracker and then afterwards when watching the recording. But most of all, I wanted to erase the memory of Alice's face as she pulled away from my touch – as she'd rejected me. That had hurt far more than I'd ever imagined it could.

The look on her face played repeatedly through my mind, cutting deeper into my heart each time. I wanted to scream – to find some way to release the torment burning in the deepest corners of my soul.

We so rarely fought… so rarely let anything come between us. _This_ was why. I felt like I'd ripped my heart out of my chest and left it in Phoenix with Alice. And there was nothing I could do about it. There was absolutely nothing I could do but wait for her to come back to me.

Through my inner turmoil, Esme stayed silent, simply keeping up her soothing, repetitive stroking on my back and shoulders. Finally, after a long while, I lifted my head enough to look up to her understanding eyes, deep with sorrow at witnessing my pain.

"I talked to Carlisle," she whispered, cupping my cheek with her hand. "He told me."

I grimaced as the pain flooded me again at the reminder.

"Come here," she murmured, bringing my head down to rest on her shoulder. I was grateful for the fact that she didn't offer gratuitous assurances that everything would be all right. She didn't try to placate me with empty words. She was just _there_.

As I let myself be held, soaking up the comfort she provided, I wondered if she was even aware of the gentle swaying of her body. The rocking motion seemed to be instinctive rather than intentional, and the innately maternal gesture was soothing.

Eventually, I pulled away, scrubbing my hands over my face and laying my head in my hands.

"Is there anything I can do?" She asked quietly, squeezing my shoulder.

I shook my head wearily, "No," I croaked. "But thank you."

The question was so like Esme. She didn't ask if I was all right – she knew I wasn't. She didn't push me to talk– she knew I didn't want to. She asked if there was any way she could help – and I knew that wasn't an empty offer. She wouldn't hesitate to do anything in her power that might be of help. She'd proven so many times that she'd be there for any of us no matter what we needed. That was simply a part of her selfless, nurturing spirit.

"How do you always know these things?" I asked quietly, without looking up.

"What things?"

"How do you always know exactly what we need without even being told?"

She chuckled once lightly and placed her hand softly on my bowed head, running it lightly over my windblown hair. "I'd like to think it's a mother's instinct," she replied. "But in any case, I know there's nothing I could say to you right now that you don't already know."

She brushed my hair back from my forehead. "I could tell you that Alice has a lot to process right now. But you already know that.

"I could tell you to be patient with her. But you _always_ are." I heard the warmth of her smile in her voice as she continued.

"I could tell you that I'm here to listen if you need to talk. But you know that, too. And _I_ know that you and Alice are very private with your issues. Neither one of you has ever come to any of us to speak ill of the other. Even on the rare occasions when you don't see eye to eye, you are both intensely protective of each other. You don't air your problems for others to see. I respect that, Jasper, more than you know." Her voice was quiet and sincere.

When I didn't respond, she continued, "I could tell you that this is just a bump in the road – that we all have them. I could tell you that I know you and Alice will work things out. But you and I both know that you always do."

She lifted my face gently to meet her steady gaze, "Jasper, you and Alice have a beautiful bond. The love you share is a joy to witness and a pleasure to have in our home. You know each other, heart and soul, inside and out, and it shows. I think, though, that much of the depth of your love comes from the hardships you had to endure to get to the place you are now.

"You both know how it is to live without the other. You both had things you had to overcome to be together. But you did then – just as you will now. Alice will come home, and you two will work things out. And you'll be stronger than before because of it." There was no trace of doubt in her voice.

"I know you're right, but still…" I closed my eyes and shook my head, not wanting to continue.

"But still it hurts." She finished for me, wrapping me in her arms again. " I know…" she sighed into my hair, "I know it does."

The next few days passed unbearably slowly. Emmett and Rosalie declared that they needed a week by themselves and took off. I didn't ask where they were going. I didn't care… I couldn't make myself care about anything.

I was listless, not content no matter where I was. For the longest time, I simply shut myself away in the room Alice and I shared. I lay on our bed letting her scent surround me. The comfort the familiar scent provided was almost equally balanced by the pain it provoked. My chest felt hollow, and my arms literally ached with the need to hold her and feel her next to me.

One day I actually tried to call Alice's phone. It sent me into voicemail on the first ring. Immediately, I regretted the attempt; it only twisted the knife in deeper to know that she had turned her phone off so she didn't have to talk to me.

Elsewhere in the house, I could hear when Carlisle would call. Through his conversations with Esme, I knew that they were all fine. As the days went by, I heard his progress reports on Bella – that she was recovering well and they should be able to move her soon. Occasionally, I would hear Bella or Edward speaking in the background if he called from the hospital room, but I never heard Alice.

One evening, I finally ventured outside my room. I went down to the family room where Esme was curled up in her chair, absently sketching in her notebook. I turned on the television to a sports network, not caring about what was on. I wasn't paying any attention. The words all sounded like gibberish anyway.

I could feel Esme watching me, though she said nothing. After several hours, I noticed out of the corner of my eye when she finally stood and walked to where I sat on the floor in front of the couch.

"You need to hunt," she stated simply.

I shrugged, not looking up. "I don't really want to." The burning of my throat was secondary to the pain of my prolonged separation from Alice. I'd barely even noticed it until Esme pointed it out.

"I wasn't asking if you wanted to," she stated simply, surprising me enough to cause me to raise my eyes. "I'm pulling rank on you." She teased lightly.

"You're what?"

She put her hands on her hips, but the gentleness in her eyes tempered the severity of the motherly stance. "It's been too long since you've hunted, Jasper. I haven't wanted to push you, but you and I both know it's not safe for you to keep putting it off. You're only going to make things difficult for yourself." She held out her hand, "Come on. You'll be glad you did."

I took her proffered hand and stood. I knew better than to try and argue with her; it wouldn't do any good in any case. Her mind was made up. She ran with me into the forest and watched as I came across a herd of deer and fed until my thirst was sated.

Esme had been right, which was no surprise. I hadn't realized how long I'd let myself go until I smelled the blood and gave into the frenzy to feed. I felt marginally better afterwards, enough to keep up my end of a conversation going with her that night at least.

Finally, _finally_, came the call I had been both awaiting and dreading. They were coming home.

I didn't have any idea what to expect. I hadn't spoken to Alice since that day at the hospital, and I didn't know how she would react when I saw her again.

I paced restlessly for hours after Carlisle's call. I eventually had to go upstairs when I sensed that I was making Esme nervous with my anxious energy.

If my heart had been beating, it surely would have skipped a beat – or ten – when I heard the sound of the Mercedes pulling up the driveway. I took a deep breath to steady myself and went downstairs, hovering in the back of the foyer.

Carlisle was the first one inside. He smiled widely as Esme rushed into his arms, scooping her up and hugging her tightly. Edward was right behind, watching the two of them with a warm smile. He looked decidedly better than the last time I'd seen him. He chuckled lightly, hearing my assessment.

When Carlisle released Esme, she went directly to Edward, wrapping her arms around him. When he shifted to return her hug, I finally saw Alice. She was hanging back, barely inside the door. My heart sank when she didn't make a move to come inside. She didn't even look up from the ground.

"I missed you," Esme said with her hands framing Edward's face, "all of you." She reached back for Carlisle's hand, giving it a squeeze. She glanced at Alice, but her expression quickly faltered as she took in her downcast face. Alice gave her a perfunctory glance and an attempt at a smile that fell flat.

"It's good to be home," Edward sighed. "I don't care if I never set foot inside a hospital room again. No offense." He shot a smirk at Carlisle.

Carlisle chuckled. "Under the circumstances, I can't say that I blame you, son."

"How's Bella?" Esme asked.

"She's recovering nicely," Carlisle responded. "I think she was quite glad to be home as well."

"I'm sure she was, poor dear. I'll have to go see her when she's had a chance to rest."

"I know she'd like that," Edward said, inwardly pleased that Esme wanted to take the initiative to see her. "Right now, though, I need to hunt. I don't want to have to take the time to leave her later."

"Of course," Esme nodded. She glanced at Carlisle, "You and I probably should as well. Your eyes are getting dark."

"That's probably wise," Carlisle nodded. "Are you ready now?" Esme nodded. "Jasper, are you coming?" He asked though I knew he already knew the answer to that. Though they all really did have a need to hunt, I knew they were choosing to go at once to provide some privacy for me and my wife.

"I think I'll sit it out this time. I just went a couple of days ago."

"Alice?" Carlisle asked gently.

She shook her head minutely, "I'll go later," she whispered in a barely there voice.

"All right then. We'll be back."

Esme bent to press a gentle kiss to Alice's temple as they passed. The door closed behind the three of them, leaving me alone with Alice, the expanse of the foyer stretching like a chasm between us.

Alice was gnawing on her lip with her eyes still downcast and her arms hugged tightly around herself. She looked small and lost… and absolutely miserable. The sight of her standing so fragile-looking and alone tugged at my heart. I wanted to reach out for her, but a part of me was still fearful of having her push me away me as she'd done before. I didn't know if I could bear it if that happened again.

"Hi," I said simply and inanely, breaking the silence between us. I didn't know what else to say.

"Hi," her response was shaky and only barely audible. Her bottom lip quivered, and she blinked hard several times. Slowly, so very slowly, she finally raised her face to look at me. The very instant her eyes met mine, it felt like the dam holding in her emotions was suddenly and violently swept away. Like a tsunami, the resulting flood of her emotions – her pain, her grief, and her heartbreak – very nearly knocked me from my feet. Her face crumpled and her whole body trembled as the sobs started clawing their way out.

As I watched her fall apart before my eyes, I didn't worry about rejection anymore – I knew that she needed me. I held out my arms, letting her know without words that I was here if she wanted me.

With a strangled cry, she flew across the distance between us and hurled herself into my arms. She clung to me like she feared that I'd be ripped away from her at any given moment. My body shook with the heavy sobs that wracked her body. Seeing her so broken like this, hearing her vulnerable cries, and feeling her naked distress, made my eyes sting with corresponding tears. I couldn't see her so distraught and not be affected in kind.

I wrapped my arms securely around her, trying, no matter how ineffectively, to hold her together. She burrowed in closer and then tried to get closer still, seeming to try to crawl right into my skin. I'd never heard cries like this from her before. The bitterly wounded sounds seemed to be wrenched from the deepest part of her soul.

I crooned nonsensical words into her hair, wanting her to know that she wasn't alone. I returned the strength of her grip, needing her to know that I wasn't going to let her go. She might be breaking apart, but I was going to be here to help her pick up the pieces – just as she'd done for me.

When her violent sobs didn't show any signs of slowing – when her knees started to buckle under her – I lifted her into my arms like a child and carried her up the stairs. When I tried to lower her onto the bed, her grip on me tightened convulsively.

"Don't leave me," she pleaded fearfully in a desperate, broken whimper. "Please… please don't leave me."

"I'm not going anywhere," I promised, lowering her gently onto the bed and laying down beside her without ever letting her go. I pulled her slight body tightly into mine. "I'm right here. I won't leave you. I won't ever leave you, I promise."

She buried her face into my shoulder, each of her short, heaving breaths hot against my neck. Her arms and legs wrapped around me in a viselike hold that I returned. Any other time, I would have been worried that the strength of my grip would crush her, tiny as she was, but, for now, this was obviously what she needed. So I held her as tightly as I could, immensely grateful to have her in my arms again.

I stroked the mussed strands of her hair with the pads of my fingers and with my lips. I traced a path over her temple to her cheek in the same manner. When her sobs finally began to slow, I nudged her chin and tilted her face back enough to rain whisper-soft kisses over her forehead and her cheeks, over her eyelids and her nose. I kissed her chin and both corners of her mouth before tracing her lips with several small kisses.

Her body still shook involuntarily with sporadic sobs, but she sought out my lips when I started to pull away and molded her mouth to mine. It was like coming home, feeling her so close against me like this, feeling our breaths rising and falling in time with each other.

"I missed you," I breathed against her lips.

Her breath hitched, and, without any more warning than that, her cries began again in earnest.

"Oh, Alice," I pulled her tighter, feeling like a heel for making her cry again. "I'm sorry."

"Don't… apologize…" she choked out between sobs, "please…"

I rubbed her back and kneaded her neck, holding her until she calmed somewhat again.

"I'm so… so sorry," she whispered into my neck. "Please forgive me."

I knew without saying what she was apologizing for. "Why?" I asked, knowing she didn't need me to elaborate either. I wanted to know why she pushed me away.

She pulled back enough to look at me; her eyes traced over my face like she was drinking me in. Her fingers came up to caress my features much as I'd done with hers. Her eyebrows crossed, and she drew in a deep breath.

"I knew… that as soon as I looked at you, _this_ is what would happen. Right after… when I heard…" she stopped, gnawing on her lip and trying to compose herself, "I didn't want to deal with it… I just _couldn't_. It was too much. But I knew I'd take one look at you and I'd fall apart. I can't look at you and _not_ feel anything." She touched my face with her fingertips and tried not to cry, "It hurts, Jasper… so badly…"

I could see that it did – aside from being able to feel it, the pain was clearly visible on her face. I pressed a kiss on her forehead and laid my head next to hers on her pillow so close that our noses were all but touching.

"Are you ready to talk about it?" I asked, brushing the backs of my fingers against her cheek.

"No," she laughed once almost bitterly, her breath catching on a sob, "but ignoring it isn't going to make it go away, no matter how much I wish it would."

"I'm here," I reached down and took her hand in mine, bringing it up to my lips. Kissing her fingers and laying them over my heart, I continued, "if you want to talk or if you don't. If you just want to be held, then that's what I'll do – for as long as you need. But if you need to talk it out, then I'm here to listen."

Alice studied me for a moment. I wished that I could see into her mind – to see the thoughts that clouded her eyes so darkly, hiding the light which I was so accustomed to seeing there. She sighed deeply and lowered her eyes again, focusing on the top button of my shirt, fingering it thoughtfully.

It seemed a lifetime before she spoke, and, when she did, her voice was distant. "I always thought it was odd that I was the only one with no memories of my family. All of you, no matter how dim the memories might be, remember at least something of who you were before.

"You all knew who you were – your likes and your dislikes, your convictions and upbringings… even something as simple as knowing your family name. You all have that… I don't.

"In some way, for all of you, who you were defines who you are now. Carlisle, for instance. His father was distant and harsh – from everything I've heard from him, his polar opposite. I wonder sometimes if Carlisle tries to be everything his father wasn't, in both his business and his family.

"And Rosalie… her family loved her in their own way, but their social status was everything to them. That's what she grew up with – that shallow kind of materialism was what she knew. That still, in some measure, affects the way she shows love now. She loves, but she shows it on her terms.

"And then there's you. I know you don't remember very much, but at the very least you remember being loved. You remember being wanted. Even so much of your character, Jasper – the Southern gentleman that you are – that you were raised to be. That's still shown in little things you probably don't even think about, like the way you open doors for Esme or for me, letting me hunt first, making sure I've fed before you take care of yourself, and, most of all, in the conscience that almost a century with Maria couldn't destroy. None of that came about by accident. All of that, and so many other things as well, is proof of how much love and effort was put into your upbringing.

"You may not be able to recall details, but the man you are now is a testimony to your past – things you were taught by your parents, things you observed from them that became such a part of you. Lifetimes later, Jasper, _you still have that_."

Her voice trembled slightly, and she paused, gnawing at her lip. "I used to imagine what my family might have been like," she laughed bitterly through the grief that was bubbling to the surface again. "You know, I always imagined them much like Carlisle and Esme – a lot like I imagine your parents to have been.

"I thought about all the different ways my transformation might have come about. I always imagined them to be out of their minds with worry. I wondered how long they might have searched for me after they knew I was missing. Now I have to wonder if they ever even found out, or if they even would have cared if they had.

"I didn't know, of course, but I assumed that I must have had some kind of foresight as a human. But I never, in a hundred thousand years, would have imagined that my own family would have disowned me for it.

"I feel like everything I thought I ever knew about myself was a lie." She looked up at me with her eyes glistening with tears that couldn't be shed, "_Even my name_. I heard you calling me Alice while I was changing, but how do I know I didn't make that up? How do I know that I'm really 'Alice?' And how would you feel, after all these years, knowing that I'm not really who you believed me to be?"

Her voice caught, and she bit back a sob, "I don't know who I am anymore, Jasper… I don't know who I am."

I didn't know what to say to her. I couldn't make this right no matter what I did or said, so, for the longest time, I just held her, cradling her close to my body as she grieved… for things she'd lost, and things she'd never had.

At length, I stroked one hand through her tousled hair, drawing her even closer as I did. "You may not know who you are, darlin, but I do. You may feel like you were cheated out of a family that loves and accepts you, but I know for a fact that's not the case. All you have to do is look around you to see that.

"Hearing what we heard, Alice… it broke my heart. It made me _so_ _furious_... to even think about you being hurt, either physically or emotionally. I can't even fathom what kind of parents would hurt an innocent child – their own flesh and blood – like that.

"What they did to you was wrong, Alice. It was so wrong, but it _wasn't_ your fault."

"How could it not be?" She demanded in a pained voice. "I always knew I was a freak – that my visions made me even more of a freak than I am to begin with." She barked a bitter, harsh laugh, "I guess this means I didn't fit in any better in my human life… I may be a vampire trying to blend in now, but then I was insane at best, a witch at worst. Kind of ironic all things considered, isn't it?"

The hurt in her voice made my heart feel like it was being shredded into bloody ribbons. For a moment, I wished – admittedly, quite vindictively – that her so-called parents could see beyond the grave and witness the hell they'd put her though, both then and now. I wished they could see just how much damage they'd done to someone whom it should have been their first priority to protect.

"Alice, look at me," I tilted her chin when she didn't lift her head. "Look at me, darlin," I insisted again when her eyes remained closed. My breath caught in my throat seeing the confusion and pain teeming in her dark eyes.

"I never want to hear you call yourself that again, Alice. Ever. You are not – you never have been – a freak."

"If I'd been _normal_, my family wouldn't have shipped me off to an institution. I'm not normal, Jasper – I never have been – and it cost me my family."

"And gained you another." I pointed out quietly. Unwelcome doubts began filtering through my mind at her insistence with this train of thought. Perhaps my newly arising insecurities were in part a product of our recent strained separation, or perhaps my reaction would have been the same either way, but, in any case, fear started to wind its way through my heart, choking me.

This was so unlike Alice, this anger and resentment that leaked from her every word. I'd never dealt with anything like this from her before, and I was at a loss as to how I was supposed to handle it now. I felt sorely inadequate to help her.

These issues she was battling with now reminded me somewhat of Rosalie's. I'd wondered not that long ago if, given the choice, Rosalie wouldn't choose her humanity over her family and her husband. I'd been so certain then that I knew what Alice's choice would be. Now I wasn't so sure, and that left me feeling like my world had been torn from its axis and left to spin wildly out of control.

"I, for one, am very thankful for your gift." I whispered, not quite daring to meet her eyes, afraid of what I might see there. "I never would have had you otherwise."

To my great relief, her face softened at that reminder. I could feel the deep tenderness of her love rising to the surface of her emotions, breaking through the midst of her pain. "Oh, Jasper," she breathed, laying her forehead against mine. One hand came up to tangle in my hair, her fingertips stroking my scalp. She had felt my doubts, and now, oddly enough, she was the one offering comfort.

"Even if through some strange twist of fate we had met, would you have still had the faith and persistence to break through my walls if you hadn't been so certain of our future together? Would you have cared enough to fight so hard if you hadn't known the end result? And what about the rest of our family?

"Carlisle and Esme love you like their own flesh and blood. In every way that matters, you _are_ their daughter. I felt what Carlisle felt when we watched that tape – as we watched you watch it. He was so torn, Alice, wanting to do _something_ to help, but knowing you weren't ready. There's nothing he and Esme wouldn't do for you because you're one of their own."

"I know," she breathed.

"And Emmett and Edward – Edward especially – adore you like a little sister. You know how protective they are of you. In fact, I'm not so certain they wouldn't hand me my head on a platter if I ever did anything to hurt you."

Alice giggled quietly at the image. The sound, subdued though it was, was the sweetest music I'd ever heard.

"We already know that Rosalie shows her love in her own way, but don't ever doubt that she does love you like the sister you are. And now there's Bella as well." Alice glanced up at me in surprise that I'd included Bella in that list. I shrugged. "She loves you already… and you've loved her for a long time.

"They _all_ love you. And we all need you. The family wouldn't be the same without you – without your warmth, your smile that lights up the room… the way you love with your whole being, and the way people can't help respond accordingly. You're a light, Alice, and people are drawn to that."

Alice went back to fingering the button on my shirt, deep in thought once again.

"I know it's not the same thing, Alice, and I'm not saying it is. But this is a family that you chose – a family that chose you and loves you for who you are, quirks and all."

I hesitated for a moment, when she still didn't look up or say anything. "Sweetheart, you know if there was anything – absolutely anything at all – that I could do to change that part of your past, I'd do it without a second thought if that's what you wanted. But I can't. I can't do anything about the past.

"But for this moment, and every one from here on out, I can make sure you never feel unloved again. You have all of my heart, Alice – for all of eternity. And you'll never again have to spend a moment feeling alone, because I'll be right by your side until time runs out.

"I can't change your past, but I'd give you the world if I could… because _you_ are my world."

_But is that enough?_

The thought nagged me. I'd give her absolutely everything in my power to give her, but would it be enough?

Please _let that be enough…_

"Yes." Her voice, now tender and sure, broke through my uncertainties. One look into her eyes, seeing the eternal, unwavering love there, was enough to break through the doubts clouding my heart. "Yes, it's enough." Her hand came up to cradle my face, "_You're_ enough.

"Jasper, before I knew who or even what I was, I knew I needed you. Whatever questions I may have – whatever else may change – that never will. You're all I've ever wanted. You're the only one I can't live without. Don't ever doubt that."

I pulled her closer, burying my face in her hair. The love that she bathed me in now was an unmistakable echo of the words she'd spoken – a direct reflection of what was in my heart as well.

Nothing was settled. There were still so many questions demanding answers. But I knew we would get through this trial just as we had all the others in our past.

Everything that mattered to me was resting inside the circle of my arms right now. And as long as I had that, I could get through anything.

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**(sigh) So, they made up… was the heart-to-heart what you had hoped to see? Not gonna lie… writing that made me bawl!**

**As always, thanks for reading, and please take a moment to let me know what you thought. Your comments mean more to me than you know. :-)**

**Look for the epilogue to be up sometime tomorrow!**

**Nik**


	16. Epilogue

**Well, here we are… Journey is a wrap after this. Thank you **_**so much**_** to all of you who took the time to read. This story is very near to my heart, and knowing that others have been touched by this journey as well means more to me than you know. To every one of you who reviewed, I am incredibly grateful for your support… I treasure every one of your comments! And thanks to all of you who alerted and favorited… it's an insanely awesome feeling to see my story listed as anyone's favorite… and even more so to see my name on someone's favorite author list! **

**I'll see you down below to let you know what to expect from me in the near future. OK, I'll hush now! :-)**

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, themes, and dialogue are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement is intended.**

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**OoOoOoOoOo**

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**Epilogue**

The rest of the spring passed quietly. Bella continued to heal, and Edward doted on her shamefully. Thankfully, the ghosts that had tormented him while Bella had been in the hospital had apparently been put to rest. There was nothing to mar the love in his eyes when he looked at her. He adored her, and she returned his affections as much as her human heart could allow.

Alice had volunteered to help care for Bella while she was still having difficulty moving around in her cast. She went to her house every morning to help her bathe and dress, and every night to get her ready for bed. In doing so, Alice earned the eternal gratitude of Charlie Swan. It was amusing to me just how neatly she'd managed to wrap the police chief, with his gruff exterior, around her little finger. It didn't surprise me at all, though. There was just something about Alice, with her vivacious, warm personality, that people couldn't help but respond to.

It was more than likely Alice's influence coupled with his respect for Carlisle and Esme that kept Chief Swan from protesting too much the amount of time Bella spent with us. It appeared these days that Bella had become a permanent fixture in our home. It was a rare day that she didn't spend at least some time with us. As we finished out the school year, it was just easier for her to come home with Edward and spend the afternoon with us rather than trying to fend for herself in her injured state while her father was at work.

I found that I couldn't resent her presence at all anymore, not as happy as everyone was. Not only had Edward and Alice developed special bonds with Bella, but Esme and Carlisle had welcomed her with open arms. They embraced her into the family not only for Edward's sake, but because they had truly come to love her as well.

Somewhat surprising to me was Emmett's reaction to Bella's incorporation into our family. Rosalie's resentment of her didn't dissuade Emmett from finding enjoyment her presence. He found her human ways hilarious, much to Bella's chagrin, and, though he teased her incessantly, it was obvious that he cared about her as well.

I could overlook the scent of blood that had now permanently invaded the house. The burn was a tradeoff for the pervading happiness of a complete family. Now that I was free of my obligation to protect Bella, I kept my distance again. It was just safer that way; it simply wasn't wise to take unnecessary chances – to tempt fate. There was too much hanging in the balance for that.

For now, I didn't mind staying in the background, observing and soaking in the pleasant emotional climate. I knew it was only temporary anyway. With every day that passed, I was more and more certain that Alice's prediction would come to pass sooner rather than later. Bella _would_ be one of us. It became difficult to imagine our family without her now. She just fit, like a puzzle piece that we hadn't even been aware was absent.

I enjoyed watching Alice and Bella's friendship form daily. Seeing them huddled on the couch together talking and giggling over girly things, seeing Alice's joy in finally having the close friend she'd always wanted, warmed my heart. If Alice was happy, then I was happy, no matter the circumstances. And she was… most of the time.

Alice had chosen, for now, not to pursue the information about her past that she'd uncovered. She wasn't ready yet. During the daytime, when she was busy, it was easier for her to put it from her mind. But when things quieted down for the night, when each of us went our separate ways to pass the time, it was more difficult for her.

Many times she would seek me out after Edward took Bella home for the evening, not saying a word, just sidling up to me as I read or sat watching the television. She'd tuck herself under my arm, curling up like she was trying to hide herself. It was then that all of her unknowns came to haunt her – all the what ifs and all the things that might have been.

I hated the powerless feeling that came over me then. As much as I wanted to do battle with her ghosts for her – to put them to rest once and for all – I couldn't. That was something that she alone could do. I had to watch from the sidelines only able to hold her and remind her that she was loved… that no matter what, she wasn't alone.

With the month of May came the distraction of prom. Alice threw herself headlong into shopping for the perfect dresses for Rosalie, Bella, and herself. Bella knew nothing about Alice's activities. Alice wanted to surprise her.

On the day of the prom, Alice took Bella to Port Angeles for a "girls' day." When they returned home, Alice sequestered Bella upstairs in our – or rather her – ridiculously large bathroom, to finish the make-over. In spite of her feeble protests, Bella was good-natured about letting Alice play beautician… she didn't enjoy it, but she let Alice have her fun anyway. She'd figured out early on that when Alice made up her mind about something, it was better – not to mention easier – to just go along with it.

I knew Edward had planned a special meal for Bella, even going so far as to learn how to prepare the food himself. That was true love, Emmett had teased, being willing to put up with that smell for any woman.

With Bella still entirely in the dark, Edward had whisked her away after much fussing over and picture-taking of the two of them from Esme.

After they had gone, Alice and Rosalie got ready in our bathroom while Emmett and I donned the tuxedos Alice had laid out for us in Emmett's room. Once dressed, we went downstairs to wait for our girls.

"Don't you two look handsome," Esme smiled as we came down. She straightened ties that were perfectly straight already and dusted off immaculate lapels, looking every inch the proud mother. Special occasions – proms, graduations, and weddings – were all like this. We just smiled and let her have her moment to dote – letting her be involved in even that small way.

Movements from upstairs caught my attention. Esme stepped back as the girls descended the winding staircase, making their grand entrance.

Alice smiled knowingly as my breath caught in my chest at the first sight of her dress. She'd kept it carefully concealed until now, wanting me to get the full effect when I saw it on her. My reaction apparently pleased her as I stared slack jawed at the scraps of fabric she called a dress.

Geometric cut-outs bared a good portion of the alabaster skin of her abdomen and the silky skin of her back that begged to be touched. The skirt fell to mid-thigh in the front and was cut to drape the floor in the back. Thin straps were all that appeared to be preventing the dress from sliding right off of her frame. And the heels she was wearing… Standing flat-footed, Alice barely reached the center of my chest. The shoes she wore now, with their tall stiletto heels, added a good eight inches to her height, making the top of her head even with my shoulders.

Beside me, I heard Emmett's wolf-whistle as he took in Rosalie's appearance. "Well _damn_, babe," he growled, "you weren't actually wanting to leave the house tonight, were you?"

Rosalie chuckled low in her chest, pleased with his reaction, and tugged on his lapel, bringing his face down to her. "Hold that thought," she breathed against his lips.

Only a very small portion of my brain noted their exchange, and it barely registered with me when they left the room a moment later. All I saw was Alice.

"What do you think?" she pirouetted in front of me when we were left alone, giving me the full effect of the dress – the soft swell of her breasts, barely hidden by the little bits of fabric… the dip in the small of her back where my hand fit so perfectly…the gentle slope of her slender hips… legs that seemed to go on for days… so much of her smooth, flawless skin on display – all of it combined to steal my breath and scatter my thoughts.

"Is your heart set on having that dress survive the night?" I croaked out, finally finding my voice.

"Not at all," she grinned widely. "As a matter of fact, I'd be disappointed if it did."

"You know, occasionally Emmett does manage to have a good idea. I think the one earlier about not leaving the house was probably one of his best yet."

Alice's laughter bubbled up in her chest at my still-dazed expression. "Oh, come on," her eyes sparkled brightly, "it'll be fun. We haven't been dancing in a long time."

I quirked one eyebrow, "Darlin, the kind of dancing I have in mind for tonight doesn't require an audience."

Alice threw back her head and laughed, before turning her beseeching eyes, still twinkling with amusement, on me. "Please, Jazz. For me?" She knew I wasn't going to push the issue. If dancing was what she wanted, then a night out dancing she would have.

"You're frighteningly dangerous," I muttered under my breath.

"And you love me for it," she said with assurance as she took the arm I held out for her.

The school gym had been transformed for the dance, and Alice grimaced as she took in the tawdry decorations when we walked inside. It really did look ridiculously overdone – even I could tell that.

"Now, Alice, keep in mind that not everyone has your ability to arrange the perfect party," I whispered into her ear as we stepped onto the dance floor.

"True," she nodded, her grimace fading as she settled easily into my arms as the dance began, "it's a gift."

As packed as the gym was with students, I couldn't help but be tempted by the scent of blood permeating the air. The burn was very much present in my throat, but, with Alice in my arms, it was easier than usual to block it out. I was entirely too distracted by the feel of her body moving in time with mine and the enticing view of her creamy skin that her dress afforded to give more than a cursory acknowledgment to the allure of blood – Alice's allure was stronger still. I wondered briefly if she had chosen the dress for just that reason.

After a few songs, I noticed Alice's attention being drawn to the doorway where Edward and Bella stood. I smiled with Alice at Bella's trepidation when Edward led her onto the floor..

"Edward," she whispered, nearly panicking. "I _honestly_ can't dance!"

"Don't worry, silly," he whispered with twinkling eyes, "I _can_." With that, he lifted her up, placing her on his feet to twirl her around the room. Just that quickly, Bella's panic was gone. She laughed in delight as Edward waltzed her around the room.

I enjoyed seeing the happiness written on Edward's face as he held her close, leading her in the dance, obviously enjoying himself. He'd never had a date for any of our proms or special occasions before, always having been the odd man out until recently. He'd never complained, never indicated that it bothered him, but it was impossible now to miss the new animation in his eyes – the new life he'd been given.

I had zoned out once again until a flash burn of annoyance from Edward caught my attention. Alice stiffened momentarily in my arms as she heard the low growl from Edward's chest. We both looked over to see a young man approaching our brother and Bella. I didn't recognize him, though his obvious heritage suggested that he must be from the Quileute reservation.

The young man was quite visibly uncomfortable as he crossed the floor. Edward, clearly ill at ease with the situation, and actually angry for no reason that I could discern, walked to the corner of the room to let Bella and the young man whom she called Jacob talk alone.

"I didn't see him coming," Alice's voice was distracted, her eyebrows crossed in confusion as she looked at Bella and Jacob. "How did I miss that?"

"Well, darlin" I drawled, "either you're slipping, or… maybe… I'm just that distracting." I teased, dipping her body back in a graceful arch. I leaned down to brush a kiss against the delicate hollow at the base of her throat, made vulnerable by her position.

She chuckled lightly, straightening again and winding her arms around my neck. "That must be it."

The song ended, and Jacob left. Edward wasted no time in returning to Bella, still fuming beneath his cool exterior. Shortly after he left, Edward and Bella slipped out the back door. Only a few moments later, Emmett and Rosalie slipped out after them, going in the opposite direction.

"What do you say we get out of here and let the humans enjoy their prom, huh?" I leaned down to whisper in Alice's ear.

"All right," she agreed with a smile and slid her hand into mine, twining our fingers together.

Outside, the crisp evening brought a welcome relief from the stifling air of the gym. The sun was hanging low in the clouds, painting the western sky in a myriad of pastels – hues of lavender, magenta, and a streak of fading crimson.

Alice and I wandered aimlessly through the woods. We had no destination, we were just enjoying the sunset – enjoying each other.

As the sun sank lower, stars began dotting the sky with their twinkling brilliance. The soft glow of the moon filtered through the canopy of the trees, lending to the forest an otherworldly, ethereal atmosphere. With the symphony of the night sounds and the music from the gym, muted but still audible deep into the forest, it was easy to pretend that Alice and I had entered into a world where only the two of us existed.

It was peaceful. It was beautiful. It was a rare moment in time when everything was just exquisitely… _right_.

The crooning sound of the saxophone caught my attention as one song faded into another, and I smiled at the familiar melody.

I tugged gently on Alice's hand, bringing her to a stop. When she turned around to look at me, I bowed low at the waist, brushing my lips against the back of her hand.

_The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful_

_Stop me and steal my breath_

"May I?" My lips turned upwards seeing the smile lighting her eyes.

"Of course," she dipped in an inherently graceful curtsy.

_And emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky_

_Never revealing their depth_

I took her into my arms once again, bringing her close as we swayed to a song that might as well have been written specifically for us.

_Rain falls angry on the tin roof_

_As we lie awake in my bed._

I bent my lips low, laying my cheek against hers to sing the words into her ear… words I hadn't written, but were true for us just the same.

_You're my survival, you're my livin' proof_

_My love is alive and not dead._

Alice's leaned her cheek against mine, closing her eyes and singing the next words low and breathy to me,

_And tell me that we belong together_

_Dress it up with the trappings of love._

Our bodies moved fluidly and flawlessly together. Dancing with Alice was a pleasure. Each movement was impeccably choreographed. After so many years living and loving together, our bodies, as well as our minds and souls, _knew_ each other – intimately and perfectly.

_I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips_

_Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above._

With Alice in my arms, our bodies moving in perfect synchrony together, I took a moment to look back at how far my life had come to get to this point. Seventy years ago, I never would have dared to dream that peace and happiness such as I felt at this moment was even a possibility, let alone within my reach.

_And I dropped out, I burned up_

I had given up – abandoned any idea that peace was possible. I had walked through the flames – and had nearly been consumed.

_I fought my way back from the dead._

But Alice had given me a reason to keep fighting. She'd given me back my reason to live.

_Tuned in, turned on_

She'd walked with me every step of the way as I'd dared to believe that I could live again.

_Remembered the thing that you said._

She'd had faith in me – faith that I could change – and she'd breathed that faith into me one day at a time.

_I'll be your crying shoulder_

She'd been there for me as I dealt with some of my darkest moments, as I struggled to put my past to rest and move on to a better future.

_I'll be love's suicide_

She'd shown me, time and time again, what true selfless love was – loving me, flaws and all, not demanding anything in return.

_I'll be better when I'm older_

She had believed in me when I hadn't been able to believe in myself.

_I'll be the greatest fan of your life._

The journey we were on was one we walked together. Through the highs and the lows. Through the joys and the sorrows. Through the gladness and the pain.

Life wasn't always easy. It was never meant to be. But through every trial that came our way, one thing was certain – we'd never face it alone.

And, in the end, _that_ was all that mattered.

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**OoOoOoOoOo**

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**The song quoted there is **_**I'll Be**_** by Edwin McCain… one of my all time favorite songs. If you've never heard it before, it's definitely worth a listen. So beautiful!**

**The sequel to Journey, **_**Trial by Fire**_**, is already in the works. I have the first couple of chapters done already and am working on the third as we speak… err, type… Look for that first chapter, probably this weekend. And if you haven't checked out Awake and Alive, I'd love for you to do so! **

**Thanks once again to all of you for making the posting of this such an enjoyable experience for me! I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the sequel!**

**Nik**


	17. Sequel now up!

Hello, all!

I just wanted to take a second and let you all know that the sequel for Journey Through the Flames is now up. And thanks once again to all of you who read Journey. You were all just wonderful and you made my first experience posting here a true joy!

I hope to see you all follow me over to Trial by Fire… we're in for one heck of a ride, my friends! :-)

See you there!

Nik


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